Tuesday, November 26, 2019

Grendel: Devil's Odyssey #2

Yay! Grendel hentai!

I would absolutely love this comic book if I gave a shit about Grendel or was twelve years old again and into space stories. So close to my demographic! At this point in my life, I'm into stories about too much ass-play and economic equality for everyone (including horny octopuses). But since this story is about Grendel and space, I'll try to psyche myself up for it. Whee.

I just realized something: I didn't have to purchase this comic book! I'm dizzy from that revelation!

Grendel has found a planet that could have become Earth-2 if it weren't infested with a sentient race called the Gyks. I'd suggest Grendel could easily solve that problem but there must be thousands of them. And I don't think even Grendel could manage to slaughter that many innocent beings without feeling slightly troubled by a nervous, guilty bowel and having to break from the fight to shit where he'll be overpowered and fed to the Gyk children.

Man, if that's what happens, I won't call myself a Grandmaster Comic Book Reader. I'll just call Matt Wagner a weird freak.

Well it seems like Grendel wants to attempt to slaughter them. So maybe we'll get the "Grendel shits himself to death" story I was pretending would be weird but secretly want to read.

I guess Dark Horse doesn't have a rating system for their comic books because I just checked the cover and there isn't a "Suggested for Mature Readers" note of any kind. "Why do you bring that up, Tess?" you're probably asking. By which I answer, "My name isn't Tess." But, um, this is why I bring it up:

Matt Wagner is a weird freak.

I just realized that the previous scan will probably get this review tagged as adult content on Tumblr. Oh well. Fuck you, Tumblr. You've fucked up the layout of my blog anyway by inserting all of your own weird fucking code into the HTML so that now nothing centers and the captions don't sit snugly under the scanned panels. At least Blogger hasn't fucked up their entire platform yet.

Grendel's floating science head reports to him that the Gyk will probably kill him on sight if he interacts with them again. That's because their Queen Priest King has declared he's a cursed Gyk and will bring ruin to the entire hive. Hey! That's what I was hoping would happen! I guess Grendel will just have to find another planet.

Grendel decides to not listen to his science head. He'd rather take his chances on the Gyk than head back into space to find another suitable planet for Earth life. He decides to befriend the Gyk by bringing them water. It doesn't go as well as Grendel thought it would although it goes exactly as Science Head warned (I can't remember the science head's name so it is now Science Head). Grendel winds up incinerating the Queen and dozens of other Gyk as well as destroying their mushroom homes. Grendel says, "Oops! Sorry!", and then heads back to the ship to find another planet.

Grendel: Devil's Odyssey #2 Final Thoughts: It's an adventure in space story. Too bad twelve year old me is long dead. Forty eight year old me hasn't retained the sense of wonder twelve year old me had so he was sort of bored by this. It even had naked alien cock and I was all, "Hmph. I've seen it before." Wouldn't it be great if we, as a species, got more excited about everything and our sense of wonder simply increased as we got older? I don't like the way it really works where the world just beats us down and chips at our optimism until we're cynical husks full of weariness and pain. Maybe I just haven't found enough new things to keep me interested in living another forty years! No wonder there are so many stories about billionaires owning secret islands where they hunt men. Now that sounds like something that could get my heart pumping! Too bad I'm not a billionaire and I'd almost certainly just wind up as one of the hunted. I bet that would still be exciting though!

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