Friday, March 2, 2012

Frankenstein, Agent of SHADE #3


Spider monsters overwhelm the Creature Commandos on the monster planet they land on through the Bone Lake portal. Their Egg transport needs time to repair itself but they have nowhere to fall back, surrounded by Spider Monsters. Until Khalis the Mummy uses some super cool Genocide power to wipe out the entire species. And people think Superman is overpowered!

Spiders Hunted, Abused, Destroyed, Extinct?

But now that the spiders are gone, Ray Palmer tells the crew that they still have to deal with another continent full of Ogres and an ocean full of Sea Monsters before this planet passes through the Bone Lake portal. Seems like no problem for the Mummy!



Oh, well, I'm sure they can think up another way to genocide two more species!

Some Haters Always Doubtin' Everything?

While they're figuring out a plan, something exciting happens! A gigantic Spider Queen, almost as big as the entire continent itself, breaks through the ground and attacks them! Why is it so big? The Spider Monsters must have just been tiny, tiny spider babies! If this thing gets to that portal, everyone on Earth will be Spider Baby food for its Spider Babies!

Saving Humans And Defending Earth?

The scan of the Spider Queen would normally go here but my scanner can't scan something the size of an entire continent. So you'll just have to use your imagination.

The Creature Commandos decide to lie down and die except for Frankenstein who charges at it swinging his teeny, tiny little sword.



Oh! Let me guess! This is either the part where he gets swallowed by it only to hack his way out from the inside or it's the part where he lands on its face and shoves his sword deep into its brain through one of its eyes! Oh man, I hope I'm wrong on both accounts and Lemire surprises everyone!




Goddamn it!


Oh look! Frankenstein has been eaten! I guess the comic book is over. Yep. He's been swallowed whole. You know what the lesson is here, kids? Never swallow anything alive! Always chew it a bunch first! Or else it's going to come blasting out of your stomach just a few seconds after your meal.



Okay, okay. Who cares if it was predictable? The fact that he runs out of the creature's midsection dragging its heart and then, once clear, stabs the removed heart, made me chuckle. But I'm telling you! These giant monsters need to stop swallowing super heroes!

Swallowing Heroes Always Deadens Eater?

After killing the Spider Queen, the Commandos split into two groups. Frank and Nina from the Black Lagoon head toward the bottom of the ocean to kill the Sea Monster Titan. The Vampire, Werewolf, and Bride head toward Ogre Mountain to kill the Giant Ogre Titan.

Back on Earth in the tiny floating headquarters, Father Time and Ray "The Atom" Palmer pick up a distinct and familiar super power signature in Vietnam. It's someone they have a history with but the issue ends with it remaining a mystery. At the same time, Shade City's psychics (sounds like their Roller Derby Team) start broadcasting a message from Earth itself: Help me!

Shit Happens Again. Damn Earth.

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