Friday, October 14, 2016

Nightwing #6

I kind of understand why Nightwing turned into a bat but why did Gotham Girl turn into a Coral Reef?

The Commentary!
• I resent this story arc. Hugo Strange releasing monsters into Gotham City? Why is DC forcing me to read their alternate version of a story that the television show Gotham already did terribly? And why are they making it worse?!

• This issue begins with Batwoman repeating the same thing that all the women say whenever Dick Grayson has drunk too much at a party.

Not to go into details about what this caption was supposed to be, but it made me curious how other people view the usage of come versus cum. The first hit from Lord Google echoes my sentiments: "Come is the verb, cum the resulting substance."

• I wouldn't have a problem with Nightwing turning into a knock-off version of Man-Bat if this were a magic problem. But since the cause is pretending to be scientific, I just can't imagine how Nightwing won't be permanently disfigured from the changes in his bone structure and musculature and probably his penis.

• If I were to be investigated for a crime right now and they chose to examine my Google search history, would "come vs cum" and "bat penis" be incriminating?

• I don't know if I should begin this next sentence with "surprisingly" or "unsurprisingly": Google Image Search is full of images of bat penises. And at least one video of a bat's cumshot and subsequent self-induced bat-facial on YouTube.

• Anyway, Nightwing is cured and the Bat-family as monsters part of the Monster Men story is over. I think Batman killed the Hydra-Gryphon in Batman #8 with electricity. So that leaves the Rage Fungus which Spoiler and Orphan have driven out of the evacuees cave and back toward Gotham.

• Nightwing does some research into what Hugo Strange was up to while working under Amanda Waller to fix Gotham.

Strange is what?! What? Using fear and grief to manipulate a child? So he's...creating his own Robin?!

• The Rage Fungus is destroyed as it climbs Wayne Tower because Batman weaponized it just in case of a King Kong in Gotham situation. All that's left is to capture Strange! The exclamation point wasn't because I'm excited for them to capture Strange. It's because that would mean the Night of the Monster Men story was over!

• The Monster Venom continues to go about its business while Alfred watches. He reports that it leaves three of the cadavers it first infected to join up inside the fourth, creating the King Ghidorah of the Monster Men! Except it totally looks different and not as cool.

• Apparently the Wayne Watchtowers weren't just electrified...they've been turned into Voltronesque spacecraft! At least that's what I'm picturing when Batman says "Each of you will pilot one."

• Nightwing lets Batman know that Strange's choice of monsters is his metaphorical diagnosis of Batman. He's a man haunted by his childhood, damaged by grief, obsessed with fear, and constantly manipulating those around him. Batman is all, "So you noticed those things and thought of me?!" And Dick is all, "If the cowl fits!" And then everybody in the Bat-family slowly edges toward Nightwing's side of the roof to show their solidarity in the fact that Batman is a manipulative asshole irrevocably damaged by the death of his parents.

• I wonder how many times Strange will say "Who is the real monster, Batman?!" during their climactic battle in Detective Comics #942?

The Ranking!
+1! This one was better than the others because there was less Monster Fighting and more Psychoanalyzing Batman and Blaming Him for the State of Gotham. I probably didn't need to capitalize all of those words but I got overly excited about them.

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