This one gonna be some James Bond junk? Or The Prisoner shit? Maybe The Human Target?
Planetary #11 (September 2000)
By Warren Ellis, John Cassaday, Laura Depuy Martin, and Bill O'Neil
Cover by John Cassaday
Edited by John Layman
If this issue depicts any kind of building being blown up (especially by a hijacked plane), I'll be willing to change my mind on the concept of predictive programming. It's the 11th Issue with a September cover date in the year 2000? There's what looks like one of the twin towers behind the "AR" in Planetary? The radiating reticle behind the man's head makes it seem like some kind of psychic foreknowledge is being beamed to the reader. The clock ticking down. The panel full of question marks signaling the precarious changing world and an unknown new future forced upon us by violent madmen¹.
No, you know what? Even if this issue completely depicts the destruction of the twin towers, I'll never accept predictive programming as a thing. I'd be more apt to conclude that Warren Ellis was the mastermind of 9/11. Here's the thing about predictive programming: people in power don't ever need to prime the masses for some future horror they're going to commit. That's the whole point of power. You just do what you want and shrug when people point out you're an asshole. You just light up your cigar, take a few puffs, and say, "What are you going to do about it?" Or, more accurately, you say, "You're a traitor if you don't embrace the violence and war and our propaganda networks won't stop calling you a traitor until all the dimwits whose entire mental structure would collapse without the load bearing pillar of that propaganda actually believe if you're against an imperialist war for oil, you actually are a traitor." Then all the supposed Democrats fall in line before they're called weak and anybody with any kind of compassion or rationality gets edged out of society until only fanatic madmen have a voice.
Depressingly, that's a pretty apt description of "dialogue" in the 21st Century. Violent loud-mouthed morons drowning out any humanist thought by screaming over them and calling them names. I suppose it's been that way long before Yeats pointed it out in "The Second Coming". Nothing's ever actually new, I guess.
Last issue ended with Elijah Snow declaring he needed to contact John Stone. This issue begins by introducing us² to the man.
By Warren Ellis, John Cassaday, Laura Depuy Martin, and Bill O'Neil
Cover by John Cassaday
Edited by John Layman
If this issue depicts any kind of building being blown up (especially by a hijacked plane), I'll be willing to change my mind on the concept of predictive programming. It's the 11th Issue with a September cover date in the year 2000? There's what looks like one of the twin towers behind the "AR" in Planetary? The radiating reticle behind the man's head makes it seem like some kind of psychic foreknowledge is being beamed to the reader. The clock ticking down. The panel full of question marks signaling the precarious changing world and an unknown new future forced upon us by violent madmen¹.
No, you know what? Even if this issue completely depicts the destruction of the twin towers, I'll never accept predictive programming as a thing. I'd be more apt to conclude that Warren Ellis was the mastermind of 9/11. Here's the thing about predictive programming: people in power don't ever need to prime the masses for some future horror they're going to commit. That's the whole point of power. You just do what you want and shrug when people point out you're an asshole. You just light up your cigar, take a few puffs, and say, "What are you going to do about it?" Or, more accurately, you say, "You're a traitor if you don't embrace the violence and war and our propaganda networks won't stop calling you a traitor until all the dimwits whose entire mental structure would collapse without the load bearing pillar of that propaganda actually believe if you're against an imperialist war for oil, you actually are a traitor." Then all the supposed Democrats fall in line before they're called weak and anybody with any kind of compassion or rationality gets edged out of society until only fanatic madmen have a voice.
Depressingly, that's a pretty apt description of "dialogue" in the 21st Century. Violent loud-mouthed morons drowning out any humanist thought by screaming over them and calling them names. I suppose it's been that way long before Yeats pointed it out in "The Second Coming". Nothing's ever actually new, I guess.
Last issue ended with Elijah Snow declaring he needed to contact John Stone. This issue begins by introducing us² to the man.
Let me guess: this lady's name is Blowfellas?³
Okay so those panels didn't actually introduce us to John Stone. They introduced us to his 1969 antagonist, The Bride (or whoever she is). But we've learned a little something about him! He works for S.T.O.R.M. and he's got codes! So many codes. Not so many men now. But still enough to leverage for the codes!
This issue is called "Cold World" because it sounds like "Code Word" unless it's because it sounds like "Cool World" unless it's because it has something to do with the Cold War unless it's supposed to suggest Elijah Snow unless it's some entirely different reason altogether. Oh also? The lady's name is The Bride. You don't dress that way and expect to be called anything else, I suppose. It's a nice gimmick, especially if your mortal enemy is James Bond. I mean John Stone.
This issue is called "Cold World" because it sounds like "Code Word" unless it's because it sounds like "Cool World" unless it's because it has something to do with the Cold War unless it's supposed to suggest Elijah Snow unless it's some entirely different reason altogether. Oh also? The lady's name is The Bride. You don't dress that way and expect to be called anything else, I suppose. It's a nice gimmick, especially if your mortal enemy is James Bond. I mean John Stone.
Not knowing Bond canon or the Wildstorm Universe very well, I'm not sure to whom John Stone is referring here. Henry Bendix? The Fourth Man? Q?!
Does John Stone reference the man who gave up terrorism by mentioning he met his daughter because John Stone fucks so much? Is that how he makes all of his acquaintances? "I once met the wife of a man" or "I once met the mother of a dude" or "I once met the lovely triplets of a brother"?
The organization S.T.O.R.M. refers to S.T.O.R.M. Watch so I'm guessing it's my ignorance of not only Bond but Wildstorm as well that's got me befuddled. Was StormWatch always an organization based on an acronym? Or is that just a trait of '60s spy literature? I would normally make up something silly that it stands for but I'm going to hold back until I hear from Mad Magazine about my application⁴. I can't be giving this shit away for free. I mean this gold!
John Stone's suit allows him to teleport and he's got a DVD that decapitates every one of The Bride's best men.
The organization S.T.O.R.M. refers to S.T.O.R.M. Watch so I'm guessing it's my ignorance of not only Bond but Wildstorm as well that's got me befuddled. Was StormWatch always an organization based on an acronym? Or is that just a trait of '60s spy literature? I would normally make up something silly that it stands for but I'm going to hold back until I hear from Mad Magazine about my application⁴. I can't be giving this shit away for free. I mean this gold!
John Stone's suit allows him to teleport and he's got a DVD that decapitates every one of The Bride's best men.
I bet Mark Millar bought Cassaday's original art for this page. So many headless men! So much cream in Millar's jeans!
John Stone corners The Bride which is when she reveals her secret weapon: a laser eye! She's got laser eyes! She knows what you're thinking! Comes as no surprise! Christmas lights are blinking! She's Tofuriuos⁵! She's Tofurious⁵! She's Tofurious⁵! She's got laser eyes!
The Bride's laser eye doesn't save her because she's completely frozen and then kicked into a million pieces by Elijah Snow. He refrains from saying, "It's a cold world, Ms. Bride," because he's not John Stone who just said, "Got a light?", after burning a bunch of men to death. Unless Snow says it on the next page. I hope he doesn't say it on the next page. Maybe I won't ever re-read the next page and then I'll never know. I can live with that, can't I?
I cannot. Let's find out together what Elijah quips after his kill!
The Bride's laser eye doesn't save her because she's completely frozen and then kicked into a million pieces by Elijah Snow. He refrains from saying, "It's a cold world, Ms. Bride," because he's not John Stone who just said, "Got a light?", after burning a bunch of men to death. Unless Snow says it on the next page. I hope he doesn't say it on the next page. Maybe I won't ever re-read the next page and then I'll never know. I can live with that, can't I?
I cannot. Let's find out together what Elijah quips after his kill!
He's so serious! He's so serious! He's so serious! About that laser eye!
John Stone introduces himself to Elijah Snow as Stone, John Stone, so I guess that completely and utterly settles the question upon whom John Stone was based. I'm sure it was only a question in my mind but then I'm so old that I never feel completely comfortable believing something 100%. It's not that I lack confidence; it's just that I understand the perils of communication, of the dialogue that happens between artist and audience, between any two people in any situation. Also I've written like 5000 blog posts on the Internet so I know that most people have no reading comprehension. I'm so tired of trying to communicate! Why don't we have telepathy yet? I wouldn't mind people knowing my deepest darkest secrets as long as they couldn't pretend to misunderstand me from now on because we're sharing our thoughts directly! Besides, most of my deepest, darkest secrets have already been exposed in 5000 blog posts.
After the meeting in 1969, the narrative returns to the year 2000 where Elijah Stone has come to a small bar in Kazakhstan to meet with John Stone. I think this is the same bar that everybody makes their clandestine meetings in every fictional universe (and maybe the non-fictional ones⁷). Or maybe this place — The Last Shot, it's called — becomes a standard location in this series.
John Stone fills in a few memory gaps in Elijah Snow's memory. Is this going to be one of those Philip K. Dick cases where Elijah Snow, desperate to regain his memory, discovers that he purposefully destroyed his memory for perfectly good reasons? That's like the ultimate paradox and PKD understood it completely. You can never forget something which will leave traces that you've forgotten it because the human mind will always need to know what it's forgotten. The only way to obliterate memory is to, like the Russian scientists who get their last drink at The Last Shot and then put their photo on the wall, strap yourself to an underground nuclear test device. That might be a bit of overkill but you can't say the memory will return.
Elijah Snow has come to John Stone to learn about William Leather, Alternate Dimension Johnny Storm.
After the meeting in 1969, the narrative returns to the year 2000 where Elijah Stone has come to a small bar in Kazakhstan to meet with John Stone. I think this is the same bar that everybody makes their clandestine meetings in every fictional universe (and maybe the non-fictional ones⁷). Or maybe this place — The Last Shot, it's called — becomes a standard location in this series.
John Stone fills in a few memory gaps in Elijah Snow's memory. Is this going to be one of those Philip K. Dick cases where Elijah Snow, desperate to regain his memory, discovers that he purposefully destroyed his memory for perfectly good reasons? That's like the ultimate paradox and PKD understood it completely. You can never forget something which will leave traces that you've forgotten it because the human mind will always need to know what it's forgotten. The only way to obliterate memory is to, like the Russian scientists who get their last drink at The Last Shot and then put their photo on the wall, strap yourself to an underground nuclear test device. That might be a bit of overkill but you can't say the memory will return.
Elijah Snow has come to John Stone to learn about William Leather, Alternate Dimension Johnny Storm.
If one of the worst people in the world wants you to remember something, you probably don't want to remember it.
John Stone takes the opposite take than me: he believes William Leather benefits from Snow's loss of memory and, therefore, doesn't actually want Snow to remember. But if that's the case, why would Leather push it and force Snow to confront that loss of memory? Surely by knowing he's missing some memories, he's going to pursue them. If William Leather benefits from Snow's loss of memory, he should have just said, "Oh, never mind. Must be thinking of somebody else," when Snow says he doesn't remember meeting Leather. But then, I'm not the world's greatest super spy either! So our opinions have equal validity then, right? Isn't that how insane people who spend too much time online think? That all opinions are equally valid? You kind of have to convince yourself of that when you're fucking stupid.
Just talking about his lost memories causes the memory loss to begin to fall apart. Knowing that the internal timeline of his life is off-kilter causes cracks in the subterfuge. Elijah Snow begins getting flashes of lost memories: a naked tattooed woman who declares her love for her; Sherlock Holmes congratulating him on finding him; Randall Dowling saying, "It's a game, Mr. Snow," as he prepares to fuck with Snow's memory. All of this happens just after John Stone mentions that he met somebody with a Planetary Guide from 1931 (right around the time Snow met H.P. Lovecraft and fucked Jenny Sparks).
After Snow recovers from the memory attack, Stone mentions that he's been consulting for the Hark Corporation which makes Snow curious. But that's not the most important thing at the moment because Snow declares he now knows who The Fourth Man is. I hope it's Jim Henson!
The Ranking!
I re-read Planetary about eight years ago which tells you how terrible my long term memory is because I still don't remember all the major plot points coming down the line. But it's all familiar as I read it. Don't the pictures in The Last Shot become some sort of clue or message? Or is that a memory I'm having of one of the other "lone pubs in the middle of an Asian nation" stories? Maybe my memory has been tampered with as well! If it has been, I, at least, know it was for a good reason because I allowed myself to remember all the Philip K. Dick stories which warn against digging for lost memories and alternate realities. I happen to trust that my past self hit himself in the head with a hammer multiple times for very good reasons! Good job, me!
__________________________________________________________________________________
¹ I'm referring to the American government and not the terrorists.
² I say "us" but it might just be "me" being that John Stone could be a well-established Wildstorm character and I'm just not familiar enough with the entire Wildstorm universe.
³ That single joke is my application to work for Mad Magazine. If I've been hired, please send Sergio Aragonés to my house with the contract. Thanks, the usual gang of idiots!
⁴ See Footnote #3. It's right up there. Just above this line.
⁵ I will not apologize for making a Fighting Foodons reference while quoting a Sifl and Olly⁶ song. Unless this footnote somehow counts as an apology. But if that's the case, God help us all.
⁶ Speaking of Sifl and Olly, just yesterday I was singing, to the tune of their "Fake Blood", "Fake Boobs." "They scare me like the real thing! But if they were the real thing! They'd scare me more!"
⁷ Should that have been a footnote instead of a parenthetical reference? What about a clause behind an em dash?
Just talking about his lost memories causes the memory loss to begin to fall apart. Knowing that the internal timeline of his life is off-kilter causes cracks in the subterfuge. Elijah Snow begins getting flashes of lost memories: a naked tattooed woman who declares her love for her; Sherlock Holmes congratulating him on finding him; Randall Dowling saying, "It's a game, Mr. Snow," as he prepares to fuck with Snow's memory. All of this happens just after John Stone mentions that he met somebody with a Planetary Guide from 1931 (right around the time Snow met H.P. Lovecraft and fucked Jenny Sparks).
After Snow recovers from the memory attack, Stone mentions that he's been consulting for the Hark Corporation which makes Snow curious. But that's not the most important thing at the moment because Snow declares he now knows who The Fourth Man is. I hope it's Jim Henson!
The Ranking!
I re-read Planetary about eight years ago which tells you how terrible my long term memory is because I still don't remember all the major plot points coming down the line. But it's all familiar as I read it. Don't the pictures in The Last Shot become some sort of clue or message? Or is that a memory I'm having of one of the other "lone pubs in the middle of an Asian nation" stories? Maybe my memory has been tampered with as well! If it has been, I, at least, know it was for a good reason because I allowed myself to remember all the Philip K. Dick stories which warn against digging for lost memories and alternate realities. I happen to trust that my past self hit himself in the head with a hammer multiple times for very good reasons! Good job, me!
__________________________________________________________________________________
¹ I'm referring to the American government and not the terrorists.
² I say "us" but it might just be "me" being that John Stone could be a well-established Wildstorm character and I'm just not familiar enough with the entire Wildstorm universe.
³ That single joke is my application to work for Mad Magazine. If I've been hired, please send Sergio Aragonés to my house with the contract. Thanks, the usual gang of idiots!
⁴ See Footnote #3. It's right up there. Just above this line.
⁵ I will not apologize for making a Fighting Foodons reference while quoting a Sifl and Olly⁶ song. Unless this footnote somehow counts as an apology. But if that's the case, God help us all.
⁶ Speaking of Sifl and Olly, just yesterday I was singing, to the tune of their "Fake Blood", "Fake Boobs." "They scare me like the real thing! But if they were the real thing! They'd scare me more!"
⁷ Should that have been a footnote instead of a parenthetical reference? What about a clause behind an em dash?
No comments:
Post a Comment