Eclipso #7

Eclip clippity clip clippity clip clip clipso. Black Diamond dust will rub off when I eat your soul.

As soon as I saw this cover, I realized DC had made a huge mistake. If Ted McKeever had been doing the art since the first issue, this series would have been a huge hit! I mean a huge hit to me. I think less comic book lovers at the time would have expressed a fondness for Ted McKeever's art. They were all jerking themselves off over the wild young artists at Image Comics, many who maybe never took an art class where they had to draw a nude model but also seemed to realize that what comic book fans had been waiting for were faces drawn with lots and lots of lines added in. For years, I thought all the characters in WildC.A.T.S. were either really, really old or really, really dirty.

I grabbed this image off the Internet as an example of that guy's face but I can't stop staring at Titties McSuper Crotch on his right.

A few comic book fans who are real fans (and I won't be replying to comments that suggest I'm gatekeeping because we all know who the real fans of comic books are, don't we, my virginal nerds in dark basements without any friends or family whose most proud possession is an Alpha Time Vault and whose biggest accomplishment is leveling up their magic user enough to cast Level 9 spells) have instantly become disgusted with my suggestion that Ted McKeever's art is somehow superior to Rob Liefeld or early Jim Lee's work. And I'm sure they'll be writing angry and scathing comments after they get done jerking off to Titties McSuper Crotch.

For those who aren't real comic book fans and only believe they're comic book fans so they can fervently scream at anybody on the Internet who might suggest otherwise simply because they don't actually read comic books but you haven't heard how many times they've watched Blade: Trinity, let me scan an example of a Ted McKeever face (minus his version of Titties McSuper Crotch. If you need his version of that, just take a look at my Extremist reviews):

You don't think I know that my theses that McKeever's art is better than early Image art is now on shaky ground?!

I suppose my only defense would be a passionate plea to the jury to keep in mind artistic style and an artist's unique vision while also considering that art isn't necessarily better just because you want to fuck it. I suppose I have to give the crew at Image kudos for producing raw and imperfect images that managed to provoke some kind of reaction in the brain that was akin to blood coursing to one's genitals. Even when I criticize Liefeld or Lee or McFarland, I realize that their art contained a kind of wild exuberance that a lot of younger fans at the time had never seen. A lot of comic art had fallen into a stale and mediocre sameness that made one think comic book arts had become bored and jaded. The guys who would eventually found Image Comics seemed excited to be doing their dream job and that excitement jumped from the page and enthused a whole generation of comic book readers. The reason I didn't give a shit about it was that my aesthetic preferences lay in a different direction. I wasn't upset that more traditional art was being supplanted since I found a lot of it stodgy and devoid of life. I just wasn't into more grit, more muscles, and more "realism" (in quotes because I'm not going all-in with my intellectual bankroll on suggesting that the Image guys could draw realistically); I was into a bit more cartoony style, maybe a little closer to animation, with thicker lines and more expressive faces (more expressive in other ways than just gritting teeth), with Chris Bachalo and Kevin Maguire two of my favorites.

And even though this will completely destroy my defense of Ted McKeever's art but I can't help but be as transparent as possible (unless it comes to saying when I lost my virginity because nobody wants to hear stories about somebody losing it that young!), I wasn't always thrilled with McKeever's art back in the 90s. I think it's like drinking coffee black. When you're young, you just don't appreciate bitterness like you do when you're older and worn out and life's zest lies crumpled on the floor covered in drying jizz. You just can't appreciate some things until life has taken you by the back of the head and screamed, "Oh? You love wonder? You love the excitement of experiencing new things and discovering more of the human mystery of existence? Well have as much as you like!" and then it smashes your face into the puddle of wonder you've made on the floor and rubs until you're choking on it. You're never quite the same after that. It's as if cute and amazing and wonderful don't quite flip the switch in your brain anymore so you need bitterness and pain and the kind of sex where you're not entirely sure you're going to live to see orgasm.

The sad part about the loss of innocence and the death of wonder is how fast it happens in the Internet age. I guarantee there are teenagers who probably have an outlook as bleak as the one it took me forty-five years to develop. Here's to you, my young brothers and sisters drowning in existence!

There wasn't a full moon on February 12th, 1891.

I looked up the full moon fact. I just didn't happen to know it as I was reading this comic book. I didn't spit out my bitter coffee and exclaim "Insolence!" after I read it. The phase of the moon was closer to what is seen on the cover than what is seen on this page. Also, why is the full moon so prominent in all of these issues of Eclipso? I would think the new moon would be more important since that's when an actual eclipse can occur. Or is Eclipso more powerful during a lunar eclipse because that's when things get super dark? Although isn't a lunar eclipse less dark than a night just before the new moon because the moon is hanging out with the sun and there's nothing but stars in the sky for light?

Maybe I just don't understand Eclipso and his stupid moon powers. Maybe the writers don't either since they're the assholes who decided Eclipso's palace, where he'd be safe from the sun, should be located on the dark side of the moon which is anything but safe from sunlight. I hate Eclipso. I'm glad this is the last issue of the series I purchased!

Oh yeah! This is how Eclipso works. The moon is just set dressing!

This is why I was happy to see McKeever doing an issue of Eclipso. His art works quite nicely for a horror comic. Also, that earlier scan of his goofy looking people? I shouldn't have been too harsh on it because that's exactly what British people look like.

This is Eclipso's first time back in the world of men since the gigantic Black Diamond he was encased in was taken back to London and cut into thousands of smaller diamonds. He is only now discovering the extent and limits of his returned powers.

Eclipso goes on a rampage as the judge, discovering that he must first fulfill the vengeful wishes of the person he's possessed before he can move on to his own plots. He also discovers that the sun evicts him from the body and he is returned to the dark side of the moon. He also learns that if he hides from the sun, he can remain in possession of the body. He learns this because he's also possessed Irene Adler. She's a fictional character form the Sherlock Holmes stories but since she's also a character in this Eclipso comic book, she's still fictional. I think it's okay to pretend she's real in a fictional story. I'm certainly not complaining or else I wouldn't constantly rave about Moore's League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.

Eclipso #7 Rating: B. Ted McKeever's art does most of the work since this issue is basically just a primer for readers unfamiliar with Eclipso's powers and limitations. The moon doesn't come into play at all so I don't know why every issue insists on a full one. Maybe it's because the same writers that think the dark side of the moon is actually dark also think that the only way an eclipse can happen is during a full moon. Because how can a crescent moon block out the entire sun, right?! Ridiculous!