Some people on the Internet might ask, "Why would you want to read a comic book written by a man who was convicted of possessing photographs of child sexual abuse?" And some people who might just actually be me might respond, "Because I'm entertained by reading the comic book through that lens. Knowing the writer was into child pornography often makes specific moments in the comic book mean something I never would have thought they meant when I initially read the comic book over thirty years ago. It's fucking hilarious!" That might lead the Internet people to say something like, "You're gross!" I probably wouldn't respond to that because, I mean, yeah, I am!
I should clarify, for those who don't know, that Gerard Jones was the one convicted and not Keith Giffen! Keith Giffen almost certainly didn't know that Jones was a collector of disgusting photos. But I'm willing to believe that when Giffen's coworker stuck his head in Giffen's office and said, "Did you hear?! Gerard Jones was arrested for possessing images of child sexual abuse!", Giffen probably tilted his head to one side, thought about his time working with Jones, and said, "That checks out."
I should clarify, for those who don't know, that Gerard Jones was the one convicted and not Keith Giffen! Keith Giffen almost certainly didn't know that Jones was a collector of disgusting photos. But I'm willing to believe that when Giffen's coworker stuck his head in Giffen's office and said, "Did you hear?! Gerard Jones was arrested for possessing images of child sexual abuse!", Giffen probably tilted his head to one side, thought about his time working with Jones, and said, "That checks out."
The colorist nails Power Girl's costume.
Based on Power Girl's history of a costume that shows off as much of her body as possible, I feel like the white sections were originally meant to be just more of her flesh. Especially with that zipper pull hanging just above her pubis as if her costume is unzipped most of the way. But somebody at DC had one single moment of clarity while looking at the new design and sent out a memo to the artists, "I think we went too far. Add some white so it looks like a second layer!"
The issue begins with Uncle Mitch Wacky emerging from his cryo-chamber because he was smart enough to freeze more than just his head unlike our dumb version of Uncle Mitch. Silver Sorceress recognizes him which is when Metamorpho is all, "Oh shit! Um, I totally and accidentally forgot to save you from the blast also I probably knew you'd survive!" Uncle Mitch learns that everybody on Angor is dead and his theme park has been destroyed so he goes running out of the room yelling, "What's gone wrong?" He's probably still confused from being in stasis for so long because didn't he just hear how everybody was dead? The only people going to answer his question are in the room he just ran out of!
Uncle Mitch races to his secret amusement park headquarters (like the one that exists under the Matterhorn in Disneyland. Unless it's under Space Mountain. It's certainly not under Sleeping Beauty's castle because that's where the cryogenic lab is) to access his computer which was programmed to download all the current events of the world from the time he went into stasis to the time he woke up so he wouldn't be like the Revivals in Transmetropolitan (Oh man. I need to read that series next!). His computer informs him that Silver Sorceress was correct: everybody has been killed! Nobody will ever again visit Wackyland! Uncle Mitch is ruined!
I'm assuming the worst part about the end of the world, for a businessman, is that there's nobody left to pay for your product.
Back on Earth, the world leaders have decided to surrender in the hopes The Extremists will remove the nuclear weapons from orbit and not start murdering whomever they want and to not start looting everything and to not do anything horrible ever again and the world will just go back to normal because The Extremists will just suddenly be nice guys.
The issue begins with Uncle Mitch Wacky emerging from his cryo-chamber because he was smart enough to freeze more than just his head unlike our dumb version of Uncle Mitch. Silver Sorceress recognizes him which is when Metamorpho is all, "Oh shit! Um, I totally and accidentally forgot to save you from the blast also I probably knew you'd survive!" Uncle Mitch learns that everybody on Angor is dead and his theme park has been destroyed so he goes running out of the room yelling, "What's gone wrong?" He's probably still confused from being in stasis for so long because didn't he just hear how everybody was dead? The only people going to answer his question are in the room he just ran out of!
Uncle Mitch races to his secret amusement park headquarters (like the one that exists under the Matterhorn in Disneyland. Unless it's under Space Mountain. It's certainly not under Sleeping Beauty's castle because that's where the cryogenic lab is) to access his computer which was programmed to download all the current events of the world from the time he went into stasis to the time he woke up so he wouldn't be like the Revivals in Transmetropolitan (Oh man. I need to read that series next!). His computer informs him that Silver Sorceress was correct: everybody has been killed! Nobody will ever again visit Wackyland! Uncle Mitch is ruined!
I'm assuming the worst part about the end of the world, for a businessman, is that there's nobody left to pay for your product.
Back on Earth, the world leaders have decided to surrender in the hopes The Extremists will remove the nuclear weapons from orbit and not start murdering whomever they want and to not start looting everything and to not do anything horrible ever again and the world will just go back to normal because The Extremists will just suddenly be nice guys.
Fucking hell, J'onn! Read the room! Put your holier-than-thou Martian dick back in your booty shorts!
Flash recovers Carny's head so that Uncle Mitch can hook it up to the computer and discover what the crazy asshole has been up to since the end of the world. He also reveals that he put himself in stasis because he had the flu. I'm assuming the flu is deadly on Angor and he wasn't simply exhausted from shitting and vomiting for hours. At the same time. I haven't had the real flu since I was in my late twenties (so two decades ago?) and even that may have been a serious tooth infection that nearly killed me. It's hard to say which it was because, as an American, why would I choose to go into debt finding out for sure what had me at death's door?! I survived and I kept all of my money! Yay me for rolling the dice and not dying!
I bet on Angor, the flu is deadly but they have a cure for it which the government gives out to anybody who needs it. But that cure got politicized and Uncle Mitch was all, "No way I'm taking that Satanic liberal Communist and/or Socialist anti-freedom malarkey! I'd rather spend all of my money to build a cryogenic chamber, allowing me to head into the far-flung future where a nice, expensive, privatized, for-profit cure has been created for real patriots like me!"
I bet on Angor, the flu is deadly but they have a cure for it which the government gives out to anybody who needs it. But that cure got politicized and Uncle Mitch was all, "No way I'm taking that Satanic liberal Communist and/or Socialist anti-freedom malarkey! I'd rather spend all of my money to build a cryogenic chamber, allowing me to head into the far-flung future where a nice, expensive, privatized, for-profit cure has been created for real patriots like me!"
Shut your hole, Crimson Fox! Uncle Mitch doesn't want to listen to your liberal propaganda!
Uncle Mitch re-activates Carny's brain and the first words out of his mouth are creepy because of that thing I mentioned right at the beginning of this "review" where the words ring differently because of the personal tendencies we now know about the writer.
Unless you're in a seriously terrible situation, you would never use the words "I'm coming" and "Uncle" in the same sentence.
Carny explains to Uncle Mitch and the Justice League that The Extremists who are now taking over Earth are just robots made by Uncle Mitch's robot factory. They were made to resemble the villains so well that they took over Wacky World, killed all the robotic "heroes", and then headed to Earth to kill more people. The Flash discovers a pit where all the destroyed robots were tossed and, although he and the rest don't notice it, one of the bodies looks like Dreamslayer! Which means Dreamslayer must have survived! What a twist!
Captain Atom formulates a plan to bring Uncle Mitch back to Earth so he can chastise his robots and shut them down with his emergency shut-down button he invented in case a robot ever got too handsy with an unwilling park visitor (I added unwilling because my immediate thought was, "I wish Alice would put her hands on me!" Although adding "unwillingly" doesn't change that because I'd like that too. Maybe even more so!). That will probably work except in the case of Dreamslayer who will get away via interdimensional travel so that I can continue to read Justice League Europe thinking, "I wonder when Dreamslayer will be back?"
Alice is always played by a woman at Disneyland, you stupid perverts! Don't go twisting my words with whatever the fuck you want to believe simply because you think you're so smart! It's like how I don't want Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz books to ravage me! But I absolutely want Dorothy from the Blues Traveler "Runaround" video to ravage me! See the difference?!
At the risk of destroying the entire world, the Justice League attack The Extremists so that Uncle Mitch can dramatically take his time waiting to be seen at the top of a sand dune with the sun behind him. Luckily Doctor Diehard doesn't detonate the nukes before they notice him. Extra lucky, Doctor Diehard doesn't detonate the nukes after Uncle Mitch makes his appearance. Super extra luckily, Doctor Diehard doesn't detonate the nukes before Uncle Mitch shuts them down with his super secret special button.
Captain Atom formulates a plan to bring Uncle Mitch back to Earth so he can chastise his robots and shut them down with his emergency shut-down button he invented in case a robot ever got too handsy with an unwilling park visitor (I added unwilling because my immediate thought was, "I wish Alice would put her hands on me!" Although adding "unwillingly" doesn't change that because I'd like that too. Maybe even more so!). That will probably work except in the case of Dreamslayer who will get away via interdimensional travel so that I can continue to read Justice League Europe thinking, "I wonder when Dreamslayer will be back?"
Alice is always played by a woman at Disneyland, you stupid perverts! Don't go twisting my words with whatever the fuck you want to believe simply because you think you're so smart! It's like how I don't want Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz books to ravage me! But I absolutely want Dorothy from the Blues Traveler "Runaround" video to ravage me! See the difference?!
At the risk of destroying the entire world, the Justice League attack The Extremists so that Uncle Mitch can dramatically take his time waiting to be seen at the top of a sand dune with the sun behind him. Luckily Doctor Diehard doesn't detonate the nukes before they notice him. Extra lucky, Doctor Diehard doesn't detonate the nukes after Uncle Mitch makes his appearance. Super extra luckily, Doctor Diehard doesn't detonate the nukes before Uncle Mitch shuts them down with his super secret special button.
Is it just me? Wouldn't anybody rather be a donkey than dead? How are they lucky?!
Uncle Mitch is blown to bits by Dreamslayer who, as we saw earlier, was the only real donkey of the group. But the Silver Sorceress kills him. It's that easy but only because she was disguised as Crimson Fox, I think. If she hadn't been disguised, there would be no reason to explain how she finally beat him in a fight when she couldn't ever do it before. And I guess Uncle Mitch survives so he can make more Extremists later.
Justice League Europe #19 Rating: A. This was a fine ending to the story even if you have to believe that theme park automatons are the worst threat the Justice League has faced in a long time. Imagine if the story was flipped and Earth was destroyed. The only survivors would be from Disneyland's Hall of Presidents! Angor would be invaded by Abe Lincoln and George Washington and an automaton of Donald Trump that looks suspiciously like a re-worked Hillary Clinton. Or maybe Trump would be the only real person and he'd be all, "We're all so real. Nobody has ever seen more realer people than these presidents! We've got this one with the beard, Avril. And this one with the white wig, good old Chuck Washington. Greatest president which is why he was the first one. And of course your favorite and most real president! You know which one that is!" And then somebody would blow his head off and everybody would cheer! "Angor is saved!" they would yell as they danced around his bloated corpse, combover blowing in the winds of his defeat. What a beautiful dream!
Justice League Europe #19 Rating: A. This was a fine ending to the story even if you have to believe that theme park automatons are the worst threat the Justice League has faced in a long time. Imagine if the story was flipped and Earth was destroyed. The only survivors would be from Disneyland's Hall of Presidents! Angor would be invaded by Abe Lincoln and George Washington and an automaton of Donald Trump that looks suspiciously like a re-worked Hillary Clinton. Or maybe Trump would be the only real person and he'd be all, "We're all so real. Nobody has ever seen more realer people than these presidents! We've got this one with the beard, Avril. And this one with the white wig, good old Chuck Washington. Greatest president which is why he was the first one. And of course your favorite and most real president! You know which one that is!" And then somebody would blow his head off and everybody would cheer! "Angor is saved!" they would yell as they danced around his bloated corpse, combover blowing in the winds of his defeat. What a beautiful dream!
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