Sunday, December 4, 2016

Action Comics #967

Ah ha ha! What a crazy mix-up!

Look, my suspension of disbelief can take Clark Kent wearing his costume underneath his clothes. But I'm not buying that Lex pays for clothing fitted to hang over his armor! It's not like he's hiding his secret identity. Plus, he's smarter than Luke Fox so shouldn't he have one of those suits that puts itself on you when you dive out of a window? I'm probably not supposed to question the cover because it's just a joke. It's super funny too! Look at all the buttons flying everywhere! I bet Lois and Mercy are sick of sewing them back onto these guys's shirts.

Oh! I have an idea for showing our displeasure with Donald Trump! The day he takes office, everybody should Tweet him photos of their bowel movements every time they have one. Can you imagine how furious he'd be having to see millions of shits every day! I mean, he'll probably just have an assistant manage his Twitter when that begins to happen. But you know he'd ask, every day, if the shit pics were still coming in. How long before it would be a crime to send a picture of a shit, if that happened? Of course, we'd all still have to do it! It's not like anybody would take that law seriously! And just so we all get in the habit of doing it, from now until Trump's inauguration, we should tweet our bowel movements to Nigel Farage. I might buy a Smartphone just to do this! Who's with me?!

This is the first page! I knew Lois should have never been given her reporting job back!

L'call and Zade are the guys hunting Superman. They're Time Cops or something and they've come to kill Superman before he winds up destroying Earth and probably the Omniverse too. I mean, you don't hunt somebody through time if they're just going to jaywalk next week. I don't know if these guys are from the future or if they just heard a prophecy from a friend of a friend and are now acting on it. It's not like Superman has done anything horrible yet. I don't think. If this is time travel shenanigans, or alternate timeline knavery, then Superman can be blamed for practically anything and how can he defend himself?

The Time Cops might also be looking for somebody other than Superman. Especially since they sensed the "Annihilator" was nearby while in Metropolis and Superman is currently in the Amazon with Superboy tearing down trees. He discovers the Geneticron building there. I guess he figured out where it was with his Clark Kent investigative journalist skills. Once he finds it, he just leaves it there. He'll probably get Batman to figure out how to return it to Metropolis.

"Joshua Williamson takes a tired story--The Flash battles somebody faster than himself--and makes it more tireder!" -- Grunion Guy!

Lois Lane is busy interviewing Lex Luthor. She discovers that Lex's armor is linked to a Mother Box which makes him more dangerous than she already believed he was. But before she can get him to admit that he's still a big selfish jerk whose motivation to be Superman has nothing to do with keeping Metropolis safe, the Daily Planet is attacked!

Oh! Luthor does have the kind of armor that attaches itself after you fall out of a window!

Clark Kent uses his signal watch to summon Superman because nobody believes that whoever is attacking is a job for Lex Luthor. Especially when Lex Luthor is the job of the Time Cop attackers! Lex is destined to replace Darkseid and rule Apokolips which is why Godslayer and his buddy, Zade, have come to Earth to kill him. Idiots! Don't they know how time works? If Lex becomes Darkseid, he'll always become Darkseid! Going back in time to stop him is most assuredly the place he gets the idea to become Darkseid, along with the anger at Godslayer and the people Lex will eventually kill! "You all come back in time to kill me? Well, I'll kill you first!" Boom! Self-fulfilling time travel prophecy!

The Review
-1 Ranking. This comic books falls in the charts for two reasons: using time travel and motivation and introducing antagonists whose only reason for existing is to destroy the protagonists. Now the citizens of Metropolis who think Superman is more of a threat to Metropolis than a boon are justified in their beliefs! Because any collateral damage caused by this attack is absolutely Superman's fault. I mean, Lex Luthor Superman's fault, of course! But Superman is just lucky that this one time it isn't entirely his fault that aliens are attacking Metropolis.

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