I'm a cynical reviewer first and a fan second and the first part of me believes this episode was written simply to tell the audience that Wesley Crusher was important. This was the episode that said, "Look. We know you Star Trek fans have a lot of theories about everything and take everything way too seriously. You all know Picard hates children and, even if he wants to appear likable to them, you can't understand why he keeps letting Wesley on the bridge. Well this story should shut you up!" I don't know if it shut anybody up because the "I hate Wesley Crusher" Trekkies are pretty vocal about hating Wesley Crusher. Sometimes they're so vocal about hating Wesley that they convince themselves that they hate Wil Wheaton too. Which is weird because haven't they heard of acting and writing and television shows before? Who watches an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation and thinks, "I don't like that Wesley Crusher. Why would Wil Wheaton invent the character and write all of this dialogue I hate and wear such ugly sweaters?"
Obviously Wesley Crusher was meant to have an important role in the show. While Star Trek has always been touted as being a show which embraced diversity (even if, at times, it stumbles in the execution), it completely left out the youth. And while many kids watched and were inspired by the show without needing a gateway character that represented them, you can't argue with the Robin Effect (no matter how often and vehemently you'd like to). Introducing a younger character that kids can identify with works. I don't know why it works since even as a small child, I identified with old men. George Burns and Art Carney's Going in Style was one of my favorite movies. I used to ask my mom if I could go play with John, the oldest person on the block on which I lived. My favorite teacher in elementary school was an old man who taught the Speech Therapy class (which I was in but I have no memory of why. Did I lisp? Was I just so non-verbal that somebody thought a little individual instruction would help? Or did I notice this old guy teaching a special speech class during regular class and just decided to be nearly incomprehensible so I could get into his class? We'll never know because my memory for detail is terrible! But that's just my own individual anecdotal evidence that the Robin Effect is shit. The real evidence is that fans of Batman comic books loved Robin when he was introduced and didn't instantly think, "Well this is weird and awkward and highly inappropriate. What is this rich old guy doing dressing up a kid in a suggestive outfit and taking him out into the dangerous streets of Gotham late at night?" No, most kids just thought, "Cool! I could hang out with Batman too!"
But even if Wesley was a way for growing kids to see themselves as part of the crew of the Enterprise, a shitload of viewers were still going to need to be convinced that he had a place on the bridge. And that's what this episode does. And even if Wesley dresses himself like a 13th century bard who happened to have purchased his wardrobe from a time traveler from the 80s, you can't deny he's a fucking genius. I mean, you might have been able to deny that before this episode. But this episode is all, "Look at this alien! He has powers and abilities far beyond that of human beings. And he understands the relationship between time and space and thought. And guess which character totally gets what this super genius alien is saying? It's Wesley! Wesley noticed the alien was behind the impossible travel. Wesley understood what the alien was doing with the warp drive. And Wesley was all, 'I get it! Thought and space and time are, like, the same thing!'"
Some viewers probably rolled their eyes and, entrenched in the adult cynicism that, years ago, had murdered their childlike sense of wonder, thought, "That Traveler fellow wants to fuck Wesley so hard." And those viewers might have missed the point that Wesley was intuitive and smart and special. So before the Traveler disappears into the realm of thoughtspacetime, he pulls Picard aside and says, "That Wesley is a special boy. You know, like Mozart but maybe even more special. You have to encourage him because remember how I just said he's going to be super duper important and special? But you can't tell him or anybody else! This message is just for you and the old fart viewers who can't stop wondering why you'd constantly let this kid on the bridge or come with you on away expeditions or let him tinker with engineering and the holodeck. Every future episode of the show should just continue as normal, as if I'd never revealed this secret that totally needed to be revealed because the writers and producers of this show know how fucking vocal their Goddamn overzealous fan base can be. Without this aside to you, Picard, they'd be writing letters about Starfleet protocol and how that dumbass weird sweater wearing kid shouldn't be anywhere near a photon torpedo launch button. But now they have to swallow it because it's canon that Wesley is special and being groomed for my bid dick. That's a metaphor for his future place in the world of thoughtspacetime! Everybody will be so surprised by the arc we have for this genius kid! Hoo boy! That is, if he survives the free sex planet episode. Which he somehow will due to a super anti-climactic ending which we'll get to."
As for the actual plot of this episode, it's barely worth mentioning. The crew of the Enterprise wind up in the far flung reaches of the universe where their every thought can suddenly transform reality. Picard understands the import of this and, to get home, encourages the crew to think about nothing but getting home safely. Which is really odd because as soon as it seems like maybe they won't be able to get home, Picard says, "We're not going to make it!" What the fuck, Picard?! Thoughts become reality in this place and you're on the bridge spouting out negative shit like that! Holy fuck, I'd relieve you from duty immediately if I were Doctor Milf Crusher!
I was mostly disappointed by this episode because everybody was making their thoughts real and yet we didn't find out who the horniest crew member of the Enterprise was. Sure, Worf made an old pet real and then Tasha made an old pet real (before she then made the Rape Gangs real! Sheesh, Tasha! Think of something other than Rape Gangs for once! Although, I suppose if I were constantly chased by Rape Gangs my entire childhood, I'd definitely never shut up about it ever. "Oh, you're sorry my soup is cold? Well I fucking had to evade Rape Gangs my entire childhood so I'd hope being sorry for cold soup is the least you could fucking do!"). But how come nobody made a bunch of naked people sucking and licking them all over real? I suppose it wasn't needed since we already know Tasha Yar is the horniest member of the crew.
One crew member made the hallway erupt into fire and the Non-Certified Spouse was all, "Why was he thinking about fire?" Good question! We now know which crew member to investigate when the Ten-Forward lounge burns down.
No comments:
Post a Comment