Wednesday, November 2, 2016

The Sheriff of Babylon #12

No review blurb on the cover?! Tom King must have tried to submit one of mine and Vertigo was all, "No way. Fuck off with that shit, asshole. You'll never work for Vertigo again!" Thanks for trying though! And ruining your career for me, Mr. King!

Judging by Chris's beard and his "I don't give more fucks than I gave when I previously appeared in this comic book" attitude, this story begins a few weeks or months after the Abu Rahim Fudge-up. So how did the Abu Rahim Fudge-up end? Who knows being that war is hell, according to Mr. Peabody's boy. While eating a burger in the commissary, Chris sees Jim a few tables over. Jim is the guy who decided to make a quick introduction to Chris, Nassir, and Sofia before the Abu Rahim Fudge-up went down. Chris decides, "You know what? Fuck my career. I'm going to go make this guy really fucking uncomfortable."

Extraordinarily, over-the-top, extremely motherfucking uncomfortable.

Chris updates Jim on the timeline since Jim seems so confused. Chris lets him know that he, Jim, is the one he's been looking for since the first issue. He's the guy responsible for all the shit that's gone down. Not Abu Rahim. Not Nassir. Not Sofia. Just Jim. And, of course, his buddies Bob and Franklin.

Chris contacts Sofia who is sort of busy listening to a bunch of old men sitting around a table drinking their son's blood like table wine. That's from The Indigo Girls! They always know how to say the thing that we all know in a way that makes you hate things even more but in a really pleasant way that makes you think, "I should do this song at Karaoke!" I sang Shame on You the last time I did Karaoke and I don't know if the white people in the bar knew they were the ones who were supposed to feel shamed because it's so upbeat and jolly!

Jim is taken to a dark room far away from everything. He's tied to a chair and confronted by Sofia, Nassir, and Chris. I hope they tell him the story of the end of the Abu Rahim Fudge-up and I hope Chris ends that story with "I still dream about the feeling of Bob's testicles popping in my closing fist!"

Chris, Sofia, and Nassir just stare at the guy as he shits himself and tells them everybody who's actually responsible for the shit they all just went through. For the loss of Nassir's wife. For the miscarriage of Sofia's baby. For the time, money, and energy spent to catch one little creep with no power who apparently pissed off the wrong American and, so, had to die. Jim sells them all out because he's not a hard man. He's just a soft, tubby computer guy. An aging contractor. A patsy.

Nassir puts a bullet in his head anyway. For Fatima. For that it should mean something.

And then they dump the body under the swords where it all began with Ali.

The Rankings!
1. The Sheriff of Babylon (*)
2. New Super-man (*)
3. Deathstork (*)
4. Wonder Woman (*)
5. Hal Jordan and the Green Lantern Corps (*)
6. Suicide Squad (*)
7. Scooby Apocalypse (*)
8. The Flash (*)
9. Lumberjanes Love Gotham Academy (*)
10. Earth 2: Society (*)

I'm not retiring comic books anymore from the Rankings list! It'll be an all-time list! It'll also be a long time before The Sheriff of Babylon is knocked from the #1 position because holy fuck. That's it. That's my review! "Because holy fuck." A smarter person might have more to say than that. A smarter person might tell you all about how the clusterfudge expressed some kind of inexpressible something about life and war and people. But the smartest person already said all of that in this comic book, so why the hell should I repeat it in lesser terms? Just to prove what a fucking genius I am?! I mean, I'm not that. Because holy fuck.

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