I can't believe Greg Rucka approved this cover!
The Review!
I know I joke about jokes and stuff (the stuff being serious things that people think shouldn't be joked about, like the death of a kitten or, well, I can't think of anything worse than that) but I want to not joke about anything for this review. I just want to say this is a story that regular people will enjoy with their regular emotions because it exhibits some sort of hypothetical love between a mother and her child. I know that's the stuff of fantasy but it's done really well here. I can almost believe that mothers can love their children and do not want to see them hurt or disappointed. It was touching! But the best touching was when Diana and Steve touched! Ooh la la! I mean, she was just consoling him over the death of his friends but it was still pretty hot. You should probably be reading this book if you're into feminism and also if you're into sexy women.
The Commentary!
At the end of the last even numbered issue (which was also the first even numbered issue, being Issue #2), penis had come to Paradise Island. I'm not going to say "man" came because any number of Amazons could be trans men. But I will say penis because there's no way the amazons could know if a baby with a penis was actually a woman so they'd throw that baby away with the rest of the bastards. I mean boys. The penis didn't arrive quietly and most of the penises didn't arrive alive. Which is why Diana has decided to take great care of Steve Trevor's penis. It's a unique resource and it will need to be studied intensely in the months to come.
I know I joke about jokes and stuff (the stuff being serious things that people think shouldn't be joked about, like the death of a kitten or, well, I can't think of anything worse than that) but I want to not joke about anything for this review. I just want to say this is a story that regular people will enjoy with their regular emotions because it exhibits some sort of hypothetical love between a mother and her child. I know that's the stuff of fantasy but it's done really well here. I can almost believe that mothers can love their children and do not want to see them hurt or disappointed. It was touching! But the best touching was when Diana and Steve touched! Ooh la la! I mean, she was just consoling him over the death of his friends but it was still pretty hot. You should probably be reading this book if you're into feminism and also if you're into sexy women.
The Commentary!
At the end of the last even numbered issue (which was also the first even numbered issue, being Issue #2), penis had come to Paradise Island. I'm not going to say "man" came because any number of Amazons could be trans men. But I will say penis because there's no way the amazons could know if a baby with a penis was actually a woman so they'd throw that baby away with the rest of the bastards. I mean boys. The penis didn't arrive quietly and most of the penises didn't arrive alive. Which is why Diana has decided to take great care of Steve Trevor's penis. It's a unique resource and it will need to be studied intensely in the months to come.
Mechanical penises were also found still working.
What would weapons look like if they were based on the female anatomy? I'm not sure but I'd probably have joined the army and prayed for war.
Diana decides to spend her days watching Steve Trevor sleep. She especially finds she enjoys the part where the sheets around his midsection gradually rise up in a slow, stuttering movement until they look ready to burst from the pressure of Steve's insistent organ. She doesn't have clearance to medically examine his penis to make sure it's okay, so she just sits and waits until she can find an excuse to call in Epione and get her to remove the covers.
Diana decides to spend her days watching Steve Trevor sleep. She especially finds she enjoys the part where the sheets around his midsection gradually rise up in a slow, stuttering movement until they look ready to burst from the pressure of Steve's insistent organ. She doesn't have clearance to medically examine his penis to make sure it's okay, so she just sits and waits until she can find an excuse to call in Epione and get her to remove the covers.
"I think he's too hot! Should we remove his covers now?!"
To Diana's excitement, Steve realizes his friends are dead and he needs to be comforted. She puts her arms around him and touches his bare skin while he cries on her shoulder and she thinks, "Oh god I'm so close to coming!"
The Council of Amazons decide that the current rash of portents points to only one solution: have an Amazon escort Steve Trevor back to his world where he'll lead them to the present danger to their way of life. I know an Amazon who will gladly volunteer for that mission! She's currently icing her vagina! Not with cake icing! I mean, that would probably work to get Steve's attention. It's making me hungry right now! "Hungry" is a portmanteau of "horny" and "hungry." It's not a very good portmanteau. Um, I meant she was icing it because it was so sore from constantly masturbating while watching Trevor sleep. Duh!
To determine who will be Steve's escort (since everybody wants to be!), Hippolyta will be holding "The Games" one month earlier. I'm really hoping that's a euphemism for an endurance orgy and not a name for something so similar to the Olympics I'm already getting bored typing this. Hippolyta and Phillipus already know Diana is going to win. I'm not sure if that's confidence in their girl or they've already rigged the games. Jerks.
I can't wait to read Supergirl Rebirth #1! But I will! I meant "I can't wait" in the "I'm so excited I can't even think about masturbating but can actually wait and will" way and not the "I'm going to start reading it right now in the middle of reading Wonder Woman!" way.
The Council of Amazons decide that the current rash of portents points to only one solution: have an Amazon escort Steve Trevor back to his world where he'll lead them to the present danger to their way of life. I know an Amazon who will gladly volunteer for that mission! She's currently icing her vagina! Not with cake icing! I mean, that would probably work to get Steve's attention. It's making me hungry right now! "Hungry" is a portmanteau of "horny" and "hungry." It's not a very good portmanteau. Um, I meant she was icing it because it was so sore from constantly masturbating while watching Trevor sleep. Duh!
To determine who will be Steve's escort (since everybody wants to be!), Hippolyta will be holding "The Games" one month earlier. I'm really hoping that's a euphemism for an endurance orgy and not a name for something so similar to the Olympics I'm already getting bored typing this. Hippolyta and Phillipus already know Diana is going to win. I'm not sure if that's confidence in their girl or they've already rigged the games. Jerks.
I can't wait to read Supergirl Rebirth #1! But I will! I meant "I can't wait" in the "I'm so excited I can't even think about masturbating but can actually wait and will" way and not the "I'm going to start reading it right now in the middle of reading Wonder Woman!" way.
"Diana, why do you smell like frosting?"
Steve Trevor is allowed to soil the games with his male gaze. Oh man! So lucky! I bet they compete naked and slathered in olive oil! I'm getting really hungry again!
Darn it. They don't compete naked at all! I mean, they compete naked if Frank Cho is drawing them and Greg Rucka is looking at them. They're that naked! But I guess it's okay to be that naked if Nicola Scott is drawing them because she probably doesn't get a boner when she does it. That pretty much excludes her from the Boner Club. That club consists of Frank Cho, Tony S. Daniel, and David Finch. Probably others but what am I? A comic book artist scholar?! I'm so intellectual that I barely even look at the art when I read! At least the art that isn't sexy in any way. Why it is even allowed in comic books?!
When the games that I probably wasn't supposed to find as sexually fulfilling as I did conclude, only three Amazons are left standing. The final test is to be able to defend against man's penis! I don't mean his flesh penis! That's easy to defend against, especially if you're wearing some solid boots. I mean his mechanical penis that he brandishes and polishes daily! Oh, I just realized that description didn't actually differentiate the penises! Um, I mean man's guns! They must be able to deflect a bullet! Ha ha! I suspect after this test, Fourth Runner Up will be Champion!
Surprise twist ending! Diana wins the games and gets the Wonder Woman uniform and the job of escorting Steve Trevor back in the human plane which the Amazons have made invisible! Did I use surprise twist right? Maybe it was a surprise ending because when I said "Surprise twist ending!", you thought, "Oh my god! Diana didn't win and won't be Wonder Woman?!" Then you were surprised when I said that was exactly what happened!
How is Diana going to learn English though? If she were Starfire, she would just have to engage in oral sex with somebody who spoke English. But I guess Diana will have to learn English the old fashioned way: by praying to the gods.
Diana and Steve hop in the invisible jet and take off from the beach in a totally realistic and plausible way since who knows how invisible jets fly anyway? Next stop: America! Probably!
Darn it. They don't compete naked at all! I mean, they compete naked if Frank Cho is drawing them and Greg Rucka is looking at them. They're that naked! But I guess it's okay to be that naked if Nicola Scott is drawing them because she probably doesn't get a boner when she does it. That pretty much excludes her from the Boner Club. That club consists of Frank Cho, Tony S. Daniel, and David Finch. Probably others but what am I? A comic book artist scholar?! I'm so intellectual that I barely even look at the art when I read! At least the art that isn't sexy in any way. Why it is even allowed in comic books?!
When the games that I probably wasn't supposed to find as sexually fulfilling as I did conclude, only three Amazons are left standing. The final test is to be able to defend against man's penis! I don't mean his flesh penis! That's easy to defend against, especially if you're wearing some solid boots. I mean his mechanical penis that he brandishes and polishes daily! Oh, I just realized that description didn't actually differentiate the penises! Um, I mean man's guns! They must be able to deflect a bullet! Ha ha! I suspect after this test, Fourth Runner Up will be Champion!
Surprise twist ending! Diana wins the games and gets the Wonder Woman uniform and the job of escorting Steve Trevor back in the human plane which the Amazons have made invisible! Did I use surprise twist right? Maybe it was a surprise ending because when I said "Surprise twist ending!", you thought, "Oh my god! Diana didn't win and won't be Wonder Woman?!" Then you were surprised when I said that was exactly what happened!
How is Diana going to learn English though? If she were Starfire, she would just have to engage in oral sex with somebody who spoke English. But I guess Diana will have to learn English the old fashioned way: by praying to the gods.
Diana and Steve hop in the invisible jet and take off from the beach in a totally realistic and plausible way since who knows how invisible jets fly anyway? Next stop: America! Probably!
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