Convergence: Booster Gold #1

Booster Gold seems out of place in this week's group of comics.

Wasn't Booster Gold created after Crisis On Infinite Earths? I know, I know. Let me ask Lord Google for you. I can do it on my own, thanks.

Yes, Booster Gold's first appearance was in Booster Gold #1 released in 1986. So it's odd that he gets his Convergence issue on a week that's dealing with mostly Pre-Crisis Earth-2 heroes. This must also be leftovers week since it's the last week of issues. Also, Booster Gold shouldn't be trapped in any of these cities because he has to complete his destiny as time traveler extraordinaire who will completely, once and for all, fix the DC Universe's timeline. I think the only way that's possible is to murder everybody that has ever been a fan of DC Comics and then start over with a new generation of nerds.

This issue's fight card is Skartaris versus Vanishing Point. Vanishing Point is the place where time ends or something. It's the place Brainiac found by torturing Booster Gold so that Brainiac could travel through every point in time and collect lots of new and really rare chase cities of the DC Universe. Skartaris is Warlord's world where all of DC's characters that have time powers are being held. It's also the city that's important in the regular Convergence comic series, so Booster Gold is, once again, more important than anybody thinks. I think Booster is going to always be shown as having the most unfulfilled potential but, being comic books, he's never going to get to fill that potential. Unless he was seen fulfilling it in a One Million issue. That's about how long it'll take before he stops being a goofball.

The issue begins with Booster Gold dreaming about how he first came back to the past while Brainiac's disgusting pink hose is hooked to the back of his neck. He wakes up because Skeets and Rip Hunter have forgotten how to use doors. So they're just like every other super hero in existence. Does nobody have any time to walk down a hallway to check the door and see if it's locked? Must they always blast through a fucking wall or crash through a window?

This is funny because Booster named him and Booster comes up with dumb names. For example: Booster Gold.

The Booster Gold Rip and Skeets are looking for is the one with the ARGUS patch on his chest. He's Rip's actual father. I bet Rip is Booster's father! That's not a paradox. That's a pornography.

Rip Hunter is all, "We have to stop the person behind kidnapping time travelers before they find Vanishing Point!" And Booster Gold is all, "Um. Yeah! We can't let them know that! I hope they haven't already found it on their own through diligent research and careful study!" And Skeets is all, "Beep beep doop! What did you do, BG?!"

Rip and Booster and Skeets begin to search Castle Deimos for the responsible Booster Gold (or irresponsible since, using Rip Hunter as evidence, he brought a kid into this multiverse). While they skulk about, they have discussions to help explain the coming DC Universe to all the kiddies reading.

The New 52 is all that matters, kids! But when the label disappears from the covers, go ahead and keep believing you have your old universe back.

I believe after Convergence ends, DC Comics will leave their multiverse open to the possibilities of stories from every alternate version of their universe across their entire history as a company. But I think they're also setting up this idea that just the one, The New 52, somehow matters. It's a way of trying to satisfy every kind of DC Comics fan that exists. I don't think it's a bad idea. People who love hard continuity can still concentrate on The New 52 continuity which will be the backbone of the company. But people who love all of the other crazy fucking stories that would fuck up continuity will still get to read their stories and they'll still sort of fit in to the overall DC Universe. They won't be "outside" of continuity. They'll just be relegated to a part of the universe that has no effect on continuity. Although they still have the potential to be part of The New 52 universe because New 52 characters will be able to appear in all of these other places in the same way that Barry Allen first visited Earth-2. I have a feeling DC might be headed to a more casual, less rigorously structured Pre-Crisis kind of universe. I'd be happy about that kind of comic book multiverse.

Booster, Rip, and Skeets discover a beautifully constructed action figure collector's case containing a nearly complete set of Time Traveler Action Figures. All that's missing is Rip Hunter because Rip is too cool for school. Also Rip rules while Brainiac drools.

Rip frees Booster Dad and Aunt Goldstar from the prison. Now maybe Booster Dad will explain what his mission was that caused him to begin bouncing around timelines and teleporting from dome to dome. That was a dangerous mission because it put him inside a Scott Lobdell comic book. *shudder*

This is about as much as we'll ever get in the "Booster wasn't a total jagoff" story. Proof that he mattered. Mostly, he'll just remain a bumbling idiot.

Booster Dad disappears again as his "chronal affliction" sends him bouncing from domed city to domed city. He never mentions what his mission was. Maybe it was to find The New 52 universe? Or maybe it was to have sex with Rip Hunter so they can give birth to themselves?

Booster Gold, Rip, Skeets, and their new companion Goldstar leave Skartaris because they're attacked by a bunch of lizard people. They also need to find Booster Dad who flip-flopped into the 31st century Metropolis dome. Rip Hunter has a device that lets him enter (and presumably exit) the domes. The only problem is that, after being trapped together for a year, the people of Metropolis recognize strangers when they see them. Legion attacks them thinking they must be their jailers if they're able to enter the dome. I suppose I might come to that conclusion too if I were only a 9th Level Intellect.

As Booster Gold talks Underoos with Superboy, Goldstar finds her brother. But he blinks out again only to wind up in his home timeline of Pre-Zero Hour Metropolis.

Next Issue: more cocksucking and rim-jobs than you could ever imagine!

Convergence: Booster Gold #1 Rating: This comic is the only one of the forty convergence comic books that takes place entirely before the domes fall. I imagine that Rip and Booster might save the day before the day even needs saving at this rate! Time travelers are so lucky. I suppose this (sort of) explains why Scott Lobdell had to play the Futures End scene with the dome still up even though Booster Gold is a time traveler and all. His trips from dome to dome don't have to take place in a linear fashion, right? I suppose it was just cleaner, editorial-wise, to allow the Charlton characters to get their powers back for the Booster scene. It's also possible that the disturbance caused by Booster's arrival and departure is actually what gave them all their powers, and not Ted's lasering the dome. It still doesn't explain the shitty dialogue though.

Who wants to bet that Booster Gold gets his own series in 2016 to celebrate his 30th anniversary? And I bet Ted Kord, who does exist in the New 52 universe, becomes Blue Beetle about that time, maybe six months prior. And who wants to bet that Giffen, DeMatteis, and Jurgens are the creative team?

By Scribbly Jibbet.