People in the 1600s discovering the Mandela Effect: "Zounds, I swear 'twere 'I knew him well'!"
Deconstructo continues to be a pain in the ass to the wrong super hero team this month. He really should have consulted with the Guild of Super Villains to get his assignment correct. He's much more suited to battling the Doom Patrol. Maybe. That's just my take and I could be completely wrong. A Grant Morrison Doom Patrol antagonist would probably have less understandable dialogue than Deconstructo. But I'd pretend to understand it because I wouldn't want other people to think I'm stupid. Whereas with a Gerard Jones weirdo, I can criticize his character as much as I want. Nobody's going to come to the defense of a convicted sex pest! Well, at least nobody with whom I'd want to engage in a debate! I'm sure there are forums full of Comicsgate weirdos all over the Internet lining up to defend Gerard Jones.
This issue begins with Kara not looking too good.
This issue begins with Kara not looking too good.
The Flash is yelling at Kara's body because he only recognizes her by her tits.
The Flash rushes into battle Deconstructo without waiting for a plan while Batman stands back like Willy Wonka going, "No. Wait. Stop." Deconstructo opens a hole in space/time under The Flash who falls into it and out of the sky, barely catching one of the hands of Big Ben to save himself from plummeting to his death. He then sits on Big Ben's face (hee hee) cradling his head and muttering, "This is not happening. This is not happening." That's two members of the League down! This Deconstructo might become a major Justice League nemesis. Choosing a name that ends in "o" was a smart choice.
Oh yeah. That makes sense.
See?! If Grant Morrison had written that, I would have to pretend I know what he means. But since Gerard Jones wrote it, I can be all sarcastic and act like it's complete nonsense. But then Deconstructo keeps saying he's turning sense into nonsense so, in a way, his nonsense makes complete sense. Which isn't what he would want! So, it probably doesn't make any sense at all. Which makes sense. You know what? We'll just move on since I'm stuck in a paradoxical loop.
Deconstructo babbles for a few more panels before turning himself into a flag and laughing. Aquaman turns to everybody and just goes, "Let's go," and they all begin to walk away. That might be the smartest suggestion Aquaman has ever made! If Deconstructo isn't being observed, does he even exist as an observable phenomenon?! What is nonsense if nobody is around to try to make sense of it? Too bad the citizens of London don't take Aquaman's advice and continue to observe the madness.
Deconstructo babbles for a few more panels before turning himself into a flag and laughing. Aquaman turns to everybody and just goes, "Let's go," and they all begin to walk away. That might be the smartest suggestion Aquaman has ever made! If Deconstructo isn't being observed, does he even exist as an observable phenomenon?! What is nonsense if nobody is around to try to make sense of it? Too bad the citizens of London don't take Aquaman's advice and continue to observe the madness.
Suella Braverman trying to get her hands on Deconstructo's wand right now.
Back at the embassy, the team determine Kara must still be alive as her decapitation is some kind of illusion. They note that nothing Deconstructo changes ever really becomes damaged. And then Batman explains to everybody Deconstructo's artistic manifesto. It's all derivative of some Dutch artist named Paul de Man and the philosophical ideas of Michel Foucault. The Justice League doesn't understand any of it and simply wait for Batman to tell them what to do about it.
Pictured: me trying to understand Paul de Man's Wikipedia page.
Crimson Fox becomes really agitated by Batman's description because she, being a very passionate and physical French mademoiselle, has become absolutely exhausted by male French existentialists and nihilists. "Enough wiss all ze 'nothing means anyzing' nonsense! Just lick my butthole immédiatement!" I hope Crimson Fox comes up with the plan that defeats Deconstructo and I double hope that it's the same butthole licking plan that I pretended she came up with!
I think I realized my problem with Deconstructo versus any of Grant Morrison's Doom Patrol enemies. Deconstructo doesn't have a unique voice or a motivation based within himself. He's gotten all of his ideas, beliefs, and machinations from outside sources. He is — forgive my global Hipster lingua franca — inauthentic. Batman's example of Deconstructo's big performance art moment (before he was Deconstructo and was boring old Archie Tipple) was dropping plastic whales on a restaurant, an idea he got from Michel Foucault's claim that "a menu carries as much weight as Moby Dick." Grant Morrison's villains come from an intensely weird and unique space. It's possible Grant Morrison was inspired by something, as many people don't believe unique and original thoughts exist (I am not one of those people. Thoughts may reoccur but I absolutely believe people compose them from their own views and experiences and profound thinking about a subject, simply birthing a thought or idea that has already existed. That's different than "never having an original thought") but he's not simply repeating some theory or idea that somebody else already had. Morrison's Scissormen might be cutting up language and using it in seemingly incomprehensible ways (nonsense), exposing a problem with words and communication, just as Deconstructo tries to do. But the Scissormen are something entirely unique, odd, and upsetting. And they don't run around explaining their actions with some trite manifesto practically pre-formed by literary theorists before them. Arnold Tipple, aka Deconstructo, is just a boring, uninspired artist with no great ideas of his own and a magic phallus that does the art for him. He's a Twitter AI bro and a boring piece of shit.
I think I realized my problem with Deconstructo versus any of Grant Morrison's Doom Patrol enemies. Deconstructo doesn't have a unique voice or a motivation based within himself. He's gotten all of his ideas, beliefs, and machinations from outside sources. He is — forgive my global Hipster lingua franca — inauthentic. Batman's example of Deconstructo's big performance art moment (before he was Deconstructo and was boring old Archie Tipple) was dropping plastic whales on a restaurant, an idea he got from Michel Foucault's claim that "a menu carries as much weight as Moby Dick." Grant Morrison's villains come from an intensely weird and unique space. It's possible Grant Morrison was inspired by something, as many people don't believe unique and original thoughts exist (I am not one of those people. Thoughts may reoccur but I absolutely believe people compose them from their own views and experiences and profound thinking about a subject, simply birthing a thought or idea that has already existed. That's different than "never having an original thought") but he's not simply repeating some theory or idea that somebody else already had. Morrison's Scissormen might be cutting up language and using it in seemingly incomprehensible ways (nonsense), exposing a problem with words and communication, just as Deconstructo tries to do. But the Scissormen are something entirely unique, odd, and upsetting. And they don't run around explaining their actions with some trite manifesto practically pre-formed by literary theorists before them. Arnold Tipple, aka Deconstructo, is just a boring, uninspired artist with no great ideas of his own and a magic phallus that does the art for him. He's a Twitter AI bro and a boring piece of shit.
Here's a panel of Batman looking shocked at how hot Sue Dibny is.
Doctor Light mentions that she was raised as a Buddhist and that reality is an illusion created by our horny thoughts which makes Batman say, "Yeah, I've done a butt-load of martial arts. I totally know what you're saying!" That might be true but it mostly just sounds like Batman making an excuse to go bust open Deconstructo's head. But in a totally Zen way. But he's been the restrained Batman throughout this story, so he can't just rush off hurling Batarangs at Deconstructo's eyes. Instead, he decides to listen to the team as they come up with an idea to combine mind, spirit, and physical power to create an unbeatable artistic crane kick to Deconstructo's face.
No wait. Sorry. He just comes up with the answer himself.
Batman's plan is to make Deconstructo doubt himself. As his confidence in his art falters, his ability to challenge an audience fails, and he'll do what all true artists eventually do: kill himself. No wait. That's fucking bleak. I don't think that's Batman's plan at all! I mean, the doubt and loss of confidence is. But I think they just want him to become impotent so he can't use his wand to alter reality any longer.
This is the entire plan. Have a hot woman tell Archie that he can't satisfy her.
That last caption may have sounded like I think the plan is simple and stupid. But I don't! This is a great fucking plan! Crimson Fox is all, "You do not know how to make me cum!" And Deconstructo is all, "Oh yeah? I'll make you cum with my big fat wand!" And then his big fat wand doesn't make Crimson Fox cum because Crimson Fox is actually being projected by Doctor Light from another location. She just yawns when he attempts to do anything to her. I think the second part of the plan is Crimson Fox opening the top drawer of the nightstand and pulling out her vibrator.
Usually this kind of sexy stuff is just me projecting my own horniness onto a comic book plot. But Gerard Jones states Batman's plan to call Deconstructo an impotent virgin pretty fucking plainly.
Usually this kind of sexy stuff is just me projecting my own horniness onto a comic book plot. But Gerard Jones states Batman's plan to call Deconstructo an impotent virgin pretty fucking plainly.
As they say, "It's not the size of the rocket; it's the millions of calculations done by dozens of the smartest people in the world working on trajectories, fuel consumption, and clitoral stimulation."
The Flash runs really fast with Aquaman on his back and then tosses him into Deconstructo's ankles to topple him. So a more terrible version of the Fastball Special. While Deconstructo is falling, Elongated Man grabs the wand and tosses it to Batman. Batman threatens to use it on Deconstucto but I don't think he actually uses it because London does not turn dark and scary and full of blimps and spotlights. But it does return to normal! Even Power Girl's head returns to her body! London is saved!
Sue points out that Batman led them all to victory and would make a great leader. Batman says, "I can never lead. I have been alone my whole life and must remain alone. Never mind when I led the Outsiders or other versions of the Justice League." But just as Batman declines, Hal Jordan walks into the place and is all, "I'll be your leader! At least until I destroy Coast City!" In other words, Justice League Europe is going to need a new leader very, very soon.
Justice League Europe #39 Rating: B. Was it sexist to make Crimson Fox's big heroic moment when she basically tells a guy he isn't man enough to satisfy her? If it was then I'm a sexist because I thoroughly enjoyed how they took down this idiot. Any man with too much power can be felled so easily because he thinks he's got a huge swinging dick that he can throw around will-he, nill-he. Any big dumb man can be felled by a woman simply puffing on a cigarette and slowly shaking her head no when he asks, "Was it good for you?" And this guy is a sensitive artist! I think maybe Batman's plan was the plan I indicated later but the reader just never has to find out that Archie was later found swinging from a knotted sheet in his cell. And even if we did find this out, Batman would be all, "But I didn't technically kill him! My hands are still clean!"
Sue points out that Batman led them all to victory and would make a great leader. Batman says, "I can never lead. I have been alone my whole life and must remain alone. Never mind when I led the Outsiders or other versions of the Justice League." But just as Batman declines, Hal Jordan walks into the place and is all, "I'll be your leader! At least until I destroy Coast City!" In other words, Justice League Europe is going to need a new leader very, very soon.
Justice League Europe #39 Rating: B. Was it sexist to make Crimson Fox's big heroic moment when she basically tells a guy he isn't man enough to satisfy her? If it was then I'm a sexist because I thoroughly enjoyed how they took down this idiot. Any man with too much power can be felled so easily because he thinks he's got a huge swinging dick that he can throw around will-he, nill-he. Any big dumb man can be felled by a woman simply puffing on a cigarette and slowly shaking her head no when he asks, "Was it good for you?" And this guy is a sensitive artist! I think maybe Batman's plan was the plan I indicated later but the reader just never has to find out that Archie was later found swinging from a knotted sheet in his cell. And even if we did find this out, Batman would be all, "But I didn't technically kill him! My hands are still clean!"
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