Wednesday, January 2, 2019

Justice League #14

"Okay! Everybody smile and look violent!"

Only one thing happens in this comic book that I want to talk about.

What hack writer put this fucking scene together? Let's see...oh, it was James Tynion IV! I suppose the Justice League is all about huge threats and terrible consequences. But does Superman have to be so stupid that he would suggest evacuating the planet as opposed to calling for his portal to the Phantom Zone? Or maybe just flying Starman into space? Or maybe asking a magic-user to send Starman to a dimension where he could cause a ton of destruction and nobody would care, like Gemworld? What about getting on the phone to Plastic Man to encase Starman in a Plastic Man cartoon-powerful invulnerable cocoon? Or maybe just have Batman solve the problem with a bat-thingy? I suppose I could continue to list options that would be much quicker than "evacuating the planet," but why am I over here trying to do James Tynion IV's job for him?!

I get this scene isn't really that important and it's just supposed to tell the reader, "Fucking hell! The Justice League must save the entire world yet again! But not this month! Ha ha! Huge cliffhanger!" But what the scene really does is just make Superman look stupid. And I'm tired of Superman looking stupid.

Grade: Fuck you. Other than that, it was pretty good because Hawkman was revealed to be a huge jerk again. And J'onn J'onzz got a martian boner and had to run from a dance. It was like watching Degrassi Junior High all over again!


  1. Checking in on ya...still around I see. I haven't checked in lately but let me guess on how things are going. You hate Scott Lobdell. You hate us. You love Tom King. Am I missing anything?

    1. I don't hate you guys! Y'all are just my nemeses! I'm like Mr. Glass and you're my Maggie Gyllenhaal!

      Also I don't hate Scoot Lobdell. I hate Scoot Lobdell's writing! It's an important distinction.

      Although, yes, I love Tom King and want to have his man babies.

      Other than that, I don't write about comics as much because I'm writing other stuff including a text adventure blog! That's timely, right?!