Why is 80s High School Bully so angry about being invited to apply to the Justice League?
Don't think I didn't look at Dove's ass just because I didn't mention it in the caption! I think her costume might be tattooed on her body. I'm not sure I recognize the two heroes who aren't Hawk and Dove. If I had to guess, I'd say the masked guy is El Toro and the angry guy with no pupils is Maximum Carnage. Are those DC heroes?
Why are they all refusing to join? What did Max Lord say they must do to become a member?! I hope he gets fucking arrested for whatever it was. I'll be surprised if he doesn't get his ass beat asking Hawk, Toro, and Maximum Carnage to do whatever sexual act he just asked them to do. Dove is peaceful so obviously she wouldn't kick his ass. Unless kicking the ass of some perv is actually in line with order? Okay, you know what? She'll probably kick his ass too.
I wonder if Justice League America is going to have a recruitment issue every 15-20 issues? Can't they just do these things behind the scenes and spend two panels in the middle of an exciting story to have Max Lord introduce the new recruits? An awful lot of space is being taken up by these silly "the recruitment drive goes tits up" issues.
The issue begins with a lesser version of Gandalf explaining to Frodo why they have no right to kill Gollum philosophy.
Why are they all refusing to join? What did Max Lord say they must do to become a member?! I hope he gets fucking arrested for whatever it was. I'll be surprised if he doesn't get his ass beat asking Hawk, Toro, and Maximum Carnage to do whatever sexual act he just asked them to do. Dove is peaceful so obviously she wouldn't kick his ass. Unless kicking the ass of some perv is actually in line with order? Okay, you know what? She'll probably kick his ass too.
I wonder if Justice League America is going to have a recruitment issue every 15-20 issues? Can't they just do these things behind the scenes and spend two panels in the middle of an exciting story to have Max Lord introduce the new recruits? An awful lot of space is being taken up by these silly "the recruitment drive goes tits up" issues.
The issue begins with a lesser version of Gandalf explaining to Frodo why they have no right to kill Gollum philosophy.
Kilowog definitely drinks out of Despero's tank.
The first candidate who decides not to join is Gypsy. Not that she's a real candidate. J'onn just thinks she shouldn't be alone because her entire family and town was recently killed by Despero. That part is pretty painful but the part where it happened in the silliest and jokiest DC comic was the cherry on the pain scale. Plus now she can't go anywhere without somebody feeling the need to point out how insensitive her name is. She'll probably need to change it to Chameleon (which is a much better name anyhow!).
Blue Beetle and Fire are off in Beetle's flying Bug to recruit more people across the country. While flying there, Beetle discusses the possibility of a movie about him. Too bad he died and now the Blue Beetle movie is about Jaime Reyes instead. Obviously a Ted Kord Blue Beetle movie would have been a boring piece of shit about a rich white guy with no super powers who tells terrible jokes. Which is why one never happened! But Jaime Reyes as the Blue Beetle is super exciting because he's a young Latinx kid with an alien parasite that implants tons of advanced technology into his body! I hope there's a scene where Jaime is all, "What is this technology doing to my body now?!" And then Traci Thirteen will be all, "You're just getting a boner, estupido." And then they'll do it! And when Jaime cums, he'll shoot a rocket into Traci's face but she'll teleport away but he'll think he's killed her and then he'll drink poison and die after which she'll come back and see he's killed himself and then she'll stab herself to death.
I had to watch six different versions of Romeo and Juliet in 8th Grade English and I've yet to recover. Fuck you, Mr. Sousa!
Blue Beetle and Fire are off in Beetle's flying Bug to recruit more people across the country. While flying there, Beetle discusses the possibility of a movie about him. Too bad he died and now the Blue Beetle movie is about Jaime Reyes instead. Obviously a Ted Kord Blue Beetle movie would have been a boring piece of shit about a rich white guy with no super powers who tells terrible jokes. Which is why one never happened! But Jaime Reyes as the Blue Beetle is super exciting because he's a young Latinx kid with an alien parasite that implants tons of advanced technology into his body! I hope there's a scene where Jaime is all, "What is this technology doing to my body now?!" And then Traci Thirteen will be all, "You're just getting a boner, estupido." And then they'll do it! And when Jaime cums, he'll shoot a rocket into Traci's face but she'll teleport away but he'll think he's killed her and then he'll drink poison and die after which she'll come back and see he's killed himself and then she'll stab herself to death.
I had to watch six different versions of Romeo and Juliet in 8th Grade English and I've yet to recover. Fuck you, Mr. Sousa!
Blue Beetle said "Cum"!
I've had some time to reflect on my attitude as I was typing the code for that last image and I'd like to apologize to Mr. Sousa. Obviously he was just excited to share something he found truly wondrous and beautiful in the world when he showed us the Romeo and Juliet ballet, so much so that he forgot he was showing it to a bunch of ill-cultured thirteen-year-olds who couldn't stop giggling at Juliet's nipples and Romeo's massive bulge.
Beetle and Fire attempt to recruit El Toro who is actually El Diablo. So you can see what my brain did there! It was close enough to correct for my tastes considering how terrible it is at actually remembering things. The only thing my brain is good at anymore is making me feel like nothing is worthwhile and life has nothing more for me.
Guy Gardner tries to recruit Maximum Carnage who is actually Starman and I have no idea what my brain was doing with that one. To be fair, even after the revelation, I don't fucking remember this version of Starman at all! Why did he choose an upside down star for his emblem and why didn't I read his comic book because he's obviously a Satanist? Guy Gardner, not understanding what "recruit" means, decides to capture Starman and try to force him to join the Justice League.
Beetle and Fire attempt to recruit El Toro who is actually El Diablo. So you can see what my brain did there! It was close enough to correct for my tastes considering how terrible it is at actually remembering things. The only thing my brain is good at anymore is making me feel like nothing is worthwhile and life has nothing more for me.
Guy Gardner tries to recruit Maximum Carnage who is actually Starman and I have no idea what my brain was doing with that one. To be fair, even after the revelation, I don't fucking remember this version of Starman at all! Why did he choose an upside down star for his emblem and why didn't I read his comic book because he's obviously a Satanist? Guy Gardner, not understanding what "recruit" means, decides to capture Starman and try to force him to join the Justice League.
Bea knows Spanish?
Sometimes I think, "I know quite a bit of Spanish so I know Portuguese too!" And then I hear Portuguese and I think, "Hey! Portuguese and Spanish are like two different languages!" Although the simple fact that Bea is Brazilian, and not American, probably means she knows quite a few more languages than just one. It's weird how Americans think they're so fucking great and barely any of them can speak more than one language. If they can manage two, they're a fucking genius! I, myself, barely know English. Sometimes I'm surprised at how many books I've read over my lifetime and then I remember how many of them were Xanth books and Choose Your Own Adventure titles.
Ice and The Huntress extend the offer to join the JLA to Hawk and Dove which seems weird since The Huntress doesn't even really want to be a member. Surprisingly, her pitch is not, "You guys probably have no desire to join right now but if you'll just allow me to strand you on an ice floe with our boss, Maxwell Lord, I think you'll see things quite differently!" Also surprising, Hawk doesn't punch anybody in the face.
During the recruitment drive, Mister Miracle arrives to Earth orbit with Manga Khan and The Cluster.
Ice and The Huntress extend the offer to join the JLA to Hawk and Dove which seems weird since The Huntress doesn't even really want to be a member. Surprisingly, her pitch is not, "You guys probably have no desire to join right now but if you'll just allow me to strand you on an ice floe with our boss, Maxwell Lord, I think you'll see things quite differently!" Also surprising, Hawk doesn't punch anybody in the face.
During the recruitment drive, Mister Miracle arrives to Earth orbit with Manga Khan and The Cluster.
Somebody forgot to color in the Earth.
Mister Miracle returns to find out he's dead and his wife is probably lying naked in the arms of Orion for consolation. So he should probably go get that sorted out in his own comic book. It's not like his return to the team was anything but a waste of pages spent on maintaining continuity with his self-titled comic. The readers knew he was alive the whole time and didn't need three pages of Manga Khan doing the same old joke where he talks to himself in a melodramatic fashion until L-Ron puts a stop to it.
Martian Manhunter tries to get Batman to come back full time and lead the team because he's tired of dealing with Blue Beetle and Booster Gold and Guy Gardner and G'nort and Max Lord. But Batman is all, "Stop being a whiny quitter!" and swings away on a Bat-rope.
Martian Manhunter tries to get Batman to come back full time and lead the team because he's tired of dealing with Blue Beetle and Booster Gold and Guy Gardner and G'nort and Max Lord. But Batman is all, "Stop being a whiny quitter!" and swings away on a Bat-rope.
Yeah, Ice! They're lovers! I wish I could I understand that!
The only problem with pretending to read the previous panel wrong is that I'm posting this on the Internet which means I have to also write this line where I point out that I was pretending to have read that line wrong so nobody corrects me in the comments.
Before leaving, Manga Khan trades L-Ron to Maxwell Lord in exchange for Fetal Despero. Now Manga Khan has to do all of his soliloquies in front of his new right-hand robot, K-Dik.
Mister Miracle might be back on Earth but he's decided to take a long vacation while the world thinks he's dead. And Martian Manhunter decides to go on a sabbatical as well. That leaves the Justice League with only one person who can kick any ass: Guy Gardner. The only problem is that Gardner kicks all of the wrong asses, all of the time. But do not despair, loyal reader! Because just as things look darker than they've ever looked (meaning a Justice League with worse power issues than that one with Vibe, Gypsy, and Aquaman in it), Orion and Lightray show up at the door begging to join! I give it four pages before Gardner and Orion are beating the stuffing out of each other.
Justice League America #42 Rating: D+. I have grown to fucking hate these recruitment issues and I blame DC's desperate need to constantly keep continuity straight. At this point, I'd rather just have editorial notes informing me that some member has left suddenly for reasons that can be understood if you pick up the particular issue of their own comic book where they find they can't continue on with the League. I suppose the entire purpose of this issue was to show readers that there were these other heroes named Starman, El Diablo, and Hawk and Dove who (probably?) have their own comic books currently. This issue was more of a bake sale than a Justice League America comic book. "Hey kids! Maybe try giving some of our other monthlies a go!" No thank you, DC! At least that's what I'm saying now. Yeesh, I sure hope I don't find any Starman, El Diablo, or Hawk and Dove comic books in my collection as I continue to re-read all of my old books!
Before leaving, Manga Khan trades L-Ron to Maxwell Lord in exchange for Fetal Despero. Now Manga Khan has to do all of his soliloquies in front of his new right-hand robot, K-Dik.
Mister Miracle might be back on Earth but he's decided to take a long vacation while the world thinks he's dead. And Martian Manhunter decides to go on a sabbatical as well. That leaves the Justice League with only one person who can kick any ass: Guy Gardner. The only problem is that Gardner kicks all of the wrong asses, all of the time. But do not despair, loyal reader! Because just as things look darker than they've ever looked (meaning a Justice League with worse power issues than that one with Vibe, Gypsy, and Aquaman in it), Orion and Lightray show up at the door begging to join! I give it four pages before Gardner and Orion are beating the stuffing out of each other.
Justice League America #42 Rating: D+. I have grown to fucking hate these recruitment issues and I blame DC's desperate need to constantly keep continuity straight. At this point, I'd rather just have editorial notes informing me that some member has left suddenly for reasons that can be understood if you pick up the particular issue of their own comic book where they find they can't continue on with the League. I suppose the entire purpose of this issue was to show readers that there were these other heroes named Starman, El Diablo, and Hawk and Dove who (probably?) have their own comic books currently. This issue was more of a bake sale than a Justice League America comic book. "Hey kids! Maybe try giving some of our other monthlies a go!" No thank you, DC! At least that's what I'm saying now. Yeesh, I sure hope I don't find any Starman, El Diablo, or Hawk and Dove comic books in my collection as I continue to re-read all of my old books!
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