I hated Bart Sears' art as soon as I saw it because I knew he would eventually draw something this fucking terrible.
Some artists have a style I don't care for and other artists are just bad artists. When it's a style problem, I have no problem accepting other people's opinions about it. But even though everybody loves to think that all opinions are equal, it's just not true. My opinion was that Bart Sears' art is terrible. And Doctor Diehard's freakish legs on this cover proves that my "opinion" was accurate and objective! Sorry, Bart Sears! But the facts are in and your art on this cover is the facts and the facts are terrible.
Although the cover supplies more subtle hints that The Extremists are gay. I'll let you figure out those hints yourself! It's a gay puzzle!
I just went on Google and typed, "Is the Rubik's Cube gay?" According to the Internet, I think it might be?
Okay, fine, here are the hints: the loads and loads of phallic objects descending on them and the proclamation, "Party time at ground zero!" Also, I think Doctor Diehard might have a boner. It's hard to tell because his legs have turned into suet within his tights.
The issue begins with the Justice League standing around lamenting how terrible they are at saving the day.
Although the cover supplies more subtle hints that The Extremists are gay. I'll let you figure out those hints yourself! It's a gay puzzle!
I just went on Google and typed, "Is the Rubik's Cube gay?" According to the Internet, I think it might be?
Okay, fine, here are the hints: the loads and loads of phallic objects descending on them and the proclamation, "Party time at ground zero!" Also, I think Doctor Diehard might have a boner. It's hard to tell because his legs have turned into suet within his tights.
The issue begins with the Justice League standing around lamenting how terrible they are at saving the day.
Metamorpho said, "Cum."
Look at that woke pussy trying to figure out the correct pronouns to use for the new Doctor Fate! All this 1990s bullshit of caring about respecting other people's identities is ruining good old fashioned comic books! Back in the Golden Age, before comic books went woke, you saw a character with tits and you never even considered using male pronouns! Even if they were male!
What I find most interesting about the sort of guys who get all bent out of shape about having to respect somebody's gender identity is that they'll attempt to kick your ass if you call them a girl. So they already get the concept of avoiding insults and respecting other people. It's just that they're also huge assholes who don't want to be told what to do.
The Flash and Metamorpho continue to be confused by Doctor Fate's pronouns in the next panel which is weird because using third-person plural pronouns to refer to a singular person wasn't something invented in the 21st Century. I always found it strange how people avoided doing so to the point they'd write things like "he/she" and "him/her" which sounds way more awkward.
All of Rocket Red's Russian compatriots are dead and now he's sad. But Power Girl's tits are more determined than ever to destroy The Extremists.
What I find most interesting about the sort of guys who get all bent out of shape about having to respect somebody's gender identity is that they'll attempt to kick your ass if you call them a girl. So they already get the concept of avoiding insults and respecting other people. It's just that they're also huge assholes who don't want to be told what to do.
The Flash and Metamorpho continue to be confused by Doctor Fate's pronouns in the next panel which is weird because using third-person plural pronouns to refer to a singular person wasn't something invented in the 21st Century. I always found it strange how people avoided doing so to the point they'd write things like "he/she" and "him/her" which sounds way more awkward.
All of Rocket Red's Russian compatriots are dead and now he's sad. But Power Girl's tits are more determined than ever to destroy The Extremists.
Bart Sears probably spent 75% of his time practicing drawing by drawing boobs with a hint of nipple.
Meanwhile in the Gobi Desert or somewhere just as barren, The Extremists have gathered to watch Doctor Diehard steal all of the world's nuclear missiles. He's this powerful because he's based on Magneto and we all know Magneto is the most powerful Marvel character ever, at least when he's written correctly. What can't magnetism do (other than allow Bart Sears to draw a kneeling person)?!
Lord Havok sends a video message to the entire world telling them they have 24 hours to surrender. He doesn't bother translating it to other languages because his Earth was just as anglocentric as our Earth, I guess. I would worry about how he sent the message but that would be the least of the powers of The Extremists. They can do everything else, why can't they also pirate every terrestrial radio and television station and every communication satellite in orbit around Earth?
The United Nations holds an emergency meeting where they finally come to a decision to surrender after The Extremists crash the meeting and threaten all of their lives. The news goes out over television and radio and, luckily, all the heroes on Earth hear the news that they must stand down!
Lord Havok sends a video message to the entire world telling them they have 24 hours to surrender. He doesn't bother translating it to other languages because his Earth was just as anglocentric as our Earth, I guess. I would worry about how he sent the message but that would be the least of the powers of The Extremists. They can do everything else, why can't they also pirate every terrestrial radio and television station and every communication satellite in orbit around Earth?
The United Nations holds an emergency meeting where they finally come to a decision to surrender after The Extremists crash the meeting and threaten all of their lives. The news goes out over television and radio and, luckily, all the heroes on Earth hear the news that they must stand down!
The Doom Patrol and Peacemaker make a nice cameo. I don't know who the guys in the center and bottom center panels are supposed to be but my guesses are Jason Blood, CEO of Demon INC, and Rip Hunter.
Justice League Europe decide that they're not going to sit back and wait, no matter what the governments of Earth say. That's because they have Blue Jay on their side, a hero from The Extremists' world. He's going to tell them how to defeat The Extremists even though he doesn't have a history of being able to defeat The Extremists. But he is a little bird so the phrase, "A little bird told me," will probably be used before the end of this story arc as somebody beats the shit out of Dreamslayer and he croaks, "But how did you figure out how to defeat me?!"
The Extremists make their headquarters in Israel which, I hope, isn't some kind of subtle anti-Semitic commentary.
The Extremists make their headquarters in Israel which, I hope, isn't some kind of subtle anti-Semitic commentary.
Oh, well that explains that.
The Extremists speak English so I was assuming they were from a different Earth even though I should have remembered they were from Angor, a planet from another dimension (technically, Earth from the Marvel Universe. But different!). So that's why Lord Havok, whose armor must have some early version of Wikipedia installed on it, has to explain the God of the Abrahamic religions. Being from Angor, I think they're only really familiar with the Norse Gods.
I was just thinking about how the Hal Jordan can save Earth: contact the other Green Lanterns in space to sneak up on Earth orbit and take out all the nukes! They would be saving the Earth from destruction by The Extremists and saving the world from future nuclear annihilation! But then, I'm way smarter than Hal Jordan!
Next, Lord Havok reveals his plans for the future.
I was just thinking about how the Hal Jordan can save Earth: contact the other Green Lanterns in space to sneak up on Earth orbit and take out all the nukes! They would be saving the Earth from destruction by The Extremists and saving the world from future nuclear annihilation! But then, I'm way smarter than Hal Jordan!
Next, Lord Havok reveals his plans for the future.
You might think this reads as evidence that The Extremists are not gay but I argue, "No sir! Read it again!"
Lord Havok wants to fill their headquarters with voluptuous women so it seems like maybe he's super manly and wants to fuck them. But according to Sabretracer, they just want to eat them. That's why they want voluptuous women because voluptuous means fleshy! Plus, you might want to notice how excited Lord Havok is to begin decorating!
As they're planning sexy recipes, Metamorpho springs his trap! He was hiding under the sand as a giant copper mat, just waiting for Doctor Diehard to walk over him. He encases Doctor Diehard in a copper ball and let's the readers know how anti-magnetic copper is! I nod my head vigorously to show that I totally knew that! But Lord Havok is all, "Yes, but I am stronger than copper!" Good thing he didn't add "Checkmate!" because just after he says his dialogue, Captain Atom blasts him in the balls with a nuclear explosion. Half of Gorgon's tentacles orgasm as he becomes super excited to battle the ripped heroes once more.
The Flash batters Dreamslayer as fast as he can to keep him from casting any spells while Rocket Red tries to kill Tracer for murdering all of the Rocket Reds. Crimson Fox, utterly useless, yells orders at The Flash (which is utterly useless as well because he's much faster than sound). Power Girl battles Gorgon because they're the members of each team with the biggest tits.
As they're planning sexy recipes, Metamorpho springs his trap! He was hiding under the sand as a giant copper mat, just waiting for Doctor Diehard to walk over him. He encases Doctor Diehard in a copper ball and let's the readers know how anti-magnetic copper is! I nod my head vigorously to show that I totally knew that! But Lord Havok is all, "Yes, but I am stronger than copper!" Good thing he didn't add "Checkmate!" because just after he says his dialogue, Captain Atom blasts him in the balls with a nuclear explosion. Half of Gorgon's tentacles orgasm as he becomes super excited to battle the ripped heroes once more.
The Flash batters Dreamslayer as fast as he can to keep him from casting any spells while Rocket Red tries to kill Tracer for murdering all of the Rocket Reds. Crimson Fox, utterly useless, yells orders at The Flash (which is utterly useless as well because he's much faster than sound). Power Girl battles Gorgon because they're the members of each team with the biggest tits.
No! I wanted to hear whose cock he wanted to grip!
Just a reminder that Lord Havok's helmet is connected to his butthole:
Lord Havok: powered by farts.
The Justice League are winning the battle until they realize that Doctor Diehard can't keep the missiles in orbit behind the wall of copper. Which means they're suddenly falling to the Earth! The Extremists, worried about losing billions of people to torture and kill in one instant (not to mention their own lives (again!)), manage to convince the Justice League to let Doctor Diehard go so the Earth isn't destroyed. The fight winds down as they allow Doctor Diehard to regain control but in so doing, Dreamslayer regains his balance. He casts a spell sending the Justice League to Angor! Oh no! Who is left to stop The Extremists now?! Oh yeah: Batman. Superman. Green Lantern. Wonder Woman. Zatanna. Mister Terrific. Madame Xanadu. Robin. Black Lightning. John Constantine. Martian Manhunter. Blue Devil. Detective Chimp. You know, like, dozens and dozens of heroes!
Justice League Europe #17 Rating: B+. The art wasn't as bad as the cover but it was still Bart Sears' art which I find grating at best. But the story was pretty good! The Extremists were shown to be relatively weak super villains whose main fault is, you know, going to the extreme! They obviously made a huge mistake on Angor by going nuclear and now they just about made the same mistake on Earth. As a super villain, you've got to be careful to not over play your hand! You want power and money but you also want to remain alive to enjoy those things. But I guess that's why they're called The Extremists! That and because they're gay which, in 1990, was probably seen as pretty extreme for most of the country. Not where I lived though! Anytime you wanted to see some gay stuff, you just turned on KOFY TV-20's Dance Party! I wish every gay kid growing up in the US could have had a TV-20 with James Gabbert.
Justice League Europe #17 Rating: B+. The art wasn't as bad as the cover but it was still Bart Sears' art which I find grating at best. But the story was pretty good! The Extremists were shown to be relatively weak super villains whose main fault is, you know, going to the extreme! They obviously made a huge mistake on Angor by going nuclear and now they just about made the same mistake on Earth. As a super villain, you've got to be careful to not over play your hand! You want power and money but you also want to remain alive to enjoy those things. But I guess that's why they're called The Extremists! That and because they're gay which, in 1990, was probably seen as pretty extreme for most of the country. Not where I lived though! Anytime you wanted to see some gay stuff, you just turned on KOFY TV-20's Dance Party! I wish every gay kid growing up in the US could have had a TV-20 with James Gabbert.
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