Tuesday, October 24, 2017

Team Titans #11

Imagine claiming your comic book wedding was the biggest wedding in the same century that included Diana and Charles' wedding.

To be fair, I didn't give a shit about Di's wedding and I did purchase New Titans #100. I just realize that I'm in no way the barometer of wedding interests.

In 2017, a flashback to 2001 makes sense. But I read this in 1993!

I've now reread that first page four times and I'm wondering how I can go back in time to punch my younger self in the nose for purchasing Team Titans #12. I wouldn't even stop him! I'd just give him a good jab and steal his money, the asshole.

Time travel being what it is, maybe I did do that! I mean I will have done that and it already has happened to me. I don't remember getting punched in the face sometime around when I purchased this comic book but I could have blacked out and forgotten the incident. The idea that time travel might be invented and I'll get to do this has finally given me something to look forward to!

If I were to rewrite this page, it would begin with that first guy reporting the news. But then the old guy who responds would say, "Well, we're still here so I guess they didn't succeed in changing this timeline. Don't worry about it." Then the next scene would be the pudgy white guy sexually harassing the female because even in 1993 we knew that nothing would ever change. Then the guy with the mustache would jerk off into his own mouth and DC Comics would have fired me. I would have been confused because can't straight white men do anything they want?! Stupid political correctness!

Of course the bald guy's response to the trooper and the flashback to 2001 aren't the only things wrong with this first page. The fact that the woman pipes up to offer non-pertinent information to what's going in continues the absurdity. Why would she mention Redwing by name? It's not like the trooper on camera said, "Redwing's Team Titans team went back in time to shit all over our glorious future!" Who cares who designed the equipment used by the Meta(l)gene Hunters? It's irrelevant and adds nothing to the discussion! And then the main guy responds as if her comment is pure poetry! "Oh yes! The Titans will be destroyed by equipment created by the father of one of the Titans! Is that irony? Yes? No? Discuss!" It's as if he wouldn't be certain to let loose the Meta(l)gene Hunters unless their was a dramatic narrative element to it! Hmm, maybe I shouldn't be complaining. Maybe I should be praising him for his superb villainy!

On the next page when the story returns to the present, the Narration Box says, "Flashforward: the present!" It doesn't make any sense! I mean, it does, in terms of narrative continuity. Marv Wolfman wants everybody to know that the moment that happened in the future actually happened before the moment that's taking place in the present. I mean, it didn't. But he needs to string together events in a linear way that doesn't actually work when you're telling a time travel story. But we get the idea! I think. I'm confused.

Team Titans #11 Rating: Five stars from the future out of one star from the past. Unless I have that backwards. Anyway, not much happens other than that Meta(l)gene Hunter arrives to hassle some Team Titan named Sunburst and Metallik. The subplot involves Battalion stalking the woman who was his wife in his actual timeline. He seems to think it's fair to her to upend her entire life because she resembles the person from his past he once truly loved. I suppose he has to make the attempt because True Love is always more important than not terrorizing the woman you're truly in love with.

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