Sunday, October 22, 2017

Team Titans #10

Face/Off is one of only two movies I've fallen asleep to in public. It made it super confusing after I woke up.

The reason I had fallen asleep during Face/Off is that I had been drinking previously. The other movie I fell asleep during was The Last of the Mohicans. I fell asleep during that because I had spent the night previously trying to sleep in some ivy outside a lawyer's office in the rain in Sacramento, California. It did not involve drinking.

Why does the movie Face/Off have that slash in it? It wasn't about computer programming, was it? I only know it has the slash because I just looked it up to see what year it came out. IMDB credits Travolta as playing "Sean Archer / Castor Troy" and Cage as playing "Castor Troy / Sean Archer". Do you think the actors thought of this movie as testing the limits of their acting ability? Or did the producers pick Cage and Travolta because they act exactly the same way and realized this character switch wouldn't cause either of them any problems?

By the way, Battalion is still a terrible character. I wonder why DC Comics didn't bring back Twat Battalion in The New 52?


Nightrider makes friends with a bunch of vampires who want to turn their food into more vampires. That seems like a bad way to avoid extinction. It also sounds weird. I've never eaten a ham and then thought, "I wish this ham could fuck me." I mean, sure, I could fuck the ham but that's normal behavior. Who would want the ham to become sentient so that it can seduce me? Perverts, that's who!

Back at Donna's, the rapist has been raped and I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel. I mean, rape is bad, right? But The Bible is pretty much pro eye for an eye, rape for a rape. No wait. It's actually more lenient with rape than taking somebody's teeth or eyes. The Bible is eye for an eye, a rape for a marriage and compensation to keep everybody other than the victim from being harmed and disgraced by the foul deed of the rapist. I don't think I should say that that sounds reasonable but it is The Bible. I've heard that it's the rule book for living! And that must be true because I've never taken its advice and my life is a mess!

Charlie reacts to Mirage being raped as if somebody had scratched his Ferrari.

That's a feminist joke about how men only care about sexual abuse when it's centered at women they've objectified with their man-feelings and not a joke about how rape is equal to scratching the paint on a car. So stop being angry at me and realize I've made a valid point. Also maybe go watch Boxing Helena.

Also maybe it's not so much a joke as a scathing bit of social commentary! Maybe all of my commentary is scathing bits of social commentary since it rarely makes people laugh. I should stop thinking of this as a comedy blog and thinking of it as a serious blog attempting to cure the ills of society! That would certainly make me feel better when I get anonymous comments telling me I'm not funny. I can just reply, "I wasn't trying to be funny! This is serious shit!"

On a side note, how big do you think Deathwing's penis is if it may have caused internal damages? I know they mentioned he was ruthless and brutal in his sexual attack of Mirage but can a guy with a three inch penis cause internal damages just because he's being brutal? Remember when considering this question that this is a serious blog now!

Meanwhile Judge and Jury take a field trip to New York to meet the mysterious person behind The Darkening!

Here's some advice, Judge and Jury: to disguise yourself, you can just take off your costume instead of putting another costume on top of your Team Titans costume.

For those who don't know Judge and Jury, they're a nihilistic Titans team from the future and not a vaudeville act.

If you've been reading this series and you've seen Mirage rape Dick and Evil Raven rape Councilwoman Alderman and Deathwing rape Mirage and you've found yourself thinking, "I haven't gotten enough rape yet," well good news! Evil Raven rapes each of the members of Judge and Jury one by one while the others watch and Deathwing jerks off! It might not be physical rape but it's hard to tell since it all takes place cloaked in her olive green robe. It might just be psychological rape. But, if we're being serious (and we totally are now!), there isn't a lot of difference between physical rape and psychological rape. Some people might want to argue that one is worse than the other but those people are probably victims of one or the other and want to feel like a bigger martyr. Did that sound insensitive to an imaginary group making an imaginary argument that I just made up? Well, so be it! I stand by my imagination!

So the Team Titans came back to Donna's place to get help to fight the vampires but they're momentarily distracted by the rape of Mirage. After being compassionate and making sure to tell her multiple times that it wasn't her fault, they remember that Battalion might be dead. They raid Battalion's stash of weapons and head back to New York.

Count me in!

Kole arrives from wherever Kole has been (the storage room for boring comic book characters?) to free Battalion just as the other Team Titans arrive. They wade in slaughtering the vampires. I think that's okay because vampires are monsters. Or maybe because they're already technically dead? Or maybe because it's easier than figuring out how to jail them after the battle is over? Anyway, it probably doesn't matter because the master vampire will almost certainly get away to haunt the Team Titans in fourteen months or so.

I suppose there are still some readers who, after reading the scene where Evil Raven rapes every member of Judge and Jury, are still thinking, "I don't know. This rapey comic book just doesn't have enough rape in it. Is it really worth the $1.75 cover price?" Well have I got a surprise for you!

Free bonus rape content!

As I guessed, the lead vampire gets away while Kole murders the rest of them by using her crystals to bend the sun's rays into pre-dawn New York City. Then she disappears leaving the Team Titans free to go find some of that sweet dick they were leaving for dessert.

Team Titans #10 Rating: I think part of the point of this comic book was to present a message that rape victims shouldn't blame themselves for being raped. Try to pretend, for just a second, that you have no knowledge of our current civilization. Now think you've just heard somebody say, "It's not your fault for being raped." How fucked up would you think that entire civilization was when that was a message that had to be reiterated time and time again? You would think, "No shit it's not the victim's fault! Why would you even need to say that?" And yet here we are living in a society where a guy writes a comic book that uses rape in so many plot points writing an issue reminding victims that rape isn't their fault! You would be floored to find out how much energy goes into convincing victims that it wasn't there fault. But then you'd see how people react to women telling their stories and you'd be all, "Oh shit. Okay. I see what's going on here. Holy fuck." Then you would get vocal and start telling people to believe the claims of victims! But then somebody would start shouting at you that people are innocent until proven guilty! And you'd be all, "Okay, granted, that's a thing but why are you instantly dismissing this person's claims?!" And then the person would be all, "Some people lie, you know!" And then you'd be all, "Yes, but the statistics don't match up anywhere near your argument! And besides, isn't that what the whole proving people innocent thing is you mentioned earlier?" And then they'd be all, "He said, she said!" And you'd be all, "Well, yeah, but she said he committed a major crime and he said he didn't do it. You know who else says they didn't do it? Everybody all the time!" And then they'd be all, "Yeah! Exactly! Like people who didn't do it!" And by then you'd be so tired of arguing that you'd just go to the victim and be all, "You know what? This isn't your fault."

No comments:

Post a Comment