Monday, November 14, 2016

Wacky Raceland #5

This looks like the most boring race yet!

The Commentary!
• This is the first issue that begins with a "Part One" tag on the title. That must mean it's getting into the real meat of the story! The first four issues set up the world and background of a few characters but now it's time to find out what the races are all about. Oh, also this part of the story, "The Butcher Shop," is called "Revelations"! That means stuff will be revealed! Unless it's the Biblical version of the word and then it means everything is coming to an end! Maybe it means both. Although, how much more can end in the Wacky Raceland world?

• Gravel, one of the Slagg Brothers, poisons everybody with hallucinogenic mushrooms. Maybe poison is too strong a word. I've poisoned myself with hallucinogenic mushrooms on multiple occasions and it was always the best poisonings I've ever done to myself. The worst time I ever poisoned myself was walking barefoot on a roof that my grandfather was spraying with termite poison. That wasn't anywhere near as fun as poisoning myself with magic mushrooms!

• The Butcher Shop is where they do all the genetic manipulation of creatures and mankind. It's where the Ant Hill Mob were cloned, although I don't think they have the butcher's knife splicing DNA tattoos. At least not anywhere anybody can see them. Maybe they'll get naked while tripping on the shrooms and Dick will be all, "Hey! You guys have tramp stamps?!"

Is this Muttley sniggering for the first time?

Between that last caption and this sentence, I threw my back out. That was about 24 hours ago. I actually couldn't get up from the floor because it hurt too much to move in most directions. At one point, I was struggling to get out of my thick winter jacket because I was so hot and just laughing uproariously at my predicament. I also pledged to never again laugh at old people in commercials who say, "I've fallen and I can't get up!" It is extremely frustrating, lying there with your face in the carpet and thinking, "Why the fuck don't I ever vacuum this shit?"

• I'm skipping work for the rest of this week in the hopes that my back will be ready to go again next week. This isn't a fancy fun holiday freebie piece of time off since I own my own business and nobody fucking pays me for time missed. Stupid self-employment is stupid.

• I've also learned that my upper body strength is far worse than I thought it was. And I didn't really think much of it before! My legs are still pretty muscular from biking but they don't help much when you can't get them under you! Stupid legs are stupid.

• Back to the comic book, Muttley has a memory of The Butcher Shop as well. He was given some genetic enhancement that might prove that the Wacky Raceland is Earth many years after the Scooby Apocalypse. It's probably the same universe as The Flintstones too! But not Future Quest. I'm bored of Future Quest. I'm not reading that book anymore. Unless Blue Falcon and Dynomutt eventually show up! But I'm hoping they'll appear in this comic book or Scooby Apocalypse.

• The Ant Hill Mob were created in the Cloning Vats. Muttley was created in the Darwin Pits. And the Slagg Brothers were brought back to life in the Resurrection Room. So apparently they really are cavemen from the past! They might even show up in an issue of The Flintstones! I hope!

• The last time I did acid (as opposed to mushrooms which I've done since this last acid trip), I was telling my cousin about the episode of In Search Of where they investigate a tribe in Africa who drew paintings on the walls of aliens and a star map that seemed to suggest the aliens were from Sirius B. When we got back from the beach party that night and beginning to come down, that episode of In Search Of was on TBS or USA or one of those stations that loved to show old series. This was sometime in the mid-90s. After that, I fell asleep while watching All the President's Men and wound up in a fucked up dream of layers upon layers of secrets and conspiracies which just kept getting deeper and more convoluted. That dream was a lot of work. I woke up exhausted!

• The Racers wake up from their trip having remembered that their minds had been wiped. But now that they recall their time in the Butcher Shop, Muttley is ready to lead them all back there. Of course the Announcer has other plans.

• The Racers face typical obstacles on their way to the Butcher's Shop: Sandtipedes, Nanite Storms, Back Pain. But once they get there, Professor Pat Pending voices some emergency protocol codes and the Announcer begins doing as the Professor says. The doors open and the announcer welcomes Pat Pending back to the Butcher Shop. That's when everybody remembers that it was Pat Pending who experimented on them.

• The issue ends with everybody angry at Pat Pending. But they should cut him some slack! All this time, he had control over the Narrator and he didn't use it to his own advantage! He was still racing fair and square! Although I'm sure his knowledge of what's going on only extends to The Butcher Shop. He probably had his mind wiped too by whoever is behind the races. Although he could still be the brains behind it! He could be the one testing them and making sure they're ready to battle the aliens who have destroyed this world! Unless the person really behind it all is Super Slutty Velma. That's the same Velma you're reading about in Scooby Apocalypse but with less clothing and more dicks in her hands.

The Ranking!
+1! I'm still having issues with the art and the weird jumps in the action from panel to panel which make it all a bit hard to follow. But I'm thoroughly enjoying the world building of a post apocalyptic Wacky Races World. Everything is slowly being explained and it's all coming together and it's all making sense in that way that stories don't usually make sense when they're answering questions about the overarching plot. Maybe that's because the series has been set to answer questions from the start and didn't spend three years asking questions before it started answering! I'm looking at you, The X-Files!

I should probably go rest my back now! Stupid office chairs are stupid!

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