Neither Ralph Dibny nor Ted Kord would bet on Guy. So what was the actual bet?
The way Ralph and Ted are holding up their fingers, they either bet on how many times Guy would call Hal a cunt or how many times Hal Jordan would make Guy Gardner his absolute bitch. Unless the bet has something to do with the enormous tree stump Blue Beetle is sitting in.
By the way, where is the lower half of Ralph Dibny? Down the back of John Stewart's pants?
This issue is extra long for some reason. That reason probably has something to do with how many people loved seeing a brain-damaged man get his ass beat by a fucking cop. Back in 1992, I would have thought, "Who would admit to wanting to see that?" Here in 2024, I think, "I can't believe how many people vociferously declare they want to witness that."
By the way, where is the lower half of Ralph Dibny? Down the back of John Stewart's pants?
This issue is extra long for some reason. That reason probably has something to do with how many people loved seeing a brain-damaged man get his ass beat by a fucking cop. Back in 1992, I would have thought, "Who would admit to wanting to see that?" Here in 2024, I think, "I can't believe how many people vociferously declare they want to witness that."
You can't claim the cop didn't know the man he was about to beat the shit out of has brain damage.
Not long after admitting his disdain for somebody with a severe medical condition, Space Cop Hal Jordan basically calls one of his supposed friends the Inuit N-word.
I didn't even know this slur until I was in my 40s! And I only learned of it because of this fucking bastard's use of it!
Chapter One of this issue, the chapter where Hal searches out Guy Gardner so he can pop him one, was drawn by Tim Hamilton and inked by Gary Yap. I have never heard of either of those artists.
I'm not going to caption this "With good reason" because I am not a big jerko.
I'm sure Tim and Gary had a long and healthy career. Looking Tim up online, I haven't noticed his art has improved over the years. But I did laugh out loud at a number of his New Yorker cartoons (which is a huge compliment because, you know, New Yorker cartoons! Ick!)! I didn't look up Gary Yap because I'm 53. I don't have time for this shit. Can't I just casually insult somebody's most personal work and move on without making myself feel guilty by realizing they're full-fledged actual human beings with hopes, dreams, and careers far greater than anything I'll ever accomplish?! Can't I just be bitter sometimes?!
As Hal knocks on Guy's door, Hal thinks to himself, "Maybe Guy Gardner is more than just a brain-damaged fool and he'll see reason when I drop in and threaten to utterly destroy Guy's life by demanding my old job back. Surely I can reach the non-brain-damaged part of his brain!" Guy invites him into his apartment for some tea and intellectual discussion.
I've said all I've got to say about Tim Hamilton's art. But I won't stop you from thinking some really hilarious insults about Hal's proportions!
Don't look too closely at Guy Gardner's kitchen table or else you might notice that he's sewn a makeshift vagina into the tablecloth. For fucking, probably.
It's not fair that I'm insulting some of Tim Hamilton's early work. How would I like it if you were to get your hands on some of my early work?! Did you want some of my early work? You want have a good laugh at my expense? Well, too bad! I thought I had a folder of it somewhere in my office but I can't find it right now. The only thing I can find is my poem, "Being There", which I wrote probably around the time I was reading this comic book! 1992? Possibly. It's in my office because I've transcribed it before in a different review. I'm not going to do that again. But I will scan it!
It's not fair that I'm insulting some of Tim Hamilton's early work. How would I like it if you were to get your hands on some of my early work?! Did you want some of my early work? You want have a good laugh at my expense? Well, too bad! I thought I had a folder of it somewhere in my office but I can't find it right now. The only thing I can find is my poem, "Being There", which I wrote probably around the time I was reading this comic book! 1992? Possibly. It's in my office because I've transcribed it before in a different review. I'm not going to do that again. But I will scan it!
Check out that groovy dot matrix printer font!
If you thought I was being mean criticizing Tim Hamilton's early art then you can't laugh at my early poem, you hypocrite!
Guy's first instinct when Hal says he's taking back Earth is to tell Hal to go fuck himself. It's a good instinct! Hal's argument is that he wants to be on Earth. Guy's argument is that Hal should suck his fat cock. Hal then explains how he was chosen by Abin Sur and was the first to get the gig. Guy points out that he was also chosen but further away and that his ass could use a gentle licking. Hal's next point is that he battled all the villains for a long time. Guy points out that Hal fucking quit to pout around America while Guy took on the responsibility. Hal argues that Guy did the job wrong. Guy counters by calling Hal a pussy.
Guy's first instinct when Hal says he's taking back Earth is to tell Hal to go fuck himself. It's a good instinct! Hal's argument is that he wants to be on Earth. Guy's argument is that Hal should suck his fat cock. Hal then explains how he was chosen by Abin Sur and was the first to get the gig. Guy points out that he was also chosen but further away and that his ass could use a gentle licking. Hal's next point is that he battled all the villains for a long time. Guy points out that Hal fucking quit to pout around America while Guy took on the responsibility. Hal argues that Guy did the job wrong. Guy counters by calling Hal a pussy.
Oh? Did that strike a nerve? Pussy.
Guy answers Hal by saying that Hal always wants to talk things out instead of fighting. Um, what? Guy Gardner really is brain damaged if that's his view of Hal! Or else I am because Hal hates to talk! He loves to act! He's a brawler not a negotiator! But, at least this time, Hal refuses to be drawn into a fist fight. He's desperate to work this out through dialogue. Probably because he knows he won't be able to convince Guy through debate and they'll wind up fighting anyway. But he can't be seen as the person who threw the first punch. He needs a legitimate claim to the position on Earth and he knows he won't have that if he simply beats the shit out of Guy without discussing it.
But Guy doesn't immediately take the bait either. I'm pretty sure he knows the game Hal is playing. So instead of getting angry (being that he has every right to the position and all the power at the moment), he chooses to frustrate Hal Jordan with continuity errors and plot inconsistencies.
But Guy doesn't immediately take the bait either. I'm pretty sure he knows the game Hal is playing. So instead of getting angry (being that he has every right to the position and all the power at the moment), he chooses to frustrate Hal Jordan with continuity errors and plot inconsistencies.
Come on, Guy. Wait until Zero Hour helps clear up some of the fucked up DC history left behind by Crisis on Infinite Earths.
Ultimately, Guy can't escape his tragic flaw of needing to be the best. Instead of pointing out that the job is his and the conversation is over, Guy challenges Hal to a fight to the near-death, winner take Earth, loser quits the Corps. Guy fell right into Hal's stupid trap. It's the biggest proof of all that Guy is brain-damaged. Who else would fall into a stupid fucking cop trap?!
Hal pretends he doesn't want to solve the problem through fisticuffs but he's only pretending to himself. Guy and the readers know Hal basically came to Earth to win the job in a fist fight. Guy probably decides to challenge Hal because Guy obviously thinks he's the better Green Lantern (he's not wrong in the way he's a more entertaining Green Lantern and better but he is wrong in that he's not the best body for the fascist cop program). Guy's too anarchic to be a good soldier. But he truly believes he can kick Hal's ass and by kicking Hal's ass, the matter will be solved once and for all. See? His tragic flaw! We know he's going to get his ass beat! It's what all the dumb comic book readers want! What I mean by that is that most comic book readers are dumb.
Chapter Two begins with a panel of Hal punching Guy in the face. So he does throw the first punch! Guy was counting on it. Not because it makes Hal look bad but because Guy just wanted to get the fight started already. So he called Hal a loser and a cuck and a gutless idiot and a whiner. You know, all the things Hal is but Hal doesn't want to hear that he is.
Earlier, Fire and Ice realized some shit was about to go down. So they gathered up both Justice Leagues to the scene of the brawl. But Hal also contacted the Green Lantern Corps to come help solve the dispute. The Green Lantern Corps keeps the Justice League from interfering. It's a Corps matter for who gets to protect Earth which means nobody living on Earth gets to have a say. Superman and John Stewart decide they should, at least, keep the two Lanterns from destroying the city as if they were a bunch of Teen Titans settling some Daddy Issues.
Hal pretends he doesn't want to solve the problem through fisticuffs but he's only pretending to himself. Guy and the readers know Hal basically came to Earth to win the job in a fist fight. Guy probably decides to challenge Hal because Guy obviously thinks he's the better Green Lantern (he's not wrong in the way he's a more entertaining Green Lantern and better but he is wrong in that he's not the best body for the fascist cop program). Guy's too anarchic to be a good soldier. But he truly believes he can kick Hal's ass and by kicking Hal's ass, the matter will be solved once and for all. See? His tragic flaw! We know he's going to get his ass beat! It's what all the dumb comic book readers want! What I mean by that is that most comic book readers are dumb.
Chapter Two begins with a panel of Hal punching Guy in the face. So he does throw the first punch! Guy was counting on it. Not because it makes Hal look bad but because Guy just wanted to get the fight started already. So he called Hal a loser and a cuck and a gutless idiot and a whiner. You know, all the things Hal is but Hal doesn't want to hear that he is.
Earlier, Fire and Ice realized some shit was about to go down. So they gathered up both Justice Leagues to the scene of the brawl. But Hal also contacted the Green Lantern Corps to come help solve the dispute. The Green Lantern Corps keeps the Justice League from interfering. It's a Corps matter for who gets to protect Earth which means nobody living on Earth gets to have a say. Superman and John Stewart decide they should, at least, keep the two Lanterns from destroying the city as if they were a bunch of Teen Titans settling some Daddy Issues.
It's a good thing they're going to simply brawl because both of them regarded the other's use of Green Lantern constructs as "tricks." They must fucking hate themselves every time they create a giant baseball glove or cricket bat.
Both Hal and Guy point out the other is using "dirty tricks" when they use their rings which makes me think of my most favorite book of all time ever: Sam and the Firefly. If you want to trace my love of anarchy and chaos but also friendship and justice down to one defining piece of media, it's that book by P.D. Eastman.
Am I fucking delusional?! Am I the only one who realizes all Hal Jordan does is solve problems with fist fights?!
The third chapter begins with Guy punching Hal in the face. But this time, no rings! It's all hand-to-hand, baby! Hal's advantage is his military training and experience with punching people in the face. Guy's advantage is teaching gym and physically manhandling juvenile delinquents. And also maybe his brain damage? My money would be on Guy except I know Hal wins and I don't want to lose my money. So, sorry, Guy! I can't support you in this fight! My mother didn't raise no loser! I'm not saying I'm not a loser. I'm saying my mother didn't really put much effort into raising me.
Hal's chastises himself for getting punched so quickly by Guy. He thinks, "That was stupid. He's kept himself younger than me." Um, what? How does a younger person "keep themselves younger" than you? Sometimes I truly forget how fucking stupid Hal Jordan is (which is weird because I often think, "Man, Hal Jordan is so stupid!").
Guy kicks Hal's ass for many, many pages. But then Hal stops fighting because he remembers that issue of Catwoman by Ann Nocenti where she explained what a rope-a-dope was. And even though she explained it entirely incorrectly, Hal manages to rope-a-dope Guy into wearing himself out so that Hal can land the final punch for the knock out. It's not a bad fight at all. It gives Guy some dignity. It shows he's a fighter with a strong will who can channel all the rage and anger that fuels him. But he's arrogant and he defeats himself. I'm just glad Gerard Jones didn't use this opportunity to just make Guy into yet another stupid punchline.
For Guy's part, he admits defeat and, in the end, he gives up his ring without a complaint. See? Dignity! Later, off-panel, he might go dropkick a stray dog into a dumpster. But for now, he handles the defeat like a man who made a challenge and lost. Also he might have a lead on a Qwardian power ring.
Green Lantern #25 Rating: A+. I didn't expect this issue to be much more than a big brawl showcasing how much better Hal is than Guy. But it wasn't that at all. Jones handled the conflict elegantly. Hal obviously knew they'd battle but tried to avoid it. Guy could have kept his position by simply refusing to hear Hal out and sending him on his way. He had no need to justify the challenge to the position on Earth. But Guy couldn't resist a chance to prove he's better than Hal. It was the only way to get these two to fight. And once the fight began, I thought for sure Hal would best Guy easily. It's how Guy's been written by so many other writers who just don't seem to like Guy at all. But Jones allowed Guy to control the fight. To have Hal realize Guy was winning, that Guy could win, that Guy was ultimately more powerful than Hal. And then Hal won due to Guy's arrogance. It might seem like a centuries old trope but it worked out well. Hal's experience gave him a slight upper hand in the conflict and he beat Guy. He also took Guy at his word and forced him to resign from the Corps. Which, once again, could have been a really humiliating moment for Guy. But Guy sucks it up, gives up the ring, and simply declares he'll be back one way or another. But best of all, even though everybody roots for Hal to win, Ice never wavers in her support for Guy. She's the fucking best, isn't she?!
Hal's chastises himself for getting punched so quickly by Guy. He thinks, "That was stupid. He's kept himself younger than me." Um, what? How does a younger person "keep themselves younger" than you? Sometimes I truly forget how fucking stupid Hal Jordan is (which is weird because I often think, "Man, Hal Jordan is so stupid!").
Guy kicks Hal's ass for many, many pages. But then Hal stops fighting because he remembers that issue of Catwoman by Ann Nocenti where she explained what a rope-a-dope was. And even though she explained it entirely incorrectly, Hal manages to rope-a-dope Guy into wearing himself out so that Hal can land the final punch for the knock out. It's not a bad fight at all. It gives Guy some dignity. It shows he's a fighter with a strong will who can channel all the rage and anger that fuels him. But he's arrogant and he defeats himself. I'm just glad Gerard Jones didn't use this opportunity to just make Guy into yet another stupid punchline.
For Guy's part, he admits defeat and, in the end, he gives up his ring without a complaint. See? Dignity! Later, off-panel, he might go dropkick a stray dog into a dumpster. But for now, he handles the defeat like a man who made a challenge and lost. Also he might have a lead on a Qwardian power ring.
Green Lantern #25 Rating: A+. I didn't expect this issue to be much more than a big brawl showcasing how much better Hal is than Guy. But it wasn't that at all. Jones handled the conflict elegantly. Hal obviously knew they'd battle but tried to avoid it. Guy could have kept his position by simply refusing to hear Hal out and sending him on his way. He had no need to justify the challenge to the position on Earth. But Guy couldn't resist a chance to prove he's better than Hal. It was the only way to get these two to fight. And once the fight began, I thought for sure Hal would best Guy easily. It's how Guy's been written by so many other writers who just don't seem to like Guy at all. But Jones allowed Guy to control the fight. To have Hal realize Guy was winning, that Guy could win, that Guy was ultimately more powerful than Hal. And then Hal won due to Guy's arrogance. It might seem like a centuries old trope but it worked out well. Hal's experience gave him a slight upper hand in the conflict and he beat Guy. He also took Guy at his word and forced him to resign from the Corps. Which, once again, could have been a really humiliating moment for Guy. But Guy sucks it up, gives up the ring, and simply declares he'll be back one way or another. But best of all, even though everybody roots for Hal to win, Ice never wavers in her support for Guy. She's the fucking best, isn't she?!
SMUK
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