Green Lantern #20 (January 1992)

This cover got me thinking Hal's about to hire Mr. Natural.

Guy Gardner has about five more issues left being Green Lantern of Earth, if I remember correctly. I recently reread the post-Millennium Justice League where some editor's notes indicated that Hal Jordan beats the shit out of Guy Gardner around Issue #25. Bad news for Guy Gardner: Hal Jordan stars in the next four or five issues of this comic book. But some good news too: Guy will be getting his own solo title soon! Until then, Guy will just have to be content as a back-up character along with a sex-crazed barbarian crystal and a giant one-eyed phallus with luxurious hair.

Oh, and G'nort, of course.

I don't know that Chaselon the crystal is sex crazed or a barbarian. But if he's going to pull a Franzetta pose with a hot crystal woman draped around his cock, I'm going to make assumptions. Also, if you're going to draw a one-eyed worm with a thick patch of red hair around its base, I'm going to get an erection. It's all just simple laws of physics, man.

Don't think G'nort does anything for me. I'm not canine-curious. Guy Gardner on the other hand! Look at how majestic he is! So manly! So ripped! So toxic! My heart is fluttering! Although I am 52 so I might be dying. Enh, cross my fingers I make it through this review.

Guy decides to bow out of Hal's work conference on training and hiring new recruits. He's busy beating up Despero and saving all the lame members of the Justice League. But Kilowog decides to join up even though he's going to have to hurry back to turn L'ron into a prison for Despero. The editor explains it all away by pointing out that the scene where Kilowog decides to go to Oa happens before Justice League #58. Although the previous panel where Guy Gardner refuses to go because he's busy fighting Despero has an editor's note that reads, "See Justice League #58!" Get your story straight, editor! Where the fuck in time am I?! It's a good thing I don't give a shit about continuity. Besides, the only thing really bothering me is that Lobo made an appearance during that battle and I'm stuck reading this stupid Green Lantern comic book that doesn't have Lobo in it at all.

Is it okay that everybody shit all over Liefeld's Captain America but we're giving Brdoerick's Kilowog a pass?

I mean, of course we are! This image of Kilowog is basically Broderick's version of when Crumb draws massive legs on women. Exaggerating certain aspects of a character's body is an absolute turn-on for certain freaks, pervs, and weirdos. You know the kind of person I'm talking about. Comic book readers. Besides, it's not like we've never seen this exact same exaggerated pose on Power Girl!

Hal also summons Brik to his meeting and while she's super eager to fist him in the asshole, something nabs her before she can head to Oa. You can tell because in one panel she says, "Oh...NO!!" And then in the next panel, some yellow speed lines splash across her face with a FWAM sound effect. And then in the third panel, there is empty space. It's not as good as a splash page actually showing what happened to her. But you're probably used to this kind of thing if this isn't your first comic book. Writers love incomplete scenes. They think it raises the tension. And maybe it does if you're talking about the tension in my veins. Because now I'm angry and my heart is fluttering! This doesn't look good!

Hal tells John, Chaselon, Kilowog, and Larvox (G'nort got lost on his way to Oa) that he's made a deal with the Guardians. Since Hal doesn't actually want to travel across the entire universe recruiting 3593 more members, he's convinced the Guardians to lower the amount of recruits he needs to hire to 12. Not including himself. But including G'nort, Guy, John, and Kilowog. Which seems a bit lazy if you're asking me, an expert on laziness. He only needs to recruit five more members and he'll get his old gig in Sector 2814 back. Good thing Guy didn't make this meeting. It's weird that Hal even invited him seeing that his speech, in Guy's eyes, would have just been a longwinded description of shoving a dagger in Guy's back.

I'm afraid I'm going to turn the page and Hal's going to admit to being even lazier than I realized by saying, "Now, if you all go out and hire one person each, my job will be done!" He can't have balls that big, can he?

The nerve of this motherfucker!

John points out that maybe this is a good idea since Hal Jordan is a sexist pig who doesn't hire women. Hal's reasoning is that he always winds up fucking the women so he shouldn't hire any. He also points out that John has a history of fucking them too, like that dead one. So according to Hal Jordan, women shouldn't serve on the Green Lantern Corps because he can't keep himself from fucking them. Can somebody tell me again why Guy Gardner is the black sheep of the Corps?

I'm pretty facetious at times and prone to lying when I find it funny so here's the proof that Hal Jordan was a terrible choice for recruiter.

Kudos on correcting John's misgendering of the penis. But negative kudos for his tone sounding so disgusted by Larvox.


Sounds like somebody's blaming the victim for sexual harassment in the workplace!

Mentioning Katma Tui sidetracks the conversation for a bit because it was Hal Jordan's girlfriend, Carol Ferris (after becoming Star Sapphire), who murdered John's alien wife. So John can't bring it up in front of Hal and Hal can't bring it up in front of John. I mean, they can! But neither one of them wants to deal with their grief. Hal explains that the entire reason he hasn't brought Star Sapphire to justice is because he can't bring himself to arrest the woman he loves. So instead of helping to get justice for John's dead wife, he just ignores the entire thing and lets Star Sapphire roam free. Hmm, maybe that's why John gets so angry when Hal mentions Katma Tui?

Can somebody explain to me how Hal Jordan is the greatest Green Lantern to ever live again? Don't forget this is from 1991. I don't need any Kyle Rayner loving assholes all up in my comments screaming, "The comic book artist that's an Everyman version of every reader, a kind of reverse Mary Sue (Sue Mary?), if you will, Kyle Rayner is the greatest Green Lantern ever! He must be seeing as how he got the job while pissing in an alley!" Fuck Kyle Rayner! I wish the Omega Men had cut his head off!

The conversation Hal and John seriously need to finish gets interrupted by the first appearance (not counting the cover) of Boodikka.

Finally! Another female hire! And one with more toxic masculinity than all the other Lanterns put together!

I bet Boodikka goes around telling people how she's not like other women. I bet she describes herself as "just one of the guys." I bet her nipples are fucking huge.

The reason for Boodikka's introduction feels like some editor stuck their head in Gerard Jones' office and said, "Make sure one of the new Green Lanterns has a Lobo-esque feel to them! And huge tits!"

Boodikka makes sure Hal knows that she can kick ass just as well as any of the guys in the Corps. To prove it, she kicks Hal's ass while explaining her qualifications.

Wait a second. Do I like Boodikka better than Lobo? No, no. That's probably not possible.

I love that instead of the expected (maybe just expected from me?), "I'm not like other women," we get Boodikka saying, "I'm exactly like all the other women of Bellatrix!" Along with the worm, the sugar cube, and stolid Brik, Gerard Jones understands the concept of making aliens more than just funny looking dudes from space. They're also genderless worms whose mode of fucking makes John and Hal retch. They're sentient crystals that can speak across vast distances with each other through harmonic vibrations. They're silent, long-lived rock creatures trying to adapt to the concept of the inconceivable speeds of not just seconds but hours and days and weeks. They're huge females with big tits who can beat the shit out of any man they meet. Okay, that one is just like Power Girl but the concept of her culture thinking of lethal hand-to-hand combat and mastery of the short sword as "feminine arts" makes Boodikka more interesting.

Does Hal think "political correctness" means "tits"?

Even with her absolutely stunning interview, Hal questions whether or not Boodikka is Corps material. Yep. Hal's a sexist jerk. Is he afraid he's going to ruin this by fucking Boodikka too? Ha ha! Good luck, brother!

A later panel shows Chaselon standing next to Larvox and it just made me think, "The Green Lantern Corps needs another crystal dude!"

Hee hee. I'm 52.

Boodikka was a recruit brought by Chaselon. Larvox also brought along a potential recruit.

Jones and Broderick are just taking the piss now, right?

I feel like Gerard Jones told the art team, "We need an alien that looks like a penis." And so they gave him Larvox and Jones was all, "No, no. It's too symbolic! It's all shaft and no head! Try again." And that's how Amanita was hired!

I just praised Gerard Jones for his variety of aliens and then he decides to introduce a new alien that looks like a more realistic Larvox and acts even more Brik-like than Brik. I guess he was running up against a deadline on this one and just had to steal ideas from himself.

Even though hiring every recruit brought forward would get Hal back on Earth more quickly, Hal decides to only hire the penis. He doesn't immediately accept the woman into the Corps because, well, I think we covered that. He'd rather hire the creature that looks exactly like a cock whom nobody can communicate with because Amanita perceives reality much more quickly than everybody else. Which is why he seems slow to everybody else. Get it? If we hear him take two pages to answer a question, it's because two pages are like two panels to him. Basically, he's the reverse of The Flash who perceives the world slowly and so can do everything quickly. Thus Amanita is absolutely useless. But I guess to Hal, at least he's not a woman.

Boodikka should sue.

Hal explains, to himself, while fleeing into space so he doesn't have to justify his actions, that he picked Amanita because he scanned the minds of the new recruits and discovered that Amanita had "an explosive, metaphysical consciousness" with "a vision of cosmic connections that would turn [Hal] into a drooling fool." So basically he entered Amanita's mind and wound up on shrooms. Cool. I can dig this character. But it's still no excuse to not hire Boodikka! Hal continues thought bubbling justifications at the reader with the excuse that Boodikka is too much like him and the Corps doesn't need any more Hal Jordans. Looks like somebody feels threatened by a woman!

Hal may think he's justifying his choices but Jones laid it all out in perfect metaphor. What Hal most wants is to get back to Earth. But instead of moving toward that goal by hiring as many new recruits as quickly as possible (since he only needs to hire five, why is he being so fucking choosy?!), he refuses to hire the woman and hires the alien that looks like a fucking penis. Maybe that metaphor is too perfect, Gerard. A little too hammer to the reader's skull, if you will.

Hal heads off to find Brik who never made it to his recruitment scam meeting. He finds one of the recruits Brik was going to bring along, a warrior named Kworri of the Obsidian folk. He has racist issues about the other recruit Brik was going to hire, one of the Pumice People. Hal and Kworri fly into orbit around his planet to follow Brik's trail and find where she disappeared. They're confronted by some guy named Flicker who declares he's "the best headhunter in the business." I don't know what business he's headhunting for but it's probably criminal.

Green Lantern #20 Rating: B. Most of this issue was exposing Hal's problem with women. Although if you believe and trust Hal, he doesn't have as much a problem with women as his actions prove. He's just really into psychedelics, man. Were the '90s the first decade where printing became reliable enough for an editor to approve a villain with the name of "Flicker"? Either that or the editor just told the letterer, "Make sure you stick an extra space in Flicker's name or there's going to be trouble with fake Christian anger outlets."

Take a look at that huge gap the letterer left in Flicker's name! Can't be too careful!