Can somebody explain to the characters of the DC Universe that Guy Gardner has brain damage so they'll stop beating the shit out of him for his abrasive personality which stems from the brain damage?! I'm really getting anxious about all this violence against a disabled person!
I've never been any good at seeing the relationship between the penciller and the inker in comic books. But this might be a good example for me of how other people do notice the differences when certain artists are inked by other artists. Based on Animal Man's mouth, I'd say Kevin Maguire was the penciller of this cover. But the overall finish isn't up to Maguire's standards (which can be a bit on the cartoonish side (which I love!)). It looks like Bart Sears came in and knocked the cartoon out of Maguire's art in favor of his more rough-edged style. Of course, it could be the other way around too! But I'm pretty sure if Sears penciled this, it would feel more like Sears with a bit of Maguire's cartoony edge tacked on. What I'm trying to say is I used to never understand how anybody could tell what the fuck an inker added to a project. But now I understand! If your penciller is really good and the inker is terrible, the art is worse! But if the penciller is really bad and the inker is great, the art is somewhat better than you'd expect! So simple!
This issue begins with Metamorpho deciding he's going to go see his kid no matter what Simon Stagg thinks. And he also wants to "see" Sapphire no matter what her caveman husband thinks. He doesn't care what Sapphire thinks because he basically calls her a dumb blonde while working himself up into a raging mixture of frothy chemicals. The reader is probably thinking, "Poor Rex! Being kept away from his child! This is absolutely the story to concentrate on!" And then the scene changes and Dmitri is all, "Hey, Animal Man, why are you at work when your wife and kids were so recently killed?" Holy fucking shit! How am I supposed to concentrate on Rex's story now that I know Buddy Baker has come to work to forget about his dead kids for awhile?! Hey, writer and editors! Maybe don't mention that shit! Or, at the very least, stick an editor's note that says, "The following story takes place before Animal Man's entire family was slaughtered and he has a mental breakdown in which he meets some guy named Grant Morrison!"
Metamorpho makes a big show in front of Animal Man, Rocket Red, and Captain Atom about how he's going to go see his very much still alive and kicking child. He also more than hints at the amount of violence he's going to do to the child's grandfather as he storms out. This leads Captain Atom's brain to slowly whir into motion as it puzzles out who that might be. When he realizes Metamorpho might be about to kill Simon Stagg, he freaks out at how much bad press that will bring to the Justice League. So Animal Man volunteers to keep an eye on him and Rocket Red volunteers to keep an eye on Animal Man. Man, I hope Rocket Red doesn't get some tragic news about his family in a few pages.
This issue begins with Metamorpho deciding he's going to go see his kid no matter what Simon Stagg thinks. And he also wants to "see" Sapphire no matter what her caveman husband thinks. He doesn't care what Sapphire thinks because he basically calls her a dumb blonde while working himself up into a raging mixture of frothy chemicals. The reader is probably thinking, "Poor Rex! Being kept away from his child! This is absolutely the story to concentrate on!" And then the scene changes and Dmitri is all, "Hey, Animal Man, why are you at work when your wife and kids were so recently killed?" Holy fucking shit! How am I supposed to concentrate on Rex's story now that I know Buddy Baker has come to work to forget about his dead kids for awhile?! Hey, writer and editors! Maybe don't mention that shit! Or, at the very least, stick an editor's note that says, "The following story takes place before Animal Man's entire family was slaughtered and he has a mental breakdown in which he meets some guy named Grant Morrison!"
Metamorpho makes a big show in front of Animal Man, Rocket Red, and Captain Atom about how he's going to go see his very much still alive and kicking child. He also more than hints at the amount of violence he's going to do to the child's grandfather as he storms out. This leads Captain Atom's brain to slowly whir into motion as it puzzles out who that might be. When he realizes Metamorpho might be about to kill Simon Stagg, he freaks out at how much bad press that will bring to the Justice League. So Animal Man volunteers to keep an eye on him and Rocket Red volunteers to keep an eye on Animal Man. Man, I hope Rocket Red doesn't get some tragic news about his family in a few pages.
Ugh. Confirmed that Guy Gardner voted for Donald Trump. Twice.
There is no way an ex-social worker and teacher of kids with disabilities would simp for Simon Stagg. No wonder Guy was rebooted in The New 52 to be an ex-police officer! I don't like Guy Gardner being an ex-cop because cops suck dirty buttholes but it fits his abrasive, aggressive personality better than "a really decent but boring guy who suffered some serious brain trauma."
Guy volunteers to protect Stagg from Metamorpho for two reasons: he gets to punch somebody in the face while feeling heroic and also he gets to punch somebody in the face. No wait! Three reasons: he wants to eat Simon Stagg's man cream.
Now I'm suddenly hungry for a Ding Dong.
Meanwhile in Moscow, a Russian guy named Joseph with actual emotions (something we were just discovering Russians had in 1990 thanks to the fall of the Berlin Wall and Billy Joel's song about meeting that clown. Before that, we just had Sting hoping the Russians loved their kids too) has decided to help Blue Jay and the Silver Sorceress escape the metahuman gulag they've been imprisoned in since they tried to save the world from nuclear Armageddon (because, as I noted, nobody was sure the Russians loved their kids enough not to start World War III). He's arrested but he drops some magic potion that will help the heroes of Earth-Marvel-Parody escape their cell.
Guy volunteers to protect Stagg from Metamorpho for two reasons: he gets to punch somebody in the face while feeling heroic and also he gets to punch somebody in the face. No wait! Three reasons: he wants to eat Simon Stagg's man cream.
Now I'm suddenly hungry for a Ding Dong.
Meanwhile in Moscow, a Russian guy named Joseph with actual emotions (something we were just discovering Russians had in 1990 thanks to the fall of the Berlin Wall and Billy Joel's song about meeting that clown. Before that, we just had Sting hoping the Russians loved their kids too) has decided to help Blue Jay and the Silver Sorceress escape the metahuman gulag they've been imprisoned in since they tried to save the world from nuclear Armageddon (because, as I noted, nobody was sure the Russians loved their kids enough not to start World War III). He's arrested but he drops some magic potion that will help the heroes of Earth-Marvel-Parody escape their cell.
Speak of the Russian devils! This issue is called "Family Ties" so that's probably Dmitri's family headed for Paris!
Now I'm suddenly hungry for Mallory Keaton!
Simon Stagg, according to the headline on a newspaper Captain Atom was reading, has recently produced a new super fuel that can change the world. But little does anybody know, the fuel is just Metamorpho's baby's shit. And to keep the baby shitting out profits, Simon Stagg has hired the responsometer boofing scientist, Will Magnus. And as we all know, scientists are completely amoral when it comes to science so keeping a baby locked up in an experimental box which maintain the correct conditions for it to shit super fuel is not a problem! Especially when you've got Platinum's responsometer whirring away eight inches up your rectum.
Guy Gardner busts in on Stagg and Magnus's nefarious business meeting to warn them that Metamorpho is on the way.
Simon Stagg, according to the headline on a newspaper Captain Atom was reading, has recently produced a new super fuel that can change the world. But little does anybody know, the fuel is just Metamorpho's baby's shit. And to keep the baby shitting out profits, Simon Stagg has hired the responsometer boofing scientist, Will Magnus. And as we all know, scientists are completely amoral when it comes to science so keeping a baby locked up in an experimental box which maintain the correct conditions for it to shit super fuel is not a problem! Especially when you've got Platinum's responsometer whirring away eight inches up your rectum.
Guy Gardner busts in on Stagg and Magnus's nefarious business meeting to warn them that Metamorpho is on the way.
"I'd prefer not to remove the responsometers from my anal cavity but am willing if it becomes necessary."
To Guy's credit, he doesn't defend Simon Stagg's kidnapping a child; Guy simply doesn't believe Stagg would even do that. So, you know, typical conservative: conveniently ignore reality, create excuses and defenses for terrible people, and ready to believe the worst of those who speak the truth about their heroes.
First Rex visits Sapphire because how should he know the baby is kept in an Imipolex egg? He knocks out Java because good and then Sapphire points out what a jerk he was to wait so long to come see her and the baby. They make it seem like she's being emotional and unreasonable but I'm on Sapphire's side! Rex knows how she feels manipulated by her father and he just let Simon Stagg take her away and lock her back up with the caveman. Instead Rex decided to pity himself and pout about it for weeks. He forgave Batman faster than he forgave Sapphire! It's possible the image of Sapphire willingly sucking down fat caveman cock put him off a bit. Although that's kind fo the point, right?! I don't think it was all that willing! Fucking Rex should have stood up for Sapphire as soon as she sought him out!
Sapphire takes Rex to the factory where his son is being kept and learns that his son has the ability to transform anything he touches into any element. So technically he really does need to be isolated because he's a danger to everybody and everything. But technically he doesn't have to be helping to make Simon Stagg even richer. Metamorpho, who is already every element, isn't afraid to hold his baby so he decides to break the kid out of isolation. Dmitri and Buddy try to stop him so he knocks them unconscious before running into Guy Gardner.
First Rex visits Sapphire because how should he know the baby is kept in an Imipolex egg? He knocks out Java because good and then Sapphire points out what a jerk he was to wait so long to come see her and the baby. They make it seem like she's being emotional and unreasonable but I'm on Sapphire's side! Rex knows how she feels manipulated by her father and he just let Simon Stagg take her away and lock her back up with the caveman. Instead Rex decided to pity himself and pout about it for weeks. He forgave Batman faster than he forgave Sapphire! It's possible the image of Sapphire willingly sucking down fat caveman cock put him off a bit. Although that's kind fo the point, right?! I don't think it was all that willing! Fucking Rex should have stood up for Sapphire as soon as she sought him out!
Sapphire takes Rex to the factory where his son is being kept and learns that his son has the ability to transform anything he touches into any element. So technically he really does need to be isolated because he's a danger to everybody and everything. But technically he doesn't have to be helping to make Simon Stagg even richer. Metamorpho, who is already every element, isn't afraid to hold his baby so he decides to break the kid out of isolation. Dmitri and Buddy try to stop him so he knocks them unconscious before running into Guy Gardner.
Everybody goes on and on about the the ring being the most powerful weapon in the universe and yet you could beat Guy senseless with a whiffle ball bat.
Metamorpho beats the shit out of Guy Gardner because Guy is often written as being overly reliant on his muscles and aggression even though he's not actually an idiot. So once his ring's power can't touch Metamorpho, he decides to just brawl with a guy made out of metal and pays the price. But before Metamorpho can rescue his kid, he smells Magnus ass behind him. The Metal Men have come to stop him!
Justice League Europe #11 Rating: B. Metamorpho and Guy Gardner are two of my favorite characters so even though this issue had next to nothing to do with the Justice League Europe or saving the world, I enjoyed it. And I don't mind seeing Guy get his ass kicked if it's by one of my other favorite characters! What I don't like is how Rex acted toward Sapphire though. He could maybe be a bit more sympathetic to her plight! She's practically a prisoner of her father Stagg. It's not like Sapphire chose to marry Java; it's just another way for Stagg to control her. When Simon sees Rex breaking into the lab, one of the first things he does is kill Sapphire's access to her bank account. Hopefully Metamorpho will realize how huge an ass he's been and they'll all live happily together in the European embassy with Rocket Red's kids and Buddy Baker's memories of his kids.
Justice League Europe #11 Rating: B. Metamorpho and Guy Gardner are two of my favorite characters so even though this issue had next to nothing to do with the Justice League Europe or saving the world, I enjoyed it. And I don't mind seeing Guy get his ass kicked if it's by one of my other favorite characters! What I don't like is how Rex acted toward Sapphire though. He could maybe be a bit more sympathetic to her plight! She's practically a prisoner of her father Stagg. It's not like Sapphire chose to marry Java; it's just another way for Stagg to control her. When Simon sees Rex breaking into the lab, one of the first things he does is kill Sapphire's access to her bank account. Hopefully Metamorpho will realize how huge an ass he's been and they'll all live happily together in the European embassy with Rocket Red's kids and Buddy Baker's memories of his kids.
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