Sunday, November 3, 2019

Inferior 5 #2

How is this not an Ambush Bug comic book?

Sometimes when you rewatch every episode of The Twilight Zone, as I'm doing slowly, you laugh at the things people believed in the Fifties and mock Rod Serling for being such a pathetic, lonely, needy auteur. And other times, you watch an episode like "The Monsters are Due on Maple Street" and you are reminded to think, "Oh fuck. Yeah. Society hasn't changed a fucking bit. What are we doing? Rod Serling was a pathetic, lonely, needy genius!" This isn't my review of "The Monsters are Due on Maple Street" because I haven't rewatched that one yet. But you know why I'm talking about it if you actually read the words on the cover I just scanned. The other episode that's a stark reminder of the hell we're living in is "Living Doll." Fuck that doll. Can't a grown man hate his stupid step-daughter without being thrown down the stairs and killed?

I won't be watching another episode of The Twilight Zone until tonight. Until then, I'm going to read Inferior 5 and also spend about four hours at work because my fucking asshole boss won't let me take every single day off. Also I'm my own boss. Self-hatred is a thing we find funny in the 21st century, right? Ha ha! I'm a piece of shit and I know it!

And that's why the Inferior 5 were so ahead of their time! They knew they sucked in the Sixties and were okay with it! What a perfect segue into this comic book! I hope it doesn't get interrupted by another digression!

You know, I've had serious thoughts about doing a review blog where I review all of my old blogs. If I didn't think this current blog wasn't already too niche and mostly written just for myself, I'd seriously consider doing the next level blog that would alienate everybody still reading this one. Possibly even me!

Oh, um, so Lisa and her weird friend who has totally convinced everybody that she's not an alien by constantly reminding them that she's not an alien have finally made contact with the kid from Metropolis. His mother was recently killed by canvas-headed Billy Shanker. That means he's been irreversibly pulled into the plot of this comic book. You know who else is being pulled into the plot of this comic book that gives me hope that Ambush Bug might eventually be as well?

Brother Power the Geek!

I immediately realized this was Brother Power the Geek because I'm constantly looking for references to Brother Power the Geek in DC comic books. Also, I'm sticking with my guess that the mysterious guy in the hazmat suit is Ambush Bug. It might also be Jonni DC except the shape isn't exactly right. Unless she's no longer round because her body updates along with the DC logo.

Hazmat Bug leaves Brother Power to meet up with Jenny Shanker, Billy's canvas-headed little sister. She doesn't have a red X on her face so maybe she's not super terrible. She just has a creepy smile. And instead of repeating nursery rhymes about cats lying about their winter wear, she simply repeats names. Not great but definitely not as scary.

Billy is currently making friends with either a parademon or a roided out Ambush Bug.

Billy winds up possessing Ambush Bug Hulk and loping off into the desert talking about kittens and pie. I could have worded that differently so that it sounded super dirty.

Billy Ambush Bug attacks Justin (the kid from Metropolis who is probably Merry Maker), Lisa (who must be The Blimp?), and her weird friend Helen who must be White Feather. Awkward Man and Dumb Bunny are probably off making out behind the record store right now. Later, we'll see Dumb Bunny with a look of shame on her face and Awkward Man trying to catch a glimpse of himself in every window he passes to see if he's physically changed in the way he feels he has after losing his virginity. You know how long I looked at my naked self in a mirror after I lost my virginity? Probably pretty long because I was fucking hot in my twenties. I mean at fifteen!

Okay, I guess I don't have to pretend Helen is human to save her reputation among her friends. I was just trying to keep a secret for once in my life.

You know how people will sometimes tell you something but then they give you a list of certain people that can't know the information they've just told you? Yeah, fuck that. I don't keep a data base in my head of who can know what things I've been told. I've told everybody I know straight up: "If you have information you don't want somebody else to know, don't fucking tell it to me. Because I will fuck up. Like that time my friend Brent told me how his girlfriend Simone had a dream where she had me hide in the closet so that I could watch them have sex. And then at a beer festival where we were all hanging out, I brought up the dream to Simone. And then Simone looked at Brent like she was going to flay him alive. And I just kept drinking my beer and thinking, 'Well, Brent, you should have known better!'"

Hazmat Ambush Bug calls off Billy Ambush Bug because his threats against Justin and Lisa do not cause any meta-genes to activate. I mean metal-genes. Just because the characters in this story from 1988 don't know that the mega-genes are actually metal-genes, it doesn't mean I have to pretend ignorance.

Lisa explains to Justin that there are only five kids in Dangerfield, Arizona, and the fifth one keeps getting killed. Justin is the new fifth one and he seems to be so sub-par that Hazmat Ambush Bug's boss has decided not to have him killed. So Billy Ambush Bug heads off to put his canvas bag back on his stupid head.

I can smell the sex all over them!

And then a revelation: Billy and Jenny Shanker might be Brother Power's children!

Meanwhile, the Dominator trying to create a sleeper cell to renew the invasion of Earth has Justin's mother (who isn't as dead as I thought, I guess?). Contrary to what Hazmat Ambush Bug believed, the Dominator thinks that Justin's metal-gene was activated by the encounter with Billy Ambush Bug. But since he doesn't care about anything happening in Dangerfield, Arizona, he ignores the new information. Which he'll probably regret later because the Inferior 5 are going to rise up and save the world! Probably by accident.

In the Peacemaker back-up, we learn that Peacemaker's helmet can talk. Or Peacemaker's head wound received during Crisis on Infinite Earths makes him think it can talk. Either way, he's leaving Russia to go investigate Dangerfield, Arizona. But he won't be going alone! Unbeknownst to him, KGBeast is tracking him!

Inferior 5 #2 Final Thoughts: All you need to know about me as a comic book fan is that I prefer Keith Giffen's art to Jim Lee's or David Finch's or Tony S. Daniel's or Bryan Hitch's or John Romita Jr's (but, I mean, who doesn't in that case, amirite?!). And I also like the way Giffen tells a story. He doesn't give it all over easily. He doesn't explain every single thing in narration boxes. He lets the characters talk and he lets the action play out and he doesn't give a shit if the reader has to put in a little work to figure out what's going on. I despise people who want easy to read stories! Which is good because those people probably like Scott Lobdell and I'm happy to be a person who despises fans of Scott Lobdell.

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