In this alternate version of the DC Universe, the Team Titans were marketable.
That caption above was either a joke or a lie. Because even though I believe there's a universe where DC didn't completely fuck up this concept, I know it's not going to be portrayed in this annual.
I should have looked closer at the guns and faces on this cover before saying I was joking or lying. Because the caption was nearly spot on! I should have said, "This is the DC Universe where DC stole Image's look hoping that they could get a piece of that Image cash." How could DC not think that the only reason Image was selling so many comics was because of the art style of so many of their artists? It's not like the writing was any better than the writing at DC! And oftentimes, it was super duper way not better! If only DC realized that Image's main selling point was that every issue was an investment, maybe they wouldn't have spent so many years trying to capture the Image ascetic and simply failing. I'm glad Image survived and I'm supportive of the ideology behind the creation of Image but I was never fucking interested in reading any of their comic books. Maybe I would have liked some of them. But I was never a fan of the squinty face people with lots of stress lines scrawled on their faces standing in uncomfortable poses with thighs bigger than their torsos. I was kind of into pockets and guns but not enough to buy a shit book like W.I.L.D. Cats. I mean Wild C.A.T.S.!
Of course nowadays, Image puts out the best comic books on the rack. That's because why would a writer or artist give over the rights to their most passionate ideas to a big company?! Of course they're going to save their best stuff for a place that honors creators' rights! If they're writing for Marvel or DC, they're just going to half-ass this one idea they had when they were a teenager about how maybe Blue Beetle never really liked Booster Gold and he only hung out with him because Guy Gardner stopped being his friend after recovering from the concussion Batman punched into his head. You can tell when a creator is writing out of passion and when they're writing for a paycheck. Sure, Scott Lobdell hits deadlines and keeps a story moving. But it's less of a linear plot and more of a stream-of-consciousness zig zag that often repeats up to three pages of material from the end of a previous issue at the beginning of a new issue (if he even remembers where the story left off and hasn't decided to go in a totally different direction!). Look at what Cullen Bunn did on Aquaman when DC was giving him a paycheck. He forced shitty John Carter plot ideas into Aquaman's body, completely ignoring the boring person Aquaman was always meant to be! He just didn't seem to care much at all about DC's characters and history. For more terrible Cullen Bunn examples, see Sinestro and Lobo.
The interior art isn't done by the cover artist so I don't know what the appeal of this issue was supposed to be after all. Maybe DC was just hoping to trick all the dumb kids that were dumb enough to be tricked into buying Wild C.A.T.S. #1.
In this Elseworld, Lord Chaos has taken over Earth and turned it into Battleplanet which seems like a completely original idea that nobody should tell Len Wein or Jim Starlin about.
I know some of you just read that and are thinking, "Len Wein is dead, idiot." Well, my response is, "Have you ever heard of Ouija boards, jerko?!"
This annual is super thick and probably really boring, so I should probably just sum it up and give it an F Rating as quickly as I can.
It doesn't take too many pages for me to realize I shouldn't have compared Battleplanet to Warworld but to the Death Star. Hell, the cover gave the game away but I was too busy thinking about Image comics. This is just "What if the Team Titans did their version of Star Wars?" Lord Chaos destroying planets with his super planet. Prester Jon starring as the plans to the Death Star. Redwing escapes from Darth Chaos in an escape pod with the plans. Mirage is captured on her ship, The Rebellion. Killowatt plays the role of the orphaned Luke Skywalker except way more racist. Battalion is everybody's only hope.
I should have looked closer at the guns and faces on this cover before saying I was joking or lying. Because the caption was nearly spot on! I should have said, "This is the DC Universe where DC stole Image's look hoping that they could get a piece of that Image cash." How could DC not think that the only reason Image was selling so many comics was because of the art style of so many of their artists? It's not like the writing was any better than the writing at DC! And oftentimes, it was super duper way not better! If only DC realized that Image's main selling point was that every issue was an investment, maybe they wouldn't have spent so many years trying to capture the Image ascetic and simply failing. I'm glad Image survived and I'm supportive of the ideology behind the creation of Image but I was never fucking interested in reading any of their comic books. Maybe I would have liked some of them. But I was never a fan of the squinty face people with lots of stress lines scrawled on their faces standing in uncomfortable poses with thighs bigger than their torsos. I was kind of into pockets and guns but not enough to buy a shit book like W.I.L.D. Cats. I mean Wild C.A.T.S.!
Of course nowadays, Image puts out the best comic books on the rack. That's because why would a writer or artist give over the rights to their most passionate ideas to a big company?! Of course they're going to save their best stuff for a place that honors creators' rights! If they're writing for Marvel or DC, they're just going to half-ass this one idea they had when they were a teenager about how maybe Blue Beetle never really liked Booster Gold and he only hung out with him because Guy Gardner stopped being his friend after recovering from the concussion Batman punched into his head. You can tell when a creator is writing out of passion and when they're writing for a paycheck. Sure, Scott Lobdell hits deadlines and keeps a story moving. But it's less of a linear plot and more of a stream-of-consciousness zig zag that often repeats up to three pages of material from the end of a previous issue at the beginning of a new issue (if he even remembers where the story left off and hasn't decided to go in a totally different direction!). Look at what Cullen Bunn did on Aquaman when DC was giving him a paycheck. He forced shitty John Carter plot ideas into Aquaman's body, completely ignoring the boring person Aquaman was always meant to be! He just didn't seem to care much at all about DC's characters and history. For more terrible Cullen Bunn examples, see Sinestro and Lobo.
The interior art isn't done by the cover artist so I don't know what the appeal of this issue was supposed to be after all. Maybe DC was just hoping to trick all the dumb kids that were dumb enough to be tricked into buying Wild C.A.T.S. #1.
In this Elseworld, Lord Chaos has taken over Earth and turned it into Battleplanet which seems like a completely original idea that nobody should tell Len Wein or Jim Starlin about.
I know some of you just read that and are thinking, "Len Wein is dead, idiot." Well, my response is, "Have you ever heard of Ouija boards, jerko?!"
This annual is super thick and probably really boring, so I should probably just sum it up and give it an F Rating as quickly as I can.
It doesn't take too many pages for me to realize I shouldn't have compared Battleplanet to Warworld but to the Death Star. Hell, the cover gave the game away but I was too busy thinking about Image comics. This is just "What if the Team Titans did their version of Star Wars?" Lord Chaos destroying planets with his super planet. Prester Jon starring as the plans to the Death Star. Redwing escapes from Darth Chaos in an escape pod with the plans. Mirage is captured on her ship, The Rebellion. Killowatt plays the role of the orphaned Luke Skywalker except way more racist. Battalion is everybody's only hope.
The long version's runtime is about 121 minutes.
Nightrider and Terra are Han Solo and Chewbacca but I'm not sure which is which. Also maybe they're a little more into the whole rebellion thing than Han and Chewy were. At least I think Chewy wasn't really into it at first and came around later. It's hard to know when everybody just had to trust Han was translating honestly for him. Also, can we all agree that the term "Fuzzball" is problematic at best and totally racist at worst?
The Millennium Falcon is played by a giant bat which means Terra is the Wookie.
A whole bunch of Star Wars inspired stuff happens before the big finale! You'll be surprised at what the finale looks like, I bet!
The Millennium Falcon is played by a giant bat which means Terra is the Wookie.
A whole bunch of Star Wars inspired stuff happens before the big finale! You'll be surprised at what the finale looks like, I bet!
Team Titans Annual #2 Rating: D. The chances of discovering an annual worth reading are 1 in 1000. This is just another one of those 999 annuals that never needed to be made.
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