And away they go on the way out Wacky Races!
The Review!
Look, I was a fan of The Wacky Races when there was barely any plot and it just consisted of a bunch of twenty second jokes dealing with how one car passes another. Now it actually has a backstory and a plot and a whole world being built around the races? Sure, I'm in! Especially since the premise is so mind-numbingly silly already, none of it has to make a whole lot of sense. I imagine this comic will be mostly a bunch of two to three page black humor jokes about how one car passes another with the occasional sub-plot dealing with a racer or two having gone off course and running into cannibals or mutants or something. Also a few pages need to be set aside for some of Dick Dastardly's dirty tricks! The only part I'm still not sold on is the sentient cars. I especially dislike how the Mean Machine is so antagonistic toward Dick and Mutley! I suppose it makes sense. I bet if my work van were sentient, it would fucking hate my guts. "Hey, dude. Dude. You do know what oil is right? You've heard of fucking oil? And let me tell you something: I did not come with a television. That little light you're constantly staring at and ignoring is the fucking Check Engine light. Do I need to explain what that means because it's right there in the name of the fucking light, you goddamned moron. I can't wait until the bottom rusts out of me while you're barreling down the freeway. You fucking deserve it, asshole."
The Commentary!
Hopefully Dick Dastardly and Mutley best all of these other assholes. He was always the best racer. He never won not because he couldn't win but because he had so much fun trying to murder the other racers. They were all so fucking incompetent, he could have won if he just raced within the rules. Christ, the Arkansas Chuggabug was steered by the feet of a sleeping redneck while a bear with severe anxiety rode shotgun! Peter Perfect was never going to win in a fair race against Dick because then he'd have to celebrate with Penelope Pitstop and he was obviously overcompensating for some sexual problem. Plus, you know, racing against a guy named Dick was a bit of a too on the nose metaphor. Rufus Roughcut's fucking car, the Buzzwagon, had saw-blades for wheels! How the hell did that thing even move? Some of the other cars were a tank, a steamboat, a biplane, a rock, and a haunted house! Dick Dastardly had a fucking rocket car! He knew he could win in a fair race so he decided to have fun simply trying to murder everybody else. Or it's possible he just went insane chasing that goddamned fucking pigeon.
The issue begins with the Wacky Racer's cars all parked outside of a bar. The cars are having a conversation with each other so I guess they get to be actual sentient characters in this story as opposed to just cool eye candy. I'm not really sure how I feel about that although I'm already picturing Peter Perfect's Turbo-Terrific mounted on back of Penelope Pitstop's Compact Pussycat. Christ, I was young when I loved this cartoon because now every time I think about the cars, I get a boner.
Look, I was a fan of The Wacky Races when there was barely any plot and it just consisted of a bunch of twenty second jokes dealing with how one car passes another. Now it actually has a backstory and a plot and a whole world being built around the races? Sure, I'm in! Especially since the premise is so mind-numbingly silly already, none of it has to make a whole lot of sense. I imagine this comic will be mostly a bunch of two to three page black humor jokes about how one car passes another with the occasional sub-plot dealing with a racer or two having gone off course and running into cannibals or mutants or something. Also a few pages need to be set aside for some of Dick Dastardly's dirty tricks! The only part I'm still not sold on is the sentient cars. I especially dislike how the Mean Machine is so antagonistic toward Dick and Mutley! I suppose it makes sense. I bet if my work van were sentient, it would fucking hate my guts. "Hey, dude. Dude. You do know what oil is right? You've heard of fucking oil? And let me tell you something: I did not come with a television. That little light you're constantly staring at and ignoring is the fucking Check Engine light. Do I need to explain what that means because it's right there in the name of the fucking light, you goddamned moron. I can't wait until the bottom rusts out of me while you're barreling down the freeway. You fucking deserve it, asshole."
The Commentary!
Hopefully Dick Dastardly and Mutley best all of these other assholes. He was always the best racer. He never won not because he couldn't win but because he had so much fun trying to murder the other racers. They were all so fucking incompetent, he could have won if he just raced within the rules. Christ, the Arkansas Chuggabug was steered by the feet of a sleeping redneck while a bear with severe anxiety rode shotgun! Peter Perfect was never going to win in a fair race against Dick because then he'd have to celebrate with Penelope Pitstop and he was obviously overcompensating for some sexual problem. Plus, you know, racing against a guy named Dick was a bit of a too on the nose metaphor. Rufus Roughcut's fucking car, the Buzzwagon, had saw-blades for wheels! How the hell did that thing even move? Some of the other cars were a tank, a steamboat, a biplane, a rock, and a haunted house! Dick Dastardly had a fucking rocket car! He knew he could win in a fair race so he decided to have fun simply trying to murder everybody else. Or it's possible he just went insane chasing that goddamned fucking pigeon.
The issue begins with the Wacky Racer's cars all parked outside of a bar. The cars are having a conversation with each other so I guess they get to be actual sentient characters in this story as opposed to just cool eye candy. I'm not really sure how I feel about that although I'm already picturing Peter Perfect's Turbo-Terrific mounted on back of Penelope Pitstop's Compact Pussycat. Christ, I was young when I loved this cartoon because now every time I think about the cars, I get a boner.
So The Mean Machine is bullied and laughed at by the other cars? No wonder it and its drivers are so foul tempered!
Meanwhile in the bar, Blubber Bear turns out not to be a real bear at all. He's just a guy wearing a bear head over his own. Maybe in the future, they take the gay slang term a little more literally? I guess Arkansas Chuggabug is slang for a gay sex act.
Penelope Pitstop is a hard drinking woman in a tight outfit. The Anthill Mob are some kind of freakish clone mutants that probably have a hive mind. Dick Dastardly is still my hero. And The Red Max is apparently a fascist and a racist. At least I think it's the Red Max. It isn't until a flashback to earlier that the characters are all properly introduced along with their vehicles. It's also on the introduction page that the entire premise of the comic book is explained. An Omnipotent Narrator (Yay for keeping him in! Yay for a comic book with an omnipotent narrator! Even if he talks directly to the characters! That's probably just another yay!) sponsors the race and the winner gets to live in the only paradise left in the world. Everybody else must remain in the apocalyptic landscape of Wacky Raceland. I have a feeling nobody ever truly wins the Wacky Races!
As the story flashes back and forth between the race earlier and the current post-race bar brawl, the readers learn the Narrator is female. But I'm reading the narrator's dialogue in Dave Willock's voice!
Penelope Pitstop is a hard drinking woman in a tight outfit. The Anthill Mob are some kind of freakish clone mutants that probably have a hive mind. Dick Dastardly is still my hero. And The Red Max is apparently a fascist and a racist. At least I think it's the Red Max. It isn't until a flashback to earlier that the characters are all properly introduced along with their vehicles. It's also on the introduction page that the entire premise of the comic book is explained. An Omnipotent Narrator (Yay for keeping him in! Yay for a comic book with an omnipotent narrator! Even if he talks directly to the characters! That's probably just another yay!) sponsors the race and the winner gets to live in the only paradise left in the world. Everybody else must remain in the apocalyptic landscape of Wacky Raceland. I have a feeling nobody ever truly wins the Wacky Races!
As the story flashes back and forth between the race earlier and the current post-race bar brawl, the readers learn the Narrator is female. But I'm reading the narrator's dialogue in Dave Willock's voice!
See? Fascist and racist! And transphobic too!
Penelope Pitstop won the earlier race by riding a Sandtipede across the finish line. Talk about cheaters! Although I highly doubt it matters who wins. These races are just a way to get their hopes up and torture them in the Wasteland! It's all a big game and they're all being taken for fools! Although I wonder if The Compact Pussycat does more than makeovers in this modern interpretation?!
See? Dick and I think alike! My hero!
So now that the story is introduced, it's time to end the issue so a new race can begin next issue. But there's still a back-up story featuring Lazy Luke and Blubber Bear called "And Sometimes The Bear Eats You". That sounds gay. I mean literally gay and not gay used as a pejorative! I already assumed Luke and Blubber were homosexuals due to the whole bear shtick as well as naming their car the Arkansas Chuggabug. Maybe this story will be the semen on the pudding.
The story is about how Luke and Blubber were attacked by a bear and Blubber loses most of his face and an arm. But that's okay because the Announcer breaks in and reports that he can fix Blubber up with a bear head and a bear arm and maybe give them a sentient car with a still attached if they agree to be in his Wacky Race!
The story is about how Luke and Blubber were attacked by a bear and Blubber loses most of his face and an arm. But that's okay because the Announcer breaks in and reports that he can fix Blubber up with a bear head and a bear arm and maybe give them a sentient car with a still attached if they agree to be in his Wacky Race!
No comments:
Post a Comment