Cosmic OdysseyBook Four: Death (March 1989)

Up until this point, Doctor Fate's identity had not been revealed. Hope Starlin didn't have a big reveal planned this issue spoiled by the cover.

This issue begins with a dramatic countdown to the complete destruction of Earth. When the timer drops to zero and the world doesn't blow up, the Apokoloptian Dog Soldier and Gotham Policeman Joe Bester (both dead and both, I guess possessed by the Anti-Life Entity? No wait! The Dog Soldier must still be alive to protect Batman's Zero Kill Record) look at each other in confusion before Batman steps out of the shadows holding the unplugged cord from the bomb. Classic prank, Batman!

Batman left that dude a walking glory hole.

After saving the world yet again, Batman shoves a two ton piece of equipment onto the Dog Soldier. This pins him down because getting out from under two tons of steel is much harder than toppling two tons of steel, especially when it's shaped like a Jenga tower and Batman is the pusher of the two tons (with help from Forager who is probably pretty fucking strong himself). After that, they battle zombie cop Joe Bester. Batman seems to think going toe-to-toe with a character named "Bester" is a good idea. But it isn't a good idea because characters in fiction often have names that represent their personalities or physical attributes. Like how Batman is a man who dresses like a bat. And Forager is a Bug God that forages for New God scraps to keep his Bug Brothers alive. And Jack Tripper always trips over everything. And how Cheers' Sam Malone is a man who is alone. And James Incandenza from Infinite Jest works with optics and light and illuminates the thing that everybody can't live without, so much so that he probably destroys the world! What I'm saying is you can't defeat a fictional man named Bester! Only somebody named Bestest could defeat Bester but no writer is going to be so obvious as to name somebody Bestest!

Anyway Forager chops his head off or something.

Batman doesn't scold Forager about killing because Joe Bester was already dead and also why would Batman scold an alien about Earth hang-ups? Batman's way cooler than that uptight, Kryptonite-stick up his ass Superman.

Also it turns out Joe Bester was a robot. Um, what? Why? How? What the fuck? Did Editorial force that change? Batman already witnessed that Joe Bester was dead way back in Book One. Then Joe Bester's body disappeared along with the Dog Soldier's body. So why would it be a robot? Unless Jim Gordon is hiding some secret Gotham Robo-Police program!

After beheading the robot, Batman and Forager discover that Dog Soldiers actually don't have too much of a problem lifting two tons of machinery off of their prone bodies, especially when they're possessed by an Anti-Life Entity! The creature begins its renewed attack by knocking Forager unconscious. That means it's up to Batman to re-save the Earth that he didn't really just save a page or two back. But that's okay, right? Batman's like the greatest hero in the DC Universe! He can handle this thing!

Oh no! I think Batman comparing himself to a baby is like worst case scenario.

I was pretending to be confident about Batman's abilities because the truth is I already saw the back cover which shows Batman getting the life snuffed out of him by this creature.

The back covers of this series were probably the biggest reason I bought each issue. So clean!

So Batman blacks out or is killed or, I don't know, the scene changes as Batman Narration Boxes his death pretty matter-of-factly. It's how everybody always knew he would die minus his final cry of "Mom! Dad! I'm coming to join you!"

Meanwhile, Darkseid tries to absorb the power of Bob the Anti-Life Entity and discovers that he's not capable of doing that nor is he able to escape the Anti-Life dimension.

If this were a PG-13 movie, this the moment the one F-bomb allowed would be dropped.

So far, Bob the Anti-Life Entity hasn't really done much of anything. We only have Metron's paranoid memories as evidence that Bob even sent four of his fingertips into the DC Universe to destroy it. How do we know this large shadowy figure that hasn't moved one inch the whole time people have observed him wants to take over the non-anti-matter universe? He seems pretty chill to me.

Back on New Genesis, the heroes have discovered that Highfather, Darkseid, and Jason Blood are all missing. Their only clue as to why they are all missing is "Darkseid is an evil monster", but that doesn't really suggest any actions for them to take. So instead, they stand around saying, "John Stewart looks like he's going to kill himself." And Martian Manhunter is all, "Yeah, he's probably going to kill himself." Then they watch him walk off to, I guess, go kill himself?

Normally I might be upset seeing somebody on the verge of suicide but I just finished the final season of Squid Games and suicide has been normalized for me. Also maybe it's heroic?

I also just finished reading Infinite Jest in which suicide plays a major plot point (and also it's the book that a friend of mine who ultimately killed himself kept trying to finish for years) and I am reading Hamlet in which the title character is constantly saying shit like, "I'd kill myself but God has some kind of law against self-slaughter." So if John Stewart did kill himself, which he won't because he struggles with this Xanshi shit for years, it won't even register on my emotional EKG (which is currently just flatlined anyway. Thanks, fascist GOP and cowardly Dems!).

Batman was apparently exaggerating his death when he was all, "You hear that, Martha! I'm coming to join you!", because he's still conscious when his scene continues. Unbelievably, Batman is saved by Forager. I can't believe Forager was Jim Starlin's first choice for Batman's partner in this series. I can't even imagine he knew who the fuck Forager was! Forager saves Batman's life twice with his shield so I'm pretty sure Starlin turned in the script to DC and they sent back a note saying, "Hey, um, Jim? Re-read this note when you're not tripping balls, please? But, um, Captain America is a Marvel hero?" And Jim was all, "Well, I'm not changing the script. Who else has a shield?" And they were all, "The Guardian?" And Jim was all, "No, fuck that shit. Just give me some other random Fourth World character and give him a shield. That'll work. Also, is it okay if I have John Stewart hang himself with his power ring? Is that possible? Would the light construct noose disappear as soon as he passed out so he wouldn't die? Would the ring allow the wearer to kill themselves? Is suicide something DC wants to tackle in this big cosmic adventure? Can anybody on staff get me some 'shrooms from the West Coast?"

I should point out that I don't know that Jim Starlin was into psychedelics. But I also don't know that he wasn't so . . . ?

Forager goes down pretty quickly but he did his job; he saved Batman's life. So Batman rallies the troops and thinks, "Suicide is the only option!"

I understand giving your life to stop the end of the universe isn't technically suicide but I'm kind of stuck in a theme here.

Meanwhile in the Anti-Life Universe, Darkseid and Etrigan are about to become Anti-Life explosions when Doctor Fate suddenly appears and hauls them away from Bob the Anti-Life Entity. It feels like Darkseid's making a huge mistake hunting for the Anti-Life Equation when he should maybe just learn magic? Darkseid's willing enough to use magic in the pursuit of the most powerful scientific formula in the known universe because magic is more powerful than it. But he isn't willing to just use magic? What's his problem with magic? I suppose he doesn't like the often touted downside of magic where the user must sacrifice something for the powers they're given. But that doesn't seem any worse than what the fucking Anti-Life Equation asks for! The death of entire galaxies for ultimate power? Oh wait! I see. Darkseid's like a Conservative! He's not willing to sacrifice anything himself for gain; he's only willing to force others to sacrifice for his gain. What's one or two exploded universes in the grand scheme of things? Whereas if Darkseid were to start Constantining things up, he'd be losing personal shit right and left.

Doctor Fate isn't as good at rhyming as Etrigan. "Batman" and "Villain". "Quest" and "Left". Or maybe, some would suggest, he's better? Are half-rhymes more literary?

Alexander Pope would have preferred Doctor Fate's half-rhymes over Etrigan's basic bullshit rhymes, if I read The Dunciad correctly. Which I think I did and am not happy about. I can't quite put my finger on why but I fucking hated reading Pope. He felt like a smug asshole that didn't really have anything interesting to say. Maybe I was too dumb? Or too smug asshole myself?!

To rescue everybody from the Anti-Life Universe, Doctor Fate casts the spell "Cinque of Cosmic Power"! It takes the unique elemental source of power each of the five characters are linked to and gives them the power to return home. Although when he explains everybody's unique power, he sort of rushes past the whole "Highfather connects us to The Source, and, um, so does Orion!"

But to keep the Anti-Life Entity from following them and destroying their universe, Doctor Fate must destroy a universe between the Anti-Life Universe and the DC Universe. So, um, uh, wait. What? Doctor Fate just casually does to another what they're trying to prevent the Anti-Life Entity from doing to them? That's, um, fucking harsh, man. You're probably thinking, "Surely, he chose a barren universe that amounted to nothing that lay between the DC Universe and the Anti-Life Universe?" And I would answer, "Don't call me Shirley." Also I would point out this bit of narration as Fate destroys the universe:

At least Doctor Fate points out he'll have some long and sleepless nights dealing with this act of possible (probable?) universal genocide.

Doctor Fate successfully strands the Anti-Life Entity in a prison of its own dimension. It's basically the plan Darkseid pretended he was going to enact with Etrigan but he was actually going to steal its power for himself. And thus ends the threat of Bob the Anti-Life Entity destroying the DC Universe!

Of course, there's still the matter of the Milky Way being completely destroyed if Batman and Forager don't stop their Anti-Life Entity! Its Doomsday Bomb might not allow Bob to enter the universe now but it will still destroy the entire Milky Way! The heroes on New Genesis are eager to rush off to help Batman when Superman points out that Earth is pretty big and there's no way anybody would be able to find them in time unless that person had, I don't know, Super Hearing or X-Ray vision or knew somebody who could run at the speed of light and search the entire planet? Too bad none of those things are possible and they're just going to have to leave it up to Batman! Which, on most days, I'd be all, "Whew! No problem then! Batman's got it covered!" But this day isn't like most days.

Good job, Batman! You almost had him!

That might be three of my most favorite panels ever!

Meanwhile, everybody has forgotten about John Stewart and assume he's already dead. But maybe he's not! Maybe he'll use his ring to locate Batman and help save the day! Maybe that, at least, will help mitigate his guilt! Oh, and maybe he'll take Doctor Fate along since Fate's also feeling a bit guilty for probably killing one billion more times as many sentient beings as Stewart did.

In the end, Batman and Forager have to do it all themselves. Forager manages to get back on his feet and battle the Dog Soldier while Batman lies on the ground yelling at Forager to smash the Doomsday Bomb! So they essentially beat it together when Forager finally smashes his shield into the bomb, causing a much, much smaller explosion than anticipated. But still big enough to incapacitate the Dog Soldier and possibly kill Forager. Batman calls New Genesis to tell them the mission is a success and maybe send Green Lantern down to help clean up the mess? He'll start picking up the yellow debris.

Once the universe has been saved, J'onn finally decides to hunt down John Stewart and make sure he's okay. I mean, to make sure he's killed himself.

Jesus Christ, J'onn!

Obviously J'onn is a telepath so he knows exactly what John Stewart needs to hear to get him over the hump of this disaster and to start acting like a hero again. After John tells J'onn to fuck off and stomps away, J'onn just smiles the way I imagine anybody would smile if they knew telling somebody to go kill yourself was exactly the thing the person needed to hear to make them feel better.

In the epilogue, Orion calls the now dead Forager "Bug" in front of Batman and Batman punches him in the face. So Superman and Batman both got to beat up on Orion a little bit and Orion just takes it for some reason instead of blasting Batman's head off. And then the comic book ends with the lesson it was trying to teach us all along!

Who went back in time to Pre-Woke 1989 to make this comic book woke?!

That was a joke about how comic books have always been about social justice and only stupid fucking assholes who think comic books are about punching people and stopping them from breaking laws that they themselves would never break. You can't feel judged if a hero stops a bank robbery when you haven't made bank robbery a huge part of your personality. But if a comic book hero says to the villain, "You're an intolerant asshole," some people suddenly feel judged for some reason!

Cosmic Odyssey: Book Four: Death Rating: B+. It loses a grade due to Doctor Fate basically doing what they were stopping the Anti-Life Entity from doing. It was somehow okay because it was either that universe of Doctor Fate's universe and Doctor Fate was all, "Nobody spends money buying comic books from that universe! It's okay to destroy that one!" I guess. I don't know. Anyway, don't call people slurs, guys!

Let's Read Infinite Jest!5. Year of Glad (Part Four of Five)

Characters
Hal Incandenza, Monster.
The Three Deans of the University of Arizona.
Aubrey deLint, Enfield Tennis Academy Prorector.
Coach White, Varsity Tennis Coach, University of Arizona.
Charles Tavis, Headmaster, Enfield Tennis Academy, Hal's Uncle.
A Man in Espadrilles, Loo User.

Characters Mentioned
Orin Incandenza, Punter for the Arizona Cardinals, Hal's Older Brother.

Scene: Men's Restroom at University of Arizona.

However Hal acted, however he sounded, it freaked the fuck out of the Three Deans and Coach White. Hal has been dragged to the bathroom and laid out on the floor as if he's having a seizure. He has stopped speaking, stopped trying to move, and just lies there listening and observing. Here we discover, through the manic and chaotic discussion, that Hal seems to have two sides to him now. He can play tennis. He reads. He can function if left on his own to do what needs to be done. But when he attempts to communicate, he becomes a flailing monster that makes the most horrendous noises. All three Deans act traumatized. Whatever happened to Hal has had such severe consequences that this scene was needed to try to understand exactly how horrible it is for strangers to see Hal attempt to communicate. Or to make facial expressions. Or to move at all.

And that's the big mystery! What the fuck happened to Hal? The novel gives us three major possibilities, and possibly a few minor ones. Was it the mold he ate at five years old? Was it the military grade hallucinogens Michael Pemulis sourced for them? Or did Hal eventually watch his father's deadly Entertainment, Infinite Jest? I don't have those answers because I've only read the book once. Answering what happened to Hal is the point of reading it again. Hopefully I won't have to read it a third time!

Although, I mean, if I do, it wouldn't be so bad. It's a great fucking read whether you put it all together or not!

Piecing Together the November, DAU, to November, Glad, Timeline

November, Year of the Depends Adult Undergarment: Hal played beautifully at the WhataBurger Southwest Junior Invitational where Coach White first observed him for recruitment.
February, Year of Glad: Coach White, via correspondence, recruited Hal for the University of Phoenix tennis program after Hal's graduation from Enfield in December, Year of Glad.

Cosmic OdysseyBook Three: Decisions (February 1989)

Every cat owner recognizes this picture.

The titles of these four books sketch out the proper way to organize a story.

1. Discovery: the characters determine what they want and set out how to get it. This could be a dilemma which was thrust upon them (Hamlet) or the realization of a desire they had yet to act upon (Macbeth).
2. Disaster: the act of pursuing their desire or trying to solve the dilemma presented to them falls apart in a huge way, dominoes begin to fall, dangers appear from all corners, and futures look bleak.
3. Decisions: the characters must now make new plans to deal with the dangers they created in their earlier pursuits. Alternately, they can continue to wade through the blood getting equally bloody going forward as back.
4. Death: everybody dies except Horatio because the writer couldn't think of a better way to solve all of their tangled plot problems.

Every book you've ever read follows Starlin's "Four Easy Steps to Story", especially Cujo (I think the mother was Horatio in that. I don't remember. It's been like (ulp) 40 years since I first read it).

The issue begins with Lightray and Starfire sitting around the Doomsday Bomb tending to an unconscious Adam Strange. Then they respond to each other continually by beginning their statements with "then". Then Starfire even responds to one of her one statements with a "then" statement which makes it sound as if she's disassociating.

Improv on New Genesis and Tamaran took an evolutionary turn into "Yes, then...".

Lightray was told by Highfather that Martian Manhunter and John Stewart failed to save Xanshi. But nobody told him why they failed to save Xanshi: because John arrogantly chose to hunt it down on his own. If only that information had been passed on to the other teams to help them. Oh well, I'm sure Lightray will approach the task in a more humble manner than John Stewart did.

Oh shit. Rann is fucked.

After Lightray leaves, Starfire notices a trail of snot leaking across the floor. They both missed the snot dripping from the grate in the dead end where Adam Strange was attacked earlier so Starfire just assumes it's some innocent Rannian byproduct of their industrialization process that somebody forgot to mop up. But it's really the Anti-Life Entity! Is it its true form? Or did it inhabit a Rannian Slug? Starfire's too concerned with the trail before her and not where the trail goes, so she misses that one end of it forms a slimy hand to pick up a heavy piece of equipment and smash it over the back of her head.

While checking out the snot, Starfire pops a hot squat. Starlin's script probably read, "Investigating, Starfire squats in a way that you can practically see everything! Don't let the colorist shadow out her camel-toe!"

Stupid colorist.

Then the scene ends with Starfire getting kathugkked in the back of the head. Whether it knocks her out or just makes her stand up, turn around, and stare angrily at a confused pseudopod remains to be seen.

On Thanagar, Superman and Orion have located the Anti-Life Entity. It (and presumably its Doomsday Bomb) are barricaded in a city surrounded by hawk cops. Orion just wants to murderhobo his way in but Superman is all, "I've got a better and more ridiculous idea! I'll spin super fast and become a Kryptonian drill! I'll drill through the bedrock and pop up right inside the Anti-Life Entity's lair! You distract them by murdering as many of them as you can!" Superman doesn't actually request that Orion murder the hawk cops but he does ask Orion to distract them which means Orion's going to murder them. Superman really is kind of naïve and will eventually blame the murders on Orion when he should blame himself for not being clear enough in his directions.

Superman should have invested in an Apokoliptian Dictionary of Urban Slang to learn "Diversion Routine" means "Spree Killing".

I was going to say a New Genesis Dictionary of Urban Slang but that one would define "Diversion Routine" as "Unexpected Hugs and Kisses". Besides, you know Orion longs to live an Apokoliptian Gangster Life. Can you imagine how big a puss Orion must think Scott Free is? What a waste of a diploma from Granny Goodness's School of Being Mean. Was that the name of her school? Probably close enough.

Then back on Rann because nothing exciting is happening on Earth yet, Lightray, using his Magna-vision, follows the trail of the Anti-Life Entity back to the chamber with the Doomsday Bomb, Adam, and Starfire (or "Cory", as he calls her). Then it surprises him by WA-THAAAAAAAMing a large piece of electronic equipment into his back causing him to drop his Ghostbuster Anti-Life Entity Trap. Then it drops some heavy machinery on the Trap, destroying it. Then Lightray finally gets a glimpse of what he's up against.

It's either the Anti-Life Penis or a massive, sentient buttplug.

Unluckily for Superman, his Anti-Life Entity cloaked itself in an Nth Metal Robot about thirty feet tall. "Unlucky is used here not to mean Superman might have some trouble battling this robot but unlucky that Superman doesn't get to fight a penis or buttplug.

The layout for the subsequent battles on both planets is pretty cool. The Superman/robot fight takes place in one long panel in the top third of each page as the Lightray/Anti-Life Penis fight take place in the bottom two-thirds. That's probably because Superman's fight will be Superman getting hit once each page until Superman finally does the mental arithmetic on how hard he needs to punch the robot to destroy it without sending shrapnel in every direction and killing multiple bystanders outside the building. Meanwhile Lightray isn't as good at shooting light blasts as he bragged so he misses every shot against the Rannian Snot Monster. It eventually knocks him unconscious and turns on the Doomsday Bomb. Luckily for the entire universe, it chose to have a two minute countdown instead of blowing up instantly. Maybe it takes that long to prime a Doomsday Bomb. How would I know? I never took Shop Class in high school.

Then Starfire regains consciousness as Lightray loses his. That's why Darkseid chose teams of two, stupid John Stewart! Too bad Starfire also can't hit it with her starbolts like she totally intended to do. Unless she's hitting it with the ol' loop-de-loop shot! Probably dismantling the Doomsday Bomb while it thinks she's trying to shoot it!

KAARAAM is the sound of Starfire's thong snapping and shooting across the room.

On Earth, finally, Batman and Forager have made their way to Moosejaw, Arizona. But they arrive in the middle of the day so now they have to wait for night because Forager changed his entire look for night-fighting. Okay, not his entire look. I think Alfred just spray-painted black over the white fabric. I think the main reason they arrive early is so Batman can explain how he didn't actually killed the Dog Soldier at all and if he had, it would have been an accident. But according to Batman's Rule of Being Blamed for Killing Somebody, a creature mortally wounded by Batman doesn't count as Batman killing them if Batman can skedaddle away from the victim fast enough.

"Even if I had killed him, it was his fault for having such a powerful gun. But I didn't because he was breathing. Plus he's now possessed by the Anti-Life Entity so blame it if he dies for good."

Editorial must have gotten hold of Starlin at DC's Offices and were all, "Even though the victim was an alien from Apokolips, you have to fix that bit where Batman uses a gun and obviously kills it. We let you destroy John Stewart's reputation; we can't let you destroy Batman's as well!" So Starlin was all, "Whatever. I'll have Batman mention how he blew a hole in it because that's how Mignola drew it but then say Batman left it breathing even though he later goes back with Gordon and when Gordon asks about the missing body, Batman is all, 'No way, man! I totally killed its ass!'"

Look, I don't know how Batman defines "last word" or "still breathing" but he didn't fucking kill this thing, okay?!

On Thanagar, Superman easily dispatches the Anti-Life Aspect and catches it in his Ghostbuster Gun. He's Superman, you know? His battles should never be hard fought when he's like the strongest person in the universe. His real battles should be intellectual or social or having to deal with the repercussions of a god on a hawk cop murder spree. Superman reports his success back to Highfather on New Genesis and the scene ends as he heads topside to collect Orion for the journey home. That's when the real conflict will take place!

Back on New Genesis, even though Plan A seems to have a reasonable chance of success, Darkseid continues to push Plan B where he takes The Demon into the Anti-Life Entity's realm and destroys it, taking its power into him so that he can conquer the universe. Not that Highfather knows that's his plan! But the reader gets to learn that's Darkseid's plan even if the reader already knew Darkseid was up to something because he's Darkseid and I guess the readers are smarter than Highfather and the others who have chose to take Darkseid at his word. I'm not including Batman in "the others" because Batman's first move was to send somebody to spy on Darkseid. Who that was, we still haven't learned!

He's so fucking chuffed with himself.

Highfather goes off to contemplate falling into Darkseid's trap when he stumbles upon the person Batman sent to spy on Darkseid. He almost mentions his name but then the mystery person interrupts with "a friend of Batman's" and all we get is a yellow-gloved hand. So it's Doctor Fate as depicted on the cover of Book Four: Doctor Fate. Doctor Fate explains that Darkseid is indeed setting up a trap to gain all the power in the universe and Hell which means they have to go along with the plan. Highfather is all, "Whuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut?" But Doctor Fate doesn't explain any further. I guess since he announced he's a friend of Batman, Highfather has to believe him.

Back on Rann, Starfire has been knocked out so it's Lightray's turn to tag in. Plus Starfire's "It's so fast it can dodge my bolts but then I expected that anyway" doesn't seem to have meant anything. She's currently been captured by the Anti-Life Entity and gripped in such a way that I still don't know if it's an Anti-Life Penis or a Sentient Buttplug.

The problem is too many things have a defining characteristic of "Can be put up the butt."

From now on my first question in "20 Questions" will be "Can you put it up your butt?" My second question, on a yes answer, will be, "Can I see?" And that, kids, is how I met your mother.

As the previous panel shows, Rann only has ten seconds left before it explodes and dooms the Milky Way and probably the entire universe. Superman has saved Thanagar. Batman will save Earth. So this moment is where all the tension remains! Will Rann, a popular planet in DC lore, be destroyed? And if so, can Darkseid and his pet cat Etrigan save the day anyway?! I don't know. Let's see how Superman reacts to Orion doing some casual hawk cop genocide.

Whoops!

I understand it's not like Superman asked Lobo to distract the hawk cops while Superman saved the planet but Superman had seen Orion in action previously. Will Superman learn his lesson about the fluidity of language, especially between other alien cultures? Probably not. He's probably just going to call Orion a cold-blooded murderer. I could scan the panel where he eventually calls him that and then proclaim I'm a Grandmaster Comic Book Reader but, in actuality, that's the panel on the back cover of this issue.

My guess is that only one of these two characters has read Slaughterhouse-Five

After being punched in the face, Orion simply picks himself up and heads back to New Genesis. Superman stays behind to bury the dead. And presumably explain to the living how he didn't have a part of this and he was saving the entire universe and the guy who helped save the universe did way more damage than the Anti-Life Entity. That'll be fun.

Starfire's thought that the Anti-Life Entity was too fast for her to shoot was actually her coming up with a new plan: get captured by it so she could ignite it with her flame trail as she flies out of its clutches. Earlier, she noticed it smelled like gasoline so she assumed it would explode if she ignited it. She also assumed it would blow up the Doomsday Bomb and not cause the Doomsday Bomb to explode. She also believes that she leaves a flame trail behind her and not a hair trail. Maybe her hair just has so much product in it that it spontaneously combusts when it comes into contact with gasoline?

Back on New Genesis, Darkseid and Etrigan shift realities to face off against Bob the Anti-Life Entity. Highfather and Orion, too late to stop them, are recruited by Doctor Fate to follow them beyond the pale and stop them from gaining the power of the Anti-Life Equation. Also following everybody through the mystic portal? The Anti-Life Entity from Rann which managed to escape.

Back on Earth, Batman and Forager wait until dark which is almost too long. Just as darkness falls, the Anti-Life Entity sets the two minute primer on the bomb. Earth's fate is sealed!

Cosmic Odyssey: Book Three: Decisions Rating: A. Sometimes DC will put out a Prestige Format book and you wind up reading it and thinking, "Why the fuck was that Prestige Format?" But not this one! Starlin and Mignola have crafted (so far) a (mostly) coherent story with a nicely varied group of DC's heroes. I'm enjoying the art. I'm enjoying the layouts. I'm enjoying the coloring. Am I enjoying the inking? I guess? Maybe? How can you even tell what's Mignola and what's Garzon?! And I'm enjoying the dialogue as well as (gasp) the Narration Boxing! It's a pretty complete package, especially for 1989.

Let's Read Infinite Jest4. Year of Glad (Part Three of Five)

Characters
Hal Incandenza, Apparent Monster.
The Three Deans of the University of Arizona: Head, Hand, and Heart.
Coach White.
Aubrey deLint.
Mysterious Young Hispanic Woman.

Characters Mentioned
The Virgin Mary, Mother of Jesus.
God, God.
The Anti-Christ, Not-God.
Søren Kierkegaard, Philosopher.
Albert Camus, Philosopher.
Dennis Gabor, Physicist.
Thomas Hobbes, Dark Mirror.
Jean-Jacques Rousseau, Mirror.
Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel, Philosopher.

Scene: the Dean's office at the University of Arizona.

While trying to express his inner self (his subjective self, Kierkegaard might say), Hal is seen as a raving, monstrous lunatic and subdued by the Deans of the University. One of the first philosophers mentioned in his defense of his intelligence is Kierkegaard which is probably important. Hal's trying to relate the person he is on the inside that differs from the person they see from the outside: "a boy who plays tennis." The objective truth of him is less important than the subjective truth of him. And his own inner subjective truth cannot be understood by the inner subjective truth of the others as it's walled off by their objective Deannesses and his objective Boy Who Plays Tennis. It's a chasm that we as interior beings can rarely, if, arguably, ever, find our way across, one to another. Kierkegaard maintains that ones subjective truth is more important than their objective truth. Could this be a statement of Infinite Jest as a whole? Not that it expresses David Foster Wallace's subjective truth — that would be impossible as we'd just see him as a raving lunatic ala Hal — but the reader's subjective truth and their relationship to the book. Is Wallace immediately telling the reader that they don't need to "understand" the novel; they simply need to experience it and let their subjective self react and feel to Wallace's best attempt at his own subjective self? Is this why the experience of reading this book feels so much more important than understanding it?

Just glancing through the themes of Kierkegaard's works on his Wikipedia page, one cannot help but imagine it as a list of themes of Infinite Jest. Alienation which Hal felt as a child when his father couldn't communicate with him and his mother who viewed him as a walking OED, and which Hal continues to feel in the structured halls of institutional life at Enfield Tennis Academy. Even among his peers, he finds he cannot be honest with them about his dope habit, hiding himself in the subterranean tunnel system of vents and storage and Prorector's rooms beneath the Academy. Abstraction which defines the method Hal's father used to try to communicate with his son by making strange and often incomprehensible films. Hal studies these films religiously, trying to view them through the lens of authorial intention in an effort to become closer to his father. Death of which James Incandenza's literally (ha ha! Literature!) haunts the entire book, so much so that his ghost appears to Don Gately near the end and heavily implies that he has the ability to possess others, directing their performances and editing their scripts from beyond the grave. Dread or Anxiety which, I mean, yeah. All over the fucking place. In every character. I should add it as a main character in every scene. Plus all the rest and shit. I have other people to discuss here!

I don't know enough about these philosophers to discuss Hal's assertions here; I can only dig a little at why they may have been mentioned by reading Wikipedia which anybody can do. But do they? I don't know. But I am! I skimmed Camus because I want to get to the next sentence about the Anti-Christ! Here's a bit from Wikipedia that made me think of Wallace and setting this novel so heavily in the Tennis Academy: "Camus later drew parallels between football, human existence, morality, and personal identity. For him, the simplistic morality of football contradicted the complicated morality imposed by authorities such as the state and church." One aspect of Infinite Jest is the geography of Boston and its environs. The Enfield Tennis Academy notably sits upon a hill above the rest of the city, perhaps meant as a city on a hill metaphor, a shining example of possible moral clarity. But the hill was also sheered down to a flat surface so is that commentary that it could have been a beacon to be looked upon but was flattened by human intervention? Anyway, it sits above Ennet House, the drug and alcohol recovery site. I mention this because while both sites are regimented and contain people who don't necessarily want to be there but try to find meaning there anyway, Tennis would be the "simplistic morality of football" while the Ennet House could be the "more complicated morality imposed by authorities."

Amid the smattering of obvious Philosopher mentions, Hal throws in this line about the physicist Dennis Gabor possibly being the Anti-Christ. What the fuck? That's quite the accusation! What did this guy even do that could label him with the title of "Creature That Will Destroy All of Mankind"? What's that? He invented Holograms? Oh fuck. Okay. Yeah, dude's the Anti-Christ of Infinite Jest. Because James Incandenza's experimental use of lenses and his knowledge of light and optics, following Gabor's work, I'm sure, led him to create a special holographic lens which he used to film his final entertainment, Infinite Jest, which, you know, probably brings about the end of the world. So Hal's probably spot on here.

Someone smarter than me should work out how the dichotomy between Hobbes belief in authority driving moral clarity and Rousseau's belief that moral clarity existed only before that guy who first put up a fence existed expresses itself in Infinite Jest. Is this a theme seen in the examination of Enfield Tennis Academy and its Dark Mirror, Ennet House? Or is Rousseau's beliefs in natural moral clarity expressed in characters like Poor Tony and his crew who never experience the structure and authority of a place like Ennet House? Do the teens at Enfield who break every rule in the place have a greater moral clarity than the adults who break their own rules, such as Avril doing sexy cosplay with student John "No Relation" Wayne? I don't know! I'm too stupid for this. Let's move on!

The final philosopher Hal mentions is Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel and since Georg couldn't be bothered to add the "e" to his name, I can't be bothered to read about his philosophies. Also because, even when Wikipedia tries to sum them for dolts like me, Wikipedia expressly states how hard his philosophy is to understand. Also he looked at me like this:

Eeep! I'm scared!

What I should discuss, briefly because this has gotten out of hand already, is Hal's claim that "transcendence is absorption." Transcendence is defined as "existence or experience beyond the normal or physical level." Absorption is defined as "the act of being absorbed." I mean, "the fact or state of being engrossed in something." The discussion of what it means to be human and what brings meaning to human lives is one that concerns all the philosophers mentioned and, well, all those not mentioned too, really. Wallace's Infinite Jest is his part in that dialectic. One of the themes is this idea that Hal is putting forward: our lives become something more when we have something to be engrossed in. Wallace seems to argue that addiction and obsession actually provide needed meaning to our lives. Sure, they can be destructive! But a maintained obsession or addiction is arguably needed to even give a shit about life at all. James Incandenza's Infinite Jest is the ultimate end point of this idea: something so engrossing that the viewer gives up everything to it. They transcend reality via the absorption of the material and no longer have any need for anything else. In other words, meaning can be dangerous.

Hal ends his unintelligible speech with "Please don't think I don't care," a plaintive and heart-breaking statement. Possibly something a person who commits suicide might want others to think. And even though this is all about Hamlet (though I haven't even mentioned it in this entry), this moment speaks more of Othello's final speech: "I pray you, in your letters, when you shall these unlucky deeds relate, speak of me as I am; nothing extenuate, nor set down in malice. Then must you speak of one that loved not wisely but too well; of one not easily jealous but, being wrought, perplexed in the extreme; of one whose hand, like the base Indian, threw a pearl away richer than all his tribe; of one whose subdued eyes, albeit unused to the melting mood, drops tears as fast as the Arabian trees their medicinable gum." Okay, maybe not all of that, explicitly. But the sense of asking people to please be aware that what they see was not what was intended. The subjective was misconstrued by the objective.

After Hal ends his speech, he is tackled to the floor amid gasps of horror and shock. I don't know if the shocked Hispanic woman who witnesses the end of the melee is somebody who should be recognized from later descriptions of characters (this book makes you paranoid about not recognizing characters in passing!) or if she's just meant to be an independent witness to Hal's monstrosity.

That's enough of that, no?

Piecing Together the November, DAU, to November, Glad, Timeline

The February after the end of the novel, Coach White, via correspondence, recruited Hal to the University of Phoenix tennis program after Hal's graduation from Enfield later that same year (a December graduation, it seems).

Cosmic OdysseyBook Two: Disaster (January 1989)

How did it take me this long to realize why I've always hated Hawkman? Because he's a fucking cop!

You might read the title of this issue, "Disaster", and think it has something to do with the cover depicting Orion going full ACAB on Thanagar while Superman "stands" around thinking, "Should we be killing this many hawk cops?" (The answer, by the way, is yes.) But the real disaster of the issue is hinted on the back cover where Martian Manhunter pulls out his shame penis and scold pisses all over John Stewart's arrogant face.

I'm glad I never glanced at this back cover while on LSD because holy fuck this is the most intense thing I've ever seen.

So if the disaster is John Stewart getting an entire planet of cannibal aliens blown to shit then we have to surmise that killing hawk cops is good. Don't we? Is that not how logic works? It's hard for me to think logically anymore because I once watched Pig and I cried so hard that I wept some of my brains out of my eyes and nose.

The issue begins with Orion and Superman watching a full fleet of hawk cops flying toward them out of the sunset (or sunrise. It's not like Mike Mignola drew a compass on the page. And even if he did, they're on Thanagar and I don't know if it's rotation got knocked wonky by some random asteroid or planetoid early in its development). It feels like a moment in a Spaghetti Western where the protagonist, whom we, the viewer, understand did nothing wrong in his slaughter of eighteen ranchers who were just the worst people and probably raped and killed the protagonist's horse, stands majestically as a posse of corrupt lawmen ride towards him, the music growing louder and more tense as the stage is set for the final shootout where the protagonist, after putting up the best fight he can, eventually succumbs to a hail of gunfire and the credits roll and the audience is left to stew in a dank miasma of existential despair at the idea that the universe does not prefer actual justice and we can only fight the good fight and be true to ourselves and can never overcome the tipped scales full of corrupt assholes who don't actually give a shit about anything at all. Except this time Superman is one of the silent gunman and we know he can't lose so I'm guessing a lot of hawk cops are going to lose a lot of teeth pretty soon.

Woo eee woo eee wooooo. Bom bom bom.

Orion believes the Anti-Life Entity has taken mental control of the hawk cops even though he admits they're known to be aggressive and "belligerent". The hawk cops attack without any warning so it's hard to know if that's because they've been mind-controlled or because they're just acting like normal cops. It's that The Office meme about both pictures being the same! Superman subdues them, probably by giving them minor traumatic brain injuries that cause them to lose consciousness but doesn't kill them. At least not immediately. Should Superman have to come to terms with how many cases of post-concussion syndrome he's caused and how many villains and henchmen's lives he's ruined in the long term? Probably not because this was written in 1989! Helmet-to-helmet tackles were cheered wildly in those days! Hooray for violent entertainments!

Whatever damage Superman is causing hardly matters though when we see how Orion just doesn't give a fuck about ruining the lives of the hawk cops immediately. Fuck in the long term. Where's the fun of violence that you can't see the horrible results of immediately?!

Hooray for state-sponsored violence getting some of its own in return!

Superman, while not showing the levels of pissitude, gets pissed at Orion and reminds him that these hawk cops are most likely being mind controlled and aren't their real enemies. He asks Orion to moderate his use of force against them. Superman doesn't realize Orion is the son of Darkseid so he can't comprehend how stupid an ask that is. It's like asking Batman to be a team player. It just can't happen (unless, of course, Batman is in complete control of every aspect of the team. Like when he put together The Outsiders. But even that fell apart when he realized how much trouble it was to get them all to do exactly what he asked. Also it was often hurtful when Metamorpho made dumb jokes about him. Good thing the mask could hide his tears).

This is Orion's response to Superman's suggestion to moderate the violence. An uncomprehending, silent stare.

At the same time, J'onn J'onzz and John Stewart explore Xanshi. They discover the population beset by an airborne disease that attacks the blood and the respiratory system. AT THE SAME TIME! Since John categorized these aliens as cannibals earlier, this must be some kind of Mad Cow Disease. Except airborne because maybe it comes out in cow farts. It looks like the Anti-Life Entity has a sense of humor, using the native populations' inherent attributes against them. Or I could be reaching. But you never discover anything if you don't reach and simply take everything, plots to comics included, at face value! Do you think we would have ever discovered time travel if we, as a species, hadn't kept reaching and listened to the boring bores who said it wasn't possible? I mean, that'll probably happen, I bet. Yeah.

J'onn's initial reaction to the disease ravaging everybody on the planet is, "Well, it sucks to be them! Let's find the Anti-Life Creature!" But John takes a moment to help create a cure for the disease by using his magic ring that can do anything with the correct prompt. Or at least that's what The Guardians have told him. John doesn't put the cure through any kind of trials. He just tells some guy to drink it up and then use his blood for transfusions on everybody else on the planet. Or maybe one other person and then they can both do transfusions on two other people and then those four can do transfusions on four other people and well you get it, right? Doubling rice on each square on the chessboard and all that.

J'onn marvels at the power of the Green Lantern ring and John is all, "Yeah, no big deal, I fuckin' save lives all by myself all the time. I'm sure I'll save more lives all by myself a few more times before this is all over." Just like the aggressive cops on Thanagar, I'm not sure the disease was the fault of the Anti-Life Entity at all! That's because John Stewart discovers that the Anti-Life Entity has tapped into the power of the planet through their power grid. I think the disease really was just a coincidence and the cow farts got there first.

Wow! Seems like John definitely has everything under control. I'm not even certain why J'onzz was sent with him! Embarrassing, really.

On Earth, Batman and Forager stand around discussing Orion's bigotry and The Forager's costume's lame color combination. The Forager wonders why they don't get to work looking for the Anti-Life Entity and Batman is all, "We are working on it! I turned on my Batcomputer. It'll figure it out!" Boy, these heroes really do depend on their gadgets and gizmos. It doesn't take long for Batman to figure out how the Anti-Life Entity will attack Earth based on the data the other teams have reported back.

I disagree, Batman. 1989? My guess is it's taking over Daytime Talk Shows or MTv.

Lightray and Starfire discover that the residents of Rann have developed Non-Space Space Madness. Everybody is involved in killing everybody else or themselves. I don't know enough about Rann to understand why they'd be open to this kind of attack by the Anti-Life Entity. Are they overly arrogant and trying to prove their individual greatness to each other? Are they so science-minded that the only way to prove who is best is by running a bunch of murder experiments? Will Adam Strange be affected since he's an Earthling and not a Rannling. Rannian? Rannlander?

Was this supposed to be shocking because I was merely tickled by it? Yes, I tittered. I think I really enjoyed the tiny little Moritat-esque figures.

The duo find Adam Strange having tied up Alanna and her father to keep them from killing everything. His alien nature has made him immune to the Non-Space Space Madness. After Lightray and Starfire explain what's happening, Adam Strange believes he knows the way the Anti-Life Entity will attack Rann: through its automated factories! That means the four technologies dooming the planets and the galaxy itself are Military Weaponry, Weather Control Systems, Computers, and Automated Manufacturing. Has this become a Cautionary Tale? Being that Jim Starlin wrote this, I'm surprised each planet isn't just being threatened by a Warworld.

This is a dire situation, Starfire. Can you please stop stretching seductively at every Earthling in a finned helmet?

On New Genesis, we discover why Jason Blood was dragged along: Etrigan's power will be needed to strengthen the boundary between the Anti-Life Universe and the Pro-Life (Sorry!) Universe. While Darkseid didn't initially know about Bob, the Anti-Life Entity because that information was revealed by Martian Manhunter's telepathic scan, he still somehow knew that he was going to need the power of Hell to keep the universe from being destroyed. Sounds fishy to me! I think Darkseid just wants the power of Hell for his own devious reasons! But he shows Highfather some calculations and Highfather looks at those calculations and is too embarrassed to admit he sucks at maths and Jason Blood agrees to merge once again with Etrigan since it's the only way to ensure the universe will be saved. See, Bob the Anti-Life Entity is clawing his way into the DC Universe without the help of his four fingertips and only Etrigan's power can stop it. I guess if the Anti-Life Fingertips succeed, it'll just destroy the universe faster. Or, as I said, Darkseid's a lying liar and manipulating Jason Blood so that Darkseid can have a personal pet demon.

Quick check-in on Thanagar:

I guess Superman knows how to disable the wings of the hawk cops so that they crash to the ground in slow, looping, safe spirals.

Superman knows a job needs to be done and he does it even though he knows he's going to have to give Orion a super scolding at the end of it and explain how disappointed he is that Orion killed so many innocent people. I'm sure Orion will consider Superman's words in a rational and logical manner.

On Xanshi, we learn the Anti-Life Entity seems to have figured out that the real threat to its plans aren't the heroes themselves but the Ghostbusters-style Anti-Life Trap given to them by Highfather. Of course we garner this information from speculation by J'onn rather than actual facts. But then again, I've learned that you should just trust the speculation and gut instincts of heroes in comic books because without their spot-on observations, writers would have to add a lot of boring pages to their comic books to show what took just one or two speech bubbles to tell. So when the Anti-Life Entity Controlled Weather Station's lightning bolt smashes into J'onn, it barely fazes him but does destroy the Ghostbuster trap. Oh no! Now how will they defeat the Anti-Life's Fingertip?!

At this time, John Stewart was really well read, practically a philosopher. But I guess part of knowing that "Pride cometh before a fall" is that the pride doesn't let you remember that saying.

Martian Manhunter and a Green Lantern, on paper, looks like one of the most powerful team-ups somebody could put together in the DC Universe. But I'm pretty sure all it would take to defeat these two is a flamethrower and a can of gold spray paint. Or would that be my pride speaking before my downfall? The ring would be all, "You don't think I can tell the difference between yellow and gold, you stupid motherfucker?!", before it put a green ice pick through the thin layer of gold paint on my head and the barely thicker layer of skull right into my brain.

Batman and Forager continue to save the Earth by not leaving the Batcave. Sure, Batman's doing the research. But the real reason they're spending such a long time in the dank cave is that Batman refuses to be seen in public with Forager until Alfred sews him a new outfit. It's weird that Batman's main complaint with Forager's outfit is that it's red and white and too noticeable in the dark. But he's telling him this Jason Todd's bright red and green costume in a memorial case just over his shoulder.

I would have scanned that but that panel doesn't actually exist. That was just me making connections and speculating as to how to make Batman look like an unthinking moronic jerk with control issues.

Batman discovers the Anti-Life Entity seems to be working out of Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan. Um, no, wait. Moosejaw, Arizona! Because you know how Arizona is known for its meese! Anyway, that's where they're headed! Doesn't Batman feel stupid now because Forager's red and white outfit would look great in Arizona! Maybe throw on some turquoise highlights! He could become their State Hero!

Oh, Batman also learns that a bunch of parts for a Doomsday Bomb were to be delivered to Joe Bester, the dead cop whose body disappeared! Lucky for Batman, if he has to kill to stop this bomb, killing a man who is already dead doesn't count as killing!

Back on Rann, Adam Strange leads Starfire and Lightray on a really fucking suspicious trail.

This is all too easy and weird.

Adam Strange leads them into some simplistic pulp sci-fi narrative with all the clichés. "Too normal." The parts were "shipped" to the basement of the same facility they were manufactured in. Like, um, what? And they're in "Vault #666"! This whole story couldn't be fishier if Aquaman were on the case.

The trio find a Doomsday Bomb in Vault #666 that could blow Rann out of orbit and into the sun leading to the destabilization of the Milky Way! It's not currently armed so Lightray is all, "Let's not dismantle it!" Everybody agrees and they go in search of the Anti-Life Entity. But it finds them first, beats the shit out of Adam Strange, and then disappears into a wall grate. Or maybe it was possessing Adam Strange and forced him to make up all that bullshit earlier and then left his body to find a new victim while Lightray and Starfire scratch their heads confused.

Back on Xanshi, the heart of this issue takes place. Seventeen pages with no interruption to tell the tale of the downfall of John Stewart. I don't know if, before this, John Stewart was portrayed as arrogant and proud. If so then these seventeen pages are heartrending and tragic. But if Starlin just thought to himself, "This highly educated dude just rubs me the wrong way. Thinks he's so smart. I'll show him," then the story is, well, I guess it's still heartrending and tragic because I shouldn't be trying to read the story through the glass of authorial intent, especially when I'm just making up the authorial intent for no good reason. The bad reason that I'm making up things Jim Starlin might have thought is that I'm mad that he didn't throw in a Warworld or two in this series. What good is a Jim Starlin book without Warworld? I was also going to say without a Thanos or Mongul insert but I guess Darkseid's doing that heavy lifting.

What happens is John Stewart, having shown his ring is pretty fucking great over and over again during his journey with J'onn, decides that having to protect J'onn from all the fire hazards is a pain in the ass. So he ditches J'onn in a green bubble with a "So sorry, you suck" and flies off to save the day. He crashes into the weather station ready to defuse the bomb and destroy the Anti-Life Fingertip only to find the Anti-Life Fingertip has been busy painting everything yellow.

Who the fuck is this guy?! He's not even Xanshian!

I totally recognize that guy because he's obviously an insert of some employee at DC so I had to look it up. At first I tried a reverse image search on Mignola's rendering but that turned up nothing. Then I found a Reddit Thread that linked to Comic Book Legends Revealed #279 which casually mentions it was Andy Helfer while discussing whether Stewart was initially meant to be Gardner or not (they conclude: not). It took me a bit to remember why Andy Helfer's image was familiar and where I saw him before and what issue it was because my brain doesn't like to put down its beer and get up from the recliner to go do research in my memory files. But I did remember it was a back-up story in a Justice League comic book where Guy Gardner tries to get a comic book made, maybe of General Glory? I knew it was the back-up story in an issue by somebody whom I always associated more with independent comics than mainstream (for some reason. Possibly because I first knew about him from Alternative Press Expos?): Kyle Baker. So that's that: the person with the paint is Andy Helfer. You can see him in this story drawn by Baker in Justice League #50!

That other guy is so obviously Keith Giffen!

Why was Andy Helfer the guy to screw John Stewart? Did he give the command from up above to fuck Stewart's shit up in this story? Did Mike Mignola do it on a whim? Was Andy Helfer known for painting things yellow around the office? Maybe I shouldn't be so concerned about the guy with the paint brush! Thanks to Batman's revelation about Joe Bester (and possibly the Adam Strange weirdness), we know that the Anti-Life Entity can possess people. It's not really important what skin it's wearing although it is kind of distracting to see that the Anti-Life Entity chose a human looking person to hand paint this massive bomb. And then it didn't even cover up the entire bomb! Couldn't John have used his ring to get at the machinery of the bomb through the screen with the red numbers? Maybe that wasn't actually part of the bomb and just a clock set up to keep track of when the thing was going to blow.

The bomb explodes, incinerating everybody on the planet and turning the core of the planet into anti-matter. This causes a massive explosion which sends the planet, now fully anti-matter, into the heart of its non-anti-matter star. The Milky Way rocks on its, um, whatever keeps it in place, now just one more explosion away from being permeable to Bob the Anti-Life Entity.

Martian Manhunter, having survived with the help of John's ring, finds John so he can shit all over him while he's feeling down. He calls him arrogant. He calls him stupid. He says he can never forgive him. And then he just tells John to shut up before flying off. And just like that, Jim Starlin and Mike Mignola redefined John Stewart for a modern audience. It might be shitty that this defined John for so long but I'd still say it's better than The New 52 redefining John as a Marine more than a philosophical architect.

Back on New Genesis, after receiving word that John Stewart has failed, Darkseid and Highfather rush to get Plan B into action by making Jason Blood and Etrigan hug it out. They merge once again and, although Jason Blood doesn't think so, everything is right again with the universe. If not for this, we would never have had Alan Grant and Val Semeiks' The Demon run!

My boy is back!

Cosmic Odyssey: Book Two: Disaster Rating: A. Maybe this time I'll remember that this was the comic book where John Stewart fucked up and began hating himself, especially since I'll definitely be reading Mosaic at some point in the near future. This comic book continues to be a lot of fun. Not only did it give us this seminal moment in John Stewart's history but it also reunited Jason Blood with Etrigan. I have no idea why they had been split or where that happened but since I didn't remember that I had this book where Stewart fucks up, I'll probably learn sometime in the future that I also own the book where Blood and Etrigan are separated. Or I can look it up online right now and discover it was in a four issue mini-series written by Grendel and Mage writer and artist Matt Wagner. So, um, yeah! I do have that series somewhere!

Let's Read Infinite Jest3. Year of Glad (Part Two of Five)

Characters
Avril Incandenza, Mother of Hal Incandenza. Widow to James Orin Incandenza. Administrator at Enfield Tennis Academy. Strict grammarian.
Orin Incandenza. Brother of Hal Incandenza. Son of James and Avril.
Hal Incandena. Out little mold eating Hamlet.

Characters Mentioned
Winnie the Pooh. Hal's pajamas.

Scene: Weston, a suburb of Boston, Massachusetts. The backyard garden of the Incandenza family home in Spring of the year 1997?/1998? before Subsidized Time.

This section is a flashback to a seminal moment in Hal's life. Possibly! It's not exactly Hal's memory but Hal's retelling of his brother Orin's memory. Told as it is after Hal blames his strange condition in the Year of Glad on something he ate, it's easy to assume that his problems stem from this moment in his childhood when he took a bite of a disgusting mass of mold and fungus from their moist and mildewy basement. The question becomes, "Did eating basement fungus actually do anything to Hal at all? Or is it just an easy unknown to blame all of one's problems on? Or is his mother's reaction the point of the story?"

Avril panics when she comprehends what her son was done and begins screaming, "Help! My son ate this!", while running laps around the small garden. Hal does not remember this so it's hard to think that his mother's reaction could have left an impression on him while, possibly, eating something toxic could have had a lasting effect. More probably, this memory, and Avril's "hysterical" reaction (Hal's wording via Orin's relating of the memory) would have had a significant impact on Orin, as he's the one who experienced and retained the memory.

Later in the novel, we get a slightly more descriptive and thorough retelling of this memory from Orin's point of view. I believe it mostly differs in going slightly past Avril and Hal running around in a blind panic to suggest that a neighbor, or possibly Orin's father, arrived to help.

Later in the novel, much of the action centers around the culture of Alcoholics Anonymous. One of the things members of AA begin to catapult from their lives like garbage into the concavity are the excuses for why they do and think the things they do. There can be stories and facts and memories that may, at times, sound like excuses but as one spends more time in AA, you begin to Identify who's using their stories as excuses and who's just painting the picture of what the fuck they did. Does Hal hold the story of eating fungus-covered mold as an excuse for what's happened to him by the beginning of the novel? It's hard not to think this being that he basically blames his current condition on "something I ate" and then flashes back to this, his brother's, memory. Or does the remembrance just happen to come to the forefront of his mind when he thinks of having et something, possibly the military-grade hallucinogen?

It's also still possible that he watched Infinite Jest! But, as you may quickly be sussing out, all I currently have are questions because this is just my second time reading this thing! I feel like, after this, I'll have a much better handle on it and then I could do a third read-through where I could be all, "Oh, and Hal's all fucked up here because he watched that movie with the naked, disfigured woman apologizing to her baby for thirty full minutes for, presumably, having brought it into this shit world? And is that why people find pleasure in it and want to view it over and over again? Because, ultimately, the reason we're all living out this fucking painful bullshit reality is because two narcissistic horndogs decided to fuck and now we're being punished? So viewing a movie using a special visual technology that basically puts the viewer back into the body of an infant while our mother apologizes over and over again for bringing us into this world (and ultimately killing us because all life dies and that's part of the movie too, sort of (and not just any mother! The Prettiest Girl of All Time! Even if her face is a ravaged mess from having a jar of acid smashed across it!))? I mean, I was near weeping when I explained the premise of the Infinite Jest entertainment to the Non-Certified Wife!"

Anyway, Hal eats some nasty shit at five years old and it might have caused him long-term harm that doesn't manifest until he's seventeen is what this section details.


Piecing Together the November, DAU, to November, Glad, Timeline

The February after the end of the novel, Coach White, via correspondence, recruited Hal to the University of Phoenix tennis program after Hal's graduation from Enfield later that same year (a December graduation, it seems).

Cosmic OdysseyBook One: Discovery (December 1988)

Maybe things were way more different than I remember in 1988 because how the fuck does Forager make this cover?

I don't remember all the young dudes hanging out with their souped-up hot rods down at the malt shop while listening to the Big Bopper handing around this comic book saying things like, "Can you believe Forager made the cover of a big time $3.95 fancy lad comic book?! I'm so cranked! Ay, give it back before you get your hair grease all over it, twerp!" And then one of the dudes noticed John Stewart on the cover and, yeesh, I can't repeat what that guy would have said. This isn't Twitter!

Wait a second. Am I older than I thought I was?

You know what else I don't remember? Anything at all about this comic book. It came out in December of 1988 so I was 17 and my mind was definitely on other things. Like Warhammer and Blood Bowl and Axis and Allies. Sometimes I think I was never really a big fan of comic books because I barely remember a lot of them. But then I have also never been much for revisiting things I've already read or seen. Maybe some people think those two statement didn't need the "but" between them since most people who are huge fans of something repeatedly enjoy that thing over and over again. The only comic book series I remember re-reading while they were still being published were Giffen and DeMatteis's Justice League America, John Ostrander's Suicide Squad, and Wendy and Richard Pini's Elfquest (that one, over and over and over again. I was a sappy teenager! (Never mind if I'm a sappy adult!)). I guess, being young and having a healthy memory, I simply assumed that one reading or viewing of any piece of art or media would last me until the day I died. Doing this project where I'm re-reading a lot of my old comic books has proven me quite wrong. My memories of non-tragic or non-sexual events seem to have a shelf life of about 20 years, give or take how much of an impact the piece had on me. Take some of the literature I read in college about 30 years ago. I can't even be sure of every title I read back then, let alone give a synopsis of the novel. Vanity Fair? Wieland? Bleak House? I mean, sure, I remember the spontaneous combustion in Bleak House and Jarndyce v Jarndyce. And didn't Wieland hinge on the fascination with ventriloquism? And Vanity Fair was about, like, a fair of, um, vain, uh, French people?

If my brain's this fully of mushy memories, does it even mean any of it was worth living? Oh wait! All the cats I've lived with! Yeah, they've totally made it worthwhile. Good on them!

This issue begins six months in the story's past where Darkseid has sent a legion of his Dog Soldiers to invade Earth via BOOM Tube. They're met and easily repelled by Superman and Lightray.

Superman looks just like my high school best friend here. Jealous, ladies and gays?

During the Dog Soldier's retreat, one of their radio operators was left behind. I feel really sad for him because he has the word "dog" in his name and he looks so scared and lost now.

If this were a Garth Ennis story, this guy would be lead singer of a famous rock band when the story resumes six months later.

Luckily this poor little dog soldier has been left in Gotham City. If people like Two-Face and The Penguin can make names for themselves running casinos and practicing law despite their deformations, this little guy should find himself living the good life in no time.

Later, if time has any corresponding meaning as the scene shifts to a small planetoid at the edge of Alpha Centauri, Metron exits a BOOM Tube and crashes his chair on the planetoid's surface. He looks like he's been through some serious shit and his chair is fucked. Speaking of Metron's chair, what the fuck was going on with comic book artists and writers when they were coming up with strange alien conveyances through space? A chair? Skis? A surfboard? A motorcycle? I mean, at least Lobo's space hawg is phat cool, ya dig, Daddio? But a fucking chair? Apparently one of Jack Kirby's big dreams was to just sit back in a comfortable recliner and know shit.

Another BOOM Tube opens up and out steps Darkseid and his Chief Science Officers who are all identified by various Roman numerals on their chests and helmets. Was Zeus/Jupiter based on Darkseid during his teenage years where he'd BOOM Tube down to Earth to fuck Greek and Roman chicks? Did he give them the idea for Roman numerals or did he cadge them for himself? Darkseid has been keeping an eye on Metron in the hopes that Metron might find the Anti-Life Equation for Darkseid. Or he's been keeping an eye on Metron because he really fucking wants that big comfy space chair for himself. Based on Darkseid's sudden appearance in people's houses where he's just parked in their recliners as they come through the door, we know Darkseid does love to have a good sit.

Darkseid Is . . . tired of standing.

Darkseid analyzes Metron's chair's data to discover that Metron encountered an existential threat to the universe that he and his Dog Soldiers and his Mantis People and his Granny Armies and his Female Furies won't be enough to stop by themselves. He's going to have to seek help from people he despises: New Gods and Earth heroes and, um, Forager.

Back in Gotham, Commissioner Gordon informs Batman that a cop has recently disappeared on patrol. Only after the cop disappears does Gordon inform Batman that like ten other people have disappeared in the same area. I guess those people were houseless and minorities? Batman decides he needs to go undercover to lure out the kidnapper. So is it Matches Malone time?! Um, no.

I think this counts as a hat on a hat.

Batman, unrecognizable in a fedora and trench coat (I'm assuming this was a hilarious joke that the creative team came up with, having a guy who wears a disguise to hide his secret identity wear a disguise over that disguise to hide his secret identity. I mean, it is funny!), discovers, through the use of his ears, that the person and/or Dog Soldier of Apokolips kidnapping Gothamites has been squatting in the sewers. His ears hear a manhole clink and Batman exclaims, "Of course! Why didn't I think of that?! Half of my rogue's gallery hide out in the sewers!" The fedora and trench coat having served their purpose of, um, keeping people from knowing it was Batman walking around, are ditched in the street so that Batman can continue his investigation without hiding his identity. Batman probably wouldn't have heard the manhole cover fall into place if he hadn't been in disguise because the Dog Soldier would have known better than to peak out of the manhole to see who was walking on the streets above him if he could see it was Batman.

Batman follows the creatures trail realizing he's after a massive humanoid. I appreciate that Jim Starlin made Batman vulnerable in this scene. Far too often, writers simply decide Batman is a stoic tough guy who shows no fear and is incapable of any negative human emotion. But Starlin's Batman could give Kevin Smith's pissing-his-pants Batman a run for his money. He begins to feel a bit nervous when he realizes he's after a gigantic alien creature. And then he stumbles upon the Dog Soldier's victims, slaughtered and hung from hooks, bones and decaying meat strewn about the room. Batman almost throws up as he flees from the scene. He even contemplates going to get back-up rather than confronting the monster himself.

Jim Starlin's Batman is into upskirts.

Before Batman realizes he's doing it, he attacks the Dog Soldier in retaliation for its victims. Batman gets his ass beat pretty handily and realizes he can't beat the creature in a fist fight. So after Batman's head gets dunked upside down in the sewer forcing him to smell shit for the next three weeks, he chooses to do something he rarely ever does and probably wouldn't do if he didn't think there were any witnesses deep down in the Gotham sewers.

The "firearm" is the Dog Soldier's weapon that Batman kicked out of his hands earlier and not some secret gun Batman keeps on him for emergencies like this where he knows there are no witnesses. Don't be absurd!

Batman shoots the Dog Soldier in the chest as it attacks him, felling it with a massive hole in its body. It falls against the wall, mutters, "Darkseid," and dies. I'm not sure if Batman doesn't worry too much about killing it because it was an alien or because Batman's life actually hinged on killing it or because it muttered "Darkseid" after he'd already chosen to kill it. But he doesn't worry about his choice at all. He heads up to find Commissioner Gordon to report what he found and lead the police down to the body and the scene of the murders.

The caterpillar never said that, asshole!

How smart can Batman be if he doesn't even know every single fucking detail of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland? Alice says that and she only ever says it once even! Some fucking detective. Plus he's all, "No big deal. I killed that thing. It shouldn't have walked away, dude." I guess Batman's "No Kill" stance only applies to humans? Maybe even just Americans?!

The "curiouser" part of the mystery is that Batman saw Joe Bester's body hanging from a hook earlier and now it seems to be gone. Also maybe Batman's talking about how badly his fills turned out. He should sue whoever gave him those lip injections.

The story nearly catches up to the current date as the following scene begins with "Yesterday". Yesterday, New Genesis residents, Lonar and his horse Thunderer, have arrived on Earth and found their way into the Oval Office presenting themselves as ambassadors from New Genesis. Well, Lonar has, anyway. I just got stuck with third person plural pronouns by adding Thunderer into the whole scene even though he's only mentioned as "a flying horse" by the president. Lonar has demanded to meet with the Earth ambassadors to New Genesis. He understands that Earth probably doesn't have one which is why he brought a list of people he is sort of demanding take the job. The president is all, "How do I get in touch with these people?!" And his staff are all, "Well, we can call Superman. We'll just tell him to bring the others." And so pretty soon, the Oval Office is full of New Gods, super heroes, and horse farts.

If I hadn't already known Etrigan was going to be in this story, I'd be off changing my underwear right now.

I bet I would have gotten laid more often if I didn't insist on yelling, "Gone, gone, form of man! Arise, my penis, Etrigan!", every time I took my pants off around a lady.

The heroes and Lonar BOOM Tube out of the Oval Office, leaving the president to realize just how unimportant he really is. Later he would learn that he would only serve one term and discover how really, really unimportant he was.

Waiting on the other side of the BOOM Tube on New Genesis are Highfather, Orion, and Lightray. Waiting a little bit further back in the shadows is Darkseid. When he steps out to declare that it was his idea to get all these people together, Superman instantly attacks him. And this was immediately following Superman scoffing about Batman being an ambassador! At least Batman didn't put a hole in Darkseid's chest immediately even though we know he could have and wouldn't really hesitate to and maybe would kill everybody else on New Genesis as well being that they're not human and don't fall under the umbrella of his No Kill Policy.

That cheeky grin is killing me.

How come Darkseid looks so short? I always picture him as towering over everybody. But I guess his body is choad-shaped.

In order to explain why Darkseid and Highfather called these heroes for help, Highfather first explains the origins of New Genesis and Apokolips. It seems many billions of years ago, a race existed that thought themselves better and smarter than every other race in the universe. They believed that their shit never stank while everybody's else's shit stank like a phobey cat protecting its phobey young. One group of aliens would not bow down before these smarmy jerks and so war began. The arrogant race of beings eventually came up with a weapon of such destruction that they could easily put an end to the war: the Anti-Life Equation.

Was this race called "Americans"?

Once released, the Anti-Life Equation destroyed the planet it was fired from. It raced across space in all directions, destroying every thing with which it came into contact. But it's reach wasn't infinite. At some point, it turned back in on itself and imploded, leaving a section of the universe cut off from the rest of it. The only thing remaining in this pocket universe were a single sun and two planets, New Genesis and Apokolips. One planet's residences decided not to be assholes and the other planet's residences decided to be the biggest bunch of assholes ever. The end.

That story needed to be told so that Earth's heroes would understand how dangerous the Anti-Life Equation was, if they couldn't figure it out by its name. It appears that Metron had finally discovered it and while tinkering with it, set it in motion! But studying Metron's data from his chair wasn't enough to tell Darkseid how to stop this looming crisis of anti-lifing everything in the universe. He needed help! He needed to delve into Metron's mind! So Batman steps forward and is all, "That's why I'm here, I take it. My uncanny intuition and nearly paranormal detective abilities should enable me to figure out what Metron did and how to stop it." But then Martian Manhunter stepped forward and was all, "Get the fuck out of my way, you idiot."

I chose to edit out the Batman stuff but I assure you it was in there!

I'm surprised Batman didn't rush forward, shove Metron out of the chair, hop in, and ask, "Who is the Joker?!" Then he'd be all, "No way!" And I would be all, "There's no way Batman got the answer. It's just not possible. The Joker's actual identity can never be known for it would ruin his entire metaphoric existence." But then some kid on tumblr would be all, "How dare you say that! Of course Batman got the answer, you stupid old prick! Your a moron!" And then DC revealed that Batman did not learn the name of the Joker but learned that there were three Jokers. Which, actually, is kind of stupid in itself. How did that turn out, by the way? Was The One Who Laughs one of the three? And the usual one was one, obvs. But who was the third then? Was it, um, Batman himself?!

Martian Manhunter reads Metron's mind and projects the thoughts and images to all those around him. They learn of Metron's search for the equation. They learn he found it. They learn that before experimenting with it, Metron flew out to a remote, uninhabited patch of space. He then dug down into another dimension as a cushion for anything that might go wrong. Then, when he entered the equation into his chair, he programmed it so that the energy would not be produced but that he would be transported to the place where the energy came from. And once there, so many dimensions away from Metron's usual reality, he discovered the true secret of the Anti-Life Equation.

It was just, you know, some guy.

Is this story still canon? Was it ever canon or was this later remanded into Elseworld's custody? I really love the idea of the Anti-Life Equation being a dark God of immense power locked away in a secret pocket dimension that can only be found by some curious and evil genius. Sort of like the fifth Chaos God in Warhammer, Malice! Oh man, I shouldn't even mention him just in case Doom Bunny reads this since Malice is a huge part of the Dungeons & Dragons campaign I'm supposed to be working on!

As Metron flees, he tries to close down the portals as he goes to keep Bob the Anti-Life God from following him. He's mostly successful except for the four fingertips of Bob that get cut off as the portals close behind Metron. These four pieces of Anti-Life zip off to who the fuck knows where as Metron loses his fucking mind and crashes on a barren planet to be found later by Darkseid and his Roman Numeral Gang.

Metron's story was the last piece of the puzzle Darkseid needed to understand Bob the Anti-Life God's plan. Bob cannot survive in our Pro-Life (forgive me the phrase!) Universe. But his smaller aspects can survive for a limited amount of time. These aspects need to destabilize and destroy a galaxy to change the conditions enough for Bob to survive in this universe and have a base for conquering the entire thing. To do this, each aspect have flown to a one of four different planets in the Milky Way. These planets are gravitational linchpins holding the Milky Way together. And Darkseid has a bummer of a conclusion for everybody and Forager.

Jason Blood must have fallen asleep. His reaction was just, "Byu byu byu byu."

The four planets in danger are Earth, Rann, Thanagar, and Xanshi. I'm not sure what Xanshi is so my guess is that one winds up getting destroyed for tension's sake! Also, I guess this story is canon because isn't this where John Stewart gets an entire planet killed? If that's from this series then I actually do remember some of this series!

Darkseid puts his plan into motion. Orion and Superman will save Thanagar because Hawkpeople are aggressive and Orion is aggressive and Superman, when he sees Darkseid, is super aggressive. Lightray and Starfire will save Rann because, I don't know, light powers or something? Batman and Forager will save Earth because Darkseid actually hopes Earth gets destroyed. That's why he sends the two people he sees as the weakest links. And he sends Martian Manhunter and John Stewart to fail to save Xanshi which will cause John Stewart to spiral into a really fucking dark place for a really fucking long time.

On Earth, Batman doesn't put Forager in a fedora and trench coat.

So unbelievable. No way even Batman could find a working pay phone in Gotham.

My first guess as to who Batman could be calling to spy on some guy on another world in a pocket dimension in deep space was Madame Xanadu. But Doctor Fate is on the cover of the fourth issue so it's probably him.

Meanwhile on New Genesis, Jason Blood is all, "Why the fuck am I here?" And Darkseid raises a curtain in the back of the room and is all, "Jason Blood! This is your life!"

Ha ha! Etrigan is old!

Cosmic Odyssey: Book One: Discovery Rating: A. I often enjoy songs and know things about the songs and can sing all the lyrics but then not remember who sang it or what album it's on or maybe even what the title of the song is. But I still know the song and it's in my head and I have access to it. I think my knowledge of comic books exists somewhere in that same kind of space. I actually remember a lot more of this book than I realized because I just didn't know that the things within this book that are still in my head were from this book. Which, ultimately, is pretty much okey-dokey with me. I'm not one of those people who needs to know all the details of some shit that I enjoyed. I just enjoy something, come to terms with it in my head, and put it up on a mind-shelf, hopefully within easy reach when I need it. Of course now, in the second half of my life, I've just decided to re-organize my mind shelves, see what was on them, have some good old memories over them, and then, I guess, fucking die? Maybe I'll try to throw in a few new experiences too, just so I don't completely feel like life is mostly over! Like take a strap-on right up the poop chute or take way more LSD than I ever have before! Maybe both at the same time! Man, I can't wait! My best years are still ahead of me!