The Flash #52

The Review or Whatever!
This story is about The Flash battling The Riddler. If you're asking me why it's taking so long to get to the end, I don't have an answer for you. Who thinks The Riddler has the potential to make The Flash's life miserable? I'm not even talking about nerd "What-If" conundrums sitting around a table in the back of a comic book shop. Nobody needs to use any brain power to realize that The Riddler should just stay out of Central City. Even if The Riddler had been smart enough to stay in hiding somewhere while making The Flash's life difficult with a bunch of Riddle Traps, The Flash still wouldn't have been fazed by any of it. Remember how he can think at super-speed? If he were asked a difficult riddle that had some kind of time limit, The Flash can do his super-quick thinking thing and realize in 0.0000001 Nanoseconds that he should run to Gotham and ask Batman. Problem solved! And if The Riddler ever decided to show his face around The Flash (which he did!), The Flash would have him bound and gagged before The Riddler could even threaten The Flash with a knock-knock joke!

One time when visiting Kansas when I was five, I was forced to go to Sunday School by my Aunt's mom. I heard less ridiculous things in class that day than I'm currently reading in this comic book.

I would still consider it humane! Look, if we're going to have the ridiculous debate about how to kill somebody humanely, why not the guillotine? Because when you really sit down and stop being a dick, you'd realize that the death penalty can't ever be applied humanely.

If I were in charge of punishing criminals, my death penalty would be applied randomly! So everybody on Death Row knows that at any time, somebody can come into their cells and just butcher them. Then once a month or so, I'd stage a butchering in one of the cells to really freak out everybody on Death Row. But I'd never actually kill anybody. Even that is more humane than actually killing somebody! Plus, I think it's a pretty fun punishment! It would give a lot of theater majors jobs!

I do like the idea of cutting off Barry's head in a guillotine! Too bad I know he survives because I read Rebirth #1 already! Idiot! Now I'm not feeling any tension!

Wally West hears The Riddler's announcement that The Flash will be executed on live television at the bottom of the hour. Which part of the hour is the bottom? The 30 part of the hour because it's at the bottom of an old fashioned clock? Or does that just mean the end of the hour? Some times you can live to be forty-four years old and still not understand simple turns of phrase because nobody bothered to explain them to you. Assholes.

Oh, um, I forgot to add Wally's reaction to the end of that paragraph! I'm always distracting myself! So, um, after hearing the announcement, Wally uses his new superspeed to dismantle one of The Riddler's drones. Apparently The Riddler's drones aren't programmed to start killing people as soon as superspeed is detected. If that were really true, The Riddler would be done for because The Flash can deposit The Riddler in China long before The Riddler can activate the drones manually.

Oh! I wonder if The Flash will use his supervibrating powers to pleasure Iris. I mean to pretend he lost his head in the guillotine as it seemingly slides through his neck and then his head drops into the basket (still attached, of course, but vibrating so his neck can phase through the wall of the basket).

Because Riddler's drones detected superspeed elsewhere in the city, The Riddler believes that Barry Allen is lying about being The Flash! Good one, Wally! You've totally saved the day and Barry's secret identity too! And The Riddler won't destroy the city until he can explain his genius to the actual Flash. Wally West is a genius! I mean, an accidental genius, but still a genius! Although he actually is a real genius as well because aren't all super heroes?

The Flash walks off to go get help from The Rogues. Sure! Why not?! They've been against him for a few issues so it's time for them to flip-flop and help him for a few issues. But only because their home is being threatened! Once they save the city, they'll be back to burglaring things!

The Flash, Captain Cold, Weather Wizard, and The Pied Piper head off to confront The Riddler while Golden Glider, Trickster, and Mirror Master go to save Heat Wave. Riddler realizes Trickster betrays him and sets off the bomb in Trickster's arm. With his good hand, Trickster decides to hold it against Heat Wave's prison to free him. I guess Trickster is now a double amputee, at the least.

Oh come on! He was at the center of that blast!

Once The Flash knows Heat Wave's powers won't be used against the city by The Riddler, he destroys all of the drones and apprehends The Riddler. Just like he should have done in two seconds when The Riddler first threatened him. I think sometimes he forgets just how fast he can do things.

The issue ends with Captain Frye finally realizing he's been a complete moron and the citizens of Central City cheering The Flash...for now!

Did this issue make up for how terrible this book has been for the last year or more? Of course not! But it was actually a good issue! More like how this book should be. I guess I can't tell Van Jensen to keep going in this direction since he's just kept going right out of DC's offices. I'm not sure who is writing this book after Rebirth. I suppose I can look it up but I can also wait until Wednesday. Being that I'm Internet Lazy, I'll just wait for Wednesday. Or for Troll Post to tell me in the comments!