Vibe #2

How does Vibe even get into this position? I thought the main point of his power was it could vibrate Parademons into nonexistence.

Writing a little something every day is a superb way to track the fluctuations in your brain chemistry. The past week or so, I haven't really felt like writing commentary on comic books but I keep at it because I don't know how not to. The thing I dislike most about writing while in this mood is the way my manic thoughts seem dulled. The commentaries just don't pop when my mind isn't throwing five thoughts at me at once. It colors my reactions as well. I've been waiting all year for Morrison's ultimate issue of Action Comics and I was barely able to plod through it, walking away four or five times while reading it. I really just want to crawl into bed and sleep.

Instead, I'm going to read a comic book about one of the worst comic book characters in DC History. And I don't think giving him the power to get a headache when he's near other-dimensional creatures is helping his reputation. Oh! Don't forget his inability to be photographed. I have some family members that might actually pick that power as their answer when asked, "If you could have one super power, what would it be?" My first reaction is immortality but what good would that be without invulnerability! Just ask Koschei the Deathless! The Deathstroke version, not the Russian fairy tale version. Super speed would suck because you would constantly be waiting for everyone or everyone would constantly want you to run their errands. Although I might like the metabolism of a speedster. Flight would be fun but, again, I think I'd pass if invulnerability wasn't thrown in as a freebie. I think the power I'd like is to make my farts smell like cows so that on road trips, I could fart in the car and everybody would roll the windows up.

Last issue, Vibe was tricked into joining Justice League of America and working for that lying prick, Amanda Waller. This issue, Detroit proves that it is indeed an inter-dimensional nexus.

To the surprise of absolutely nobody.

The alien above is merely saying, "Alien Language." No, no. It's Runespeak, sir! Or Old Portugese [sic]! Although the alien isn't claiming to be saying what he's speaking. Perhaps he simply has a speech impediment that causes him to say the same two things over and over. Or those are the only two words in his language. I don't know what dimension this guy is from but he kind of looks like a Parademon in Cthulu Drag.

While this monster is sneaking into our dimension under cover of Detroit, Cisco (Vibe!) is busy showing his costume to his soon-to-be-super-villain brother. Of course Amanda Waller (who is watching everything through his glasses that record all of the action but Cisco doesn't realize are always on because Amanda Waller is a gigantic snoop) can't believe Vibe is already blowing his secret identity. And she has every right to be annoyed! Dante is going to be trouble!

The Shadowy Egghead will probably be trouble as well.

I looked up "Shadowy Egghead" in the Who's Who and there was no entry for him. They must have forgotten him when they sent it to print.

Shadowy Egghead turns out to be Agent Gunn (I think?). He's come by to lecture Vibe about telling people his secret identity. Now Amanda Waller has Dante categorized as a "Probable Incompetent Super Villain Threat That Will Die When He's Used By A More Competent Super Villain To Get At The Justice League Of America." Or "Lazy Bum." Amanda Waller can never be too careful.

Meanwhile the Cthuluian Drag Queen is busy watching news reports about the country of Kahndaq (sounds familiar!) and a terrorist group called The Sons of Adam (Captain Atom's cult?) and the "controversial Stagg Industries Refinery" (Metamorpho's in-laws!). Oh, he also hears the news report say, "A.R.G.U.S." and the Cthuluian Drag Queen freaks the fuck out.

Vibe is supposed to meet the other members of the Justice League of America in the morning, so he heads home to research them online.

Just in case anyone forgot that Hawkman is now more like the Preboot Hawkman than the Tony Daniel/Rob Liefeld colostomy bag from The New 52.

Eventually Vibe gets another headache because the Cthuluian Drag Queen is close to his house. Agent Gunn calls to let him know they've picked up a strange reading as well. The Justice League of America can sense the inter-dimensional beings but they need Vibe to track down their specific location and to send them back where they came from or destroy them. But being a military organization, I don't think they have any current plans for what to do when the creature just wants to talk.

The Note (horizontally flipped): "I REALLY LOVE MY GIRLFREIND MAITE, SHE TRULY IS THE BEST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO ME." Well, um, thanks, Alien! I'm sure Vibe will be happy to pass the message along.

Agent Gunn (who I'm willing to believe is the same Gunn from the television show Angel after Amanda Waller resurrected him to give him a government job dealing with monstrous beasts because he had so much experience) kills the monster and lies to Vibe just like a good government agent should. Fuck the truth of things when you can just kill stuff to try and maintain control. He claims the note was a formal declaration of war and Vibe just saved the world. Oh! So you can stop a war by killing the person handing over the declaration? That's good to know! Lots of lives saved! The note is confiscated and given to Amanda Waller.

Even though I just translated the letter, Amanda Waller gives it to the person they have in the Circus that can read it: Gypsy. This is apparently in Gypsy's native tongue. So Old Portugese [sic]/Runespeak/Alien Language is Gypsy's native language? So does that mean she comes from the same place that Peraxxus came from? A lot of people sure do like this language. It's more popular than Interlac. Gypsy says the note is from her father and that Gypsy should return home. But Amanda isn't letting Gypsy go anywhere, so Amanda wants Gypsy to pen a response saying something like, "Having a hell of a time. Wish you were here! But, umm, don't come anywhere near here because it's too much fun!" But since Amanda can't read the thing, what's to stop Gypsy from writing back, "Captured by miserable bitch. Send troops now."

A day later, Vibe is in Washington DC ready to meet his teammates. While he's waiting for the ten o'clock meeting, Vibe is discussing the setup with his brother over the phone.

It's a wonder anybody ever arrives for a Legion of Doom meeting with this kind of thinking.

And then Vibe and the rest of the Justice League of America are introduced to the public as the most free, Godly, democratic, wealthiest but caring, smartest, best, greatest heroes ever created in the entire world! The Americans cheer wildly while the rest of the world rolls their eyes and makes whacking off motions. During the show, Amanda is already setting up plans to make sure Vibe fights with Kid Flash to establish that he's a real hero by fighting another real hero.

Vibe #2 Rating: +1 Ranking. This comic book was an enjoyable enough way to pass the time. It held my interest. I was entertained.