Batman #18

This issue should just be twenty pages of Scott Snyder whining how Morrison was able to kill Damian immediately after Death of the Family ended without a drop of spilled Bat-Blood.

I thought Death of the Family (excluding the crossover titles) was a solid Joker story even though it didn't end in any real, physical tragedy. But the real problem with it came immediately after it ended. The Joker's plan was to tear the family apart and it seemed like that's what he did. For the story to have any real lasting impact, the Bat-Family should be avoiding Batman at all costs, hurt and bewildered and trying to process what just happened. See? It's right in the name of the crossover: Death of the Family. But guess what? They're all immediately hanging out at the Bat-Getaway in the next issue of Red Hood and the Outlaws. There are just too many Bat-related titles with too many different (and, at least one, horrible) writers trying to tell their own stories to make Death of the Family mean anything. I was hoping it would at least have some effect here in this title but then that other thing happened. Damian was killed.

So in a story that took even comic book shop owners by surprise, Grant Morrison kills Damian immediately after Death of the Family concludes. Perhaps Snyder's plan was to kill Damian but Morrison had dibs? Perhaps DC's plan was for everybody to feel safe, feel they could relax, and then WHAM! Tragedy! But I can't help thinking that Damian's death was more of a whim by Grant Morrison. Which sucks (whim or not) because I really liked Damian Wayne and what he brought to Batman. Being that Batman Incorporated was delayed for a month due to the Colorado movie theater shooting, Damian's death should have taken place a month before Death of the Family ended. That is, of course, if it were planned that far in advance which I think it was judging by the way Batman Incorporated #1 begins with Bruce Wayne in a cemetery telling Alfred it was all over. Although Bruce Wayne is being arrested at that moment as well. Maybe he'll be accused of child endangerment and child abuse!

Of course Batman Incorporated #9 hasn't come out yet, so Robin might not officially be dead. They already faked his death once in the comic. Maybe his death needed to be super faked in order to draw out Talia and end her game! Or maybe I'm still grasping at comic book fanboy straws! No, no. Death in comics is never the last word. Unless you're Ted Kord.

Enough about Grant Morrison. Let's see if Scott Snyder, at least, has kept up this theme of the Death of the Family in his comic.

Batman #18 begins with Future Robin and her brother Cullen:

I hope Damian lives but isn't allowed to be Robin anymore. Then we could still have Damian as a character and Harper as the next Robin.

Harper and Cullen are headed out to Blackgate to visit their dad. Blackgate is on an island. Is every major destination in Gotham on an island? They visit their dad. Their dad is a dick. They leave with hurt feelings.

Afterward Harper continues with her hobby of tracking Batman around Gotham. Batman has been on a nonstop rampage for a week and Harper is worried about him. She saved his life after he escaped The Court of Owls' underground labyrinth, so she probably feels somewhat responsible for him. Or maybe The Joker manipulated her life in just the right way so that she can become the next Robin! That makes the most sense. But why is Batman on a day and night rampage? It's probably because Alfred is a complete pain in the ass patient and he keeps ringing that Goddamned bell, constantly, incessantly ringing that motherfucking bell! So he's driven Batman out of Wayne Manor to take his frustrations out on the local thugs. Or it could be he's still upset about The Joker. Or maybe his son died or something.

With nobody to take care of them, do you think Damian's pets will band together to become The Batpets? That should always be the back-up story in this comic book. Titus, Alfred, and Batcow are...THE BATPETS! They can battle The Penguin's Penguins or The Riddler's Guinea Pigs or Bane's Rottweilers or The Joker's dead Hyenas or Zsasz's gerbils. Maybe they could team up with Beppo or Krypto or Dex-Starr.

While watching him from afar, Harper can see deep into Batman's psyche to the pain and loss and grief he's suffering. Maybe it's the way he punches differently now. Or the way he runs over criminals in the Batcar in just that way that says, "I'm so sad." Maybe it's the constant stream of tears that give away his inner heart? Or the way he collapses in the corner of an alley surrounded by barely breathing thugs, sobbing Damian's name over and over again? No. I don't think Batman does any of those things. I think she notices the pain he's going through because she's projecting her own feelings onto him and, coincidentally, they just happen to mirror hers.

I guess Harper might be able to read minds and emotions as well. But if she has a superpower, I don't think she can become Robin.

Haven't you heard? Robin is dead! He died about the same time as Bruce Wayne's son. I think it was a tandem bicycle accident.

So that's how she knows he's in pain! Batman is getting stabbed by half-drunk cyborgs (because the robot half can't get drunk!). Well there's only one thing for it! Harper needs to save the day! And she gets her chance when Batman decides to pick a fight with a pack of dogs on Venom!

Oh come on! Where the fuck is the union? This is so obviously a job for the Batpets!

Just as Batman is about to become a Batsnack, Harper shows up with an Ultra Doggy Whistle. The dogs scatter and Batman is saved! Although he's only saved by Harper because she had her Ultra Doggy Whistle handy while Batman had yet to reach into his utility belt to pull his out. She then shocks the Dog Trainer in the balls with her Ultra Ball Shocker which gives Batman a chance to punch the guy in the nose and end the fight. Except all those dogs on Venom are now running loose in the city. I think they pass out really quickly from the effects of the drug though, so they'll probably only be able to maul two or three kids.

And then Batman tells Harper what he probably should have framed and mounted in the Batcave under a gigantic neon sign that says, "WHY ROBINS ARE A BAD IDEA."

There might be some good reasons to have a Robin as well. But if there were only one bad reason not to have a young kid fight at your side and it was because you'll soon have a young corpse at your side, that reason should probably trump all of the good reasons.

Harper comes back with, "I don't need another father!" which makes Batman grit his teeth and tell Harper to "fuck the fuck off!" Those quotation marks may be a bit misleading as they may have said some other things that didn't totally come off like a teenaged know-it-all that thinks she has something new to say to Batman and an old cold-hearted fart that doesn't want to get to know anymore people that might one day die on them.

And then the art changes which means the back-up story must have begun although it sort of continues the story as Harper makes plans on infiltrating Wayne Tower or the Batman Incorporated Building or whatever the building that looks like Batman is called. She's going to see Bruce Wayne to get a message to Batman. See? See that?! Even this poverty stricken girl with no access to a criminal mastermind laboratory of high tech weapons tries to get to Batman through Bruce Wayne. That's why you don't tie your secret identity so closely to your super hero identity! Jesus, Batman! It's Introduction to Secret Identities 101! The community college course!

I thought Harper was going to unroll her blueprints only to find she'd mistakenly grabbed the Banana Splits poster.

Because of the blueprints, Batman comes to see Harper and apologize for breaking her nose. And to get lectured by her again! Or to show him that people care about him and Gotham needs him. I guess it depends on how cynical you are. Harper takes off to let Batman watch the light show she created by fucking with Wayne Enterprises electrical system. It's supposed to spell out a word one letter at a time but it's the first letter that's all Batman cares about.

The whole word was "resolve". It meant something to somebody or something.

Batman #18 Rating: No change. I think Harper would make an interesting Robin. She can constantly tell Batman her mom's words of wisdom. And she can be the first Robin to never know Batman's secret identity. They'll just meet up at night and kick some ass and then go home separately. Later, Cullen could become Robin's sidekick and call himself Egg. But mostly I just want The Batpets happening in New 52 continuity and not just over in the new Li'l Gotham comic.