Batgirl #18

I was walking home from lunch the other day when I saw a Robin hopping in the street off to my left. So I yelled, "Hey bird! Robin is dead!" I figured that was the best way to deliver the news.

Dear Diary,

I've been thinking about changing my name to "Batgrrl". What do you think? Sometimes when I type "Batgirl", it comes out "Batgril" and then I chuckle and think, "I bet that's exactly what Batman calls his barbeque." Do you think there will ever be a Batgorilla? I bet The Riddler once dressed up a gorilla in a Batcowl and called it Batgorilla and sent it out to attack Batman. I wouldn't be surprised if that happened early in Batman's career when his conflicts tended toward goofy rather than grim. What happened to the world that it went from a place where people would get joy out of Batman battling Batgorilla to a place where raving lunatics would clog the internet calling for blood at the stupidity of a battle between Batman and Batgorilla? As if they could point the finger of blame at anybody though! Look at me! I'm thinking about the world as if it were fan fiction! Silly me.

I suppose you want to learn how my recent encounter with Firebug turned out, don't you? Well...we're going out on Friday! Ha ha! JK! Seriously, Diary, you're such a gullible loser sometimes. Anyway, let me start at the ending of the middle...

I won.

I am so sore and burnt and smell like bricks and tar and fire. Why do I do it? Why do I fight crime? I'd rather just write my Ray Fawkes fan fiction. Although I was looking over the last story that I wrote and it was a bit incestuous, wasn't it, Diary? I posted it on my battitties tumblr account and somebody responded with "Not that I care for incest. I just figure it is a touchy subject in comic books and elsewhere." Ha ha! Oh, tumblr! You don't even want to offend people engaged in brother/sister incest! But then some creepy molester guy started anon-harassing me about wishing he were my brother so I'd be all down his pants. So I took the story off. Ha ha! Oh tumblr! Fifty percent good vibes, fifty percent show me your pussy.

So I survived. Then I got a phone call I can't talk about yet. I just can't. I mean, I guess I could. But I called up Dick and he couldn't talk about it and he's no better than I am, so I can't talk about it either! Like he's too busy to talk. I bet Batman is also too busy to talk. And Tim is probably too busy and/or too possessed by a demon to talk. And Jason Todd is, well, who the flip cares about him anyway? And then I got another phone call that I just plain don't want to talk about.

I mean, seriously. How dare he call me and threaten me? After selling me out to The Joker? Who does that little bastard think he is? I guess I'm kind of glad that he helped save mom even if it meant nearly getting me, his own sister, killed! And I could go crazy wondering why he would do that. Is he capable of love? What is the connection he has with mom that would make him save her? I mean he probably only saved her for his own screwed up reasoning that only another crazy person could figure out. Anyway, I didn't want to talk to you about that, Diary! I wanted to talk about how I hunted down the FireRoach and kicked his ass!

I was pretty proud of that glove removal move after he locked the grenade to it. Small wrists, dipshit!

Villains are idiots. The majority of the world are still sexist assholes (men and women!), so they hear "Girl" in my name and think they're getting lucky. Okay, maybe they are getting lucky that they're not on the other end of the "Man" version of me, especially right now with what he's probably going through and all that crap. You know. The stuff in relation to the phone call I don't want to talk about. Anyway, they hear "Batgirl" and think they're going to the prom. I like to show them different. Well, different from the prom they were expecting. My prom was pretty much a brawl.

Afterward I went looking for my brother but the coward didn't show up. Oh well. I doubt he can get be up to too much trouble in a day or two.

Batgirl #18 Rating: No change although I almost dropped it a rank. The narration by James Gordon, Jr., was especially annoying this issue, especially in the places where he was speaking about things he couldn't possibly know. But since I still think of this as Gail Simone's book while she's on hiatus from it, I hate to penalize her because of Ray Fawkes style. Also, I just ate a half a container of Oreos while writing this. I guess I needed to get into character! Or the character that I'm turning Batgirl into, anyway. I just picture her sprawled on her bed in her underwear scarfing down cookies and ice cream as she completes another diary entry. And then she goes in the living room and plays video games with Alysia all night long. Does Alysia even have a job? I forget!