Green Lantern Annual #1

Green Lantern's been slimed!

The comic book begins with the Oans discussing their failures across billions and billions of years. It appears their main goal has been the elimination of chaos in the universe. That seems silly. The universe is a chaotic place. I think the only for them to be happy is to eliminate their need to eliminate chaos! But instead, they keep making Armies to destroy the things they think are causing the chaos.

They created the emotionless Manhunters believing that emotion caused Chaos. But the Manhunters went and destroyed a whole sector and that was deemed a failure. But I bet that sector was less chaotic afterward!

The Guardians then believed that fear was behind Chaos, so they created the Green Lanterns to eliminate fear. But that didn't work either for some reason. Perhaps because Krona went and created a bunch of stupid Lantern Corps that made no sense.

No the Guardians believe that free will is causing all that Chaos. So the Green Lantern Corps and every other being in the universe is going to have to die. Because then no Chaos will be left! Except for all the non-sentient Chaos that the universe is filled with. These Oans are dumb jerks. Can't they see they're the problem? They have boundary and control issues. Someone needs to slip some Vicodin in their food so they'll let go and relax a bit.

The Guardians head off to free the First Lantern from some giant cube chained with Green Lantern light. But the First Lantern is guarded by another group of Guardians who have sworn to protect the First Lantern with their lives. Looks like it's time for a little blue man brawl!

You would think the ones kept in a dark cube for billions of years would be the ones to have gone insane.

The Guardians kill one of their long lost brethren and steal The First Lantern while the other lost Guardians stand around in shock. The Guardians lock them back up and leave with the First Lantern. On their way home, they notice Black Hand battling with Hal Jordan and Sinestro. This is the first time they're seeing that Hal once again has a Green Lantern Ring. They decide to charge up Black Hand so that he can kill Sinestro and Hal. Those Guardians are just insane. They don't make any sense! They decided the Green Lantern Corps had failed because it couldn't destroy the Black Lanterns alone. But now they're helping a Black Lantern because they've suddenly decided the Green Lanterns are the problem.

Whatever the Oans deal is, their plan works so why should I be complaining?

Green Lantern Hal Jordan is dead! Long unlive Black Lantern Hal Jordan!

The Guardians have finally decided to let the Black Lantern Black Hand live because they can control him without Nekron to back him up. They place him locked away in the Shadow Chamber to use later when they need someone to kill everything.

Sinestro's ring flies off to find a replacement now that he and Hal are dead. But something has gone wrong with the ring during the blast of Black Lantern power. It keeps screaming error as it searches for a replacement. My guess is that it is now like Jaime's Blue Beetle. It will find a replacement but that replacement will have no connection to the Guardians of the Universe at all.

And finally, the Guardians siphon the power from the First Lantern so that they can create the first member of their Third Army from their own flesh.

I'm not a fan.

These new Lanterns are part of the Guardian's consciousness, so they have no free will. A human stumbles upon this scene and is instantly transformed into the second member of the Third Army. The human's heart is removed because biologically that's where emotions and free will come from, right? The human is allowed to keep its eyes but its brain is now part of the new Guardians' Third Army Hivemind. And I'm guessing that everyone is already calling this Third Army the Borg Lanterns. If not, they will be soon!

Green Lantern Annual #1 did everything I expected it was going to do. Killed off Hal Jordan (although according to the Book of the Black, he'll be back as a Black Lantern) and created the Third Army. The Third Army just look like mouthless aliens. Although the human one that is allowed to keep his eyes sort of looks like a zombie from Return of the Living Dead. My main hope is that Hal Jordan becomes a likable character now that he's dead.