Batman #0

Okay, Mr. Snyder. Surprise me with something new about Batman's world. I just read Deathstroke #0 by your good Twitter friend, Rob Liefeld, and he simply copied Deathstroke's Preboot origin panel for panel. Okay, only for a few pages but isn't that enough? And he copied them incorrectly at times. So you could go that route and not editor at DC is going to stop you. Just grab an obscure issue of Detective Comics or Brave and the Bold and copy the story out of that. Maybe a back-up story nobody remembers. Or you could keep your dignity and come up with something new. I hope you try that!

The story takes place six years ago. Batman has yet to have a minor stroke causing him to expose his identity to Hal Jordan as soon as he meets him, so Alfred might be the only one who currently knows who he is. And the story opens with a knock knock joke. Fuck you, Snyder! The knock knock joke is Grunion Guy's my schtick! If you've stolen my idea for a Gotham Criminal that tells knock knock jokes, I'm going to pout like a two year old.

Thanks for the realistic gun, Capullo. After just reading 20 pages of Liefeld's weird half-laser, half-toy guns, it's nice to see someone who can look at a reference picture.

So the Joker is going to get a nice fat new Reboot Origin story just before his big Coming Back Out Party in Issue #13. That's cool. I guess the Joker can tell knock knock jokes. But not riddles! Riddles are right out.

Excuse me but I have one more thought about Liefeld before I drop it entirely (until Savage Hawkman #0). While checking out the comparisons between Deathstroke #0 and The Judas Contract, I saw that Liefeld's fans seem to defend his work because his style is "kinetic." Are you fucking kidding me? One of my main complaints about his art is that everyone stands around like an action figure. Not a kinetic action figure! But a potential action figure. With arms stiffly at the sides and standing straight up looking forward. I guess occasionally they're running forward as if they're about to fall over. That's kinetic. That might be the style he goes for when he's not bored and barely caring about his drawings. But that isn't a defense to why his art is bad. As I said previously, I could almost like his style if he adept at drawing. Okay. That's enough of that. Let's get back to the fictional Joker. HA! Zing!

Bruce Wayne has infiltrated The Red Hood Gang but his need to try to save lives exposes him as an imposter. Soon to be Joker tries to get him to kill himself but Bruce Wayne knows that if he does that, he won't be able to save the day. Although most of the day has already gone way past the point of saving.

Even poisoned cake is delicious.

Bruce fights back and manages to escape down the sewers while The Red Hood and his gang get into a gun battle with the Gotham Police Department. What I'm learning is that six years ago, Batman would have made a far more interesting comic book since he was still capable of making mistakes.

He also wasn't Batman yet.

And before I even realize it, I'm through twenty pages of comic book and The Red Hood hasn't turned into the Joker yet! And Batman hasn't turned into Batman yet. And the last page says, "The story continues in 2013." Is that 2013 according to comic book cover dates? Maybe this story will continue to be the back-up story for the headlining Joker story beginning in Batman #13.

Anyway, the rest of the story revolves around Alfred trying to convince Bruce that he's going about the whole vigilante thing the wrong way. He's not being true to the Wayne side of himself and people are going to suspect he's the new vigilante if he's not careful. Which Bruce finds out is good advice when Commissioner Gordon comes snooping around to see what's going on. The meeting with Gordon seems to be enough proof to Bruce that he almost blew the whole thing before it even began. He'll probably be taking Alfred's advice and heading back to the manor when this story continues.

The back-up story looks like it's going to be the Origin of the Batsignal.

I'll be reading Batgirl #0 next so I don't know if Babs has put on the costume at this point five years ago.

And it looks like Babs probably hasn't put on the uniform yet by the way she stares fascinated at the Batsignal like the rest of the soon to be Batfamily.

Five years ago and no Robin yet. So these guys all need to be shoved into Batman's life in that short time. Plus Damian!

Batman #0 Rating: Incomplete! The story continues in 2013? Bah! Screw you!