Wonder Woman #46

Can somebody please teach Diana how to put on lipstick?

The last issue ended with Diana, Goddess of War, being attacked by Eirene, Goddess of Peace. Get it?! Peace and War don't get along! It's profound or something!

Eirene was hoping that Diana would kill Aegeus or Aegeus would kill Diana so that one of them would step up and completely assume the role of God of War. I guess that's the thing that would have happened had one of them been able to kill the other rather than trying to hug it out. I guess having a huggy God of War isn't fulfilling to the God of Peace because hugging is her job. Maybe Eirene just watched Unbreakable and identified a little too strongly with Mr. Glass. Now she's having an existential quandary because what does it mean to be the God of Peace if there is no God of War? Or if the God of War is, apparently, kinder than the God of Peace!

Zeke appears in the middle of Diana and Eirene's tiff because David Finch needed to prove that he can draw a child just as well as a fourteen year old female and a fish-mouthed male. Too bad he fails.

Um, Eirene? I think "without war" is the literal definition of peace.

Eirene doesn't see Zeke because Zeke is Zeus and Zeus can do whatever Zeus wants. Whatever Zeus comes in, stays in Vegas, is how I think the saying goes. Zeke is just there to heal Donna. Eirene is freaking out because Diana is better at peace than she is. She might also be freaking out that Diana has six fingers on her right hand.

I'm freaking out because Zeke just looks like a tiny metrosexual and not a child or a baby.

Diana scoops up Zeke because Diana is too thick to remember that Zeke is Zeus and that maybe Zeus is actively trying to fuck a stone corpse. Or heal it, probably? I mean, usually when he leaves Olympus, he's off to rape something. But he's just a baby right now, so I don't think he feels that physical need anymore. He might actually be a better version of himself if he keeps from ever reaching puberty.

Eirene decides to take Diana on a world tour of situations where people need murder and violence to make their lives better. Because of course no other option is available! At least not to unimaginable people who think that committing bigger violence than the next violence prone person is a solution to every problem. Eirene is all, "Look at these kids in sweatshops! They need war to save them!" And Diana is all, "No! They need hugs!" And Eirene is all, "I HATE YOU!"

I think Eirene's philosophy is "If everybody had wars, there would be no wars." Her other philosophy is "When war is outlawed, only criminals will have wars." Also have you ever noticed how war only breaks out in War-Free Zones?

Has anybody checked to make sure there are no gas leaks in the Finch household?

So Eirene's philosophy is that peace is just a smokescreen for evil men to take what they want without threat of violence against them? That's the Goddess of Peace's view of her own domain?! I think she's right that Wonder Woman doesn't have what it takes to be the God of War but I also think she has less to give as the God of Peace! This woman is nuts.

Eirene can't believe that her hallucinatory vision of a future without war doesn't sway Diana to her side! How can showing Diana something so powerful and not real at all not convince her that the world needs war?! Maybe Eirene will just have to show her more fake visions of a fake future without war! That'll show her!

Eirene's idea of peace is simple. The only way people can apparently make the world a better place is to keep battling against the people trying to make the world a worse place. And the only kind of "battling" that matters to Eirene is violence. Her peace is the peace of violence threatened. And that's no kind of peace. She's an asshole and an idiot. If she wants violence so badly then I hope Wonder Woman punches her in the vagina.



Diana cries tears of blood and Eirene realizes that Diana is killing herself by not helping flood the world with wars. Or at least that's the conclusion she jumps to. I have to assume that it's the correct conclusion though because most comic book characters never make a leap of logic that is ever wrong. They always put together all the clues to come up with what's actually happening even if all the clues point to nothing in particular.

Eirene apparently gets tired of trying to convince Diana that she should embrace being the God of War and decides to kill Diana herself. I don't know why that's suddenly an option. I guess because there was too much talking during the first half of the comic book.

Zola and Hera show up to retrieve Zeke while Diana and Eirene punch each other. They try to take Zeke back to Olympus but he won't let them until he fucks the statue of Donna. Or heals it. It's probably one of those two things.

Eventually Diana decides to stop punching because it's time for talking and hugging.

I know, right? Didn't I just say this in my last commentary?!

When Zeke touches Donna in a special way, Ares and Apollo are reborn out of thin air. I knew he was going to fuck her! As a special bonus, Donna Troy is now Fate! It was all part of Zeus's plan! That Zeke, I tell you what! He runs circles around Harvest when it comes to creating horribly implausible plans! A true master!

And I guess now that Ares is back, Wonder Woman can stop worrying about stopping war. Now she can just let wars happen while wiping her brow and thinking, "Whew! At least I'm not to blame for them!"

Wonder Woman #46 Rating: No change. If you're totally into philosophical answers that are all "Balance in all things!" and "This can't exist without that because definitions!" then this is the comic book for your stupid fucking sorry ass! Enjoy!