Batman #47

Will Batman ever learn that roughing up The Joker merely results in a clown erection?

I haven't quite figured out this Mister Bloom story yet. Mister Bloom must be Commissioner Gordon's nemesis in much the same way that the Court of Owls were Batman's nemesis. Snyder went all in with Gotham City itself being one of the major character's in this comic book rather than just the setting. Batman's main nemesis was The Joker for more decades than I can count (without a calculator, of course! I'm great at counting with a calculator!). But when The Court of Owls came along, I believe they easily replaced him. I'm not going to debate the matter with anybody who disagrees with me because they'll win the debate so fuck them. They'll never outdo The Joker on personality and likeability and stupidly insane Bat-traps. But they struck at an aspect of Batman that has rarely been touched on: his absolute love affair with Gotham. It's no wonder Catwoman can barely crack the surface on this guy when he's got such a hard-on for the city. The Court of Owls provoked jealousy from Batman because he realized that he might actually be Gotham's extra-marital affair and not its spouse. To find out that not only did he not know something about Gotham but to learn that the thing he didn't know knew Gotham better than he ever knew it fucked him up. I'll always love the Court of Owls for that reason alone. They'll always have a piece of Gotham's heart that Batman will never have access to and it drives him fucking crazy. But what can he do? They're basically an entity that has existed alongside Gotham for its entire existence while he's just a thirty-something year old man. I suppose he can over-identify with his Wayne family roots the way that fucking Dumas guy has over-identified with his family on Gotham but Batman has too many other things to obsess about on his calendar.

What I'm trying to get at is how does Mister Bloom relate to Commissioner Gordon in the same sort of way that The Court of Owls related to Batman?

I'm just not sure. I don't know enough about Commissioner Gordon to truly understand his conflict with Mister Bloom. It must have to do with "growing" ideas for helping the city. Gordon wants to make Gotham a better, safer place to live as much as Batman does but he wants to do it by the book. He believes in people doing their jobs to the best of their ability which feeds the best interests of the city. What does Mister Bloom want? A more chaotic city? Planting seeds in people so that they grow wild and rise up against the best interests of Gotham? I just can't catch the thread of thought that lead Snyder down this path. It must be an issue that doesn't matter to me so I just can't see it. Now if Commissioner Gordon were battling Mister Piñata, I'd totally understand what was going on because it would be about hidden candy and how a person beats the crap out of something to get at that candy!

Stupid name for a card game, Harvey, but I get the sentiment. Gotham will always be a major factor in Snyder's stories!

Commissioner Batman is currently battling the Honey Bunny Bat Armor because it's always a treat for fans to see superheroes fighting each other. Fighting themselves? Although who's really worried about Gordon losing this fight? The Honey Bunny Bat Armor has become immobilized within a page or two of every appearance it's ever made in a comic book. So this battle should be over fairly quickly so Gordon can deal with Mister Bloom. Except Mister Bloom will have probably fled because this story can't resolve for a few more issues.

Or not. Mister Bloom actually sticks around to finish Gordon off. Not keep him alive to humiliate him. Or to tell him his entire plan.

Well, maybe he could tell him just a little bit?

Is this it? Does Mister Bloom represent the inevitable changes of any city? And Gordon represents the longtime resident weathering the change and minimizing its negative effects on a city he's loved for so long? In that way, Mister Bloom isn't evil at all. He's natural and quite flexible. He represents the evolution of a space over time. Growth. But he's growth out of control. He's apartment buildings with no parking rising up in every place a contractor is able to knock down a hundred year old home that used to house only a small handful of people so that now the streets are overflowing with parked cars. He's failing infrastructure ignored for superficial improvements to attract an influx of new residents to fight for limited job opportunities. He's gentrification lauded for improving poorer areas while really just spreading the problems about to different parts of the city while young, upwardly mobile slackers learn how to DJ. Gordon is simply fighting for the livability of his city. Mister Bloom and his seeds give no thought to Gotham. It's a plan that doesn't give a fuck about Gotham. It's a plan that no Batman can abide.

Commissioner Batman's blocker kicks in at just this moment to cancel out Mister Bloom's powers. His seeds are destroyed. His powers are gone. It might be time for Commissioner Gordon to do a little gardening.

Meanwhile Bruce Wayne shows up outside the Iceberg Casino to help Duke escape from The Penguin. I guess he's pretty serious about helping these wayward youths. And we learn that Duke didn't just figure out Dick Grayson's identity. He's figured out Batman's as well.

I was hoping Damian would have this moment but I'll take Duke's version. Fuck yeah, I will.

Alfred is going to be pissed.

Mister Bloom has been caught but not for long. Gordon can't do it all himself (even if he has Daryl and Julia Perrywonth helping). He needs Bruce. So Mister Bloom escapes with the help of dozens of other Mister Blooms. And Bruce is forced to acknowledge the secret he's been denying so he could keep banging Julie Madison without interruptions. But just before he says it out loud. Just before he says it--that line which my best friend once uttered after nearly drowning because he suffered a concussion while jumping off a railroad trestle into a river and I asked him if he knew who he was and he answered, "I'm Batman"--an old friend appears.

So what's The Joker been up to? Did the Dionesium fuck with his brain too? Has he been doing open mic nights at the Iceberg Lounge?

Batman #47 Rating: +1 Ranking. This is why you continue to trust writers that have always rewarded your trust. Even if you weren't into Commissioner Batman, you can't just drop a book that Snyder and Capullo have been killing it on since The New 52 began. I mean, sure, you can! But then you just have to pick it up again when somebody tells you fucking hard the story rocked them a few months later! Granted, the least interesting parts of this book were about Commissioner Batman! The real story that everybody has been interested in has been taking place in the background. But holy fuck is that story compelling! This is the kind of shit I was eager for at the end of last issue! Revelations that leave me wanting more rather than trying to leave me wanting more by continuing to not tell me anything! This fucking book right here is the way to keep people coming back! Can writers make revelations like this every issue or will they spontaneously combust from the sheer awesomeness of it all?!