Worlds' Finest #11

DC decided to be a huge pain in my ass this month with two-page spread covers! Jerkos!

Why The Fuck are these covers being called WTF covers? "With the Fold" with a sly nod at "What the Fuck"? "Way too fat"? "Witch Titty Fun"? "White Teen Flatulence"? "Worlds' Totally Finest"? Okay, I'm done. Imma gonna read me a comic book now.

No, I'm not. First I'm going to comment on the cover! The first half of this picture looks like Mister Terrific is spawning. And in the second half, how come the Nightmare Thing has his eyes open on the big tablet but closed on the second tablet? He truly is a master of illusion!

This issue begins with The Huntress investigating some Apokoliptian weapons smugglers. She's on their case because of the African Little Rascals that assaulted Karen with their own Apokoliptian laser blasters and the Holt Security forces that stormed Karen's home with Positronic Anti-Life Boompop guns. The Huntress watches a deal go down and declares there is only one way to find out if these are the same guys that supplied those guys I just mentioned in that other sentence sitting on top of this one.

I don't know. I think there may have been some alternatives to kidnapping and injecting his testicles with India Ink.

The Huntress doesn't Narration Box about anything she learned from the guy she kidnapped so I don't know if she learned anything from the guy she kidnapped. She just continues to remember the last ten issues of Worlds' Finest, putting the pieces side-by-side for comparison to see if they might possibly be from the same puzzle. Oh! That's probably a good idea for Extreme Puzzlers! Take two very similarly themed puzzles and mix the pieces into one box. Then begin making two puzzles at once from the same pile! I can't think of anything less interesting and more frustrating than that! I think puzzles should be sold without showing the image on the front of the box. Why bother putting it together when you can already see what it is?! The reward for putting the pieces together should be learning what the picture is.

Meanwhile Karen Starr is in Las Vegas for a trade show. And it seems everything coming out of her mouth is an innuendo. She's such a sexy sexpot sex kitten. "I want everyone pumping me...." "I love to play 'you show me yours...'". "Shove it all the way in and tell me what I had for lunch." She's very much looking forward to the Holt Industries' pre-show party so I can make a joke about Mister Terrific's balls.

While Karen is preparing for a long night of making out with skeletal faced pimps, The Huntress is back breaking into Michael Holt's home. She's ready for Michael's balls this time but not for his newly hired armed mercenary security guards.

Oh come on, Helena! He's probably a contractor who has zero benefits because Holt Industries can't afford to pay decent wages due to Obama inventing taxes! He's going to be out of work with huge medical bills now and might even lose the use of his arm. Or he could be knowingly working for Demon Faced Kiss Stealer from the cover. Then I'd say it's okay to teach him a painful lesson. But only okay in comic books! Don't mistake my comic book ethics for real world ethics!

Interrupting this scene is a big advert letting DC readers know that Red Hood and the Outlaws might be worth reading now because James Tynion IV has taken over Scott Lobdell's writing duties. I don't know if the comic will be worth reading now but I do know it will be better. And that's not based on Tynion's takeover so much as Lobdell's abdication.

After defeating the guards, she hears the presumed Mr. Holt over the guard's radio say he's sending back-up. Which means The Huntress has to quickly leave again without getting any more information. I guess she'll have to break in again tomorrow night when security will include tanks and dinosaurs as well as Mister Terrific's balls.

Meanwhile 42 months previously, Karen and Helena were breaking into government buildings looking for scientific information on dimension hopping and parallel worlds.

Apparently the crucial difference between Earth Prime and Earth Two is that Philip K. Dick was never born on Earth Two.

And then it's time for Holt Industries Pre-Show Party! Helena has come as Karen's security and probably to make sure she doesn't end up getting back together with Michael Holt. Especially since Michael Holt is probably a robot now. Except the cover already sort of disproved that theory. Whatever he is, you'd think Power Girl could use her super duper vision to suss out what he really is. I guess she's blinded by love. Or science. But apparently she doesn't need to use her super powers since Michael Holt decides to drop his disguise as soon as they meet.

I know what comes after Desaad! Eesaad!

Worlds' Finest #11 Rating: No change. I'm glad the "Next Month" text told me that was Desaad because I never would have guessed. I suppose I'm supposed to know that any character in a huge purple robe and hood is Desaad, even when his features are so lich-like. I'm assuming this is the Desaad from Earth Two who followed Supergirl and Robin through the dimensional rift. Although the "wanna guess what comes next?" tag would suggest Darkseid is about to make an appearance. Or maybe I'm supposed to guess that what comes next is Desaad getting a major ass kicking for putting his hands on Karen Starr without her consent. There are just too many variables to guess at!