Threshold #4

This fold-out just seems like a non sequitur. "Trapped inside the bottle city of...donkey balls!" "Trapped inside the bottle city of...trout!" "Trapped inside the bottle city of...bottle city!"

I guess the reason Jediah Caul has been without his power battery is that it's been miniaturized and shoved inside one of Brainiac's tiny cities. That seems about par for the course in the DC Universe. Why can't things ever go smoothly? I guess because twenty pages of Jediah Caul taking a leisurely stroll then sipping some tea then going home for a relaxing nap wouldn't hold anybody's interests. Well, it would hold my interests.

Yeah, that last sentence was probably either a lie or self-delusion. I'm sure I'd bitch and moan through the whole comic.

The issue begins with some thing falling apart or turning into Brainiac or something. Then Ember follows Stealth around because Ember wants a best friend. And then Star Hawkins, Ace Space Detective, and his robot Ilda convinced Jediah Caul that the host of The Hunted, Adonis, had his Green Power Battery.

I should condense all of my commentaries down to really short summaries like this! That's all the stuff I need to remember when I begin reading Threshold #5 next month! Everything else is just padding and bullshit to entertain other people. It's not like I asked other people to want to be entertained! The internet is a big place. Go read somebody else's synopsis of Threshold #4 if I'm boring you! This whole blog was only meant to supplement my failing memory anyway!

Man, why am I so abrasive and short-tempered? What a jerk!

I do like Ilda. Ilda is Hawkins' Assista-bot. Her mind has been imprinted with Hawkin's dead ex-wife's memories, so they're constantly bickering and tearing each other down. It's the healthiest relationship I've seen in a long time.

Meanwhile K'rot and Sleen are considering how to break into Adonis the Slug's house to get the battery as well.

This simplifying thing is great! Why didn't I think of it sooner?!

Meanwhile, the Lady Styx has given Adonis's section of town over to the Collector (the Brainiac AI!) for shrinkage. Something about a non-aggression pact or something. I should probably scan a picture here.

So he's going to be miniaturized while miniature?

On the way in, Ilda notices a robot that isn't a robot at all. It's actually a rabbit. A robot rabbit. Caul instantly decides it must be K'rot because how many giant, anthropomorphic bunnies can there be in the DCnU, right? So he jumps over to K'rot so he can give him what-for for the Blue Beetle incident.

That works out nicely. As long as K'rot isn't lying.

To argue with each other, Caul dropped his miniature disguise and K'rot dropped his robot disguise. Ilda informs them that they may have made a bit of a mistake.

Maybe this will work to their advantage. I don't know how! I'm not writing it!

I just realized even these simply sentences summarizing the story are taking up too much time! I wonder if there's a way to shorten even these and still somehow remember what happened in the story?

Adonis the Slug realizes that once the Collector sucks up his neighborhood, they may lose some of their contestants. Adonis is on his way off the premises and he's got the folded space warehouse where the Power Battery is kept. It's a tiny sphere he can't stop fondling as he goes about his business.

You know, I'm glad K'rot looks like a rabbit and Adonis looks like a slug. There are so many characters running around Tolerance that I've been having trouble identifying all of the humanoids. Stealth, Ember, Space Ranger Rik Starr, Space Detective Hawkins, T'morra the Rebel Leader, Ilda the Assista-Bot with an attitude, and probably more that I can't remember which is why I'm so confused.

Well, that's one less humanoid I have to keep straight!

Ilda blows herself up to destroy the security coming for Caul and K'rot. But she'll probably be back to confuse me with another look since she has Caul take her memory chip before he continues on to find Adonis.

K'rot finds Adonis just before he boards his ship and fires tiny little Caul onto Adonis's head. Once Adonis boards, Caul turns back to normal and begins wrestling with the slug. Man, that should be an easy fight! The longer it goes, the worse the slug man is going to fare! Caul is human so he'll begin sweating and then Adonis will begin dissolving! Although Adonis thinks he's some kind of tough guy. He may look fancy, but he claims to be a mean bastard.

So it's the same as human puberty.

Because of the squabbling, Adonis never gets clear of the Collector. The story ends with Brainiac admiring his new city in a bottle, Tolerance's Sh'oiki Borough. And it comes with better than life action figures of Jediah Caul, Captain K'rot, and Adonis the Fancy Slug!

Meanwhile in the back-up story, all hell is breaking loose at the Space Truck stop, The Brimming Trough. L.E.G.I.O.N. has attacked so they can bring Branx Rancor into custody. But then they decided they could grab up the Star Rovers as well! But Larfleeze kind of needs these guys too, so he's not going to let this happen. And then there's the added chaos of Larfleeze's rogue Orange Lantern Corps. One thing's for certain: The Brimming Trough's insurance premiums are going up.

The New 52 needs more whimsical, crazy, fantastic shit like this. Seriously.

Stargrave, Larfleeze's Alfred, tells Larfleeze that the Orange Constructs are stealing him. That's what makes Larfleeze flip the fuck out and he's able to return the constructs to his ring. The L.E.G.I.O.N. Bots have all been destroyed. So I think everyone is free to get back to searching for Larfleeze's stuff! Except there's still the matter of paying Branx Rancor for his service. Branx wants to be paid something and Larfleeze thinks "something" is too high.

I think at least 10 of the 52 titles should be given to Threshold and its characters! There are too many for just this one book and they're all more fun than those grim, pathetic, super heroes all losing their friends and sidekicks and brothers and butlers!

Stargrave makes a deal with Rancor and doesn't tell Larfleeze. Everybody thinks they're getting what they want and there's no shame so now they can all go about the business of finding Larfleeze's stuff. All that's left is for Rancor to touch Larfleeze to get a hint of his essence so he can track down the treasure. And Rancor tracks Larfleeze's treasure down to Larfleeze. Well at least that bit of treasure hunting shouldn't cost too much. Larfleeze is super happy that Larfleeze is the thief which pisses off the real thief to no end.

I like Larfleeze so much that I often forget he's a mass murderer and all of his Orange Constructs are his victims. Creepy.

Threshold #4 Rating: +2 Ranking. I have a confession to make: I am in love with Threshold's back-up story. It's witty and intelligent and silly and whimsical and goofy and smart and has a crazy, beautiful art style. It's what I want in my comic books. Let's have less sad comic books putting their lead characters though misery and more crazy, over-the-top, fun and smart comic books. Mature content does not have to mean death and sadness.