I don't know what the second Dark Knight comic book was about but judging by this cover, I'm going to guess it was about Batman fighting Superman.
The Review!
The cover is actually a lie. It's just one of about seventeen different covers that have nothing to do with the story inside. This time, Superman and Batman are friends. I'm glad I didn't pay five dollars expecting this book to be about the fight on the cover. And even if I did, I would only blame myself. I've been reading comic books for over thirty years. If I were to still trust the cover of a comic book to accurately portray the action within, it would be a sign that I'm a trusting guy who probably has never gotten laid. But since I don't trust covers, you know that statement is incorrect. Probably the entire thing even! Aside from this book not being a fight between Batman and Superman, I have nothing more to say about it. Is saying what the book isn't about actually saying something about the book? I don't think it is. Therefore I have nothing to say about this comic book.
The Commentary!
The story so far...Batman, being the only rational person in the entire world and a symbol of freedom and individuality, is once again the enemy of everybody. What happened this time is that one of Superman's pet Sea Monkeys escaped from the jar and was enlarged using Atom's Shrink Ray on the reverse setting. Wasn't Batman of Japan looking for a Shrink Ray so he could fuck his sidekick? Anyway, Superman's pet Sea Monkey decided that the world needed to be saved from itself. I'm not sure he wanted to rule the world but that was the only plan the Sea Monkey could come up with, so he shrugged his shoulders and told everybody that the world was now his. But since Batman didn't like that idea (partially because Wayne Enterprises owned most of that world and Bruce wasn't a fan of losing wealth) and decided to resist, the Sea Monkey has told everybody in Gotham to give up the Batman or they'll all die. I have a feeling Batman might have considered giving himself up but everybody in Gotham simply went apeshit and had a huge meltdown and began destroying Gotham themselves. That seems counterproductive and a waste of energy! They could easily enough just sit at home and relax for twenty-four hours and then the Kandorians would do all of the work destroying Gotham. Work smart, people, not hard!
Superman can't help save the world because he was encased in Black Matter and sunk in the Arctic Ocean. If only there were a hero whose demesnes was the ocean floor!
The cover is actually a lie. It's just one of about seventeen different covers that have nothing to do with the story inside. This time, Superman and Batman are friends. I'm glad I didn't pay five dollars expecting this book to be about the fight on the cover. And even if I did, I would only blame myself. I've been reading comic books for over thirty years. If I were to still trust the cover of a comic book to accurately portray the action within, it would be a sign that I'm a trusting guy who probably has never gotten laid. But since I don't trust covers, you know that statement is incorrect. Probably the entire thing even! Aside from this book not being a fight between Batman and Superman, I have nothing more to say about it. Is saying what the book isn't about actually saying something about the book? I don't think it is. Therefore I have nothing to say about this comic book.
The Commentary!
The story so far...Batman, being the only rational person in the entire world and a symbol of freedom and individuality, is once again the enemy of everybody. What happened this time is that one of Superman's pet Sea Monkeys escaped from the jar and was enlarged using Atom's Shrink Ray on the reverse setting. Wasn't Batman of Japan looking for a Shrink Ray so he could fuck his sidekick? Anyway, Superman's pet Sea Monkey decided that the world needed to be saved from itself. I'm not sure he wanted to rule the world but that was the only plan the Sea Monkey could come up with, so he shrugged his shoulders and told everybody that the world was now his. But since Batman didn't like that idea (partially because Wayne Enterprises owned most of that world and Bruce wasn't a fan of losing wealth) and decided to resist, the Sea Monkey has told everybody in Gotham to give up the Batman or they'll all die. I have a feeling Batman might have considered giving himself up but everybody in Gotham simply went apeshit and had a huge meltdown and began destroying Gotham themselves. That seems counterproductive and a waste of energy! They could easily enough just sit at home and relax for twenty-four hours and then the Kandorians would do all of the work destroying Gotham. Work smart, people, not hard!
Superman can't help save the world because he was encased in Black Matter and sunk in the Arctic Ocean. If only there were a hero whose demesnes was the ocean floor!
This scan was supposed to be of Aquaman with the caption saying something like, "Oh yeah!" But then there was this Atlantean on a squid and I was all, "OH YEAH!"
Batgirl has been brought under the sea with Aquaman for reasons. If I have to explain them to you then you're in trouble because I've either forgotten the reasons or never knew them in the first place.
Batgirl was brought along on the Superman Salvage Mission because Aquaman had the power to find Superman but not the smarts to get him out of the Black Matter. But of course Batgirl knows all about Black Matter. She's all, "Black Matter Lives!" and then pokes it with a needle. It totally works for some reason.
Superman's daughter, Lara, asks the lead Sea Monkey why he commands the humans to do something Superman's Sea Monkeys could easily accomplish. He replies, "I gave them a choice, not a command. We seek to inspire, not dictate." I should remember that! Threatening to kill somebody if they don't do what you want is inspirational! I always thought wanting to be somebody who inspires other people to do stuff was bullshit. But now I understand why people want to do it!
Batgirl was brought along on the Superman Salvage Mission because Aquaman had the power to find Superman but not the smarts to get him out of the Black Matter. But of course Batgirl knows all about Black Matter. She's all, "Black Matter Lives!" and then pokes it with a needle. It totally works for some reason.
Superman's daughter, Lara, asks the lead Sea Monkey why he commands the humans to do something Superman's Sea Monkeys could easily accomplish. He replies, "I gave them a choice, not a command. We seek to inspire, not dictate." I should remember that! Threatening to kill somebody if they don't do what you want is inspirational! I always thought wanting to be somebody who inspires other people to do stuff was bullshit. But now I understand why people want to do it!
See? This is what I meant by counterproductive!
Batman's plan is to rain kryptonite on the Kandorians so that they weaken, fall from the sky, and get the shit kicked out of them by the people of Gotham. That's a good plan because it works on the fickleness of the people of the DC Universe. Maybe they're not fickle. Maybe they just have some kind of attention deficit issue. It's also possible they're just doing what anybody would do to a bunch of jerks who just inspired them.
Batman joins the brawl even though he's a beaten down old man. He's not really in the kind of shape that would allow him to stand up to even weakened Kandorians, so it's a good thing Superman arrives in Super-armor to help him stand. Then they kiss for a bit and rub tips.
Batman joins the brawl even though he's a beaten down old man. He's not really in the kind of shape that would allow him to stand up to even weakened Kandorians, so it's a good thing Superman arrives in Super-armor to help him stand. Then they kiss for a bit and rub tips.
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