What are the odds that Batman has yet to catch a bullet in the teeth?
The revelation of the leader of The Colony was actually a huge disappointment for me. But I should have expected it! I was thinking this was the Rebirth of Detective Comics which meant an earth-shattering revelation was about to be dropped in the readers' collective lap! But what I forgot to remember was that this is just another issue of nine hundred plus issues of Detective Comics! It's nothing special at all! Nobody expects a mind-bending twist from Issue #936! How is that number important? It's like two members of a sixty nine got pissed at each other, turned their backs, and somebody shoved an ass between them! Or a bust? What I'm trying to point out is that #936 is only important if you're lucky number is three. Or six. Or nine. Or probably any other number because numerology is for nutjobs. On the plus side, the storytelling is well done (aside from Batman getting beat by only fifty guys emulating Batman. Please!) and the dialogue is pretty good (except for how chatty Cassandra was this issue). If I were teaching James Tynion IV creative writing, I would probably have given him a free pass into the world of comics too! Except I don't have any of those passes. It's even possible I have a negative number of those passes due to all of the ill will I've generated in the comic book professional community. Although is Cullen Bunn really a "comic book professional"? I don't think Hack Writer is one of their titles.
The Commentary!
Last night, somebody on Tumblr asked me what I thought of the Cho/Rucka Controversy. I hadn't heard about it because I don't give a shit about all that behind the scenes stuff but I did imagine that it probably had something to do with Frank Cho drawing Wonder Woman too naked and Rucka climbing onto his high horse so he could look down his nose at Cho. I think I was close enough to guessing what happened even though it was really just business stuff and DC Comics giving unclear assessments of jobs to freelancers and was actually some stuff that never actually needed to be brought to the public's attention. But then, I guess a lot of people like comic books for some seriously different reasons than I like them. I always thought it was about the stories and the characters. But it seems to be all about the gossip and outrage and excitement inherent in waiting for DC to fuck up.
The issue begins in a lesbian bar which isn't as exciting as your male gaze wants it to be. I guess if you're not male, you'll just have to imagine what the male gaze was expecting. It's not really hard to imagine: women playing Axis and Allies, drinking beers, watching sports, sucking each others' dicks. You know, stuff guys do.
Kate has summoned Renee to the lesbian bar and Renee has answered the summons in the hopes of having ex-sex. I bet ex-sex is pretty good because you still have an intimate knowledge of each other and you still care about each other but you don't have to worry about their stupid ass problems anymore. You just get to have an orgasm and not worry about calling them the next day. I wish I had an ex to have sex with! I mean, I wish one of my dozens of exes were around to have sex with me. But they're probably all busy at camp.
Renee isn't interested in ex-sex which is weird because I made it sound so great! Is it not really great? Is it actually overly complicated and rigged with emotional pitfalls and just ends in petty recriminations and remembered resentments?!
Anyway, Kate gets a call from Tim to let her know that Batman just got his ass kicked by only fifty guys and that maybe she should come down to The Belfry to help him point and laugh at Bruce.
Batwoman decides it's time to round up the kids for their first field trip! And by "kids," I'm including her father.
The expert is her dad. You'd have understood that if you were paying attention! There's a reason I followed the "including her father" bit with these panels, dum-dum!
Daddy Kane decides to explain to the Batkids why he's doing what he's doing. I don't know why he bothers. Even if he could spray the room with rainbow semen right now, none of them would be impressed. He just betrayed them all and beat up their replacement father! Even if he explains that his Batman Army are taking down terrorists left and right without batarangs or due process, they won't listen. He's now become the enemy!
Batwoman and the Batkids escape because all of the talking took up too many pages for any actual fighting to take place. I guess their attack on the military and their treasonous acts against the United States will just have to wait another two weeks.
No comments:
Post a Comment