Green Arrow #46

The Looney Tunes are a reminder that shooting your friend in the face with a shotgun is hilarious.

If humans were immortal and could heal as quickly and completely as cartoon characters do, I'm pretty sure shooting your friend in the face with a shotgun would be hilarious! I bet fraternity houses on college campuses would constantly look like somebody was filming the next sequel in the Saw franchise. And you know most of that blood would be penis related.

[[MORE]] Currently Green Arrow and his soon-to-be-face-mask Tarantula have decided to take a road trip to Juarez because Oliver now isn't just trying to save his own city. No, he's going to save any city that anybody cares about! Or at least any city cared for by a physically fit woman he doesn't know who also convinces him it's where the people who stole his dog live. I suppose if I were Ollie, I wouldn't be able to go home and face Emiko without her dog either. You know, Oliver wouldn't have lost Emiko's fucking dog if he had just had it on a leash. So many dog owners are delusional scumbags who think that everybody they meet will instantly love their dog and want to participate in their lives. Yes, your dog is nice and well-trained. Right up until that one time it's not, asshole. Your dog is not an extension of your being or a possession to be admired by strangers. Your dog is an autonomous being who sometimes decides it wants to tear the fucking face off of another dog or chase some butterfly into traffic or get inside of my personal space to make me hate you with a searing hot hate forged in the bowels of Lewis Black's own personal hell.

Why do so many innocent dogs have to be best friends with such deluded assholes? Poor doggies!

Oh, forget the dogs! Fuck them! They deserve what they get for loving anybody that will pay them any attention! Be more discriminating, dogs! Have some self-respect! Maybe live on your own for awhile! Spend some time with yourself. Travel to one of those countries where dogs roam free everywhere. Take a little me time, dogs. You don't see cats staying in horrible homes where they're uncomfortable. They just head on over and move in with a neighbor, whether or not the neighbor agrees. Cats are presumptuous bastards.

So anyway! Things are super serious in Juarez and Green Arrow is super scared for George's safety and Tarantula is super concerned about the safety of her family and her city!

But none of that can stop people thinking about penises and vaginas!

The Bone Hunters know Green Arrow and Tarantula are in town thanks to a nosy border crossing guard. Whew! I thought the big confrontation might take a few issues as Ollie tried to play detective. But this sets it up nicely to get this story over with quickly! Although I do like Green Arrow fighting people called Bone Hunters. And he's doing it all to save one dog while his city probably burns! I bet he's failing the city right now! City failurer!

Tarantula lives in a bar which is probably why she's into date rape. But there's trouble at her bar! Trouble that must be quenched!

But first Ollie must sit on some butt plugs!

While stealing a beer because he heard a Black Canary song and now must get drunk to ease the defilement of his ears, Oliver discovers the bartender stuck to the roof with knives because comic books. Maybe it's an homage to today being Friday the 13th (because, of course, Percy and Zircher knew I wouldn't get to reading this until then) so they decided to throw in a ridiculous horror movie moment. I'm so used to ridiculous comic book moments that I can't really tell the difference. Oliver realizes the dead person stuck to the ceiling is a clue and runs upstairs to tell Tarantula that she's probably already been killed.

Stupid Tarantula isn't dead at all although that would have been better because then Green Arrow wouldn't have had to surrender to the Bone Hunters to save her life. Can't Tarantula do anything right?!

Hey oh!

A lot of bone talk takes place with Green Arrow tied to a bone throne. He gets it, Jefe! You're into bones! Christ, you're as annoying as people who make smoking pot the essence of their entire being!

Jefe decides to tell Green Arrow that Tarantula brought him to Juarez to trade his boner for her cousin. And since this guy is an evil dognapper who sleeps on a bed of bones, he's totally credible. Except Tarantula winds up saying, "Lo siento," which means "Suck it." Stupid! You could have denied it!

Green Arrow decides he's had enough! He breaks out of his bone throne and goes all Wolverine on the Bone Hunters!

I seriously can never remember if Green Arrow is currently killing people or not killing people. So I'm usually surprised by any action he takes.

Green Arrow helps Tarantula escape with her cousin Sofia while he remains behind to stab Bone Hunters in the face with his bone arm attachments. I don't really have much more to say about the escape although I would like to share one more piece of fantastic Zircher artwork.

God I want a framed print of this so badly!

Green Arrow #46 Rating: No change. The thing I liked most about this issue is that Green Arrow was on the road. I am sick of hearing about saving his stupid fucking city. If he really wanted to save his city, he'd demand more money be spent on infrastructure and education! He's get a free mass transit system up and running! He'd stop the rampant rise of apartment building cluttering up every city block so that every street feels like the trench on the Death Star! Forget about shooting a few people in the face with arrows. Saving your city isn't just about punishing the people who turn to crime. It's about fixing the systemic problems which lead to lifelong poverty and disenfranchisement! So I'm glad Ollie is on vacation. I would like to see him go on more vacations! But maybe he shouldn't visit cities that need saving in other countries. Don't they have their own heroes to save them? Do they really need a white American coming in and showing them how to fix their problems? Last I checked, this wasn't a Rudyard Kipling poem.