Superman Loves Wonder Woman #19

Apparently Cheetah sprays when she gets scared.

Last issue ended with the Suicide Squad ambushing Superman and Wonder Woman in the Smallville Cemetary [sic (see Superman #4)]. I'm sort of hoping that they manage to kill Clark and put him out of his misery. This whole Truth, Justice, and the American Way story arc is the worst. It's even worse than George Perez's first arc in The New 52 Superman (an arc so bad that he abandoned it himself!).

Judging by the initial dialogue of the Squad members and the fact that Captain Boomerang is using actual boomerangs instead of energy boomerangs (plus he calls them "'rangs" which is just terrible), my guess is that this is a fake Suicide Squad! They're Doublegangers! Even Black Manta doesn't act like himself, standing back and not telling everybody else what to do. And why didn't Deadshot just snipe them from across the cemetary [sic]? Because he's a Doubleganger!

This is going to be a really short commentary because this fight with awful dialogue is taking up a lot of pages. Here's some of the worst stuff:

Ha ha! "But this is!" Classic Wonder Woman.

Can somebody run a brain scan on Peter Tomasi? This can't be the same guy who wrote all of those wonderful issues with Damian and Bruce and Alfred and Dick! I think there's something seriously wrong with him. It's either that or he feels the same way as I do about this shitty Superman story arc. Maybe he's rebelling against it by writing the worst comic books of his life! I can get behind that! Maybe I can enjoy this comic book by realizing that it's exactly as bad as Tomasi wants it to be. It's sabotage!

During the fight, Deadshot shoots up Clark with high-velocity, armor-piercing shells but he manages to take the assault in stride. So he's a lot more invulnerable than he'd like people to think. I have a feeling Superman is currently just strong enough to beat any enemy he needs to beat or just invulnerable enough to survive a battle he has to lose. It's so convenient when the audience has no idea just how much power Superman has lost recently.

The Suicide Squad is beaten and, lucky for them, Superman and Wonder Woman leave without taking them into custody for attempted murder. Why not just leave a bunch of dangerous super villains lying around in Smallville, right? I don't see any reason Superman would care! Nobody loves him anymore anyway. If those old bastards in front of the Barber Shop are murdered by Captain Boomerang seeking revenge for the beating, they probably deserve it.

After Wonder Woman pulls the bullets from Superman's body with her bare fingers, he tells her that he needs to go visit the White House.

I just don't fucking get it. Why is Superman tainted? What the hell happened? He'd better wind up blowing up an orphanage at the end of Superman #44!

As far as I can tell, everybody is angry with Superman for maintaining a secret identity. Are they all characters from Arrow? Their feelings are hurt because Superman lied to them? When did that become such a huge issue in stories? I guess that's how the second act break-up always happens in Rom-Coms, right? "You lied to me! I hate you!" But then they get back together by the third act because of some grand apology or romantic gesture. So is Superman going to have to make a mix tape for the people of Earth? Then will everything be alright?

Superman beats up the Secret Service and walks in on the president. Not in a rude way! He totally knocks and waits to be invited in and all! I bet it's not even the president. I bet Lex Luthor has been hired to take the president's place because he can best negotiate with/threaten Superman.

Superman Loves Wonder Woman #19 Rating: No change. The only reason I'm not giving this comic book a whole bunch of negative ratings which it deserves is because it's still better than Batman Loves Superman. But just barely! They can languish together at the bottom of the rankings. I spit on them!