Okay, fine. I was double wrong about Sinestro. He's super duper into violence.
I don't think I was technically wrong about Sinestro. I was just wrong about why Sinestro resorts to violence. At first, I thought that he ruled through fear and intimidation backed by the threat of violence. And then I thought, "Well, he doesn't like violence because it's disorderly. So I was wrong about that part." But then I realized that the only way to keep people terrified of you is if you explode into horribly violent and gory outbursts every now and again. So that's my new take on Sinestro. He doesn't believe he uses violence or fear or intimidation. He thinks he is rationally keeping order and everybody loves him for it. But every now and again, something goes wrong and somebody causes a bit of disorder. That's when he flies off the handle and murders somebody right in front of everybody else. Then he's all, "Hey, could you guys clean this mess up? It's messy. I hate messes! Who caused this mess? Don't do it again." Then he flies off and everybody cleans up the mess on the floor, walls, and ceiling that Sinestro left after which they all clean up the messes in their pants.
Last issue, Hal Jordan received a new cellmate named Willie the Snitch. The "Snitch" part isn't canon because I made it up but he looks like a snitch. He's a little guy with glasses and you know the only way somebody like that survives in prison is by snitching up a snitch storm. Hal, being a fucking idiot, decides to open up to Willie the Snitch and tell him all about himself and his new cosmic gig and how powerful the ring is. He figures the guy saw him come through the wall, how could it hurt to also tell him every single other secret in his life? The lamest part of Hal's story is when he says he's in prison because he's "being made an example of." Christ, this motherfucker. How come the ring doesn't protect Hal from his own self-delusions?
After telling another criminal how powerful his ring is, Hal falls asleep with his finger and his butthole right there out in the open and unprotected.
Last issue, Hal Jordan received a new cellmate named Willie the Snitch. The "Snitch" part isn't canon because I made it up but he looks like a snitch. He's a little guy with glasses and you know the only way somebody like that survives in prison is by snitching up a snitch storm. Hal, being a fucking idiot, decides to open up to Willie the Snitch and tell him all about himself and his new cosmic gig and how powerful the ring is. He figures the guy saw him come through the wall, how could it hurt to also tell him every single other secret in his life? The lamest part of Hal's story is when he says he's in prison because he's "being made an example of." Christ, this motherfucker. How come the ring doesn't protect Hal from his own self-delusions?
After telling another criminal how powerful his ring is, Hal falls asleep with his finger and his butthole right there out in the open and unprotected.
Luckily, Willie's looking at the Green Lantern ring here.
Willie isn't actually as filthy as he looks in that panel. He's just covered in the ink of all the free mini-baseball cards that could be found in Cracker Jack as shown on the advert on the opposite page.
Before Willie the Snitch can interfere with either of Hal Jordan's rings, the morning wake-up alarm rings shrilly across the prison. Seems like Hal is going to get little sleep across the next 90 days. Maybe that's why he later goes mad and it isn't because of Parallax at all.
Before Willie the Snitch can interfere with either of Hal Jordan's rings, the morning wake-up alarm rings shrilly across the prison. Seems like Hal is going to get little sleep across the next 90 days. Maybe that's why he later goes mad and it isn't because of Parallax at all.
Everybody being this friendly to Willie means he's either the most dangerous man in the prison or the most dick-suckingest.
Willie has a history of escaping prison and getting caught again immediately which is why everybody's having such a laugh about Willie being back. He's definitely not dangerous because one of the prisoners immediately tries to steal Willie's pie (the kind you eat (I mean the kind you consume (I mean not his asshole))). While trying to avoid having his pie ravaged, Willie spills it all over another inmate who decides to kill Willie for the offense. But Hal Jordan steps in to help him out.
"What would your mama think if she could see you now" is Hal's big, intimidating threat? He's definitely getting shanked in the shower.
When I was around eleven years old, a cop interrupted me and my friends playing at our elementary school after hours, suspecting we were up to no good. We obviously were not as we had scads of Star Wars figures lying about. I think he felt embarrassed when he realized we were just playing with toys and not vandalizing the property. So he takes our names and realizes he went to school with my dad. So he says to me, knowing full well that we aren't doing what he thought we were doing but unable to get out of cop gut instinct mode, "What would your dad think if he knew about this?" And I shrugged half-heartedly and said, "How would he ever know? He left when I was two." It's possible the cop turned bright pink and just wandered away after that. I don't really remember the rest. My story has two points: Hal Jordan's comment was fucking stupid and cops are useless assholes.
The violent prisoner is as nonplussed by Hal's line as I was.
I'm using nonplussed's actual definition and not its informal usage made popular by stupid dumb-dumb faces (i.e. Americans (some might think I should have used e.g. there but, come on, nope)).
It turns out the guy whose mom Hal Jordan seems to know so much about is one of the guys Green Lantern stopped from robbing the bank. Somehow he recognizes Hal Jordan even though Green Lantern was wearing that domino mask. He must be the smartest villain in the entire DCU! He calls Hal "ring-boy" which could be an anal rape threat if not for the follow-up of Hal's thought balloon in which Hal realizes the guy was one of the bank robbers. At least Hal has an alibi if this guy ever tries to tell anybody he's Green Lantern because Hal was being transported to the prison at the time of the robbery.
Later that night, back in their cell, Hal and Willie the Snitch have a good laugh about God's sense of humor (which doesn't exist even more than God Himself, if you ask me). Sinestro interrupts their good times and realizes, because he's smarter than Hal, that Willie's mind needs to be wiped. But Hal stops him because of that thing where he's not as smart as Sinestro. Also because Hal is lonely and needs somebody to confide in, even if that person is a longtime criminal loser who can't stay out of prison and will take anything he desires without thinking about the consequences or repercussions of his actions. Oh! So he's just like Hal, really!
It turns out the guy whose mom Hal Jordan seems to know so much about is one of the guys Green Lantern stopped from robbing the bank. Somehow he recognizes Hal Jordan even though Green Lantern was wearing that domino mask. He must be the smartest villain in the entire DCU! He calls Hal "ring-boy" which could be an anal rape threat if not for the follow-up of Hal's thought balloon in which Hal realizes the guy was one of the bank robbers. At least Hal has an alibi if this guy ever tries to tell anybody he's Green Lantern because Hal was being transported to the prison at the time of the robbery.
Later that night, back in their cell, Hal and Willie the Snitch have a good laugh about God's sense of humor (which doesn't exist even more than God Himself, if you ask me). Sinestro interrupts their good times and realizes, because he's smarter than Hal, that Willie's mind needs to be wiped. But Hal stops him because of that thing where he's not as smart as Sinestro. Also because Hal is lonely and needs somebody to confide in, even if that person is a longtime criminal loser who can't stay out of prison and will take anything he desires without thinking about the consequences or repercussions of his actions. Oh! So he's just like Hal, really!
When combined with this whole "Green Lanterns keeping pets" thing, Hal's friendship with Tom and nicknaming him "Pieface" makes that shit look even worse than it normally does.
While Hal's out training, Willie overhears the bank robbery guy and his friends planning on rolling Hal for his magic ring. They catch Willie eavesdropping and shank the fuck out of him, knowing he'll snitch to Hal Jordan since his nickname is Gentleman Will the Snitch. Hal finds out and rushes naked out of the shower to go see his friend but that's when Sinestro arrives to take him to train. And Sinestro doesn't wait around for human attachments to sort themselves out through intimate dialogue and compassionate words. You either give your all to the Corps or Sinestro submits an unfavorable report to the Guardians and you lose your all-powerful magic ring which is all you have to live for at this point.
Sinestro's being ghosted by his entire planet.
When Sinestro and Hal arrive on Korugar, Hal learns that Sinestro is a fascist despot. Hal may have suspected it before but landing on Korugar utterly confirmed it.
I hope no MAGAts feel triggered by this. Remember, this comic is from 1991 so it's not at all woke and this can't be a criticism of who y'all allowed yourselves to become.
Hal sees all the Sinestro swag covering the city and says, "These people must really love you!" And Sinestro replies, "Of course! They are kittens and sheep who need my orderly guiding hand!" And the people of Korugar are all, "BOOM! BOOM! Death to the Green Lanterns!" So, um, somebody's assessment of the situation might be slightly off.
Emerald Dawn II #3 Rating: B. Ostensibly, this series is about Hal Jordan and how he began his career as a Green Lantern. But it really looks like it's a story about Sinestro and how he found out that everything he believed wasn't true which could have led to a moment of great self-reflection. But we all know he's just going to double down on his terrible behavior because nobody ever thinks they're in the wrong. They'd rather believe that an entire planet's population and a couple dozen immortal beings with all the wisdom of their infinite years aren't worth listening to. We've all been there! I mean, I haven't. I've never been wrong in my life. Not even that time I played a joke on a friend that backfired and then I was upset that he took the joke seriously and I ruined a bunch of his Apple IIe games because I was bitter and angry but still not at fault at all. He should have, um, I don't know, not been so fooled by my prank that made it seem like I was stealing from him that he thought I was stealing from him! What a jerk! Him, not me! Just, you know, to clarify!
Emerald Dawn II #3 Rating: B. Ostensibly, this series is about Hal Jordan and how he began his career as a Green Lantern. But it really looks like it's a story about Sinestro and how he found out that everything he believed wasn't true which could have led to a moment of great self-reflection. But we all know he's just going to double down on his terrible behavior because nobody ever thinks they're in the wrong. They'd rather believe that an entire planet's population and a couple dozen immortal beings with all the wisdom of their infinite years aren't worth listening to. We've all been there! I mean, I haven't. I've never been wrong in my life. Not even that time I played a joke on a friend that backfired and then I was upset that he took the joke seriously and I ruined a bunch of his Apple IIe games because I was bitter and angry but still not at fault at all. He should have, um, I don't know, not been so fooled by my prank that made it seem like I was stealing from him that he thought I was stealing from him! What a jerk! Him, not me! Just, you know, to clarify!
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