This was such an exciting moment from page 8 of Issue #14 that it made the cover of Issue #15.
Sure, it's also possible that this happens to John Stewart again in this issue. But I'd rather believe in some sort of editorial cock-up than believe that John Stewart turned his back on these aliens even after they proved that they would shoot him directly in the back. And for those of you arguing this might be some sort of ambush, it's not. That wall the alien is shooting from behind is the wall of their city which was built in concentric circles. So John Stewart would have to knowingly turn his back to the one place he knows the aliens are hunkered down. He didn't go on and on about structure last issue for me to suddenly buy into his inability to understand structures! This is either a mistake in scheduling covers versus where the story was going to be this month or it's the stupidest mistake John Stewart ever made. I'll buy into editors making dumb mistakes before I buy into fictional space heroes who have proven their smarts making one.
Also why is John being stunned by an orange blast? Was his ring all, "Oh, there's some yellow in this flaming explosion but not enough to kill John so I won't kick in the auto-protections." Also if Green Lanterns are affected by orange somewhat because there's some yellow in there, shouldn't they also be unable (or less able) to defend against other green lantern rings? Or am I basing this theory too much on pigment theory and not enough on light theory? Have I mentioned how not smart I am?
I don't mean to suggest that I'm smart by pointing out how stupid I am like those wise men who are all, "I know nothing therefore *wink* I know everything." I just mean I'm not an expert on anything and barely an amateur on the rest of the things. No expertise at all. I'd be dead weight in a real emergency or survival situation. The only thing I'm smart at is reading, comprehending, and deconstructing texts. And I don't mean deconstructing texts in the Internet way of deconstructing texts where somebody proclaims that some text says something it doesn't actually say because they've misunderstood (or, more often online, purposefully misunderstood) something somebody said so that they can bully them and feel powerful. I mean actually reading what a text says and understanding what the text is saying in what it's not saying. Take as an easy, non-literary example of this, dog whistles. They're called this because somebody is saying something that can't be physically heard. But it's said with a big enough wink to the right people that they know exactly what's being said in what isn't being said. Plus, they leave themselves plenty of room to deny the unsaid thing.
Also why is John being stunned by an orange blast? Was his ring all, "Oh, there's some yellow in this flaming explosion but not enough to kill John so I won't kick in the auto-protections." Also if Green Lanterns are affected by orange somewhat because there's some yellow in there, shouldn't they also be unable (or less able) to defend against other green lantern rings? Or am I basing this theory too much on pigment theory and not enough on light theory? Have I mentioned how not smart I am?
I don't mean to suggest that I'm smart by pointing out how stupid I am like those wise men who are all, "I know nothing therefore *wink* I know everything." I just mean I'm not an expert on anything and barely an amateur on the rest of the things. No expertise at all. I'd be dead weight in a real emergency or survival situation. The only thing I'm smart at is reading, comprehending, and deconstructing texts. And I don't mean deconstructing texts in the Internet way of deconstructing texts where somebody proclaims that some text says something it doesn't actually say because they've misunderstood (or, more often online, purposefully misunderstood) something somebody said so that they can bully them and feel powerful. I mean actually reading what a text says and understanding what the text is saying in what it's not saying. Take as an easy, non-literary example of this, dog whistles. They're called this because somebody is saying something that can't be physically heard. But it's said with a big enough wink to the right people that they know exactly what's being said in what isn't being said. Plus, they leave themselves plenty of room to deny the unsaid thing.
For an example of comic book deconstructing, remember when Cullen Bunn was doing Aquaman? But you (or I!) could tell he just dusted off an old John Carter of Mars pulp script? I mean, I'm fairly certain it was and you know how when a human being thinks a thing they can never be disproven of that thought because they think they're the smartest person on Earth? That human being was me! It was me all along!
Sometimes I might seem like I'm not good at deconstructing texts also because I love to pretend the text means something tasteless or vulgar when it obviously doesn't. But that's not because I'm trying to convince anybody of my argument. It's because I find it funny!
This issue begins with the battle that began last issue when the humans banded together to raid the alien's demesne. It didn't go so well for the humans so John Stewart tries to help out. But he's terrible at helping out because the red aliens use yellow in all of their offensive weaponry. That leaves John to have to destroy all of the human resources to stop the aliens. He takes their water to put out fires. He crushes their homes to set up fire breaks and walls. He picks up the humans to get them away from danger which makes it seem like he's giving the human's city to the aliens. It's a public relations nightmare all because John Stewart can't say out loud, "I have no power over yellow!"
During the battle, one of the aliens catches fire and goes running through a panel screaming. It's probably not supposed to be funny.
Sometimes I might seem like I'm not good at deconstructing texts also because I love to pretend the text means something tasteless or vulgar when it obviously doesn't. But that's not because I'm trying to convince anybody of my argument. It's because I find it funny!
This issue begins with the battle that began last issue when the humans banded together to raid the alien's demesne. It didn't go so well for the humans so John Stewart tries to help out. But he's terrible at helping out because the red aliens use yellow in all of their offensive weaponry. That leaves John to have to destroy all of the human resources to stop the aliens. He takes their water to put out fires. He crushes their homes to set up fire breaks and walls. He picks up the humans to get them away from danger which makes it seem like he's giving the human's city to the aliens. It's a public relations nightmare all because John Stewart can't say out loud, "I have no power over yellow!"
During the battle, one of the aliens catches fire and goes running through a panel screaming. It's probably not supposed to be funny.
But this is funny, right?
Rose decides to help this burning alien. Maybe it's because the argument about protecting their kids that was used to spur everybody into action out of fear has worn off and she's realized these red aliens who have done nothing but try to kill them also need help sometimes. Maybe she saved this guy because she thought his bit where he ran around on fire going, "HLULULULULULULU!", was funny. Or maybe her empathy drive is stronger than her survival drive. Oh, I guess it's possible she's just a good person?
"I want to kill an alien so badly that I will shoot through you too, lady! And I'll super secretly like that too!"
Gun owners want to kill other human beings so badly. I bet they fantasize about finding themselves in a situation where they get to kill somebody and then also be a hero afterward. It's why they love that Rittenhauper kid so badly. "Lucky!" they mutter to themselves whenever they think about him which is at least three times per minute. It's also why conservatives drive the narrative about liberals being demonic semen suckers who pervert children. They know that their base wants to kill so badly that even idiotic reasons that make little sense are all that is needed to justify their turning a weapon on a fellow American. That's why you get a non-zero amount of conservative pedophiles who make a big show about being angry at supposed liberal pedophiles. Not because they care about children but because they want an excuse to murder a liberal. I say "non-zero" because I don't know how many have been caught in their self-catching pedophile traps but I do know at least one: that Patriot Front guy with the U-haul and child sexual abuse images on his phone.
Speaking of images of child sexual abuse, Gerard Jones wrote this issue.
The gunfire in that panel isn't Rose being shot in the face and the red alien murdered. It's Rose having pulled a shotgun out of her assholester to scare away the murderous humans. John arrives and becomes confused that Rose was protecting one of the red aliens, being that she's a human being with a gun and the red alien is, you know, different. The other guys with guns still try to kill the red alien but since human bullets aren't painted yellow for some reason, Green Lantern is able to create a force field to protect it. John realizes he has a huge problem.
Speaking of images of child sexual abuse, Gerard Jones wrote this issue.
The gunfire in that panel isn't Rose being shot in the face and the red alien murdered. It's Rose having pulled a shotgun out of her assholester to scare away the murderous humans. John arrives and becomes confused that Rose was protecting one of the red aliens, being that she's a human being with a gun and the red alien is, you know, different. The other guys with guns still try to kill the red alien but since human bullets aren't painted yellow for some reason, Green Lantern is able to create a force field to protect it. John realizes he has a huge problem.
You can tell because John's face is so big and contemplative that it can't be contained by the panel.
I mean, yeah, sure, it's contained by the panel. I should have written that it's far bigger than the panel can show. But I wanted to say the thing the way I said it. I didn't expect I was going to have to defend myself against my own inner demons masquerading as commenters on the Internet, did I?
John's big solution is to build a wall. Dammit! I thought you'd be way more imaginative, John! I should have known this would be the ultimate solution of an architect. Although my guess is that the next two issues of this series will point out how walls don't actually protect people from red Mexican aliens nor do they make good neighbors. Remember, this is just 9 pages into the second issue of a four issue arc! That wall's not going to solve anything, buddy!
Rose explains to John why she saved the alien: she doesn't think about things; she just does them. So like Hal Jordan! No wonder they keep fucking each other!
John's big solution is to build a wall. Dammit! I thought you'd be way more imaginative, John! I should have known this would be the ultimate solution of an architect. Although my guess is that the next two issues of this series will point out how walls don't actually protect people from red Mexican aliens nor do they make good neighbors. Remember, this is just 9 pages into the second issue of a four issue arc! That wall's not going to solve anything, buddy!
Rose explains to John why she saved the alien: she doesn't think about things; she just does them. So like Hal Jordan! No wonder they keep fucking each other!
John is just like me! Only smart about a small variety of things! He's into coffee and I'm into pointing out how shit Ayn Rand is using her own texts and words!
Rose looks through John's record collection and discovers that he's into Streisand. He nearly kills her when she acts shocked that he loves Babs. I have no idea what nerve she struck. John explains that he's just constantly ready to explode due to the mission to keep everybody on Mosaic safe. But I think maybe there's some childhood trauma there. Maybe a feeling that Rose was attacking his masculinity due to his musical tastes? Like maybe the local teenagers in John's high school did to him? That's just a guess! I have no idea why anybody would get mad at somebody for wondering why they like Streisand. I'd simply assume they weren't familiar with her emotionally reductive songs that pull at the heartstrings in an obviously manipulative way but are still so able to evoke emotion that you just don't care.
Rose isn't a Babs fan but she does seem to be familiar with Pink Floyd because she points out how John's will isn't just being sapped by the wall he constructed between cities but by the wall he's built around himself! Her family used to be miners which explains why she's so good at pulling psychiatric nuggets like this out of her ass (where she stores them right next to her shotgun).
Speaking of things that go in asses, do you think Amazon sells buttplugs? Asking for a friend's butt and totally not my butt. And even if I were asking for my butt, what business is it of yours?!
John and Rose have a brief discussion about which one had it worse, the poor white girl or the middle class black kid. I think they decide it's a tie. I just think they both have childhood issues that they haven't adequately dealt with and don't quite understand that everybody gets to have those, no matter what class or race they are. Even rich white boys have issues! It's just that they also have money and a collective understanding that they are always to be considered individuals and their actions will never be automatically representative of other white men. I mean, really, that's the main privilege. Being considered an individual before a member of a group. And yet a whole bunch of sad white men keep wanting to lose that privilege by joining white-race-based movements! Fucking idiots. You're ruining it for everybody! Even I don't feel like an individual anymore when I'm out in public because you fucking morons have made the white over-50 male demographic the worst fucking demographic in the country. I'm being judged everywhere I go and I'm probably more progressive than a teenaged girl with pink hair and six tumblr accounts!
I guess dumb jerks will always give up their individuality if it allows them to feel superior in some way. That must be why they read any minority organization as a group trying to gain power instead of just working for justice and equality.
Anyway, the humans decide to take Rose's translator she got from Tomar-Tu so they can threaten the aliens and be completely understood when they say, "Our guns are going to be stuck straight up your excretory orifices and we are going to ignite the propellant, driving a small slug of lead right into your poop chute." At the same time, the Xudarians decide to visit Rose and help her out. They're greeted with guns and bullets and an angry father who wants vengeance against all aliens because his son was the human killed at the beginning of the story. Oh no! He isn't just a racist monster! He's also a sad dad! This violence erupts while John is once again taking a nap. Every time this jerk goes to sleep, residents of Mosaic begin killing each other. John's going to have to give up sleeping for a few more issues.
Green Lantern #15 Rating: C. For some reason, I own two copies of this issue. I don't think it was because it was so awesome that I thought it would be worth something someday. It's more likely that I'm a stupid idiot who can't remember anything and so I purchased two stupid copies of this comic book. Probably because my even stupider local comic book shop kept this issue in the New Comics section for two weeks in a row, fooling my sub-par brain into thinking I hadn't purchased it yet. None of that has anything to do with this issue but I hate coming up with shit to say in this section because the grade I choose actually doesn't mean anything.
Rose isn't a Babs fan but she does seem to be familiar with Pink Floyd because she points out how John's will isn't just being sapped by the wall he constructed between cities but by the wall he's built around himself! Her family used to be miners which explains why she's so good at pulling psychiatric nuggets like this out of her ass (where she stores them right next to her shotgun).
Speaking of things that go in asses, do you think Amazon sells buttplugs? Asking for a friend's butt and totally not my butt. And even if I were asking for my butt, what business is it of yours?!
John and Rose have a brief discussion about which one had it worse, the poor white girl or the middle class black kid. I think they decide it's a tie. I just think they both have childhood issues that they haven't adequately dealt with and don't quite understand that everybody gets to have those, no matter what class or race they are. Even rich white boys have issues! It's just that they also have money and a collective understanding that they are always to be considered individuals and their actions will never be automatically representative of other white men. I mean, really, that's the main privilege. Being considered an individual before a member of a group. And yet a whole bunch of sad white men keep wanting to lose that privilege by joining white-race-based movements! Fucking idiots. You're ruining it for everybody! Even I don't feel like an individual anymore when I'm out in public because you fucking morons have made the white over-50 male demographic the worst fucking demographic in the country. I'm being judged everywhere I go and I'm probably more progressive than a teenaged girl with pink hair and six tumblr accounts!
I guess dumb jerks will always give up their individuality if it allows them to feel superior in some way. That must be why they read any minority organization as a group trying to gain power instead of just working for justice and equality.
Anyway, the humans decide to take Rose's translator she got from Tomar-Tu so they can threaten the aliens and be completely understood when they say, "Our guns are going to be stuck straight up your excretory orifices and we are going to ignite the propellant, driving a small slug of lead right into your poop chute." At the same time, the Xudarians decide to visit Rose and help her out. They're greeted with guns and bullets and an angry father who wants vengeance against all aliens because his son was the human killed at the beginning of the story. Oh no! He isn't just a racist monster! He's also a sad dad! This violence erupts while John is once again taking a nap. Every time this jerk goes to sleep, residents of Mosaic begin killing each other. John's going to have to give up sleeping for a few more issues.
Green Lantern #15 Rating: C. For some reason, I own two copies of this issue. I don't think it was because it was so awesome that I thought it would be worth something someday. It's more likely that I'm a stupid idiot who can't remember anything and so I purchased two stupid copies of this comic book. Probably because my even stupider local comic book shop kept this issue in the New Comics section for two weeks in a row, fooling my sub-par brain into thinking I hadn't purchased it yet. None of that has anything to do with this issue but I hate coming up with shit to say in this section because the grade I choose actually doesn't mean anything.
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