Why isn't Aquaman celebrating? Did he actually think he might get to lead the team?
This cover might be the only time in comic book history that a cover mentioned a character being "back" and not shown them standing with their back to the reader. Probably because Crimson Fox had to have line of sight to Hal's rear so she could make an "I wonder how deep I can get my tongue into that asshole" face.
This issue is called "The Coming of Chthon!" which answers the age old question: "Do Elder Gods have orgasms?"
This issue is called "The Coming of Chthon!" which answers the age old question: "Do Elder Gods have orgasms?"
Jesus Christ, just look at these assholes. Acting like they're running a daycare.
Now I see why Aquaman is so upset. He's one of the old school dudes from back in the day and these fucking jerks don't even acknowledge him. Look at me trying to empathize with fish boy! We all know why Batman didn't consider Aquaman as the new leader and Hal Jordan didn't go right up and shake his hand. He fucking smells like the ocean. The creep talks to fish. He rides a fucking seahorse! When you're a grown man dressing up in cosplay and wearing a mask in public, your dignity is already on pretty thin ice. If you acknowledge the weird fish guy in the room, the ice is gonna crack for sure! Bye bye, dignity! It was nice having some!
Batman leaves the League to Hal Jordan and jumps out the window. But Hal isn't ready to lead just yet. He points out that he just has to take care of Guy Gardner first. I guess this was a time in DC's history when Earth could only have one Green Lantern active according to the Guardians of the Universe's bylaws. Which seems silly seeing as how there are currently three Green Lanterns from Earth (not counting Alan Scott who isn't part of the Oan organization). Hal somehow thinks he's going to convince Guy Gardner, using words and logic, to give him back Sector 2814. Fuck me. Why do I know that number without having to look it up? I'm so disappointed with myself.
Batman leaves the League to Hal Jordan and jumps out the window. But Hal isn't ready to lead just yet. He points out that he just has to take care of Guy Gardner first. I guess this was a time in DC's history when Earth could only have one Green Lantern active according to the Guardians of the Universe's bylaws. Which seems silly seeing as how there are currently three Green Lanterns from Earth (not counting Alan Scott who isn't part of the Oan organization). Hal somehow thinks he's going to convince Guy Gardner, using words and logic, to give him back Sector 2814. Fuck me. Why do I know that number without having to look it up? I'm so disappointed with myself.
Poor Aquaman. Nobody even considered him for leader.
Imagine not asking the one natural born leader on the team to be the leader. It shows how much respect land dwellers have for ocean politics. Who cares what happens underwater?! To people on land, they just see the ocean as an off-shoot of their downstairs toilet.
The Flash grows angry because Doctor Light and Aquaman seem reticent to have Hal Jordan leading the team. Doctor Light prefers the intensity of Batman and Aquaman has probably seen Hal Jordan lose his temper over some stupid barroom bullshit one too many times to feel confident in Hal's abilities. Both will be proven right almost immediately as Hal Jordan will be destroying his beloved Coast City any day now.
The Flash and Elongated Man rush off to New York to help Hal Jordan talk Guy Gardner into giving up his job as Earth's one and only Green Lantern. I feel like they're going to need a lot more help for that job. Although Guy did recently just quit Justice League America. And he will lose his Green Lantern ring in just a few months. So I guess it'll all work out but probably in Guy Gardner Reborn or the pages of Green Lantern. The issue that is most pressing for Justice League Europe this month isn't Hal's conflict with Guy: it's Kara's Bossy-Bitch Personality! Don't worry, that's not me being sexist. That's all part of Gerard Jones' story arc about how hysterical women with lots of power can become huge jerks! It's a fucking plot point backed up by DC Universe scientists who have done research into why super powered women become hysterical!
The Flash grows angry because Doctor Light and Aquaman seem reticent to have Hal Jordan leading the team. Doctor Light prefers the intensity of Batman and Aquaman has probably seen Hal Jordan lose his temper over some stupid barroom bullshit one too many times to feel confident in Hal's abilities. Both will be proven right almost immediately as Hal Jordan will be destroying his beloved Coast City any day now.
The Flash and Elongated Man rush off to New York to help Hal Jordan talk Guy Gardner into giving up his job as Earth's one and only Green Lantern. I feel like they're going to need a lot more help for that job. Although Guy did recently just quit Justice League America. And he will lose his Green Lantern ring in just a few months. So I guess it'll all work out but probably in Guy Gardner Reborn or the pages of Green Lantern. The issue that is most pressing for Justice League Europe this month isn't Hal's conflict with Guy: it's Kara's Bossy-Bitch Personality! Don't worry, that's not me being sexist. That's all part of Gerard Jones' story arc about how hysterical women with lots of power can become huge jerks! It's a fucking plot point backed up by DC Universe scientists who have done research into why super powered women become hysterical!
Don't worry! The research showed it wasn't because power makes women irrational. It's because women drink diet soda (which makes them irrational)!
Interesting how Power Girl's "irrationality" is a problem to be solved but everybody just accepts Guy Gardner's. This team gossips and complains about Power Girl's mood swings more than anybody has ever complained about Guy Gardner's temper. Perhaps it's a good thing that Doctor Light treated it like a medical problem instead of just assuming "bitches be crazy." Because she has found a link between Kara's brain chemistry and chemicals she regularly ingests. It would do Guy Gardner good to have a teammate like Doctor Light! Instead of assuming Guy is just an asshole, she might do some research and discover how his traumatic brain injury causes him to easily fly into rages.
This is a good example of how sexism hurts men as well as women (but in greatly different ways). Everybody on the team simply accepting that Kara is an irrational bossy woman rather than thinking she has a mental health problem spurred on by chemical intake is sexism. Everybody on the team simply accepting that Guy Gardner is a toxic male asshole instead of seeing that he needs post-traumatic brain injury treatment is also sexism. Both Guy and Kara have been judged by superficial stereotypes instead of the context and experience of their individual lives. Doctor Light is the first person to even consider that something might be triggering Kara's mood swings. It is weird that the cause is diet soda though. I'd say it's a weird conspiracy theory which Gerard Jones believes in but I think he's just decided to end the whole "Power Girl drinks a ton of diet soda!" background joke. Also Gerard Jones was convicted of owning "tens of thousands of images" of child sexual abuse (according to his Wiki). I just point that out because, I don't know, does he have a problem with adult women that leaks into his writing?
Doctor Light and Power Girl get into a discussion of sexism which Crimson Fox interrupts to be sexist. To her, women's power lies in their body and sexuality. To Doctor Light, women can only show their power by presenting as non-gendered. Power Girl, as confused about her background as every DC reader, isn't sure where women get their power.
This is a good example of how sexism hurts men as well as women (but in greatly different ways). Everybody on the team simply accepting that Kara is an irrational bossy woman rather than thinking she has a mental health problem spurred on by chemical intake is sexism. Everybody on the team simply accepting that Guy Gardner is a toxic male asshole instead of seeing that he needs post-traumatic brain injury treatment is also sexism. Both Guy and Kara have been judged by superficial stereotypes instead of the context and experience of their individual lives. Doctor Light is the first person to even consider that something might be triggering Kara's mood swings. It is weird that the cause is diet soda though. I'd say it's a weird conspiracy theory which Gerard Jones believes in but I think he's just decided to end the whole "Power Girl drinks a ton of diet soda!" background joke. Also Gerard Jones was convicted of owning "tens of thousands of images" of child sexual abuse (according to his Wiki). I just point that out because, I don't know, does he have a problem with adult women that leaks into his writing?
Doctor Light and Power Girl get into a discussion of sexism which Crimson Fox interrupts to be sexist. To her, women's power lies in their body and sexuality. To Doctor Light, women can only show their power by presenting as non-gendered. Power Girl, as confused about her background as every DC reader, isn't sure where women get their power.
Judging by every shot of one of their backsides, I'd say female power comes from not being bothered by extreme wedgies.
I just want to point out that I don't think Crimson Fox using sex for power is sexist. I think her expanding that idea to all women and how all women should use that power is sexist. True feminism (and masculinism?) only exists when we see every individual as an individual and not as a representation of everybody who shares their gender. This should be what true equality across all spectrums of humanity should strive for. We should all be appreciated and/or judged within the context of our own individual lives, without an assumption that we represent other people who share similar superficial qualities with us. As a start, every super hero should have to wear thong leotards. It's only fair.
Meanwhile, Metamorpho (who is not currently part of Justice League Europe) investigates some strange appearances of mythological creatures in Greece.
Meanwhile, Metamorpho (who is not currently part of Justice League Europe) investigates some strange appearances of mythological creatures in Greece.
Dude drops a slick, casual Christian burn.
While laughing about how ignorant Christians are, Metamorpho and this Greek guy are attacked by Chthon, a massive Earth elemental and not the Marvel villain. He's super angry for some reason. The Hydra destroyed the church of Saint George for obvious reasons (I think they're obvious? He's the dragon killer, right?). Then Cerberus ate some goats because fuck goats, I guess? And now Chthon has decided to destroy ancient Greek ruins. Something has enraged a bunch of Greek myths enough to take form and destroy Greece. I suppose Justice League Europe will have to deal with this, being that Greece is in Europe.
Back in New York, Hal Jordan solves the Guy Gardner problem the way Hal solves all of his problems: with a left hook.
Back in New York, Hal Jordan solves the Guy Gardner problem the way Hal solves all of his problems: with a left hook.
It looks like Hal killed him!
Poor Guy. Once more, getting his face punched in because nobody wants to take the time to understand what's wrong with his brain chemistry! I understand why Batman punched Guy: Batman punches everything. Oh, I guess I understand why Hal punched him too then! Hal always just punches the shit out of whatever he feels is in his way. But what I was going to say before truth butted in so matter-of-factly was this: Hal should understand Guy's mental state and probably brain damage better than anybody else. You would think he would care more for his comrades in rings. But no. Guy, as always, is just there to be punched. Hopefully he'll get more respect in his own series.
Now that half of the comic book has been spent on Green Lantern #25 supplementary material, the story suggested by the title can begin. Sue calls Max to call Blue Beetle's bug that Justice League Europe is needed back in Europe where they're supposed to be instead of hanging out cheering on Hal Jordan bullying Guy Gardner. They quickly return to fight figments of Hellenes' imaginations become real.
Oh, one other thing: Parliament agrees with me on how to appreciate what the League has done for them:
Now that half of the comic book has been spent on Green Lantern #25 supplementary material, the story suggested by the title can begin. Sue calls Max to call Blue Beetle's bug that Justice League Europe is needed back in Europe where they're supposed to be instead of hanging out cheering on Hal Jordan bullying Guy Gardner. They quickly return to fight figments of Hellenes' imaginations become real.
Oh, one other thing: Parliament agrees with me on how to appreciate what the League has done for them:
Right! If the Justice League causes the problem, the Justice League should not be celebrated for stopping it. And, as an extra bonus, they should be punished or fined for any damage caused.
Doctor Light, a member of the Justice League, failed to keep a dangerous piece of alien technology secure and it was used to cause havoc across London. They're at fault. Thank the gods who watched over old Londinium that Batman happened to be in town to come up with a plan (unlike Superman who happened to be on Almerac and failed to come up with any plan at all which is why they're all dying over in that comic book).
Some people don't like the modern perspective that super heroes aren't simply unimpeachable paragons of virtue and goodness. And I agree! But I don't think modern perspective is as much to blame as lazy writers. It's just easier to have The Joker return to battle Batman than to come up with a plot where The Joker's motivations don't include Batman and then have to write a way for Batman to find out. Usually Batman found out by all the dead people with smiling faces. But that was never great either because then readers have to ask, "Why does Batman keep letting this guy live?! At some point, isn't Batman responsible for all the dead Gothamites?" And while nobody wants to ask that question, as soon as you enter the modern era where lazy writers have The Joker murder half of Gotham every time he appears just to show how terrifying he is, readers can't help but to start giving Batman a little side-eye.
Meanwhile, Doctor Light fucks up rule #1 when being investigated: keep your fucking mouth shut.
Some people don't like the modern perspective that super heroes aren't simply unimpeachable paragons of virtue and goodness. And I agree! But I don't think modern perspective is as much to blame as lazy writers. It's just easier to have The Joker return to battle Batman than to come up with a plot where The Joker's motivations don't include Batman and then have to write a way for Batman to find out. Usually Batman found out by all the dead people with smiling faces. But that was never great either because then readers have to ask, "Why does Batman keep letting this guy live?! At some point, isn't Batman responsible for all the dead Gothamites?" And while nobody wants to ask that question, as soon as you enter the modern era where lazy writers have The Joker murder half of Gotham every time he appears just to show how terrifying he is, readers can't help but to start giving Batman a little side-eye.
Meanwhile, Doctor Light fucks up rule #1 when being investigated: keep your fucking mouth shut.
Why is this so funny to me? I think it's all the yellow!
Hal and his gang return to find they're being evicted from the London Embassy. At the same time, they get the distress call from Rex. Sue thinks the group should hang around and move boxes into a U-Haul but Hal, being the new leader and averse to boring shit, decides the team should head to Greece to battle monsters. Whew. I'm glad I didn't pay $1.25 to read another issue where this fucking group moves headquarters.
Metamorpho tries to stop Chthon from destroying buildings based on Christian and classical culture but Chthon stops him by jerking him off.
Metamorpho tries to stop Chthon from destroying buildings based on Christian and classical culture but Chthon stops him by jerking him off.
If I were Metamorpho in this case, I wouldn't be saying, "Don't squeeze." I'd be saying, "Bite my nipple!"
Hal and the team arrive with three pages to spare. At first it seems like a Green Lantern is the only thing needed to stop this monster. But then Metamorpho, being an archaeologist and thus easily recognizing special magic, yells, "He's got the magic of the Earth! GL's power is no good against that!" When did Rex become an expert in both Earth magic and Green Lantern rings? Seems more like something a narrator should have told the reader.
Anyway, be here next time for "Ring a ding nothing!" or "Always Bet on Green! I mean the Earth green as in nature and not green as in the color of Green Lantern's light oh fuck forget it i hate myself
Justice League Europe #40 Rating: C. What a weird issue. The team loses their headquarters, Hal defeats Guy Gardner for the position of Earth Green Lantern but only in another comic book, and then the Justice League flies off to actually defeat some trouble in Europe. But with only a few pages left, not much can happen. So what Gerard Jones chooses to highlight is how even though Green Lantern utilizes the most powerful weapon in the universe, he sometimes can't do the job all by himself. That's lucky because this is a team comic book! The reader doesn't want to see Hal defeat every antagonist while Elongated Man fluffs him from the sidelines (with his long stretchy arm (or lips?)) and The Flash cheers him on and Power Girl, Doctor Light, and Crimson Fox discuss toppling the Patriarchy. No wait. I do want to read that comic book! But I feel like I'm forgetting somebody. I also feel like if I remembered that somebody, I'd be less interested in reading the comic book I described!
Anyway, be here next time for "Ring a ding nothing!" or "Always Bet on Green! I mean the Earth green as in nature and not green as in the color of Green Lantern's light oh fuck forget it i hate myself
Justice League Europe #40 Rating: C. What a weird issue. The team loses their headquarters, Hal defeats Guy Gardner for the position of Earth Green Lantern but only in another comic book, and then the Justice League flies off to actually defeat some trouble in Europe. But with only a few pages left, not much can happen. So what Gerard Jones chooses to highlight is how even though Green Lantern utilizes the most powerful weapon in the universe, he sometimes can't do the job all by himself. That's lucky because this is a team comic book! The reader doesn't want to see Hal defeat every antagonist while Elongated Man fluffs him from the sidelines (with his long stretchy arm (or lips?)) and The Flash cheers him on and Power Girl, Doctor Light, and Crimson Fox discuss toppling the Patriarchy. No wait. I do want to read that comic book! But I feel like I'm forgetting somebody. I also feel like if I remembered that somebody, I'd be less interested in reading the comic book I described!
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