Legion of Super-heroes #14

The chemistry between these two is pulpable!

Just to be clear: that caption above was a joke and not a typo.

Last issue, DC Comics asked readers to vote for the new leader of the Legion of Super-heroes! I can't wait to find out who it'll be. If they ask for more votes at the end of this issue, I'm going to send in a vote for Chlorophyll Kid! Also last issue, I was beginning to like this comic book! It looks like it takes about a year of reading the Legion of Super-heroes to begin to understand the characters and what the fuck is going on. Maybe I'm not totally caught up but I can't wait to see who's fucking who and how much drama Comet Queen is going to cause!

According to the cover, Chemical Kid and Element Lad might be getting in some trouble together. I suppose Chemical Kid is going to spend an awful lot of time with Element Lad. If these two jerks got their doctorates in chemistry, they'd probably be unstoppable! Element Lad would create all the elements needed for whatever problem needed solving and Chemical Kid would spark the reaction. These guys would be unstoppable. I'm guessing that the question whether their powers will save or kill them is only being asked because these two idiots didn't do enough homework. Their powers could easily lead to creating clouds of poison gas or radioactive explosions or acid baths.

Chemical Kid on his own is kind of lame so if someone has to die this issue or an upcoming issue, my bet is it'll be him.

The comic begins with Element Lad and Chemical Kid creating a device designed by Brainiac 5 that will lead them to the Braalian Raiders. Cosmic Boy has been admitted to the hospital because he was beat up by three people with his powers. I guess if he dies, there are still plenty of other people with his powers to take his place.

Cosmic Boy's girlfriend, Night Girl, watches his surgery. Apparently, she's a Grue.

Chemical Kid and Element Lad find the pirates and launch a surprise attack. But since they don't see the magnetic trio anywhere, their surprise attack isn't very effective. Instead, they're surprised by the Magneto Triplets while they're busy fighting lowly miners. Element Lad is crushed by a rock again (same thing happened last issue!) because of Chemical Kid. Again! Now it's up to Chemical Kid to defeat them all on his own. Luckily he knows a trick where he stops some chemical reaction in the blood with the oxygen and the breathing or the enriching or something. I don't know! I haven't had a Chemistry or Biology course in fifteen years!

This art is terrible.

Meanwhile, Brainiac 5 is probing Comet Queen's mind. He discovers that Saturn Queen implanted a command deep into Comet Queen's brain to kill Brainiac 5 when she had the opportunity.

Back on the pirate's asteroid, Chemical Kid drags Element Lad to cover and helps him heal. Once they've both caught their breath, they do that thing that I said they should do all the time. This is what I was telling my friend Doom Bunny earlier before reading the comic book:

Me: "Hell, Element Lad could just change everything into TNT and Catalyst Kid could set it off. Everytime!"
Me: "'We're here to take over the...' BOOOOOOM!"
Me: "'GIVE ME ALL THE....' BOOOOOOM!"
Me: "'We demand Legion stop blowing ever....' BOOOOOOOM!"

And this is how they solve the problem of the three evil Cosmic Boys:

Okay, so they used a "KABOOOM." Close enough!

That's it for that sub-plot. Chemical Kid sent out a distress signal while Element Lad was down so Lightning Lass, Night Girl, and Shadow Thing arrive after the fight is over. And Lightning Lass ends the issue with some information to help me understand the Legion a little better.

Jesu Cristo! Me and every single kid in Junior High can draw this well!

A-ha! So a Unique is a Legion Member with a super power that isn't an inherent racial ability. Brainiac 5 used the term earlier when discussing Comet Queen but I didn't realize that Legion refers to their teammates with super powers in this way. Of course just knowing this doesn't help me figure out which of these assholes are Uniques and which of them are "planetary adapted."

Legion of Super-heroes #14 Rating: No change. Not much happened in this issue involving the different sub-plots. Brainiac discovered Comet Queen means to kill him due to a Saturn Girl subliminal implanted message. And Phantom Girl and Sun Boy discovered The Persuader's Axe kept in a secure vault is an illusion which means the rumors of The Fatal Five returning are probably true. And that was it! The art in the last two issues of this comic has been really substandard. This comic is lucky I mainly base my rankings on the writing and rarely let the art affect me.