Dead Again #3 (October 2001)

Deadman's really going through it this month.

I say "this month" because I just realized that this entire series came out in October 2001 as a weekly comic. I just checked the calendar and October 2001, just like January 2025, had five Wednesdays in it. I'm assuming new comic book day was on Wednesdays in 2001. I don't remember when or how often it's changed but wasn't it Thursday or Friday in the '80s and '90s? I guess this was some kind of spooky Halloween event. The editors at DC thought, "What would be scarier than making fans revisit the deaths of all of our most beloved characters and also Jason Todd?" At least that explains why all of the comics in this series have the exact same advertisements in them. Really getting sick of Dave Chapelle grinning like a dope while being choked to death in the Right Guard advert on the inside cover.

Boston Brand's "so full of grief he can't take it anymore" is just my taking a massive shit face. At least Superman doesn't look as sexy as Robin did when he was dead. I'm always relieved when either an artist doesn't draw a dead person sexy or, and this might be the crux of it, I don't become aroused when looking at a drawing of a dead person. I don't think I have a necrophilia kick so I'm pretty sure the fault lies in the horny comic book artists.

Deadman gets another call from Rama Kushna telling him he's got to do something but then not telling him what it is but then immediately sending him to where he needs to be anyway. Luckily he's been through this twice before and knows the score: some hero is going to die, he's going to watch, then he's going to fail to escort them to heaven as they're soulnapped by Caldera.

As far as Deadman's concerned, the soon-to-be dead guy's probably gonna be Booster.

The only problem with this story is that Superman never actually died. Didn't he just slip into some sort of Kryptonian Healing Coma? Or is this story the explanation for why Superman was "dead" for so long! Because his soul was trapped by Caldera! Pretty sneaky, sis.

Doomsday and Superman "kill" each other at the same time so that Superman can die peacefully having saved the world. I suspect Steve Vance chose Superman as one of the souls to be captured by Caldera because DC marketed Superman's death as the greatest thing to ever happen in comic books ever (even though I've read some issues of Omaha the Cat Dancer that were way better!). The problem with using this moment is that it reminds readers just how boring the "Death of Superman" actually was. It's possible it's better in this issue because it was edited down to just a few panels instead of a half-dozen splash pages of Superman deciding that beating the shit out of something more powerful than he was using only his fists and no other super powers or plans or Batman was the best plan to save the world. It just made Superman seem violent and stupid when he was actually pretty fucking smart and patient. Who came up with the idea that Superman would succumb to some mindless piece of shit that was practically composed of rage and violence instead of Lex Luthor? Although, looking at the state of the world today and the fucking "violence redeems" idiots who helped elect not-even-arguably the stupidest piece of shit in America, perhaps it was more prescient than I was ready for at the time. The downfall of truth, justice, and the American way? Pure idiotic mindless violence. I'm sorry I ever doubted your vision, Dan Jurgens.

This is the calm of a man who just found an easy out from a terrible relationship.

That was just a metaphor! I'm not suggesting that Lois Lane was a terrible partner for Superman. Although, she was way better looking and way smarter than he was and probably really good at sex while the Christian farmboy learned to fuck by pre-ejaculating his way through two dozen dead escorts (purchased and subsequently buried by Pa Kent) as he learned to control the power of his ejaculate. She was too good for him, if anything.

Kryptonian semen remains in a woman's body until it can be expelled through grief.

I wrestled with that previous caption because it makes me sound like a Twitter Alpha Cuck Woman Hater who doesn't understand biology and calls for women to be imprisoned or killed if they aren't virgins before marriage because they know they'll never be able to satisfy a woman in bed and they live in terror of the look of pure disappointment in the woman's eyes when they get the head of their penis halfway inside of her before coming and croaking out, "Why did I come so fast? You must have done this before? What's your body count?!" I can't wait until sex robots become a thing and the guys buying them learn that their sex robots all had to be tested before being sold on market and they get jealous that a Penetration Machine has fucked their robot wife before them.

The heavens open up like a blooming bud eager to enfold Superman into it's velvety pink petals. Deadman comments that he's never seen heaven so eager to accept somebody into her. Superman winks, forgets all about Lois, and strides confidently into the waiting grasp of Darius Caldera! It was a honey trap!

After experiencing this scenario two times before, Deadman finally realizes what he must do to save Superman: fall into Caldera's soul cage himself! He sacrifices himself and Superman gets away because he's not really dead anyway. But now Deadman is in a cage in hell alongside Jason Todd and Barry Allen. And it's here that he learns how Caldera became so powerful.

Oh joy. Neron.

When I last read a story with Neron, he thought it would be a great idea to capture Apollo's soul because Apollo was gay. Although even Neron knew that was a bad look, to say Apollo was in Hell for being gay! So instead he was all, "You're here for murder and more murder and also the joy you find in murder. Not, and I can't stress this enough, because you put your dick into Midnighter's mouth and butthole and probably other fucked up places being that he has such an extraordinary healing factor. I'm not going to ask because I don't want to get into your personal business. Hell doesn't care what you get up to in the bedroom! You're hear for the non-gay sins!" And Midnighter was all, "I'm going to go to Hell and eat Neron's skin until he begs me to douse him in holy piss (that's holy water that I drank while eating a meal of asparagus and Brussels sprouts and then pissed into this Neron-sized container)."

Neron and Caldera explain the plan. The first part everybody knew. Caldera made a deal to live longer than the one day he had left, preferably in another body. Neron accepted the deal at the price of five heroic souls. So far, Caldera has captured one heroic soul and a Robin and Deadman. But it seems fitting enough so far for Neron because he's ready to enact the next part of the plan: putting Caldera's soul into Superman's body! Was there a chapter in "The Reign of the Supermen" where one of the new Supermen was a huge dick who went shirtless in a skirt and captured souls for his demonic buddies in Hell? I didn't read the series but if that's something that happened, I'm never speaking to my friend Upright again for not telling me how cool the aftermath of "The Death of Superman" was!

Dead Again #3 Rating: B. I don't have too many memories of Neron although he definitely appeared in some of the pre-New-52 titles I read growing up. Did I ever read Underworld Unleashed? I have no fucking clue. If only I'd been writing blog entries about the things I read or the stuff I watched when I was younger, I wouldn't have to re-read all of this shit! It's almost like I'm experiencing two lives in one life and I'm wasting the second life by simply reliving the first life! Occasionally, some commenter calls me stupid and, well, I think I have to agree! What the fuck am I doing here?!

See you tomorrow for Issue #4!