Another Giffen/DeMatteis old fashioned phrase usage.
In 1991, these guys must have been the oldest late-thirty year olds in the comic book business. Just try to hold them back from a reference that was at least fifty years old and much older than themselves. It couldn't be done! Editorial, who were probably twenty to thirty years older than they were at the time, must have loved these whippersnappers. "Good show, good show," they would mutter after reading a Giffen/DeMatteis script that referenced, in 1991, Mae West, Lou Costello, and the trial of Sacco and Vanzetti.
I understand that their references sound even older fifty years later because they are very much older now because that's the way time works and maybe I shouldn't complain because time was different pre-Internet. But culture speeds along so much faster in the Internet Age of the 21st Century that these references might as well be stone aged cave paintings. But also in the Internet Age, you can actually (if you're curious) discover where these references came from. But only if you're good at Internetting. I tried to figure out where "It's a doozy" came from but I'm no Thomas Pynchon. I don't have access to whatever time machine Pynchon uses to live in the age he's writing about so that he can be as historically accurate as he is. Plus I'm easily distracted so instead of discovering the phrase probably morphed from "It's a daisy," especially because a car ad campaign for a car whose name could be shortened to "doozy" made "It's a doozy" popular in the '20s, I immediately tripped over a Reddit post where somebody heard the phrase in some show and was all, "This is obviously a reference to Groundhog's Day." That post made me shit myself and vomit at the same time because my immune system has no defense against people on the Internet who recognize something from some other thing they're familiar with and instantly believe the thing they've most recently experienced was obviously an homage to the thing they were already familiar with. Half the time, they don't even check the dates and wind up asking Neil Gaiman on tumblr, "Was this moment in your book a reference to this other pop culture thing I know about it?" And then Neil is all, "Well I don't own a time machine so the thing I wrote which came out first couldn't possibly be a reference to that much older thing, you fucking idiot." Neil, being a polite person, always leaves out the "you fucking idiot" part but I know he thought it as he hit enter on his keyboard.
I also understand this is a Keith Giffen and Gerard Jones script so I probably shouldn't have even mentioned DeMatteis but what am I supposed to do? Not get confused about which comic book I'm reading when they're basically the same comic book and also involved in a lengthy crossover story? I am not a god.
That wasn't a reference to Young Guns because the pronoun is incorrect and I also didn't mention pulling any triggers. Just clarifying that for all the Internet pop culture detective narcissists.
This fucking issue is called "The Center Cannot Hold" because I told you it would be. Except I made a joke that it would be called a lesser line that nobody would give a fuck about or remember because that leans more to my hyperbolic and facetious carefree and whimsical attitude. I'd rather sound ignorant than correct. But the brain inside my heart knew Jones would use this line as the next title. I suppose the final issue of this "Breakdowns" thing will be called "The Falconer Lost His Fucking Falcon." Ha ha no it will be this: "Slouches Towards Bethlehem."
I understand that their references sound even older fifty years later because they are very much older now because that's the way time works and maybe I shouldn't complain because time was different pre-Internet. But culture speeds along so much faster in the Internet Age of the 21st Century that these references might as well be stone aged cave paintings. But also in the Internet Age, you can actually (if you're curious) discover where these references came from. But only if you're good at Internetting. I tried to figure out where "It's a doozy" came from but I'm no Thomas Pynchon. I don't have access to whatever time machine Pynchon uses to live in the age he's writing about so that he can be as historically accurate as he is. Plus I'm easily distracted so instead of discovering the phrase probably morphed from "It's a daisy," especially because a car ad campaign for a car whose name could be shortened to "doozy" made "It's a doozy" popular in the '20s, I immediately tripped over a Reddit post where somebody heard the phrase in some show and was all, "This is obviously a reference to Groundhog's Day." That post made me shit myself and vomit at the same time because my immune system has no defense against people on the Internet who recognize something from some other thing they're familiar with and instantly believe the thing they've most recently experienced was obviously an homage to the thing they were already familiar with. Half the time, they don't even check the dates and wind up asking Neil Gaiman on tumblr, "Was this moment in your book a reference to this other pop culture thing I know about it?" And then Neil is all, "Well I don't own a time machine so the thing I wrote which came out first couldn't possibly be a reference to that much older thing, you fucking idiot." Neil, being a polite person, always leaves out the "you fucking idiot" part but I know he thought it as he hit enter on his keyboard.
I also understand this is a Keith Giffen and Gerard Jones script so I probably shouldn't have even mentioned DeMatteis but what am I supposed to do? Not get confused about which comic book I'm reading when they're basically the same comic book and also involved in a lengthy crossover story? I am not a god.
That wasn't a reference to Young Guns because the pronoun is incorrect and I also didn't mention pulling any triggers. Just clarifying that for all the Internet pop culture detective narcissists.
This fucking issue is called "The Center Cannot Hold" because I told you it would be. Except I made a joke that it would be called a lesser line that nobody would give a fuck about or remember because that leans more to my hyperbolic and facetious carefree and whimsical attitude. I'd rather sound ignorant than correct. But the brain inside my heart knew Jones would use this line as the next title. I suppose the final issue of this "Breakdowns" thing will be called "The Falconer Lost His Fucking Falcon." Ha ha no it will be this: "Slouches Towards Bethlehem."
Jones wastes three of the first four pages with a flashback showing how the JLE came to live in a cave.
I guess showing how The Flash has rage issues, how Blue Jay and Silver Sorceress still don't feel quite settled, and how Metamorpho uses expressions I've never heard before was important thematically. Like if I eventually find out Rex Mason is from Pittsburgh, I'll be all, "Oh, that's why he says so many odd things that I don't understand! 'Get your daubers up' must be an old steel making expression!" Or when Blue Jay kills himself, I won't think, "He must have finally realized his power of shrinking and flying are the dumbest combination of powers to have!" Instead I'll be compassionate and feel sincere empathy for his loneliness! And when Wally West eventually goes to super hero therapy and winds up killing Blue Jay and some others, instead of thinking, "Tom King sucks," I'll think, "His unbridled rage and inappropriate sexual comments towards his coworkers finally got out of hand!"
Just to keep the record straight because most people have terrible reading comprehension, I don't think Tom King sucks. I didn't say or think that. That's a thing I just pointed out I wouldn't think because I read this issue of Justice League Europe which set up how angry Wally West could get! Also because I love everything Tom King writes because he isn't shackled by continuity and fan service. Also also you should always blame editorial and Dan DiDio if some writer writes something you don't like. As if Tom King or any writer at DC has the pull to fuck up any character they want! You think Johns wanted Blue Beetle to get shot in the face? Oh, you know what? Johns probably did want Blue Beetle shot in the face. Unless Judd Winick wrote that part. Although Max Lord didn't say "Again!" when he shot Ted so it probably wasn't written by Winick.
If you're looking for casual pop culture references that don't actually improve the current writing or make any sense really then that one was for you: a reference to the time Judd was on Real World: San Francisco and he was discussing his writing process with one of his dumb roommates. Man, I hope the dumb roommate he was talking to wasn't his future wife! I wouldn't want to insult his "Rachel didn't love me because she fell for that asshole puck so I guess I choose you" true love, Pam.
Christ. I just reread what I wrote. I'm such a prick.
Just to keep the record straight because most people have terrible reading comprehension, I don't think Tom King sucks. I didn't say or think that. That's a thing I just pointed out I wouldn't think because I read this issue of Justice League Europe which set up how angry Wally West could get! Also because I love everything Tom King writes because he isn't shackled by continuity and fan service. Also also you should always blame editorial and Dan DiDio if some writer writes something you don't like. As if Tom King or any writer at DC has the pull to fuck up any character they want! You think Johns wanted Blue Beetle to get shot in the face? Oh, you know what? Johns probably did want Blue Beetle shot in the face. Unless Judd Winick wrote that part. Although Max Lord didn't say "Again!" when he shot Ted so it probably wasn't written by Winick.
If you're looking for casual pop culture references that don't actually improve the current writing or make any sense really then that one was for you: a reference to the time Judd was on Real World: San Francisco and he was discussing his writing process with one of his dumb roommates. Man, I hope the dumb roommate he was talking to wasn't his future wife! I wouldn't want to insult his "Rachel didn't love me because she fell for that asshole puck so I guess I choose you" true love, Pam.
Christ. I just reread what I wrote. I'm such a prick.
Oh! The other reason to drag the story out was to rub J'onn's face in how the Europe crew all stuck together instead of throwing tantrums and disbanding.
Meanwhile in space, all the boring Manga Khan crap dealing with Despero being used as a world killing puppet but immediately breaking free and escaping to Earth after a potential buyer is killed while test driving Despero pays off.
Be still, my beating loins.
Even when Darick Robertson interprets Lobo as a Beelejuice/Art Garfunkel getting electrocuted hybrid, I can't get enough of him. Even though Robertson gave him a majorly receding hairline and Insane Clown Posse makeup and yellow peril mustache, my love endures. Especially when Darick draws Lobo's forearms so thick and veiny. I'm about to fill my underpants with love swoon.
I had an inkling that Lobo appeared in "Breakdowns" but I was worried it was delusion masquerading as hope brought on by my enduring love for this raunchy space clebel (clown + rebel). Plus he'll be fighting on the side of the Justice League to take out Despero. Is this when writers and editors realized Lobo's perfect fit was the unkillable, unbeatable anti-hero who is only fighting on the right side because the right person is paying him? Or was all that already figured out during The Omega Men and/or L.E.G.I.O.N.?
I had an inkling that Lobo appeared in "Breakdowns" but I was worried it was delusion masquerading as hope brought on by my enduring love for this raunchy space clebel (clown + rebel). Plus he'll be fighting on the side of the Justice League to take out Despero. Is this when writers and editors realized Lobo's perfect fit was the unkillable, unbeatable anti-hero who is only fighting on the right side because the right person is paying him? Or was all that already figured out during The Omega Men and/or L.E.G.I.O.N.?
Ralph Dibny and his weird long neck should have been a member of the Doom Patrol.
Wally, Ted, and Ralph wind up in a hallucinatory landscape being led to a flying nose by a little guy with a bureau for a head. I don't know if this is Gerard Jones' attempt at being Doom Patrol weird or if he's mocking Grant Morrison's Doom Patrol as some kind of bullshit weirdness for weirdness sake. Maybe this was just Jones' attempt at writing Ann Nocenti dialogue. If it's the first one, Jones doesn't have the chops for impenetrable but alluring weirdness. If it's the second one, it's insulting to Grant Morrison to believe there's no rhyme or reason to Grant's use of weirdness. If it's the last one, he nailed Nocenti's dialogue. Five stars. No notes.
Just pages and pages of this unreadable swill.
I was excited for a Doom Patrol cameo but now I'm just sad and angry. To not be sad and angry and to maybe give Gerard Jones the benefit of the doubt, this entire scene was caused by a hallucinogenic gas used by The Chief to keep people from wandering into his inner sanctum. What better way to keep people out than to assault them with the dumbest characters spouting the worst dialogue you've ever read (assuming you've never read an Ann Nocenti comic book. If you have, just change that sentence to read "nearly the worst dialogue you've ever read"). Obviously anybody with an ounce of dignity would turn around and not put up with this level of shit writing. It's a really good security measure thought up by The Chief!
Inspector Camus, working as some kind of liaison for Justice League Europe now, investigates a disappearance from Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum. It seems The Extremists (who were automatons from their previous world) were put on display in the museum. They were placed behind one of Booster Gold's force fields to keep them locked away and safe from causing harm. But they've either escaped, been stolen, or turned invisible because their display is now empty and the force field is still up. It's a mystery! But not as big a mystery as Batman and Robin's wax-work pose.
Inspector Camus, working as some kind of liaison for Justice League Europe now, investigates a disappearance from Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum. It seems The Extremists (who were automatons from their previous world) were put on display in the museum. They were placed behind one of Booster Gold's force fields to keep them locked away and safe from causing harm. But they've either escaped, been stolen, or turned invisible because their display is now empty and the force field is still up. It's a mystery! But not as big a mystery as Batman and Robin's wax-work pose.
I didn't mean the mystery was what they were doing. The mystery is why somebody would pose them engaged in anal.
And finally, Max Lord wakes up from his coma after hearing Multi-man and Major Disaster discuss the United Nations walking away from the team. As if that were the entire reason for Max Lord's accident! If it was an accident. Is it physically possible for somebody to snipe themselves in their own head? Was that ever an episode of Mythbusters? Oh wait. Max can Manchurian Candidate people so anybody could have been the shooter, really.
Justice League Europe #32 Rating: A+. I may not be a great reviewer of comic books but I try to be consistent and since Lobo appeared in this issue, it's one of the best comic books I've ever read. Right up there with the last time Lobo appeared in a Justice League comic book. Or that time Lobo appeared in Action Comics. Or the time Lobo had his own series. Or that incredible issue of Omega Men where Lobo was introduced! So many A+ comic books out there. So weird how they all star Lobo.
Justice League Europe #32 Rating: A+. I may not be a great reviewer of comic books but I try to be consistent and since Lobo appeared in this issue, it's one of the best comic books I've ever read. Right up there with the last time Lobo appeared in a Justice League comic book. Or that time Lobo appeared in Action Comics. Or the time Lobo had his own series. Or that incredible issue of Omega Men where Lobo was introduced! So many A+ comic books out there. So weird how they all star Lobo.
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