The Justice League are hired to do security at the 2016 Olympic Summer Games.
The Commentary!
How is this comic book going to keep a twice monthly schedule with Bryan Hitch writing it and Tony S. Daniel drawing it? DC Comics is stoned, drunk, and possibly listening to Def Leppard if they believe this creative team knows the definition of a deadline.
Also, who at DC thought putting that comic book Snickers advertisement on the inside front cover was a good idea? It's distracting! It looks too much like part of the comic book and has too much going on. It's also better written than anything Bryan Hitch can do, so it makes the rest of the comic book extremely disappointing.
This issue is part two of "The Extinction Machines." Apparently the Extinction Machines are bugs and earthquakes and a demon called The Kindred who can possess multiple people and make them talk in a red voice. They can also steal super powers so I guess it'll be up to Batman and Aquaman to save the day.
Last issue, Simon and Jess's rings lost power and they dropped into the middle of a tidal wave. This issue begins with their having just saved everybody in Hong Kong because their rings are back to normal. Nothing like a fake cliffhanger to really build the tension between issues and make a reader distrust every fucking thing the writer writes! At least Jessica is beginning to learn to make constructs because there's nothing more boring than a Green Lantern who can't make giant boxing gloves and Zambonis. That was hyperbole because, of course, there's always Aquaman.
The Flash also lost his powers last issue but he's got them back. What were we all worried about? Why did I just spend the last two weeks fretting about how the Justice League would deal with The Kindred without any super powers?! That was hyperbole too! I probably didn't think about this comic book once over the last two weeks. The last time I remember excitedly awaiting the next issue of a comic book was during the run of Hitman when he was dealing with those SAS bad-asses. Fuck, that was a long time ago.
How is this comic book going to keep a twice monthly schedule with Bryan Hitch writing it and Tony S. Daniel drawing it? DC Comics is stoned, drunk, and possibly listening to Def Leppard if they believe this creative team knows the definition of a deadline.
Also, who at DC thought putting that comic book Snickers advertisement on the inside front cover was a good idea? It's distracting! It looks too much like part of the comic book and has too much going on. It's also better written than anything Bryan Hitch can do, so it makes the rest of the comic book extremely disappointing.
This issue is part two of "The Extinction Machines." Apparently the Extinction Machines are bugs and earthquakes and a demon called The Kindred who can possess multiple people and make them talk in a red voice. They can also steal super powers so I guess it'll be up to Batman and Aquaman to save the day.
Last issue, Simon and Jess's rings lost power and they dropped into the middle of a tidal wave. This issue begins with their having just saved everybody in Hong Kong because their rings are back to normal. Nothing like a fake cliffhanger to really build the tension between issues and make a reader distrust every fucking thing the writer writes! At least Jessica is beginning to learn to make constructs because there's nothing more boring than a Green Lantern who can't make giant boxing gloves and Zambonis. That was hyperbole because, of course, there's always Aquaman.
The Flash also lost his powers last issue but he's got them back. What were we all worried about? Why did I just spend the last two weeks fretting about how the Justice League would deal with The Kindred without any super powers?! That was hyperbole too! I probably didn't think about this comic book once over the last two weeks. The last time I remember excitedly awaiting the next issue of a comic book was during the run of Hitman when he was dealing with those SAS bad-asses. Fuck, that was a long time ago.
When Cyborg says "Jump!", you say, "Fuck you, Cyborg! Batman is on the other line! How high, Bruce? How high?!"
The Batman called in The Flash to discuss Gotham's sudden insect problem. In Justice League Rebirth #1, there were too many Space Lice for The Flash to run around destroying in one nanosecond. In Justice League #2, there are just as many Alien Bed Bugs but The Flash has no problem destroying them all in the space between two of Batman's words. It's not like I expect any kind of consistency in Bryan Hitch's Justice League. Besides, can you really compare Space Lice with Alien Bed Bugs. It's like comparing apples and fruit that look and taste just like apples but aren't apples for some plot reason.
Batman's plan is to turn the Alien Bugs over to the CDC and ARGUS because he doesn't want Alien Bed Bugs in the Batcave. Batman surmises the Alien Bed Bugs are actually some kind of biological weapon released when a missile crashed in Gotham. I'm not sure how he looked directly at the alien space craft the bugs came out of and saw a missile but then I'm not Batman! He has the ability to know exactly what's going on no matter how confusing the story might be. But Batman and Flash don't have any more time to figure out the Alien Bed Bug problem because Cyborg is insistent they come up to the Watchtower now.
Batman's plan is to turn the Alien Bugs over to the CDC and ARGUS because he doesn't want Alien Bed Bugs in the Batcave. Batman surmises the Alien Bed Bugs are actually some kind of biological weapon released when a missile crashed in Gotham. I'm not sure how he looked directly at the alien space craft the bugs came out of and saw a missile but then I'm not Batman! He has the ability to know exactly what's going on no matter how confusing the story might be. But Batman and Flash don't have any more time to figure out the Alien Bed Bug problem because Cyborg is insistent they come up to the Watchtower now.
Luckily, A.I.M. is on the scene to deal with the Alien Bed Bugs!
Cyborg can't get in touch with Aquaman because Aquaman is busy rescuing his Precious Moments Astrological Symbols Figurines from a sinking Atlantis. Nobody is too worried about not having Aquaman in the loop though. What are the odds the current danger to Earth can be stopped by a swarm of Flying Fish?
Cyborg has some information about what caused the Earthquakes. Apparently there are four huge spheres buried in the Earth's mantle. I mean the outer core. I mean...well, in some pictures they're in the outer core and in some pictures, they're in the mantle. But Cyborg said the outer core so I should just believe Cyborg. The spheres are emitting "gravitational waves" which are causing the quakes. Batman, being a detective, is all, "Who did this?! Where can I find them? Can their jaws be broken?" But Cyborg is all, "How can we know that, Batman?! Jeez! Let's deal with the problem at hand and save the world before we get hung up on the justice of finding the person responsible for it!" That's when Wonder Woman steps in to offer her opinion.
Cyborg has some information about what caused the Earthquakes. Apparently there are four huge spheres buried in the Earth's mantle. I mean the outer core. I mean...well, in some pictures they're in the outer core and in some pictures, they're in the mantle. But Cyborg said the outer core so I should just believe Cyborg. The spheres are emitting "gravitational waves" which are causing the quakes. Batman, being a detective, is all, "Who did this?! Where can I find them? Can their jaws be broken?" But Cyborg is all, "How can we know that, Batman?! Jeez! Let's deal with the problem at hand and save the world before we get hung up on the justice of finding the person responsible for it!" That's when Wonder Woman steps in to offer her opinion.
Wow. Perceptive, Diana. Although I am surprised she didn't come out of the shower wearing a towel to deliver this line.
While the Justice League are discussing possibly contacting Superman because they're useless without him, hundreds of missiles from space containing Alien Bed Bugs begin crashing down on Earth. One even smashes into the Watchtower, so that should keep Cyborg busy while the others head to Earth to burn mattresses.
The Kindred call the Alien Bed Bug Infestation "The Purge" which seems an awful lot like the Space Lice attack from Rebirth. How come none of the Justice League remember the Space Lice attack and how similar it was to this? I think Bryan Hitch wrote that story and thought, "What a waste to have this be just one issue! I don't need to think up a new idea for the regular series. I'll just use this one again and extend it!"
At the bottom of the ocean, Aquaman cuddles his Zodiac Crystals while he watches the Atlanteans turn into some kind of underwater Voltron. I bet Arion is involved somehow. He's probably the leader of the Kindred. He set them up way back when Atlantis ruled the world as a defense against the coming of the next Purge. He probably had to deal with a Purge way back then and thought, "Never again! Somebody make me some Zodiac Crystals so they can be important later! And Earthquake Balls! And a Magic Global Mindmeld spell!"
While the rest of the Justice League are doing the actual labor of clearing out the Alien Bed Bug infestation, Batman goes to convince Superman to clean up Earth's gravitational ball problem.
The Kindred call the Alien Bed Bug Infestation "The Purge" which seems an awful lot like the Space Lice attack from Rebirth. How come none of the Justice League remember the Space Lice attack and how similar it was to this? I think Bryan Hitch wrote that story and thought, "What a waste to have this be just one issue! I don't need to think up a new idea for the regular series. I'll just use this one again and extend it!"
At the bottom of the ocean, Aquaman cuddles his Zodiac Crystals while he watches the Atlanteans turn into some kind of underwater Voltron. I bet Arion is involved somehow. He's probably the leader of the Kindred. He set them up way back when Atlantis ruled the world as a defense against the coming of the next Purge. He probably had to deal with a Purge way back then and thought, "Never again! Somebody make me some Zodiac Crystals so they can be important later! And Earthquake Balls! And a Magic Global Mindmeld spell!"
While the rest of the Justice League are doing the actual labor of clearing out the Alien Bed Bug infestation, Batman goes to convince Superman to clean up Earth's gravitational ball problem.
So basically, Batman's relationship with Preboot Superman isn't any different at all than his relationship with New 52 Superman.
The Review!
So far, this is an average Justice League series. It's pretty much what I would expect if I picked up an issue of the Justice League at random. It does what it's supposed to do and doesn't offer up anything more. The only thing I have to complain about is that there's no reason to recommend it. It's missing a great hook, or a surprising theme, or Wonder Woman coming out of the shower in a towel. It's just the Justice League doing that thing they do where they stop a global threat. This time, the global threat is Alien Bed Bugs. It's gross but nothing special.
So far, this is an average Justice League series. It's pretty much what I would expect if I picked up an issue of the Justice League at random. It does what it's supposed to do and doesn't offer up anything more. The only thing I have to complain about is that there's no reason to recommend it. It's missing a great hook, or a surprising theme, or Wonder Woman coming out of the shower in a towel. It's just the Justice League doing that thing they do where they stop a global threat. This time, the global threat is Alien Bed Bugs. It's gross but nothing special.
No comments:
Post a Comment