Midnighter #10

This is going to be an analogy about sucking cock, right?

Whenever anybody begins any sentence with "Even as a kid...", I know I'm talking to one of the most boring fucks alive. Because you know that sentence is going to end with explaining to me how mature and adult their thought process was when they were young. Who wants to brag about that?! "Even as a kid, I had a huge fucking stick up my ass and couldn't completely lose myself in nonsense and whimsy." Some of you might be thinking, "Tess, what does this have to do with Midnighter?" Others of you might be thinking, "Welcome back, Tess! We've missed you!" You see, I've made a decision. I'm probably going to write a lot more of these than I have been but not as many as I used to. If I'm feeling in the mood, I'll possibly write one per day until the end of the comic book week and then I'll finish up the stack with short reviews. If I'm not in the mood, I'm not going to fucking worry about how huge my stack of comics are and just write other shit I want to write. I'm also going to masturbate more to the sound of women masturbating. Oh. You know what. Forget that last part. That was probably too much information.

It's sentences like that one about masturbation that keep me from getting advertising on this site! So click the Donate button and help a brother buy some female masturbation porn.

When last issue ended, Midnighter was getting his ass kicked by some guy named Thinkfast! or Monday Morning Quarterback. Or something. It was an exciting fight because Midnighter was all, "I can see what you're going to do before you even do it!" And Thinkfast! was all, "I already saw that you saw what I was going to do and decided to do something that you didn't know I was going to do!" And Midnighter was all, "Ouch!" Thinkfast! was a new member of the Suicide Squad who were after Midnighter because he took that thing they were trying to take which was some pistol that shoots demons.

Midnighter's buddy (I hate to use the term "buddy" if he's Midnighter's boyfriend but I can't remember their relationship so "buddy" will have to do) has been left at the scene to chastise Helena Bertinelli when she shows up.

I hate when other people try to manipulate me! And I'm, um, conveniently blind when I manipulate others.

Midnighter is allowing himself to be held by Amanda Waller while he finds out what she wants from him. Amanda needs to remember that no comic book exists called "Amanda Waller" and so she's always going to be the one being fed her own asshole by the person who does have their name on the cover of a comic book. I suppose "Suicide Squad" is technically her book where she gets to prepare and serve other people's assholes but only occasionally. Often she has to watch as Deadshot or Harley fry her asshole up in a pan until it's medium rare and then serve it with a little garnish and some mashed potatoes.

Here we see Amanda Waller taking the opportunity to practice serving up asshole. She's excellent at it!

Amanda threatens Midnighter for a bit before he escapes his bonds and begins killing her guards. She leaves the room with a smile so it's possible Amanda wanted this to happen. That's the problem with a sneaky git like Waller! She's better than Bertinelli--Hell! She's better than Batman!--at manipulating the people around her. Hopefully before Midnighter escapes Belle Reve, Deadshot will catch up with him for that dick measuring thing.

Midnighter escapes using a Squad ship which is able to track down the Suicide Squad who are currently moving Henry Bendix to a safer location. Bendix is just as big a jerk in the DC Youniverse as he was in the old universe whose name I forgot. Just DC Universe, maybe? So while Amanda wants to keep him safe so they can work together on a project to enslave humanity, the Suicide Squad might not care enough about his safety to risk getting murdered by Midnighter. Although according to the cover, Parasite won't be able to resist snacking on Midnighter.

Best panel since The New 52 began or best panel ever?

I was exaggerating in that last caption. I didn't actually mean that was the best moment in DC Comics over the last four years. I just meant it was a fucking good moment. But then I realized that declaring something the best on the internet is just asking for a bunch of people to start telling me the actual best moments (all different) and who the fuck wants to hear a bunch of people with awful opinions tell me things that aren't even close to being true?

Although if people wanted to point out some of their favorite moments, I wouldn't totally dismiss them outside of my own private thoughts.

Midnighter dodges a bunch of bullets before he finds the one bullet that will hit him in a spot that will fool Lawton into thinking he's dropped Midnighter but which won't actually hurt that badly. Then when Deadshot closes in on Midnighter instead of shooting him from a distance because Deadshot is apparently stupid, Midnighter crushes Lawton's hands. Too bad for Midnighter, Parasite has begun siphoning away Midnighter's healing powers. Although too bad for everybody who isn't Midnighter, Midnighter never loses. So this whole bit where the Squad suddenly has the upper hand? That'll be over in a few pages. Unless this is the shocking cliffhanger ending! And then we'll just have to wait another month before Midnighter defeats everybody and fucks the prince.

Turns out this is the cliffhanger ending! Midnighter is thrown unconscious onto the ship he flew in on and shot up into the sky where Harley triggers it to self-destruct. Maybe this wasn't a cliffhanger ending at all! Maybe this was just an ending! How come cliffhanger endings never end poorly? Is the hero coming out of it alive a necessary part of the cliffhanger? Would this still be a cliffhanger if next issue was just twenty pages of debris and pieces of Midnighter raining down over the city?

Midnighter #10 Rating: +1 Ranking. Why isn't this book surviving the Rebirth? Why do people hate Midnighter? Especially when he's written this well? Especially when he's having exciting adventures? Especially when his sexuality is being treated with dignity? It's also possible that DC screws all of its minor characters by concentrating on Superman and Batman which creates a fan base that only likes Superman and Batman and doesn't buy anything without those characters in it thus forcing DC to concentrate even more on just Superman and Batman. Maybe DC plans on making Midnighter the main star of Action Comics!