Pornographic.
• Remember when Martian Manhunter killed himself a few issues into this series? I think it should have ended then.
• Not that some nice scenes haven't taken place since then. But in hindsight, more harm has been done than good. It's like some people enjoy a number of episodes of The X-Files in the fifth season and beyond but let's face facts. The series should have ended after the fourth season with Mulder killing himself while Dana was dying of cancer. It's not the most upbeat ending but it makes perfect sense when the show is read as Mulder and Scully being two halves of a single brain. Just end with Scully, the logical half (even though she believes in God. That's too long a discussion for a bullet point), dying which causes Mulder, the emotional half, to spiral out of control eventually leading to suicide. Even before the fifth season began, I was trumpeting the pros of ending the series after "Gethsemane".
• Earth and the recently resurrected Living Mars are going to collide in two hours. That sentence sounds final. Maybe I should have typed, "This comic book thinks I'm a stupid douchebag who actually feels tension over the possibility of the Earth being destroyed by Mars in two hours. How about presenting a dilemma that actually might result in disaster because it wouldn't end the entire company's comic book line by destroying Earth-Main-Earth!"
• Daryl, the hunter part of Martian Manhunter (also a man part!), must convince a childish Martian to return the Living Mars to the past so that Earth can live. But the child is petulant and won't do it. I say hit him! Is there an ornamental wooden spoon hanging on the wall nearby? That's what I would have been hit with! And I deserved it too! Because I was a mal Niño! Mal niño!
• The child Martian was once J'onn's boy. He's decided that everybody should know a little bit more about themselves before they die. Why? The information they gain right before they die is wasted information! Even if it's just to sate their curiosity, what good is a sated curiosity when your curiosity no longer exists?!
• I suppose anything to pass the time before death that isn't extremely painful or sports-related is a decent way to spend a few of one's finite moments. And I wouldn't pass up hearing the Answer to the Question of The Life, The Universe, and Everything even if I was going to die immediately after hearing it. I mean, I would pass up that knowledge if hearing the answer was the reason for me dying immediately! Fuck that! I'd rather remain in the dark! Which I'm, you know, already comfortable with anyway.
• The child's story about J'onn is, I suspect, an allegory meant to enlighten human readers! I feel insulted! Admittedly not as insulted as I felt reading the Green Arrow comics by Benjamin Percy!
• The Martians were sent a warning that they were being assholes and that it was going to destroy the planet. So most of the Martians doubled down on assholery thinking it would save them. You know. Like Americans are doing. See? Allegory!
• But J'onn was a poet! He was the conscience of Mars! He was that fucking stupid ass voice in your head that tells you not to steal your cousin's underwear and wear it around under your jeans because the material felt so silky smooth on your nether parts. Stupid voice. Don't tell me what to do!
• Ma'alefa'ak does some technopagan magic and turns J'onn and some other Martians into the Martian Manhunter. He's sent to destroy the threat to the planet. But the threat to the planet was the Martians themselves, remember?! So instead he goes off to threaten the messenger! Which was Mars! OH! IRONY!
• Mister Biscuits tries to convince Mars that it should let everybody live and return to Earth. But Mars is all, "I don't know! You're so ugly!" And Mister Biscuits is all, "No! Not anymore! See! Normal face! Totally normal!" And then Ma'alefa'ak is all, "FUCK EVERYTHING!"
See? Fuck everything!
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