THE SPOOKY CASES!
Episode One: "Ore-Gone Gone Wild!"
By Grunion Guy
Episode One: "Ore-Gone Gone Wild!"
By Grunion Guy
Flashback, Today (or yesterday, I guess, since 4:21 AM is tomorrow), 8:33 AM: It was today and Super Special Agent Agent Dully entered the FBI sub-basement to meet with her new partner, Kit Kat Mulberry.
"Hello, Special Agent Kit Kat Mulberry," yelled Agent Dully.
"Oh my! You caught me looking at my pornography!" shouted Agent Mulberry as he threw a pencil into the ceiling and put his porn down on the giant stack of porn that was next to the other giant stacks of porn. "I mean, I was doing research," corrected Agent Mulberry who was not at all embarrassed by his lack of socialization and his awkward way with other people that made him indulge in porn and prostitutes and spooky mysteries.
"Mmm-hmm," bored Dully.
"Well, I know you are here to spy on me because I am very intuitive unlike you which is weird because I am the man and you are logickal like a man but you are a woman. Also, I am the emotional one too," reverse-cliched Agent Mulberry just to let everyone know where they all stood. "I don't believe you," contradicted Agent Dully as she crossed her arms and stared at him like he was a little kid who was full of lies even though he was the only person full of truths.
"Well, you'll soon see since I just got this crazy Spooky Case faxed to me on this out-dated technology that is really funny to see. Also, look at my giant cel-phone and my pager too!" Agent Mulberry spoke the truth even when it was embarrassing.
"That is neat but it is no match for my wicked bobbed hair and horrible shoulder pads. But that is beside the point since we have a Spooky Case to solve which I'm sure can be solved in a most rational and amazing way in which I ignore all of the weirdness with logickal logick babble and I also will probably trip and fall or be distracted at the end of the case and miss the Spooky part which you will see and make you want to believe the truth even more," remembered Agent Dully.
"Anyway, the case is in Ore-Gone," mispronounced Agent Mulberry. "I am sure it involves aliens somehow! It will probably involve a lot of weird lights also since our FBI special effects budget was cut when we were sent to work in the sub-basement (which I should clarify isn't the basement of a submarine but a basement of a basement. Unless I'm wrong)," nodded Agent Mulberry effectively and ensured that lots of women would love this show because he's so gorgeous. He also ate a sunflower seed.
"Well, we should get going since we only have until 4:21 AM until I begin writing my report on you, I mean, on our Spooky Case." Agent Dully had let the bat out of the cab.
"Aha! I knew you were here to spy on me so that you could get enough proof to shut down the Spooky Cases since I'm positive the government which I work for doesn't want me working for them but they keep paying me for some reason which I'm sure someone will explain in a later episode when they realize this set-up is kind of shallow and lame. Especially since I'm working on cases that could ruin all of their careers which is why they keep them in the sub-basement instead of burning them for some reason," pondered Kit Kat very effectively.
So Agent and Kit Kat caught their plane out to Ore-Gone and an hour later were in a small town by a forest because Ore-Gone only has small towns surrounded by forests.
"We don't take very kindly to your kind," drawled the Sheriff and the Autopsy Doctor. "Jinx!" said the Sheriff and the Autopsy Doctor kicked the dirt and said, "Aww, shucks! Not again!"
"Did you see that?" considered Kit Kat. "I think there are aliens here!"
"You got that from the way they said the same thing at the same time!" Agent Dully was amazed and she also added, "Aliens aren't real, Kit Kat."
"No, Dully! Three graves are missing the kids who were killed in the forest mysteriously and were replaced by alien corpses but those are gone too now!" revealed Kit Kat because he was good at seeing things and also he had read the Spooky Cases report while on the plane. "I didn't mention that stuff to you so I could know more than you and seem smarter while you just appear negative and belittling."
"Oh, that makes sense. Perhaps we should investigate the forest where the kids disappeared since I'm sure it wasn't aliens and also the bodies in the coffins were just monkeys, I'm sure of it," exhumed Agent Agent Dully.
"I'm sure you're right, Dully," patronized Kit Kat since he knew there was more going on then that but he was tired of talking to people who weren't weird and capable of believing the stupidest, most unplausible things ever.
"Before going to the forest, perhaps we should interview some crazy kids who knew the dead kids before they were crazy and they were dead," FBI'd Dully like a good Agent. Not a good woman named Agent but a good Super Special Agent of the FBI. Although she was also a good woman and hot too.
So Dully and Mulberry headed off to the loony bin and spoke to some kids who would be important later because the kid in the coma is the culprit. But they didn't know that then so they just went back to the forest where the Sheriff yelled at them.
"Get out of our area!" protected the Sheriff as he waved his shotgun in the face of two FBI Agents. "You shouldn't be here even if you are investigating a case! It's our priority or some other word that means you shouldn't be here because it is a case for local police only and not Super Special Agents!" rationalized the Sheriff as he crazily waved his gun around.
"Come on, Mulberry, we should go," panicked Dully who didn't want to be shot in the face with a shotgun even though it would be really unlikely that one law enforcement person would do that to another one just because he was hiding the fact that a comatose boy was kidnapping other kids and taking them to a forest to be abducted by aliens.
While they were in the forest investigating, all of their things were burned up in a mysterious hotel fire set by the Autopsy Doctor. His daughter would rat him out later so that the fire wouldn't be a mystery and so that Kit Kat wouldn't keep thinking aliens were arsonists too. Also, the kid in the coma was the Sheriff's son.
And then a strange light came down from the sky and took away the comatose kid who somehow found his way to the forest with the Autopsy Doctor's daughter and Mulberry saw it happen but Dully didn't because she was rubbing her neck where the Sheriff had hit her with the butt of his shotgun.
"I knew it! Aliens!" Mulberry shot his fist in the air. The Sheriff shot at his own son. But luckily Mulberry made the shotgun point in the air (but not at the aliens, I guess) and the Sheriff didn't kill his own son in shame and fear that his son was a monster killing kids. But Mulberry knew there was more to the story, like Frankenstein, so he saved the coma boy.
"What happened, Mulberry?" perplexed Dully as she walked up just in time to miss the amazing lights and the coma boy returning from wherever he had suddenly gone with the girl who did the same thing.
"Aliens, Dully! It was aliens!" triumphed Mulberry.
"I can't write that in my report. I'm just going to say it was wild bears," decided Dully.
"Oh, you'll learn one day, my skeptickal new friend who I will probably learn to trust one day even though my motto is to not trust anybody," nodded Mulberry knowingly.
"Yeah? Well, not today. This case was not Spooky at all but Silly with a logickal explanation, as you will see in my report that will end the episode," retaliated Dully.
Journal Entry, Some Time After The First Journal Entry: So, we went to Ore-gone and found out that kids were being killed by wild bears. And the strange lights were probably explainable because kids love to have raves in the woods. Raves are things that were really popular that had lights and musick and drugs. And the kids bodies that seemed to be alien bodies were just because the bears mauled them so bad and also because the kids were on drugs and we all know what happens to people on drugs! So, it wasn't aliens and Weirdo Mulberry (which is his nickname that I forgot to talk about) was completely wrong and I don't know why I'm being punished and being forced to work in the Sub-Basement with a pervert who has sister issues (which we'll learn about later, probably) and can't relate to anybody and eats sunflower seeds obsessively and believes anything anyone ever tells him unless it is logickal and rational and then it must be a lie. So, well, whatever, at least I'm getting paid. Until next week! Dully Out!
The End of Episode #1
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