Supergirl #14

Please please please please let her be his destruction!

Last time I checked in on Supergirl, she was hanging out with Superman in Ireland and calling him a liar. She made the assumption that since he just killed a prehistoric Kryptonian Dragonmonster that Krypton still existed. Logically, I think the only thing she can assume still exists from that situation are prehistoric Kryptonian Dragonmonsters. But since Superman just killed that one, Supergirl can't even assume that anymore!

Apparently Superman doesn't take Supergirl's aggression personally anymore. You can only get socked in the face so many times before you begin taking it in stride. Superman invites Supergirl to The Block, the stupid laboratory near the center of the Earth run by Dr. Truth the Everything Scientist. This was the dumb place that Scott Lobdell invented. Or maybe it was created in an editorial meeting but the science behind the entire thing is flaccid, so it's pretty clear that Lobdell wrote it himself.

Just a reminder for those of you not keeping up with the overarching story that is my commentary: Flaccid Sci-Fi is the opposite of Hard Science Fiction. Hard Science Fiction emphasizes scientific accuracy. Flaccid Science Fiction can't stand up to the slightest scrutiny. Yes, it is a penis joke. Thank you very much!

Dr. Veritas makes a bunch of wild claims that make me sincerely doubt she has a doctorate in Omniology. I think she has a doctorate in bullshit. She looks far too young to have a doctorate in every fucking scientific, artistic, business, and pseudo-scientific subject taught. I think she just slept with all of her professors. That's why she's got the cane. Her body has been ravaged by sexual diseases. Perhaps it's the spirochetes infesting her brain that make her think she can invent anything she wants in just a few hours. Also, she invents things she doesn't understand yet. Idiot. I mean, genius! No, wait. Idiot.

After leaving the center of the Earth and a quick visit with Siobhan, Supergirl heads back to her underwater lair to FINALLY get some fucking rest.

To be fair, before she crashed to Earth, she slept for around 25 years straight.

Kara wakes up from her nap on the surface of the sun face to face with H'el. She greets him in her usual manner.

Perhaps she'll Fwaaash him next.

H'el explains to Kara that he was a student of Jor-el. Jor-el sent him into space before Krypton exploded. His spaceship is loaded with all of the accumulated knowledge of Krypton. At least that's what he's saying. If this guy is Bizarro, then reverse all of those statements! That means Jor-el sent him into Krypton! Or maybe it means Jor-el sent space into H'el. Or he sent H'el into space after Krypton exploded. Or maybe deep into Krypton after it exploded? Fucking Bizarro speak is too confusing.

H'el realized some other Kryptonians survived which is why he's investigating their presence on Earth. He claims he needs their help to go back in time and return to Krypton to save it. What a jerk! Hasn't he ever heard of Flashpoint? Good luck! Even Brainiac 5 from the 31st Century can't figure out that one! Although Echo Officer Nathaniel Adym of the Science Police figured it out somehow. Maybe Brainiac 5 isn't as smart as I thought he was.

Wait a second. Does that mean this is home? That Earth is Krypton? Fucking Bizarro!

While trying to prove to Kara that he means what he says, H'el teleports them back to Kara's sanctuary where he has Superboy held captive. H'el only knows that clones are destructive, so he tells Kara he will kill Superboy for the good of Krypton if Kara just says the word.

Say the word, Kara! Say it! WORD! WORD! Say the word!

That means do it in Bizarro talk! Do it! Do it now!

Even though H'el has the backwards "S" on his chest, he apparently isn't Bizarro because he doesn't kill Superboy when Kara tells him not to. That sentence makes sense somewhere.

Before Supergirl decides to let H'el kill Superboy, she wants to speak with her cousin Superman first. Why do they all have to be Supergenders? Use your imagination, you assholes. Come up with a cute name. Anyway, H'el teleports Supergirl into Clark's apartment so she can confront Superman about the Superboy problem. He also gives her the gift of language so that she can speak and understand English. Again I must say, "Finally!" Now she'll at least be able to understand Lois's swearing when she barges in on her and Clark.

Whoops!

Supergirl #14 Rating: No change. I don't think I like where this whole H'el on Earth crossover is heading. H'el is apparently all powerful and he wants to take everyone back in time to save Krypton. Since he's so powerful, why doesn't he do it himself in his own New 52 mini-series? That way I wouldn't have to buy it since I only read the core 52 books!